Defiant Hearts
by triplehhholic
Summary: They were flatmates then friends with the chance to be something more but are their hearts ready and willing to take that chance......AU HHH/Steph
1. Chapter 1

Defiant Hearts

_I'm a house of cards in a hurricane  
A reckless fire in the pouring rain  
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel  
She'll dance away just like a child  
She drives me crazy  
Drives me wild  
But I'm helpless when she smiles…………….._

Chapter 1

"Hello? Is anybody home?"

Stephanie got no reply as she walked into the silent apartment. Lightly shaking her head, she threw down her keys and removed her coat, her heels clicking against the wooden floor as she made her way towards her bedroom to change her clothes. It was obviously her turn to make dinner again making it at least the fourth time this week alone. But how could she complain when it was totally her own fault this was happening to her. It had been her idea to introduce the stupid "home first – cook dinner" rule in the first place. She had been fed up witnessing Paul and Matt arguing over whose turn it was in the kitchen. And it had worked to a degree. The arguments had stopped but not quite she had planned. Now Paul and Matt just didn't come home, not until they knew she was safely through the door beforehand

Stephanie let out an audible sigh of relief as she sat down on her bed kicking off her shoes. It had been a long day and she was glad her twelve hour shift was over. She now had the next three days off and she was really looking forward to just relaxing and chilling out. Running around the hospital and looking after her patients practically wore her out but she loved her internship in the paediatric ward and she wouldn't change it for the world. Pushing herself off the bed, she quickly changed into her t-shirt and jeans and made her way towards the kitchen.

The first thing Stephanie noticed was the dirty breakfast dishes still sitting on the table and rolling her eyes, she reluctantly began to clear them up. Paul had obviously been running late yet again. Either that or he couldn't be bothered cleaning up after himself. Knowing him, it was probably a combination of the two. She swore she had never met such an unorganised or untidy person in her life. How he managed to run a successful gym and health club, God only knows. Of course, had she known about his bad habits beforehand, she would have perhaps reconsidered his invitation to move into this place. But the rent had been cheap and of course, he was her brother's best friend which had made the offer all the more attractive. And if she was honest, over the last eighteen months Paul had become one of her best friends too along with Matt, of course. The three of them had become extremely close despite the odd squabble over household chores and more often than not, it was Stephanie and Matt ganging up against Paul. It was usually his laziness that caused the problem.

As she stacked the dishes in the sink, Stephanie decided there was only one way to solve the lack of domesticity around the place. Smiling to herself, she walked through to the living room and switched on the computer……….

* * *

"Honey, we're home!"

Stephanie smiled to herself as she heard Paul's voice echo through the apartment. She continued to prepare the vegetables and only lifted her head when the kitchen door swung open. Paul grinned as he threw himself down on the stool in front of her. She slapped his hand away as he reached across to grab a piece of pepper.

"You can wait until dinner." she scolded.

Paul rubbed his hand and pouted at her. "Why do you always feel the need to resort to violence?"

Stephanie grinned as she held up the knife menacingly in front of her. "I don't know. I just seem to get the urge whenever you're around."

His nose crinkled with his amusement as he stuck out his tongue in her direction. "Trust me, the feeling is mutual McMahon."

Sighing wearily, he rested his chin on his hands as he continued to watch Stephanie prepare dinner. His blond hair rested against his shoulders.

"So, where's Matt? I thought I heard him come in with you."

Paul lifted his head and his hazel eyes sparkled as he grinned. "Matthew's in trouble again. The psychotic Naomi is the process of giving him some verbal abuse about last night."

Stephanie laughed as she placed the knife down and grabbed the pan from the stove. She was used to Paul's quips about Naomi. He had very little time for Matt's girlfriend of one year and continually referred to her as some sort of raging lunatic. She, on the other hand, got along quite well with her despite her jealous antics, antics that Paul seemed to like to evoke in her from time to time.

"That's your fault, you know." she casually reminded him. "If you hadn't insisted on plying him with beer last night he wouldn't have forgotten about their date."

Paul snorted in reply as he pushed back the stool to stand up. "Don't just blame me McMahon. You were there too remember? Besides we were planning his birthday party anyways. He needed to be there."

Stephanie rolled her eyes upwards as she watched him walk towards the fridge. "And thank God he was. If he hadn't helped me overrule you, we would have been left with Spin the Bottle and Twister for the party games."

"Yeah, well at least it would have been fun." He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water, twisting the cap to open it.

"Why don't you just admit that the real reason you wanted those games is that they're simple enough for your bimbo girlfriends to understand."

Paul swallowed his water and was about to come back with a witty retort when he noticed the sheet of paper taped to the refrigerator door. His eyes went wide as they scanned over it. "Steph, what the hell is this?"

Stephanie smiled to herself as she took the dishes out from the cupboard. "It's a rota."

His thick finger tapped repeatedly off the paper. "I don't remember discussing a rota. And why does my name appear on here more times than anyone else?"

Stephanie sighed as she walked over to stand beside him. She placed her hands on her hips as she checked it over. "It does not. I split everything evenly between the three of us."

Just then the kitchen door opened and Matt sighed as he ran his fingers through his short, dark hair. He gave Stephanie a half-hearted smile.

"Hey Steph. How was your day?"

"A hell of a lot better than yours, judging by your face. What's up?"

Matt sighed as he sat down on the stool that Paul had just vacated. "Women. All I did was miss one little date. The way Naomi was acting, you'd think I'd had an affair or committed a heinous crime." He screwed up his face as he loosened his tie and noticed Paul staring at the refrigerator. He nodded his head in his direction. "What's so fascinating over there?"

Stephanie grinned as she saw Paul shake his head and still scrutinise the piece of paper in front of him. She whispered loudly knowing she would get his attention. "It's a rota. Paul disapproves."

"You're damn right he disapproves." Paul turned round with a scowl on his face and he waved his water bottle in the direction of the rota. "I've just counted and my name is definitely on there more times than you guys are."

Matt burst out laughing while Stephanie just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well if it is, then it serves you right."

"Why?"

"Because it's your fault the rota's up there in the first place. If you hadn't pissed me off by leaving your dirty dishes lying around, then I wouldn't have had the need to do it."

Matt stood up and shrugged his shoulders. "She's right, man. You do have a tendency to leave a mess."

Paul shook his head as he leant against the door. "Great! The neat freaks are ganging up on me again."

Matt walked across and slapped him on the shoulder. "Don't take it to heart. You know we still love ya." He turned to Stephanie and gestured towards the door. "I'm just going to take a quick shower. Will dinner be long?"

"You've got ten minutes."

Matt waved his hand in acknowledgement as he walked out of the kitchen.

"So, did you manage to pick up his present today?" Stephanie asked once he was gone.

Paul nodded as he walked across to stand beside her. "I did. One leather coat has been purchased and is currently sitting in my office. Let's just hope dear Naomi doesn't decide to cut up this one because if she does, I'll be sending her the bill."

Stephanie laughed as she walked over to start to set the table. She still couldn't believe that had happened and although it wasn't her fault, she still felt partly to blame. She had been cold on the way back from the bar and Matt had kindly given her his coat. The following night Naomi had smelt the perfume and jumped to the wrong conclusions. In a fit of jealousy, she grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the coat to shreds. Needless to say, she was full of apologies once she knew the full story.

"So, are you picking up the cake or am I?"

Stephanie smiled and accepted the cutlery that Paul handed to her. "I will. I've got tomorrow off so I can get things organised. I was also thinking I could meet you from work and we could go to the store to get the food and drink for the party. Naomi has promised to keep Matt out of the way tomorrow night and during the day on Saturday. That will give us plenty of time to get everything done."

"Sure. That sounds good to me." Paul grabbed the plates from the counter and placed them on the table. "Hey, if you're lucky I might treat you to a takeaway and a movie tomorrow night." He nudged her playfully with his hip. "You can treat it as an apology for having to clean up my mess."

Stephanie grinned as she set out the plates. "In that case, you've got yourself a deal Levesque. But only if I get to pick the movie."

Paul visibly grimaced as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay but as long as it's not one of your chick flick things. The last thing I want is you blubbering on my shoulder all night."

Stephanie smiled to herself as he walked off in the direction of the living room. She finished preparing the table knowing fine well that she'd get her way with the movie. When it came to Paul, she always did find a way of winning him round.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Paul sat back in the chair and took a drink from his chilled bottle of beer. He stifled back a yawn feeling his lack of sleep start to catch up with him. He'd been on his feet practically all day and had been up since the crack of dawn getting everything ready for Matt's party. Stephanie had been in charge of the decorations and drink while he had taken care of the food. Although he was a slouch when it came to actual chores, he did know how to cook and had impressed both Matt and Stephanie on several occasions with his culinary abilities. But right now, he could gladly give the party a miss and settle for an early night instead. Christ, he was getting old. Paul briefly closed his eyes as he waited for Stephanie to finish getting ready.

Moments later Stephanie walked into the living room and rolled her eyes noticing her friend was asleep. Her blue eyes gave him the once over. Paul scrubbed up not bad considering his usual evening attire was jeans and t-shirts. His blonde hair was a stark contrast against his black dress shirt and trousers. As she checked her watch, she realised that their guests would be arriving shortly and she needed to wake him up. However, Paul slept like the dead and a simple shake wasn't going do it. There was only one way to get the job done. Walking across to the stereo and picking one of her favourite tunes, Stephanie turned the volume way up and pressed play. She got the desired result as Paul literally jumped out the chair. He furiously wiped at his shirt where some beer had spilled soaking the cotton.

"Jesus Christ Stephanie! Are you trying to give me fucking heart failure?" Shaking his head, he muttered under his breath as he crossed the room and turned the volume down low. "You do know that old battleaxe downstairs will be at the door any minute now."

Stephanie chuckled as she poured herself a glass of vodka punch. "You're showing your age, old man."

"Old? For your information, thirty five is not old. Just ask lover boy. He's the same age as me, isn't he?" Paul took a sip of his beer, smacking his lips together. "Speaking of which, is he going to be gracing us with his presence tonight?"

Stephanie shrugged her shoulders. "He said he'd try and make it. He was going to try and change his shift."

Her boyfriend, Luke, worked at the same hospital as she did. In fact, that was how she had met him six months ago. They had started dating while she carried out her rotation in the A & E department where Luke worked as a junior doctor. They'd hit it off pretty well and got together whenever their shifts allowed it.

"Well, I hope for his sake he does otherwise he might have to fight for your attention." Paul's hazel eyes gave Stephanie an appreciative once-over. He took her hand and twirled her round, admiring her figure-hugging short, red dress. "You look gorgeous tonight McMahon even if I do say so myself."

"Why thank you, Mr Levesque."

Just then the doorbell rang and Paul grinned as he placed down his beer on the table. "Well, it looks like this party is about to get underway." He walked across towards the door and stopped halfway, flipping a wink in Stephanie's direction. "Just try and behave yourself tonight okay? I don't want to have to be babysitting you all night."

Stephanie stuck out her tongue and poured herself another glass of punch. As she heard the voices at the door, she smiled knowing tonight was going to be a lot of fun. In fact she was going to make sure it was. She was adamant this party was going to be a success……..

Matt walked over to Stephanie and shook his head in dismay as he watched the blonde currently slobbering all over their friend. "I don't see what the attraction is. All she does is giggle and flutter her eyelids."

"But that suits Paul just fine. As long as she's got a great rack, he doesn't seem to care."

"Still, you'd have thought he'd have settled down by now though. I mean at his age he should be past the stage of meaningless sex."

Stephanie took a sip of her punch. "You're kidding right? Paul still acts like some horny teenager most of the time. He's not ready for anything serious." She turned her attention towards Matt as she licked her lips. "So, are you having a good time birthday boy?"

"I am. And thanks again for the coat." He bent over to kiss her cheek. "Just remind me not to let you borrow it."

"Good idea. I'll just borrow Paul's next time." she laughed.

"So, where's Luke? I thought I saw him here earlier."

Stephanie nodded and pointed to the tall, slim dark-haired man in the corner. "He's over there talking to Tom, one of the guys I'm doing my internship with."

Matt nodded his head. "So, how are things between you anyway? I've been meaning to ask."

"Good, really good actually."

"I'm glad. You deserve it." he told her nudging her affectionately. Stephanie smiled and placed down her glass. She pulled Matt into a hug.

"Hey! Who said you could have a group hug without me?"

They broke apart smiling as Paul came over and joined them. Stephanie glanced over his shoulder noticing his latest conquest staring in their direction. She looked less than pleased and Stephanie snorted in amusement. "We would have included you but Barbie over there might not have liked it." She lifted her hand and waved at "Barbie" who seemed even less impressed. She glared and turned away from Stephanie to talk to her friend. "What is her name, anyway? I don't think I've seen her before."

Paul shrugged his shoulders as he grabbed another bottle of beer. "I don't know."

Stephanie looked at him incredulously and shook her head. "You haven't even bothered to find out her name? Paul, you've spent the last hour playing tonsil hockey with the woman. Don't you think it's polite to ask her what her name is?"

"Steph, I don't care what her name is."

Paul flashed a mischievous grin before taking a drink of his beer.

"God, you're incorrigible." She turned to Matt who was trying to suppress his laughter. She shook her head in disbelief. "Don't tell me you approve of his behaviour?"

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know why you bother. You know what he's like."

"Yeah, plus if I don't know her name then I get the perfect excuse not to call her."

Paul flipped a wink at Stephanie before walking back over to the sofa and smiling at his conquest for that evening. He held out his hand to "Barbie" which she quickly accepted and began to lead her in the direction of his bedroom but not before he looked back round and grinned wickedly at his friends before disappearing down the hallway……..

Stephanie groaned as she sat up in bed and swung her heavy legs over the mattress. She could feel the dull throbbing in her temples and she knew she was feeling the effects of a nasty hangover and it was little wonder. She'd lost count of the number of drinks she'd had last night and it looked like she was paying the price for it this morning. Shuffling through to the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of water, Stephanie reached in the cupboard and took out the aspirin.

"Good morning. Or should I say good afternoon!"

She rubbed her forehead as she turned round. Paul was standing grinning at her and she felt herself bristle with annoyance. "I don't know why you're so goddamn happy with yourself."

Paul laughed as he heard her grumpy tone and noticed her pale complexion and puffy eyes. They were the usual signs. It appeared his friend was most certainly hung over. "Well, I know how to handle my drink McMahon. You, on the other hand, don't."

Stephanie ignored him as she swallowed the aspirin and water. She sat down on the stool beside the counter and held her head in her hands. Paul watched her for a moment before he walked across to stand behind her. He rubbed her shoulders affectionately as he dropped a kiss in her hair.

"You need some breakfast and some coffee."

Stephanie pushed back her hair and smiled as she watched Paul rake in the fridge. He closed the door behind him carrying out eggs and some milk. "Is Matt up yet?" she asked him.

Paul nodded his head as he took out a pan. "He's up and gone. He's away to visit his parents with Naomi." He paused as he cracked open the eggs. "I guess Luke left early too."

She nodded. "He had to work." As she watched Paul prepare breakfast, she couldn't help but notice the smirk that had appeared on his face as he whisked the eggs. It piqued her curiosity. "What's so funny over there?"

The smirk turned into a full fledged cocky grin as he looked over at her. "I didn't know you were so religious, Steph. I mean I know its Sunday and all but did you really need to call on God so loudly this morning?"

Stephanie's face flushed with embarrassment as she realised Paul had overheard her and Luke in bed. She glared at him as he laughed. "Get lost Levesque. I'm not in the mood for you today."

"So I can see." Paul snorted with amusement as he continued to make breakfast. However, his amusement turned to sympathy as he noticed Stephanie slouch forward and place her head in her hands. Her complexion did look scarily pale. "On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?" he asked referring to her hangover.

"Make it eleven."

"Uh oh."

Paul placed down the bowl and walked round to sit next to her rubbing her back affectionately. "You and I are going out."

Stephanie lifted her head, curious. "Out where?"

"Out for a drink. Hair of the dog, Steph. It's the only thing for it."

She shook her head vehemently. "No, I really couldn't. Honestly."

Paul stood up and grabbing her hand in his, he began to pull her to her feet. "Yes you can and you can keep me company in the process now that's Matt's bailed on me. It's the least you can do seeing as how I've tidied up the place after the party. So get that pretty ass of yours in that shower. By the time you come out, breakfast will be ready and then we can go."

"No Paul, I honestly can't."

"You can, Steph. Now go." He yanked her to her feet and looked at her sternly. "Now please."

Stephanie sighed as she made her way out of the kitchen. "I hate you, you know."

She heard Paul laugh as she made her way to the bathroom. Her stomach was churning at the thought of the afternoon ahead. God knows drinking was the last thing on earth she felt like doing right now but she knew protesting was pointless. If she didn't go, Paul would continually pester her until she gave in and she wasn't in any fit state to fight him. So she'd humour him and go and who knows. Maybe she might feel a little better in the process. Anything was better than feeling like this that was for sure……………

Hours later Stephanie had just polished off another drink and she smacked her lips as she held up the empty glass in front of her. "It's time for another I think."

However as she stood up, her legs gave way and she fell unceremoniously to the floor. Paul burst out laughing as he saw her sprawled at his feet. Stephanie shook her head in dismay. "It's so not funny. Get off your ass and help me up."

Paul stood up still laughing and bent down towards her. Pulling her up by the hands, he eventually managed to get her to her feet. "You're drunk McMahon."

Stephanie glared at him prodding her finger in his chest. "And it's all your fault you know." She staggered and fell against him, her body collapsing onto his. Paul shook his head as he wrapped his arms around her and pushed her into a standing position.

"I think we should go home." he suggested.

"But I don't think I can walk."

Paul rolled his eyes in amusement at her weak protest as he grabbed her arm and threw it around his shoulder. "Lean on me. You'll be fine. It's just a couple of blocks."

They left the bar and as they made their way into the street, Paul was practically holding her up. The wind blew Stephanie's hair into his face and he brushed it away. It was a long walk home and by the time they'd reached the apartment block, she felt like a dead weight against him. As they made their way up the steps, Paul nearly tripped and fell. This of course sent Stephanie into a fit of giggles and her laughter echoed down the empty stairwell.

"Shhh, Steph. You'll waken everyone up." Paul hissed at her.

"Hey everyone. It's time to rise and shine." she called out before bursting into another fit of giggles.

He shook his head as he tried to rush Stephanie along the hall. In the process he saw the light appear in Mrs Benson's doorway. He grimaced as he heard the key turn in the lock and had only just made it past the door when he heard it open.

"I might have known it was you two."

Paul turned round as he tried to balance Stephanie. He slapped down her hand which she'd raised to wave in the old woman's direction. "I'm sorry Mrs Benson. It won't happen again."

The lady scowled at him. "That's what you said the last time and the time before that. If you're not causing havoc in the hallways, you're having parties till all hours." She pointed her crooked finger in his direction. "Any more and I'll report you to the landlord."

He heard Stephanie snort and put his hand over her mouth to try and suppress her laughter. The last thing he needed was for the old dear to get riled up even further. "Point taken, Mrs Benson. Goodnight now."

Paul turned quickly around dragging Stephanie with him. He felt her body shake with laughter. He decided he'd keep his hand over her mouth at least till they got to the end of the hallway. It was only when they got to the door, he took away his hand and Stephanie flopped against him and laughed out loud.

"Did you hear that old bitch? Report us, my ass."

Paul chuckled to himself as he tried to get his key but he couldn't reach his pocket. It was underneath the arm that held up Stephanie as he tried to keep her from falling to the floor.

"Steph, reach into my pocket and get the key, will you?"

A few seconds later Stephanie placed her hand inside the pocket of his jeans and grinned as she playfully rummaged around. Paul closed his eyes as he felt his instant reaction to her touch. Damn it she was teasing him and judging by her laughter, she knew exactly what she was doing.

"Hmmm, I do believe you're enjoying getting frisked, Mr Levesque."

Her hand deliberately rubbed against him once more and Paul placed his hand on her wrist and stopped her. His breathing was deep and laboured as he looked deep into Stephanie's big blue eyes. Placing her back against the wooden door, he heard her sharp intake of breath. His eyes flashed black with his desire. As Paul lifted up his hand to gently brush away her hair, Stephanie licked her lips in anticipation. His face moved slowly towards her.

But suddenly Paul stepped back and before she could wonder why, Stephanie heard the voices in the corridor. It was Matt and he was obviously talking to Naomi. Paul cleared his throat and offered her a nervous smile as he let go of her wrist. She quickly glanced away as she took her hand from his pocket.

"I didn't expect to see you two out here. Where have you been?"

Paul was the first to turn round and he smiled at Matt who had Naomi hanging off his arm. He swayed slightly as he tried his best to focus. "Well I was trying to help Miss McMahon here in the door. She's had a bit to drink."

"And she's not the only one." Matt laughed as he stuck his key in the lock.

Stephanie smiled at him gratefully desperate to get inside. As soon as the door was open, she pushed past him making her way into the apartment. Without saying a word to anyone, she stumbled to her bedroom and closed her door. Throwing herself on the bed, she couldn't help but think about what had happened or what nearly happened. Sure, she may be drunk but she was fully aware of what went on with Paul out in the hallway. Or what almost went on. God, he had almost kissed her and what scared her was the fact that she had wanted the kiss to happen. She really had. Quite clearly she hadn't been thinking straight and she was grateful to Matt for coming home when he did because he had stopped them from making a huge mistake. And it would have been a mistake because she loved Paul. He was her best friend and she didn't want some stupid drunken kiss to spoil things between them. She'd talk to him in the morning and sort it all out. The last thing she needed was any weirdness between them. Paul was too important to her for that.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Stephanie grabbed her coat and closed over her locker. She picked up her purse and made her way out into the corridor. "Goodnight Diane."

The station nurse smiled and waved at Stephanie as she walked past. "Goodnight Stephanie. Have a safe journey home now."

As she walked towards the entrance, Stephanie looked at her watch. She was supposed to have met Luke tonight but her shift had run over by a couple of hours. She took out her phone from her purse and checked to see if she had any messages. There were none. That either meant Luke was still working or he had forgotten about their date. Both of those were definite possibilities. He was so absorbed in his work and being a doctor meant everything to him. She knew his career came first in his life but she admired his dedication and never ever complained. She put her phone back in her bag and decided not to call him. It was late and she would just catch up with him tomorrow. Besides, all she wanted to do was go home and sleep anyway. With her mind made up, Stephanie hunted for her keys and made her way into the parking lot.

When she got home she tried to be quiet as she closed over the door to the apartment. Bending down, she took off her shoes. Stephanie was surprised to hear the sound of the television. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning and she hadn't expected anyone to be up. Her bare feet felt cold as she walked across the room. She could see a pair of legs dangling off the end of the sofa and she smiled as she realised it was Paul. This was the first time she'd seen him since Sunday. Her shifts at the hospital had been erratic all week as a number of staff had called in sick with the flu. Anytime she had made it home, Paul was either working or out and most of her time had been spent catching up on her sleep anyway. Stephanie wrapped her arms around herself as she stood in front of him. The light from the television flickered across his face and she couldn't help but admire his handsome features. Strands of hair rested against his cheek and she leant across to brush them behind his ear. It felt soft against her finger tips. She stepped back slightly as he muttered something unintelligible in his sleep. Suddenly she felt a chill in the room and she shivered as she went to close over the window. Making her way to the cupboard in the hall, she pulled out a woollen blanket. Stephanie unfolded it and shook it out and walked across to place it over Paul. She watched him for a second and before she knew what she was doing, she switched off the television and gently lay down on the sofa beside him. She could feel the heat from his body as she shifted gently against him. Her movement caused Paul to stir and his eyes were half-open as he lifted his head from the cushion.

"Steph?"

She smiled as she brushed back his hair. "Ssshhh, it's okay. Go back to sleep." she whispered.

Paul gave her a small smile before closing his eyes again. His left arm fell across her body as he instinctively pulled her closer towards him. Within a couple of seconds, his breathing had evened out and Stephanie knew he had fallen back asleep.

She felt her own eyes start to get heavy as she nestled her head against Paul's chest. She could just make out the faint sound of his heart beat. She let out a sigh as she closed her eyes. This was the first time she'd felt relaxed all week. As she let her mind drift, Stephanie felt the strains and stresses of the last four days disappear and before she knew it, she had fallen asleep too……..

Paul let out a moan as he felt the sweat trickle down his back. He couldn't believe how hot he felt. It was almost like he was burning up. As he came round and opened his eyes, he was aware of the weight across his stomach. He looked down and noticed her arm. Stephanie. That would explain the heat. Paul was used to sleeping on his own and seldom had another warm body pressed against him. He shifted slightly and turned on his side to watch her. Her breathing was even and her lips were slightly parted as she slept. Paul was unable to stop himself from touching her. He reached out and brushed her hair back from her head. The tips of his fingers traced her brow barely touching her skin. It felt so soft as he trailed them down to graze her cheek. He paused there for a second admiring her beauty. Stephanie's lashes were long and rested gently against her face. Paul felt overwhelmed and swallowed hard as his thumb moved down to brush over her bottom lip. Just then, she moaned softly and his breath caught in his throat as he guiltily moved his hand away. He shifted on to his back in case he was tempted to touch her that way again. Christ knows the last thing he needed was Stephanie suspecting anything.

It was definitely getting harder to ignore how he felt about her though. Each day he found himself falling that little bit deeper and it scared him. She was his best friend and he wasn't meant to have feelings for her. Well, not the feelings he had anyway. They were anything but platonic but he had managed to keep it under control. He had managed to convince himself that it was just an infatuation, some stupid crush that would soon pass. But after their near kiss on Sunday, Stephanie had been all he could think about. He remembered the way her blue eyes had sparkled as she had teased him and the way she had licked her lips as she anticipated his kiss. He had wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone in his life. But he knew his feelings were totally unrequited and that was why he had spent the last four days trying to avoid her. He didn't know if he could handle it when she told him it was a huge mistake. But one thing was for sure, if Stephanie had any idea how he felt, she would kill him. Hell, she'd probably castrate him then kill him. Their friendship meant a lot to her and he knew she didn't want to screw it up. He didn't either. Stephanie meant too much to him and that was why she'd never find out how he felt. Because the truth was if she had any idea about the depth of his feelings for her, their friendship would be ruined and he didn't want that. He would rather have her as his friend then not have her at all. He'd just have to keep his emotions in check which shouldn't be too hard. In fact he'd managed that pretty well lately.

Paul smiled gently as he turned his head to look at her again. Stephanie looked so peaceful as she slept. He lay there content just listening to her breathe and before he knew it, moments had passed and her breathing had lulled him back to sleep…...

Paul lifted his hand to swat away whatever it was that was hitting him in the face. He groaned and rolled over only to feel it connect to the back of his head.

"Get your lazy ass up, Levesque."

His eyes opened at the sound of Stephanie's voice and he lifted his head up to look in her direction. She was standing over him with a cushion in her hand and her face broke out in a grin as she whacked him once again. Paul tried to grab it from her hands but she stepped back taking it out of his reach. His eyes squinted as the sun shone through the open window, hitting him directly in the face. "Don't you think it's a bit early for abuse, even for you?"

"Nope."

He grunted before grabbing the blanket and pulling it over his head. Within seconds, it was gone and he felt the chill of the room against his back. He decided to give up. It was pretty obvious he was never going to get to fall back asleep. Rolling his body over, he sat up on the sofa and pushed his hair back from his face. He yawned as he rubbed his eyes.

"I see you've managed to raise the dead."

Paul looked up to see both Matt and Stephanie watching him with stupid grins on their faces. He shook his head and he slowly got to his feet. He stretched his arms above his head. His muscles felt stiff. "I'd love to know what the pair of you find so amusing."

"You. You're a constant source of amusement to us." Stephanie threw the cushion back on the couch and started to fold the blanket.

"Well then, I'm glad I'm of some use around here." Paul scowled as he absently scratched his stomach and began to walk away. He immediately felt a hand grab his arm and pull him back.

"Where are you going?"

Paul screwed up his face as he looked at Matt. "To get a shower."

Matt shook his head. "Oh no, you don't. You're on breakfast duty, my friend." He smirked at the pissed off expression on Paul's face.

"What? Since when?"

"Since the rota. You can check for yourself if you like but it clearly states that you make the breakfast on Fridays."

Paul snorted in disbelief. "But I can't. I'll be late for work. And besides, surely to God you can pour your own cereal? You're a big boy now, Matthew."

Matt shook his head. "But I don't want cereal. I want pancakes and eggs and so does Steph. And don't worry about running late." He patted Paul across the back. "We've woken you up in plenty of time for my meeting at eight."

Paul's head instantly turned to the clock on the wall. His eyes widened as he saw the time. "It's only six thirty?" He heard their snorts of laughter and shook his head. "You guys are fucking nuts."

Their laughter followed him through to the kitchen and despite his grumpiness at being woken up so early in the morning, he couldn't help but smile to himself as he made a start to breakfast……………

A short while later Stephanie speared her fork through her last piece of pancake. As she brought it to her mouth, her eyes rested on Paul. He had been quieter than usual during breakfast and seemed to be distracted. He hadn't eaten much either and he had spent most of the time pushing his food around with his fork. She just hoped his silence had nothing to do with what happened on Sunday. She couldn't stand it if there was any awkwardness between them. And to be honest, she had practically forgotten about it anyway. She had been so busy with work lately that it had been easy to push it out of her mind or at least that's what she told herself.

"So Steph, will you be gracing us with your presence tonight?"

Matt's question broke her train of thought. She swallowed her food and turned to smile at him. "Sorry but you guys are on your own. My shift doesn't finish until midnight I'm afraid."

"That's a shame." Matt looked over at Paul. "Naomi is out with her girlfriends tonight so I've got a reprieve. How about I meet you from work and we can partake in an alcoholic beverage or two."

Paul's mouth lifted in a smile and he nodded his head. "You've just made me an offer I could not refuse."

"That's settled then." Matt pushed back his chair and stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd better get to the office." He grabbed his suit jacket from the back of the chair. "Thanks for breakfast, man and I'll see you about six?"

Paul nodded his head and waved his hand. He watched Matt bend down and kiss Stephanie's cheek before they exchanged goodbyes before he stood up and began to clear the plates from the table. He was feeling slightly uneasy at the thought of being alone with Stephanie. Paul was still coming to terms with how he felt about her and he wasn't sure quite what to do. But he needed to pull himself together and quickly. He had noticed the concerned looks she had thrown his way at the breakfast table and the last thing he needed was to arouse her suspicions. As he walked across to the sink, he heard her move around behind him. His body instantly stiffened as he sensed that she was watching him.

"Paul, are you okay? I know we haven't had a chance to talk much lately but you would tell me if something was up, wouldn't you?"

Paul closed his eyes as he let out a shaky breath. He tried to compose himself as he set down the plates and he forced a smile as he turned round to face her. "Of course I would but don't worry, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You've been awfully quiet this morning." There was no mistaking the concerned look in her eyes.

"Well, that's your fault for waking me up so god damned early. What normal person gets up at that time of the morning anyway?"

Stephanie chuckled as she sat down on the stool in front of him. "Me."

"I said normal, McMahon. You're not normal."

"Then what am I, exactly?"

"You're a pain in the ass." He snickered at her before turning round to fill the sink with water.

"You just ooze charm, Levesque. I'd tell you I missed you the last few days but I don't think you deserve to hear such things."

Paul tried to ignore the knots in his stomach as he turned back round to see the playful grin on her face. It was the same grin she wore when she had teased him that night. He shook his head slightly in an attempt to clear his head. "Well I missed you too. Of course that feeling was short lived once I had to listen to your snoring. You're lucky I didn't kick you off the sofa."

Her nose screwed up as she glared at him. "I don't snore."

"Yeah, you do. Just ask Doctor Luke. He'll agree with me."

"Luke's never once mentioned that I snore."

"Yeah, well that's because he's scared you'll bite his head off. You've got a vicious tongue on you when you're provoked."

"Bite me, Paul."

"See what I mean? And no thanks, toots. I wouldn't want to spoil breakfast."

Stephanie grinned as Paul turned back round to make a start to the dishes. She was glad there was no awkwardness between them and she had obviously been worrying for no reason. Pushing herself off the stool, she walked round to stand beside him. She nudged him playfully with her shoulder. "I'll finish up here. You go and get your shower."

Paul shook the water off his hands. "You're sure?"

"Yes. So move your ass before I change my mind."

He stepped back and wiped his hands on his jeans. His breath caught in his throat as he felt Stephanie's arms wrap around his neck.

"Thanks for breakfast."

His heart raced as he placed his hands round her waist and pulled her close. Her hair was soft and she smelled like vanilla. He closed his eyes as he kissed the top of her head. He could feel the heat of her body as it pressed against him. But it was over all too soon as he felt Stephanie step back and release her arms. Her eyes crinkled in the corners as she grinned at him.

"Now get a move on. You don't want to be late."

Paul nodded his head and quickly left to head to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and leant back against it. He was relieved to get away. Being in such close proximity to Stephanie played havoc with his senses. But he needed to get a grip and find a way to handle his feelings. If he gave himself time, he'd forget all his ridiculous notions concerning the beautiful Stephanie McMahon. The question was, how long was it going to take?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Paul inwardly groaned as he saw the auburn-haired woman making her way towards them in the bar. He didn't know why but Naomi grated on his nerves. He had tried to make an effort to like her for Matt's sake but there was just something about her that irritated him beyond belief. He forced a smile and bit his tongue as she walked up to their table. "Naomi! What a surprise to see you here."

As Paul took a sip from his beer, he hoped he hadn't sounded overly sarcastic because it really had been no surprise to see her at all. He was just amazed it had taken her so long. After all, he and Matt had been here for at least a couple of hours. He had expected her "Matt" radar to have kicked in by now. He diverted his eyes as she and Matt embraced.

"So honey, have you missed me?"

"You know I have sweetie."

Paul tried not to cringe as the most irritating woman in the world started to paw at Matt's chest. Her spindly arms wrapped around his neck as she sat on his knee. "So Naomi, Matt tells me you're on a girl's night out."

Naomi made a face as she replied. "I was supposed to be but my two friends cancelled at the last minute. Can you believe it? And because I didn't much like staying in on my own so I decided to join you guys instead."

He forced a smile while inside he groaned loudly. It looked like his night was about to take a downward spiral and fast.

"So, where's the third member of the Three Musketeers anyway?"

Matt smiled at his girlfriend and ignored the bemused look on Paul's face. "Steph's working tonight so it's just me and Paul."

"Well it's just as well I'm here then. I can take her place." She flashed Matt a grin before placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

Paul stood up raking his fingers through his hair. If Naomi was staying, he definitely needed another drink. "Matt, can I get you another?" His friend nodded and smiled. "Naomi, what can I get you?"

"I'll have a Sex on the Beach please but tell Jack I don't want any of the shit that goes with it."

He rolled his eyes lightly cursing under his breath as he made his way towards the bar. Why the fuck couldn't Naomi drink beer like everyone else. She probably got a kick of making him ask for the stupid cocktail. It was a sports bar for Christ's sakes. It wasn't the fancy upmarket establishments she usually frequented.

Paul pulled out the stool and sat down, smiling at Jack the bar tender as he approached him. "Hey man. Can I get two beers and a Sex on the Beach for the lovely lady over there? Oh, and she doesn't want any of the shit that goes with it by the way."

Jack laughed as he grabbed two bottles from the fridge underneath him. He knew all about Naomi ever since she had starting coming here with Matt. Personally, he didn't mind her but he knew she got on Paul's nerves. Although he hadn't said as much, it didn't take Einstein to figure that one out. "So no sign of Stephanie tonight?"

Paul shook his head as he took out his wallet. "No. She had to work unfortunately."

Jack smiled to himself as he turned away to prepare Naomi's drink and noticing the tone of disappointment in his voice. He had a lot of time for the three friends, in particular Paul and Stephanie, and had been surprised to find out they were nothing more than friends. With the way they acted around one another, anyone would think they were a couple. And he knew if Paul had anything to do with it, they would be. Jack prided himself on being a very observant man and it was plain to see that the young man was clearly in love. He had noticed the way he looked at the young girl when he thought she wasn't looking and the way his touch lingered that little bit longer than it should.

"On second thoughts, will you give the lady all the trimmings?"

Jack turned round with a confused expression on his face. "I thought she didn't want any of it?"

Paul grinned. "She doesn't. They annoy the hell out of her."

The bar tender shook his head and laughed. There was no need to ask any more questions. He finished preparing the cocktail and he couldn't help but notice the mischievous glint in Paul's eye as he lit the sparkler.

Paul accepted the drinks and smiled as he handed over the money. "Thanks man."

Jack watched him walk over to the table and snickered to himself as he saw the look of disgust on Naomi's face. Round one to Paul………..

Paul slammed the door shut and threw his keys on the table. As he walked towards his room, he couldn't help but notice the light shining under Stephanie's door. He frowned as he looked at his watch. It was only ten thirty and he was sure she said she was working until midnight. He lifted his hand to knock on the painted wood then quickly decided against it. Luke might be in there with her and the last thing he wanted was to walk in on the two love birds. The thought of them being together in bed actually made him sick to his stomach. He had just started to walk away when he heard her voice call out.

"Paul, is that you?"

He backtracked and opened her door. Paul's head peeked around the doorway and he saw her sitting up in bed. He immediately noticed Stephanie looked ill. Her normally vibrant eyes were puffy and red and her skin had an almost translucent colour to it. He moved and stood inside her room, his brown eyes wearing a worried expression. "Hey. How ya doing?"

Stephanie sniffed and sighed. "I'm sick. I got sent home a few hours ago. It looks like I've picked up that damn flu bug that was going around."

Paul walked across towards her and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Well I was thinking you didn't look so hot."

"That's right Levesque. Kick a girl when she's down."

He grinned and was about to shuffle closer when Stephanie held up her hand. "You might want to keep your distance in case you catch it."

"Nah. I never get sick." Paul had an almost cocky expression on his face as he deliberately moved forward.

She shook her head in amusement. "So what are you doing back so early anyway? I thought you and Matt were out for the night."

Paul grimaced. "Psycho appeared."

Stephanie laughed which started a fit of coughing. He winced as he heard it thinking it sounded almost like a bark. He reached across and passed her the glass of water from her nightstand. She smiled at him gratefully as she took a sip. Satisfied that the coughing had stopped, she passed him back the glass.

"You shouldn't call her that. She's harmless enough."

"Harmless, my ass. I'm just waiting for the rabbit to appear on the stove. Anyway, I'd better go and let you get some rest."

As Paul went to stand up, Stephanie's hand reached out to stop him. He tried to ignore how hot her skin felt against his or how nice.

"Don't go just yet." She shifted her body across the double bed and patted her hand against the crumpled sheets. "Stay and keep me company. I can't sleep anyway. God knows I've tried."

Paul smiled and against his better judgement, he removed his coat. "Well, if you need anything you'd better say now because once I'm in that bed, I refuse to move."

Stephanie smiled and shook her head. "I'm fine but thanks."

As he sat down on the bed to remove his shoes, Paul tried to ignore the nagging voice in his head telling him this was a huge mistake. God knows when it came to his feelings for Stephanie, he was past the point of even trying to reason with himself. Paul got into bed and as he propped himself against the pillows, Stephanie moved her head to lie on his chest. Letting out a slow breath, he lifted up his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. The light smell of her perfume invaded his senses. He felt her snuggle closer as they lay there together.

"So, I take it Matt is with Naomi?"

"Uh huh. The love birds decided to take their little make out sessions to her place."

Paul frowned feeling the burning heat through the material of his t-shirt and placed his hand across Stephanie's forehead. Her skin was on fire and felt extremely clammy. His nose crinkled with his concern. "Steph, are you sure you're okay? You're burning up."

"I guess I've got a temperature. I've taken some paracetemol though so it will hopefully die down." She let out a loud yawn and she lifted her head up to look at him. "There must be something comforting about lying in your arms. All of a sudden, I'm feeling sleepy."

Paul smiled. "In that case, I'd better leave you in peace."

"Don't you dare! You're staying here, at least until I fall over. But you could do one thing for me. Reach over and switch off the lamp?"

He reached across and flicked the switch filling the room with darkness. As he settled back into the pillows, Paul felt Stephanie's head nestle into his chest and she flung her arm around his waist. As they lay there in silence, he mentally kicked himself. What the hell was he doing? He was playing with fire and he knew it but none of that mattered as he relished the feel of her in his arms. Stephanie fit so perfectly, almost like she belonged there somehow. He just hoped she couldn't hear his heart racing in his chest. It was thumping madly having her so close. Yet despite his inner torment, Paul felt a sense of calm as he listened to her steady breathing. The truth was he didn't want to be anywhere else and he would give anything for this to be real; to able to hold Stephanie each and every night and fall asleep in her arms. So really, it was time to stop kidding himself. This wasn't some stupid crush. He was in love with Stephanie so much and nothing was ever going to change that. Not denial and certainly not time. All he had to do now was accept his feelings and learn to live with the fact that they would never be returned and Stephanie would never be his.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Stephanie sneezed as she plodded into the kitchen. Matt looked up from his newspaper and smiled sympathetically at her. "Hey, Steph. How are you feeling this morning?"

She smiled as she poured herself a glass of water. "I'm actually feeling much better, thanks." And she was surprised to find that she was.

Matt stood up as he folded the paper. "It's all that TLC Paul and I have been giving you the past few days. Not to mention the chicken soup."

He winked at her as he began to clear the table. Stephanie rolled her eyes and laughed. Paul had made her the soup and had been adamant that she eat it, even when the very idea of food had made her feel nauseous. He had claimed she would be feeling better in no time and she had to admit that she did. Though it remained to be seen whether it was down to the soup or the medication she had been taking. She turned to look up at the clock and frowned.

"Is Paul not up yet? It's nearly eight o'clock."

Matt shook his head as he placed his dirty dishes in the sink. "I haven't heard him this morning."

Stephanie sighed in exasperation as she shuffled her feet across the floor. "I swear that guy thinks I'm his personal alarm clock."

She heard Matt chuckle as she made her way along the hallway. She lifted her hand up to knock on the bedroom door and getting no reply, she turned the handle and entered. The blind was still drawn and the room was in darkness. She could make out the lump under the cream covers and she began to shake him hard.

"Paul, wake up. You're going to be late again."

"Go away."

The muffled voice came from below the sheets. Not to be deterred, Stephanie pulled them back and saw Paul's head was buried underneath his pillows. She also noticed he was wearing nothing apart from a pair of white boxer shorts and she couldn't help but take a second and admire his smooth, muscular back and toned legs. His ass wasn't bad either. The regular work outs at the gym certainly paid dividends. The man had an amazing body. Not that she would ever admit that to Paul. He would brag and tease her mercilessly and she would never hear the end of it. Rolling her eyes dryly, Stephanie reached across to shake him again. However, when she touched his back, she noticed it was hot and clammy to the touch. He felt like he was burning up. Her brow furrowed as concern etched her face.

"Paul, are you okay?"

He finally lifted his head out from the pillows, his face hidden behind his long blonde hair. "I'm sick. You've infected me."

Stephanie chuckled as she listened to his pathetic tone. "I thought you didn't get sick Levesque."

"It's your fault. Your germs are all over the place." His body shook as he started to cough.

Just then Matt popped his head around the door and smiled at Stephanie. "Have you managed to get him up yet?"

She shook her head. "He's sick."

Paul shifted his head and pushed his hair out of his face. "So you'd better make your escape before she infects you too."

Matt laughed but his smile turned to a wince as he heard Paul cough again. "You know what? I'll take your advice. I'll see you guys later."

Stephanie shook her head in amusement and she heard the front door close signalling his hasty departure.

"So can I get my covers back or are you going to make me freeze to death here?"

Paul's brown eyes watched her as she pulled the blankets back up then stood awkwardly by the side of the bed. She gave him a smile as she rubbed her arms of her silk pyjamas.

"Can I get you anything?" she offered.

Paul shook his head as he pulled back the covers. "Just get in and stop making the place look untidy."

Stephanie grinned as she climbed up into the bed. Paul shifted his body to give her room. "You've got a nerve. The place is untidy as it is. There's at least a weeks worth of laundry on your floor."

"Shush woman, I'm sick. You can't complain to me when I'm sick."

Stephanie settled her head back on the pillows and she felt Paul's arm move to rest across her stomach. She could feel the familiar heat from his skin. She wasn't sure how it had happened but ever since she had gotten sick, there were a couple of nights where they had shared a bed. In fact, last night had been the first night they hadn't and she had to admit that she didn't sleep as well as she usually did. She had missed Paul lying there beside her. She had gotten used to him being there even in such a short period of time. And there was nothing sexual in it at all. It was purely from a comfort standpoint. Paul made her feel at ease and protected. As Stephanie turned her head to face him, she noticed he had fallen back asleep. She smiled as she brushed his hair back from his face and listened to his deep and even breathing. However that smile changed into a grimace as she heard the rattling in his chest. Needing to be close to him, Stephanie snuggled against him and closed her eyes. Within a matter of minutes, she was dead to the world too……

Paul's coughing woke him up and as he reached across for the bottle of water on his night stand, he noticed Stephanie was gone. He took a drink before throwing back the covers and getting out of bed. His head was killing him and his muscles ached. He needed some of the good drugs and fast. He picked up his trackpants and hooded sweatshirt that lay on the floor and once he was dressed, he made his way towards the kitchen. He swallowed thickly as he took in the sight before him. Stephanie was standing there in nothing but a fluffy white towel. Her hair was still damp and her skin was covered in droplets of water. His heart raced as she turned round and smiled at him. He tried not to concentrate on the trickle of water that fell down her throat.

"You're up just in time to have some soup. It's heating up on the stove as we speak."

Paul shook his head as he felt his stomach churn at the very idea of food. "I couldn't eat it."

Stephanie clicked her tongue and shook her head at him playfully. "Now, Paul, who made me take it when I complained of the exact same thing?"

"I don't care. I'm not eating it. I couldn't stomach it." He sat down at the kitchen table and rested his forehead against his arms. He tensed as he felt Stephanie's hand on his shoulder. He could smell her vanilla body lotion as she stood beside him.

"Paul, maybe you should go back to bed. You're not sounding too hot."

He lifted his head and sat back against the chair. "Gee, thanks McMahon. And here's me thinking your raspy voice sounded sexy as hell."

Her fingers subconsciously began to play with the ends of his hair. "Funny. That's exactly what Luke said."

Paul pushed back the chair abruptly and ignoring Stephanie's startled look, he made his way across to the cupboard where the medication was kept. He let out a sigh as he removed the metal strip of tablets. He knew he'd over-reacted to the mention of Luke's name but he hadn't been able to help it. Ever since he'd realised his feelings for Stephanie, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy every time the guy's name was mentioned. Then there was the fact that the way she'd been touching his hair was driving him crazy. He needed to get a grip before he made his feelings blatantly obvious. Paul took a couple of tablets and went to the fridge to get a drink to wash them down with. The cold water instantly soothed his burning throat.

"Paul, are you okay? Do you want me to go to the store and get you anything?"

Paul raised his head to see Stephanie looking at him. He was touched to see that her blue eyes were filled with concern and he felt a little calmer. "No thanks. Besides, you shouldn't be going outside anyway. Not until you're one hundred percent."

"I'll be fine." She walked towards him. "Besides, I'm going out tonight. Luke's invited me to his place for dinner. He decided I needed a change of scenery after being cooped up in this place for the last four days."

Paul shrugged his shoulders as he moved backwards towards the door. His tone was abrupt in spite of himself. "Fine. Do what you like but don't come running to me when you're feeling like crap."

Stephanie stood in silence, her eyes widened with shock, as she heard the kitchen door slam shut behind him……..

Hours later Paul lay in the darkness and throwing his leg across the mattress, he wondered what the hell he was doing. He had no excuse for snapping at Stephanie earlier or reacting the way that he had. He was behaving like a stupid, jealous teenager and it had to stop. And another thing he had to question was his sanity. He was crazy for getting into a situation where they ended up sharing a bed each night. It was only making things worse and letting him think he had something he could never have. Because lying next to Stephanie, it was impossible not to imagine what it would be like to touch her or how it would feel to have her lips pressed against his. God, it would be everything his heart ached for and more. He wanted her so much so much so that if the girl had any idea of a fraction of the thoughts that ran through his head at night, she would kill him. He knew he had to put an end to it but it was definitely easier said than done when all he wanted was to be close to her.

Just then, he heard the familiar pad of her footsteps outside and he let out a breath as Stephanie knocked. The door opened and he could hear the sound of her breathing behind him.

"Paul, are you awake?"

"Yeah. What's up McMahon?"

He felt the bed move as she sat down next to him. He closed his eyes as her hand began to smooth back his hair.

"I just wondered how you were feeling, that's all. I haven't seen you all day."

"I feel like crap actually but you don't want to hear my woes."

She sighed as she brushed the stray strands behind his ear. "Yes I do. You listened to me, remember."

"That's only because I felt sorry for you. And besides, I switched off when you started to get boring."

Stephanie chuckled as she playfully smacked his arm. "You're lucky I like you Levesque otherwise I'd inflict some bodily harm."

"And yet again, Miss McMahon feels the need to be violent." He started to cough again and forced himself to sit up to try and stop. His throat felt red raw and it was starting to get really painful.

Stephanie winced as she heard the rattling in his chest but this time it seemed to be much louder. She placed her hand against his forehead. He was definitely burning up. "Paul, I don't like the sound of that cough. Does your throat feel swollen?"

"A little bit." Paul smiled as he leant back against the pillows. "I'll be fine, honestly."

Stephanie shook her head. "No, I'll cancel with Luke. I'm not leaving you here on your own."

He covered her hand with his and squeezed it. "Just go. I'll be okay. Besides, Matt will be home soon. I'm pretty sure I can get him to run around after me."

She offered him a small smile before chewing on her bottom lip. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want Paul to be left alone but then again, it was seven and Matt was usually home by half past.

Just then the doorbell rang. Luke had arrived. Paul watched as Stephanie just sat there looking at him. She didn't move. The doorbell rang again.

"Stephanie, you'd better hurry up otherwise lover boy will leave without you."

She let out a sigh as she nodded her head, her mind made up. "Okay. Are you sure you'll be alright?"

He smiled. "Yes and I'll be even better once you're not here nagging me."

Stephanie laughed as she ruffled his hair affectionately. She stood up and before she left, she bent down and kissed the top of his head. "Just call me if you need to."

"I won't. Goodbye."

Stephanie stuck her tongue out at him before disappearing out of sight. Within a few seconds the door shut behind her and she was gone. Paul picked up the remote control and settled back to watch the television. God knows he needed to distract himself. The last thing he wanted to do was start thinking about her again……

Stephanie slowly twirled the noodles around on her fork thinking about Paul. She hoped he was okay. For some reason she couldn't help but feel worried about him. But then again, he was probably enjoying the peace and quiet being on his own. He always did moan that she hogged the television and then complained that she watched nothing but "crappy chick stuff". But she knew Paul only did it because he got a kick out of winding her up. The truth was that nine times out of ten he ended up watching the programmes with her.

Luke watched as a slow smile crept across Stephanie's face and he wondered what had caused that reaction. She had been distracted since dinner and seemed to go off in her own little world. But he was just glad to get to spend some time with her, distracted or not. He had seen very little of her the last few weeks and he had missed her. She was a breath of fresh air in fact. All he had seemed to do lately was work. He just hoped it would be worth it in the end when he became a fully qualified doctor.

He reached across to squeeze her hand and was happy to see it got her attention.

She smiled at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. I was miles away."

Luke shook his head. "It's alright. What were you thinking about, anyway?"

"Paul." She failed to notice Luke's face drop at the mention of his name. "I'm worried about him. I think it's more than the flu that he's got."

Luke decided he'd better show an interest especially where her two roommates were concerned. He knew she loved them like brothers and both men were extremely important to her. But if he was honest, their closeness made him a little uneasy as far as Stephanie was concerned. He didn't like other men being important to his girlfriend especially when sometimes they seemed a lot more important than him. But he would bite his tongue for now. After all, it wouldn't be forever. "What makes you think he's not well?"

Stephanie sighed as she placed down her fork. "Well, he's got a really raspy cough and a temperature and on top of that his chest has been rattling. It was actually louder tonight than it was this morning."

Luke picked up the wine to pour them another glass. "Get him out in the fresh air. It will loosen it off."

"Really?"

"Yeah. There used to be the old method of steam but they've found the fresh air to be much more effective."

Stephanie smiled as she tilted her glass in his direction. "Thank you, Doctor. I'll be sure to drag his sorry ass out for a walk tomorrow."

Luke smiled as he pushed back his chair and walked round to stand behind her. He bent down to brush the hair from her shoulder and pressed his lips gently against the skin on her neck. "I've decided to skip dessert. What do you say we take this to the bedroom? I've missed you."

Stephanie smiled at him as she snaked her arm around his neck. "I've missed you too, honey." She let out a sigh as his lips pressed gently against hers and all thoughts of Paul and his illness disappeared as she focused on the man standing beside her…..

Matt grinned mischievously at her as she walked into the kitchen the next morning. He pointed to the watch on his wrist. "What time do you call this? It's 10.00am young lady."

Stephanie laughed and shook her head. "You sound worse than my father." She yawned as she sat down at the table across from him.

"Didn't get much sleep, huh?"

"That's none of your business Dolan. I'm a lady. I don't kiss and tell."

Matt made a face at her. "I'll take that as a yes. And believe me, you weren't the only one."

Stephanie grinned at him. "Matthew! Does Naomi know you brag about your sexual exploits?"

He chuckled. "Very good but that's not what I meant. No-one got much sleep around here either. Paul's breathing got so bad Naomi and I had to drag him to the hospital. They kept him in overnight. They were going to run some tests on him this morning."

Panicked, Stephanie pushed back her chair and stood up. "We need to go and see him."

Matt stood up and walked across to stand in front of her. He rested his hands on her shoulders. He could see the distress in her face. "Stephanie, calm down. He's going to be fine."

"But I knew last night he wasn't right. I should have stayed with him instead of leaving him on his own."

He shook his head as he squeezed her shoulders gently. "Steph, there was nothing you could have done anyway. Besides, he wasn't on his own. I came home right after you left. I passed Luke's car on the way."

Stephanie let out a shaky breath as she tried to stay calm. She knew Matt was right but she couldn't help but feel guilty at abandoning Paul especially when he had been so poorly. She was training to be a doctor for Christ sakes. She should have known it was something serious. The best thing she could do now is be there for him. "Will you take me to see him once I get changed?"

Matt nodded his head and watched as she quickly left the room. Stephanie was clearly shaken by the news about Paul and he wasn't surprised. The two of them were extremely close to one another, probably even more so now he spent most of his time with Naomi. He could see a connection there and in fact, it had been Naomi who had brought it to his attention. Although he thought she had exaggerated slightly when she had used the term soul mates. He'd need to remember and tell Paul about that one. He always did like to chuckle at Naomi's eccentric ideas and notions. …..

A short while later Stephanie was looking at the hospital empty bed. The only evidence of someone having been there was the crumpled sheets. She turned towards Matt who wore the same blank expression. He shrugged his shoulders, confused.

"He must be around here somewhere. Maybe they're still running some tests."

Stephanie sighed as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Let's grab a seat. Hopefully he won't be long." She had just picked up his charts to have a look when she heard the voice from behind them.

"Looks like the cavalry have arrived."

Matt and herself both turned round to see Paul standing grinning in the doorway. He was fully clothed and had his jacket on.

"And it's about time too. I need to get out of this place before they stab me with yet another sharp object."

Stephanie rushed across and pulled him into a hug. She gripped on to him tightly.

Paul grinned as he squeezed her back.

"Easy there McMahon. They've only just managed to get me breathing again."

Matt smiled at him as they broke apart and pulled him into a hug. "You're looking much better than the last time I saw you. Christ Paul, you looked like death warmed up."

And he was looking better. Paul had a bit more colour to his skin although he was definitely far from one hundred percent. His eyes appeared sunken and he was still extremely pale. At least it was a far cry from the chalk white expression he wore last night. His voice was also extremely hoarse.

Stephanie watched Paul anxiously. "Have they found out what was wrong?"

Paul nodded his head. "It's acute bronchitis apparently. But don't worry my friends. Some analgesics and cough medicine and apparently I'm good to go."

"And plenty of fluids." Stephanie looked at him sternly.

He sighed. "Yes Doctor McMahon." He shook his head and chuckled.

"You're awfully chipper for someone who was so ill last night."

"That's because they gave me the good drugs."

Just then, he started to cough again. He walked across to his bag and pulled out a bottle of water. The cold liquid provided a little relief to the rawness of his throat.

As he turned round, he saw the concern on their faces and he smiled.

"Come on guys. Let's get out of here."

He picked up his bag and as they walked out into the corridor, he felt Stephanie slip her warm hand into his. He smiled as she clutched it tightly as they made their way towards the hospital entrance……

"Please. I'm bed ridden and bored. Do you really have to make me watch this crap?"

Stephanie shook her head in disbelief. "Paul, its Pretty Woman. It's a classic."

"I'm sure it is and I'm sure it's an inspiration for good hearted prostitutes all across the country."

Stephanie threw down the remote control on the night stand and shifted in the bed to face him. "You really have become grouchy the past few days. Being idle doesn't suit you. You're lucky I'm keeping you company."

Paul smirked at her. "Please, don't feel you have to stay on my account. I'm sick of the sight of you anyway."

"Right that is it." She pushed back the covers and grabbed the pillow from behind her. She held it up in the air threateningly.

Paul held up his hands in defence. "Now, Stephanie Marie I want you to think really hard before you do anything silly. Do you really want a reputation as an invalid abuser especially considering your chosen career?"

Stephanie snorted with laughter. "An invalid abuser? Where the hell did you come up with that?"

He lifted his left shoulder in a shrug. "The Levesque Concise dictionary. First edition of course. It's a snip at $1.99." He smirked as Stephanie shook her head. "Of course, being the good citizen that I am, I like to help people out so I've put a lot of pictures in there. Your mug shot is next to invalid abuser."

He laughed as Stephanie whacked him with the pillow. She sat up on her knees as she hit him once again.

"You need to control your violent tendencies woman." He held up his arms as the pillow connected once again with his head. "I'm warning you!"

"What are you going to do, Levesque? You're an invalid remember?"

She hit him once again but this time he managed to grab the pillow. He snickered as he moved towards her and in one swift motion, he threw her back on the bed and quickly straddled her. He threw the pillow to the side and began to tickle her sides instead. Stephanie screamed and thrashed around as she tried her best to escape.

"Who's an invalid now, McMahon?"

She giggled as Paul continued to tickle her but she was able to grab on to another pillow as she lifted it up to whack him in the face. Her laughter soon turned to concern as she heard him start to cough again. She winced as she heard the congestion in his chest. Stephanie quickly sat up and waited for the coughing to subside. She reached for the water bottle and passed it to him cupping his face with her hand as he wiped at his eyes. The incessant coughing had made them run like a stream. Her face wore a worried expression as she listened to his uneasy breathing.

"Paul, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have whacked you in the face."

Once he had caught his breath, his brown eyes sparkled back at her wickedly. "See. I knew you were going to abuse me. It's that vicious, violent streak in you."

Stephanie tilted her head and smiled at him. As Paul grinned back, there was something in his beautiful eyes that moved her, something that made her own breath hitch in her chest. Before she knew what she was doing, she moved her face towards him. She closed her eyes as her lips brushed gently against his in a slow, sweet kiss……..


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Stephanie's hand moved up to rest gently against his arm and she let out a soft moan as their bodies moved closer together. Paul's heart was pounding. It felt like it was going one hundred miles an hour. Her lips felt so soft and warm pressed against his and her familiar fragrance invaded his senses. God knows he had been waiting for this moment for so long and he was reluctant for it to end. Unfortunately though, it did and he swallowed thickly as they slowly broke apart. Stephanie was unable to look at him and her gaze shifted towards the doorway. Paul watched as she chewed on her bottom lip nervously. He knew she was feeling extremely uncomfortable and wasn't surprised when she moved to get up from the bed.

"I should let you get some rest." Stephanie stood up and smoothed down her t-shirt, still refusing to look at him. Paul watched her move towards the open bedroom door and shook his head, confused.

"Stephanie, wait. We can't…………."

But Matt's voice drifting from the bottom of the hallway interrupted him. "Steph, Luke's on the phone."

Paul let out a sigh of annoyance at the interruption and saw Stephanie edge closer towards the door. She tilted her head downwards, still unable to look him in the eye.

"I'd better go take that call."

He listened to the click of the door behind her and shaking his head once more, he punched the pillow beside him in frustration. It was ironic how lover boy had picked that exact moment to call. Now he'd be lucky to get the chance to talk to Stephanie at all. Sighing heavily, he shifted his body and lay back down on the bed. He couldn't help but let his mind wander as he replayed things over in his head. There was no doubt that he had been shocked when Stephanie had kissed him. But he didn't regret it – not one little bit. If that was the one and only time her lips touched his, then so be it. All it had done was confirm what he had already known. He was in love with her and nothing was going to change that. The only problem was figuring out how Stephanie felt. Up until now, he had been certain that she felt nothing more than friendship but she had been the one to kiss him and just maybe she felt something more. Then again, her reaction to the kiss was hardly encouraging. In fact, she hadn't been able to get out the door fast enough. He was kidding himself to even think Stephanie's feelings were anything other than platonic. To her, he would be nothing more than Paul, best friend and roommate and the sooner he came to terms with that, the better. Now all he had to do was make sure their friendship remained intact. It meant far too much to him not to mention the fact that it was the reason Stephanie was in his life. He wasn't going to lose her. Not when he knew he couldn't live without her so he'd settle. He'd settle for being her friend and being a part of her existence……

Stephanie kicked off her shoes and threw her keys on the table. Although Luke had called to cancel their date, she had gone out anyway. She had been walking for hours trying her best not to think about the kiss and what it had meant. Of course it had been pointless as her walk had provided her with nothing but time to think. Sighing, she pushed her hair off her face and made her way to the kitchen. She flicked on the light and jumped in fright as she saw him sitting solemnly at the kitchen table.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

She let out a shaky breath as her heart continued to pound in her chest. "It's okay. I just didn't expect anyone to be up." She made her way over to the counter and grabbed a mug. "I'm making a coffee. Do you want one?"

"Please."

Stephanie made the coffee in silence but she couldn't help but look over at him from time to time. He was obviously upset and although it was the last thing she felt like doing at the moment, it was up to her to make the first move. Stirring the mugs, she carried them over to the table. He smiled gratefully as he accepted the hot drink.

Stephanie took a sip as she sat down across from him, hugging the mug in her hands.

"So, do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really although I'm sure you can guess what it's about."

Stephanie sighed. "Not again."

"And this time it's with Jackie, my assistant."

She reached across and touched Matt's hand. "I'm sorry."

Matt gave her a small smile. "Me too. I really thought things had gotten better, you know. But it doesn't matter how many times I tell her. She still gets these ridiculous notions that I'm having an affair with about every woman I lay my god damn eyes on."

Stephanie was about to open her mouth to reply when she heard the kitchen door open behind her. She immediately tensed as she realised Paul was standing behind her.

He held out the cordless phone towards Matt.

"Would you please ask her to stop calling here? It's been at least ten times in the last hour."

Matt looked surprised as he took the phone. "I didn't hear it ring."

"I made the mistake of taking it in my room with me after she called the first time. You guys were out and it saved me getting up every five minutes."

He winced as Paul started to cough. "Sorry man."

Paul held up his hand in acknowledgement as he walked across to the fridge pulling out a bottle of water. Matt held up his mug of coffee.

"Can I get you one? Steph's just made it."

Paul watched Stephanie as he swallowed the cool liquid. She was focusing her attention on the kitchen table, anywhere but at him. His gaze switched to Matt and he shook his head. "No thanks. I'm heading back to bed."

He twisted the cap back on the bottle as he pushed himself off the counter to leave but Matt stopped him in his tracks.

"Did Naomi say anything?"

Paul brushed his hair behind his ears and a small smirk appeared on his face. "She said plenty. And it made me realise her name is pretty apt. You do realise it spells "I moan" backwards."

Stephanie's head shot upwards and she glared at him. "Paul! Do you have to be so insensitive?"

"And do you have to be so serious? Lighten up, McMahon. It was just a joke."

Stephanie looked away feeling slightly guilty. Normally she would have laughed at his comment about Naomi but her awkwardness around him was making her feel on edge hence her reason for almost biting his head off. As she looked up at Matt, she could see the amusement on his face and it made her feel worse about her reaction to Paul. She sighed as she picked up her coffee and took another drink.

Matt smiled at Paul who had sat on the stool by the counter. "So what exactly did she say?"

Paul rubbed his beard as he pretended to think. "Let me see. Well, during her first phone call you were the bastard that screws anything that walks." He grinned at Matt. "Which, apparently, is my fault. I'm a bad influence and if it wasn't for me doing every bimbo I could lay my hands on, then you wouldn't be encouraged to do the same."

"You can't blame the girl for calling it like she sees it."

Paul looked over towards Stephanie shaking his head. "What is this? Female solidarity?"

Stephanie shrugged her shoulders. "I was just saying you can't fault Naomi for telling the truth. You do screw anything that walks."

"Well at least I know how to show a girl a good time. By the look on your face, Doctor Luke wasn't up to much tonight. Isn't he supposed to be an expert when it comes to the female anatomy?"

She scowled at him. "Bite me, Paul."

"No thanks, toots."

Matt shook his head bemused by the whole thing. "Children, behave yourselves now." He chuckled as he saw the scowls on both their faces. "Is it just me or do I detect a hint of hostility between the two of you?"

Stephanie said nothing as she turned her attention back towards the wooden table. Paul shrugged as his hazel eyes rested on her face. God help him, she was even beautiful when she was angry.

"Her bedside manner was starting to bug me. Making me watch Pretty Woman was the last straw."

Matt laughed as he looked towards Stephanie. "You do know that if doesn't involve something being blown up or shot at, Paul is not interested."

Just then the phone rang and Paul audibly groaned. "For the love of God, doesn't she give up?" He looked over at Matt who was just staring at the phone on the table. "Matt, if you don't pick up, it will just keep ringing. Believe me. I tried it earlier and had to give up when I counted thirty rings."

Matt sighed as he picked up the phone and they heard him answer as he pushed open the door to walk into the living room.

Stephanie immediately pushed back her seat refusing to look in Paul's direction. "It's late. I'm going to bed."

"Stephanie, wait."

She stopped in her tracks as she waited for Paul to continue. Her body tensed as she tried to ignore how hot his hand felt as it touched her shoulder.

"Will you turn round and look at me? Please? Unless, of course, you don't mind me checking out your ass."

Stephanie whirled round, her eyes open wide. "Paul, you're such a pig." However, she couldn't help the small smile that crossed her face as she saw him grinning at her.

His deep brown eyes wore a gentle expression as he looked at her.

"That's better McMahon. I don't think I could have handled another tongue lashing from you tonight."

Stephanie's eyes drifted awkwardly towards the floor. However, she was soon forced to look back up as Paul placed his finger under her chin bringing her blue eyes up to meet his.

"I don't want any weirdness between us, Steph. I couldn't stand it."

"Me neither."

Paul smiled. "Good. Then why don't we just forget it ever happened? I mean, it meant nothing, right? We can put it down to your hormones or something."

Stephanie punched his arm. "You've got a nerve Levesque. And why is it me that has to have the hormonal attack anyways?"

He looked almost arrogant as he smirked at her. "Well, you were the one that kissed me." He chuckled at the blush that spread quickly across her face. "Come on now, Steph. There's no need to feel embarrassed. I know I'm pretty irresistible even on my death bed."

Stephanie managed to laugh in spite of her embarrassment. Before she knew what she was doing, she'd wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him into a hug.

As he held her close, Paul's smile faded and his eyes closed as he felt the warmth of her body pressed against him. It had killed him trying to pretend the kiss meant nothing to him. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her again and tell her he loved her. But he couldn't take the risk. He was going to find a way of dealing with these feelings and in the meantime, he was prepared to settle for friendship. He had no other choice. He forced a smile as they slowly broke apart.

"So, are we okay here?"

Stephanie nodded and smiled as she absently rubbed his arm. "We're okay and thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you. You're the best friend a girl could ask for."

Paul bent over and kissed her gently on the forehead. As he looked into her sparkling blue eyes, he tried to ignore the voices in his head screaming that he could be so much more than just her friend. "Now that we've got that sorted out, you should get to bed. You don't want to be scaring those poor patients of yours tomorrow morning."

Stephanie chuckled as she stepped away. "You really know how to make a girl feel good about herself."

"What can I say? I live to please."

She stood up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek softly. "Goodnight Paul. Sleep well."

"Goodnight Stephanie."

As the door closed behind her, Paul threw himself onto the chair and rested his forehead in frustration against the table. Keeping up a front was going to be so much harder than he thought. Ignoring his heart would be almost impossible.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I'm just going to join Matthew in the shower."

Stephanie laughed at the disgusted expression on Paul's face as he watched Naomi pick up a piece of toast from the table before heading through to the bathroom. He shook his head before looking at the cutlery the table. "Paul, what are you doing?"

"Counting the knives. I need to make sure Naomi didn't take one."

Stephanie scrunched up her face in confusion. "Why would she take a knife to the shower?"

"Well you have seen Psycho, haven't you McMahon?"

She shook her head but chuckled nonetheless. "You're crazy, you know that don't you?"

"Oh I'm not the crazy one. She is. You didn't hear the things she was threatening to do to our friend Matthew after her accusations a few nights ago." He pushed back his chair as he started to clear the plates from the table.

"But aren't you glad those crazy kids have patched things up?"

Paul snorted as he walked over towards the sink. "Oh yeah. It's a real pleasure to see our friends groping at one another at the breakfast table first thing in the morning."

Stephanie shook her head as she placed the milk back in the fridge. "Thank God you're going back to work today. You've become a right misery guts over the last couple of days."

"I'm glad too. I'm dying to see a new face and have a decent conversation. Between your head being permanently lodged in a book and Matt's mouth being engaged elsewhere, I've been going round the bend. Hell, I even called my mother yesterday for conversation."

"And how is she? Is she still worried about you?" She reached up and pinched his cheek.

Paul made a face as Stephanie laughed. "I'm glad you find it all so amusing, Stephanie. But need I remind you that if it wasn't for you and your infections, I would have never gotten ill in the first place. You should be trying to make it up to me instead of mocking me."

She rolled her eyes dryly as she rested against the counter. "Okay, point taken. After my exam, I promise I'll take you out. How does pizza and a beer sound?"

Paul screwed up his nose at her suggestion. "One lousy beer? You nearly kill me and I get one lousy beer? Gee, you're all heart."

"Well if I promise to pick up the tab for the night will you quit moaning?"

He smiled in appreciation as he patted her head. "That's more like it. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get ready for work. You wouldn't want me being late for my first day back now, would you?"

Stephanie shook her head playfully as Paul left to go and get dressed. Her eyes slowly drifted to the dishes still piled up in the sink and she sighed. He'd managed to get out of doing his chores yet again. Reluctantly, she made a start to the washing up and she let her mind drift to Paul. She was so glad he had cleared the air between them that night. She really thought she'd jeopardised things between them by kissing him the way she had. It had definitely been wrong to act on her impulses like that. It proved she was cautious by nature for a reason. Still at the same time, she couldn't help but dwell on the niggling idea that somehow it had just felt right. She also couldn't deny the way she had felt as she had kissed Paul. Her whole body had tingled with excitement and she had felt so alive. He had literally taken her breath away. But that kiss had been a mistake and Paul was right. The best thing would be to forget about it and put it behind them. They were nothing more than great friends and friends were what they were good at. Besides, she loved Luke and she could never intentionally hurt him. The kiss had meant nothing. But if that was the case, why was it so hard to put it to the back of her mind……………..

It was hours later and Stephanie was working her shift at the hospital. She got a pleasant surprise when she saw him at the other end of the ward and she quickly pushed past the stragglers in the corridor. She waved her arm to get his attention. "Luke, have you got a minute?"

He said a few words to the nurse standing beside him before making his way towards Stephanie. His blue eyes twinkled as he smiled at her. "Hey, baby. How are you?"

She grinned as she waved the piece of paper in her hand. "I'm great especially after getting this." She handed the paper to him. "I just got this from Dr Morgan."

Luke's face lit up as he saw her test score. "Eight nine percent. That's great Stephanie."

He pulled her into a brief hug before looking around nervously. Stephanie smiled as she took the paper from him. He was always trying to be discreet in the hospital. He felt it would be unprofessional of him to act otherwise but sometimes she just wished he'd be a bit more open about their relationship. After all, it was pretty common knowledge that they were dating anyway. She touched his arm as he placed his hands in his pockets.

"So, have you made the reservations for tonight?"

She watched as Luke's face fell in front of her. She knew exactly what it meant. He was going to cancel yet again despite his promises to take her out to celebrate. She couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that washed over her as Luke offered her a small smile.

"I'm sorry honey but I couldn't say no. They're really short staffed tonight. But I promise to make it up to you tomorrow night." He leant over and kissed her softly on the cheek.

Stephanie forced a smile. "That's okay. And you're on for tomorrow. You do know that it will need to be somewhere really expensive to make it up to me?"

Luke grinned as he cupped her face with his hand. "I promise." Just then his pager beeped and he frowned as he checked it. "Listen, I've got to run. I'll call you later."

She sighed as she watched him run down the corridor. She admired his dedication and enthusiasm for the job but sometimes she just wished he would put her first. Lifting her wrist, she checked her watch and saw with relief that it was seven o'clock and the end of her shift. She slowly made her way towards the locker room.

"Stephanie, have you got a minute?"

She looked over at the nurses station and smiled at Diane. "Sure if you make it quick." She grinned at her. "My shift is officially over."

Diane grimaced. "Not yet I'm afraid. Lucy's temperature has risen and we need you to check it out. Doctor Morgan had to go to surgery."

Stephanie sighed as she replaced her stethoscope around her neck and took the chart. "You're lucky I like you Diane. That and the fact I've no plans for tonight anyway."

"You're a godsend, Steph."

Stephanie smiled as she made her way along the corridor. She wondered what was up with Lucy. She had been fine when she had checked her over an hour ago. She frowned as she looked over the chart and didn't look up as she entered the open ward Lucy shared with nine other children. It wasn't until she heard the giggles that she lifted her head and she covered her mouth as she let out a gasp. The room was decorated with streamers and balloons and a banner on the wall in black, bold letters read "Congratulations Doctor McMahon."

"Surprise!"

She grinned as she heard the ten little voices cry out at the top of their voices as they ran out from behind their beds. They all gathered around her and she affectionately ruffled their hair before bending down. Lucy was the first one to stand in front of her. Her dark hair was a stark contrast to her pale skin.

"Well done Doctor Stephanie."

"Thank you sweetie. But how did you know and who did all this?"

Lucy grinned. "The two nice men. They said you'd been very clever and deserved a party. Nurse Diane and Doctor Morgan said it was okay."

Joshua, one her nine year old patients, barged in. "Will we be allowed to have some of the cake?"

The young girl slapped his arm before reprimanding him in an exaggerated whisper. "Shhh, Joshua. She doesn't know about the cake yet."

Joshua clamped his hand over his mouth before moving slowly away. Stephanie laughed as she pulled herself up. She looked down as she felt a tug on her trouser leg. It was Abigail. Stephanie bent back down as she smiled at the four year old.

"I like your friends. They gave us candy."

Stephanie was just about to ask what friends when she felt the tap on her shoulder. She turned round to see a pair of familiar blue eyes hidden behind his black rimmed glasses. Suddenly it all made sense.

"Congratulations, Stephanie. We always knew you would do it."

Stephanie pulled him into a grateful hug. "Thank you Matt." She smiled as he kissed her forehead. "How did you guys find out and how the hell did you organise this? I was in here an hour ago."

Matt chuckled as he stepped away. "Doctor Morgan promised Paul he'd tell him as soon as he had your result. Your good friend and mine managed to persuade the lovely doctor to postpone giving you the good news and use delaying tactics once he had you in his office. That gave us time to hightail it down here and get this all set up."

He looked down at the small, green eyed girl who was tugging on his trousers.

"What is it sweetie?"

"Can I get more candy?"

Stephanie laughed as Matt bent down towards her. Just then she let out a scream as she felt a pair of arms grab her from behind and twirl her round to face him. Paul lifted her up as he spun her round.

"Well done McMahon." He grinned at her as he placed her back down. "Brains as well as beauty, huh?"

She tilted her head to the side and smiled. "What can I say? Some people just have it, I guess."

Paul chuckled and shook his head. "Although modesty doesn't seem to be one of your strengths."

Stephanie smiled as she looked around the room. The kids were laughing as they played with the balloons and pestered Matt for more candy. She couldn't help but feel slightly emotional. She was sure there were tears in her eyes as she turned back round to Paul. "I can't believe you got Doctor Morgan to agree to this."

"Matthew works in sales, dear. He made his pitch quite well."

Stephanie smiled as she covered his hand with hers. "But I'm pretty sure you had a large part in all of this."

He shrugged his shoulders non-chalantly. "It was a joint effort." He winked at her. "But just so you know, I blew up all the balloons and wrote the banner."

She laughed as she pulled him into a hug. She squeezed him tightly as she whispered in his ear. "Thank you. It means so much."

Paul rubbed her arms as he released her. "It was a pleasure, toots. Me and Matthew over there happen to think you're worth it."

"Mister, can we get some cake now?"

Paul looked down to see a little boy with an impatient look on his face. Stephanie laughed as Paul picked him up and turned him upside down as he carried him across the room. Joshua giggled. "Come on then you little monster. You can help hand it out to everyone."

Stephanie wrapped her arms around herself as she stood there watching Paul and Matt interact with the children. They had really cheered her up especially after Luke had let her down yet again. As she watched Paul grin at Lucy, she ignored the now familiar flutter in her stomach. Instead she took Abigail's delicate hand and led her towards Paul, Matt and the rest of the children.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Stephanie let out a scream as she heard a loud bang. Her head shot up off the pillow and she could feel her heart beating frantically. However, her panic was quickly replaced with anger as she heard the laughter from the doorway. She shook her head as she called out through gritted teeth. "Paul, I'm going to kill you!"

She threw back her covers as she got out of bed. She felt a strange sensation under her bare feet and looked down to see paper streamers lying on the thick carpet. Paul and his damn party poppers. She should have expected it really. He had woken Matt up in exactly the same way when it was his birthday. For some reason, he found scaring people to death quite amusing. Well, he wouldn't find it amusing once she got her hands on him.

Stephanie threw open her door and finding the hallway empty, she quickly made her way towards the kitchen. But when she got there she was greeted only by Matt who was eating his cereal.

"Happy Birthday Steph!"

He stood up from the kitchen table and pulled her into a hug. She smiled at him as he kissed her cheek. 

"Thanks Matt." She brushed her hair behind her ear. "So, where is he?" 

Matt grinned. "The Phantom Party Popper? I think I heard him locking himself in the bathroom." 

"Well, if he's got any sense, he'll stay in there. He's dead once I get my hands on him." Stephanie walked across the kitchen and began to pour herself some coffee. 

"So, are you looking forward to tonight?" 

She smiled and nodded her head as she took a sip of the hot drink. They were all going out for dinner to her favourite restaurant, Exquisite. Luke hadn't been exactly overjoyed when he learned that her birthday plans included Matt and Paul but she had insisted they be there. The trio had celebrated every birthday together and she wasn't about to change that now. "Is Naomi able to make it?" 

Matt nodded his head. "Yeah. She managed to get the night off much to Paul's dismay." He chewed thoughtfully on his piece of toast. "I'm actually surprised that Paul's not bringing anyone tonight." 

Stephanie raised her brow as she sat down at the table beside him. She hugged the mug in her hands. "He's not? How come?" 

"I don't know but I have noticed a severe lack of women passing through the door lately." 

"Do you know, you're right." She grinned as she placed her mug on the table. "The female population of Boston must have finally wised up to our resident Casanova." 

Matt laughed just as Paul walked through the door. He continued to laugh as he watched Stephanie jump up from the table and smack their friend upside the head. 

Paul clutched his hair with his hand as he glared back at her. "What the hell was that for, McMahon?"

Stephanie pointed her finger at him and prodded him in his chest. "You know what the hell that was for. Don't try and play dumb with me." 

Paul smirked as he pushed his hair back from his face with his hand. "It was pretty funny. Hell, I thought your head was going to bounce off the ceiling, you jumped that high." 

"And it was no damn wonder. You nearly gave me a heart attack." 

Paul chuckled as he pulled her into his arms and playfully patted her back. "Aww, I'm sorry." He kissed the top of her head as it rested against his chest. Stephanie closed her eyes and her heart beat a little faster as she breathed in the heady scent of his cologne. It was a smell that was distinctly Paul. "By the way, Happy Birthday Steph." 

She reluctantly pulled away and smiled at him. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." He walked across to the table and grabbed a piece of toast. "Well, I hate to love and leave you guys but I gotta get to work." 

Stephanie frowned. "You're working on a Saturday? I thought Tim covered at the weekend." 

Paul scowled at the mention of his name. "It's Tim's fault I'm having to go in to work in the first place. He well and truly fucked up the accounts while I was ill and I need to try and sort them out. I've got the auditors coming on Monday." 

Matt offered him a sympathetic smile. "I'd help you if I could but I've been invited to Naomi's parents for lunch." 

Stephanie touched Paul's arm. "I could help." 

He shook his head. "Don't worry. I'll manage. Besides, it's your birthday, Steph. I'm sure you and lover boy have plans."

He saw Stephanie's face fall as she shrugged her shoulders non-chalantly. Paul felt a surge of annoyance at the fact that Luke had let her down again.

"He had to work the early shift." She nudged Paul with her arm. "Besides, you suck at math, Paul. You need all the help you can get." 

"True." He ruffled her hair affectionately. "Tell you what. You help me out this morning and I'll treat you to a birthday lunch. We'll start your party early." 

Stephanie grinned. "You've got yourself a deal, Mr Levesque. Give me half an hour and we'll go." She bent down to take a final drink from her coffee and then headed out of the kitchen. However, her head popped back in as she grinned at her friends. "That will give you both plenty of time to get this place cleaned up." 

She laughed and ran as Paul threw his toast at her. She was still smiling as she made her way to the shower. She was glad to be getting out of the apartment. Paul had rescued her from a day of moping around alone. She hadn't been looking forward to it, especially not on her birthday.

As she stepped under the steaming hot water, she let her mind drift to the dinner that night. She had been extremely surprised to learn that Paul was going alone. But if she was honest with herself, she wasn't exactly disappointed. She didn't know if she could stomach watching his latest conquest grope him at the dinner table. It made her blood boil the way they pawed at him. And what made her even angrier was he seemed to enjoy it. As Stephanie washed the suds from her hair, she decided not to dwell on it. If she did, she might just have to question her reasons as to why any woman mauling Paul bothered her so much. And why she currently had butterflies in her stomach at the thought of spending time with him.

Later that evening Stephanie stood in front of Matt and Naomi and did a little twirl in front of them. "What do you think guys? Will I do?"

Naomi stood up to admire the blue, full-length silk dress. "Stephanie, it's beautiful. It really brings out the colour in your eyes." 

Stephanie grinned as Matt took her hands in his. "You look amazing. Luke won't know what's hit him." 

"Good. Then he'll hopefully not realise how tipsy I am." 

Matt chuckled as he watched her totter over to the chair. There was no denying the slightly glazed look in her eyes. Paul's were exactly the same. "I take it you guys didn't spend too long on the accounts." 

Stephanie shook her head. "Nope. I was able to perform CPR on them and have them finished by lunch time." 

Naomi shook her head. "And you and Paul have been drinking since then?" 

"Pretty much." 

Matt checked his watch and tapped his finger against it. "Paul had better get a move on." He walked towards the hallway. "Levesque, shift your ass. We need to leave in a minute." He shook his head as he walked back towards the girls. "I swear that guy takes longer than a woman to get ready." 

Naomi glared at him before smiling sweetly at Stephanie. "Is Luke meeting us there?" 

Stephanie nodded her head. "He was running late so I told him just to head straight to the restaurant." 

Just then Paul walked into the room. His nose was scrunched up and his head bowed as he fumbled with the cufflink on his shirt. "Steph, I need help." 

She smiled and shook her head as she pushed herself off the chair and made her way towards him. She slapped his hand away and held out her palm towards him. "Give it to me." 

He grinned as he dropped the platinum object in her hand. As he raised his head, his breath caught in his throat. His brown eyes hungrily drank her in. Stephanie looked amazing. He swallowed thickly as her fragrance infiltrated his senses and her hand felt hot against his skin. He swore she had to be able to hear the loud pounding in his chest.

"There you go. One cuff link successfully attached." 

Her voice broke him out of his trance. He cleared his throat and smiled. "Thanks Steph." 

They weren't aware that Naomi was watching them, smiling to herself. She had seen the way Paul had looked at Stephanie and if she wasn't mistaken, it wasn't exactly friendly. He had most definitely been checking her out so she decided to have a little fun. After all, Paul took great pleasure in making her life a misery. It was her time to return the favour. "So Paul, doesn't Stephanie look beautiful tonight?"

Paul slowly nodded unable to look away as Stephanie's blue eyes sparkled back at him. "You look gorgeous, McMahon. In fact, you're absolutely stunning." 

A huge grin spread across Stephanie's face and her hand absently rubbed up and down his bicep. "Thanks. You look great too, Paul." Her hand moved up towards his tie. "Here, let me fix this."

As she adjusted the silk material, she realised her hands were shaking slightly. He seemed to have that effect on her recently. In fact, it was becoming almost impossible to be close to him and not feel some sort of reaction. 

"Look guys, we really need to get going." 

Matt's voice snapped her out of her funk and Stephanie stepped back and gave Paul a smile.

"You two had better grab a coat. It's chilly outside." 

Naomi watched with amusement as Paul and Stephanie went off down the hallway.  
It looked like the birthday girl had been doing a little checking out of her own. One thing was for sure, she would be keeping her eye on the two of them. If her intuition was correct, things were going to get extremely interesting around here.

A couple of hours later Stephanie was giggling into her glass of champagne. However she started to splutter as the bubbles drifted up her nose. She placed the glass on the table as she grabbed a napkin and tried to clean herself up. Out the corner of her eye, she saw an old couple looking at her from the table diagonally across from them. She chose to ignore the disapproving looks they threw her way and instead turned her attention to Paul who was sitting directly opposite her. She couldn't help but notice the look of sheer amusement on his face. He laughed as leant back languidly against his chair.

"I thought doctors were taught how to behave themselves in public." 

Stephanie shook her head as she lifted her glass. "Nope. But they do teach us how to remove a stick from someone's ass." She deliberately raised her voice and glared at the old couple this time. They looked away in disgust as Stephanie finished off her drink. 

Luke leant across and whispered in her ear. "I think they've got the message, Stephanie."

He frowned in disapproval as he sat back in his chair. He had noticed the glazed look in her eyes when she had arrived at the restaurant. She was drunk and it was little wonder. She had hardly touched her meal. She had been far too busy knocking back the champagne and God knows what beforehand.

Luke was unaware that Paul was watching him, snarling in anger at the condescending tone he had used with Stephanie. She was only having a little fun. He was actually becoming a little sick and tired of the guy thinking he could treat Steph like crap. Didn't he realise what an amazing girl he had? Obviously not or he wouldn't be treating her like some sort of disobedient child. And the thing that really pissed him off was that Stephanie was quite prepared to put up with it. He'd lost count of the number of times Luke had told her off tonight. So what if she was a little loud. She was only having a good time for God sakes but the good doctor didn't seem to know the meaning of the word. They were so completely opposite. If Stephanie had any sense, she would dump his sorry ass. And that was the part he really couldn't understand. Didn't she realise she deserved so much better? Hell, if Stephanie was his, he'd treat her like a queen. But that was the problem. She never would be his and he was kidding himself to even think that it was possible.

As Paul sighed softly, he was aware that Luke was now watching him. He ignored him and stood up and smiled at Matt. "It's my turn to get the drinks. I'll be back in a second."

"Need a hand?" 

"Nah, I'll manage." 

Matt turned to Luke and smiled. "So, you must be proud of Stephanie." 

Luke nodded his head as he patted her hand on the table. "I am. She's worked really hard to get where she has." 

"Yep. The moods and crankiness were worth it." 

Stephanie glared at Matt. "I wasn't moody." 

"Yes you were." He smiled at Luke. "At one point, I actually thought about moving out, it got so bad. Between Steph's nerves about her exam and Paul's grumpiness at being ill, it was a nightmare. I was lucky to survive the whole thing."

"Paul was way worse than I was. He hated being stuck in bed." 

Matt nodded his head. "Which is completely ironic when you think about it. In the mornings, you can't get him out the damn thing."

"Or at the weekends." smiled Stephanie. 

Matt looked across at Luke and explained. "Paul likes to stay in bed at the weekend and reminisce being a kid by watching all the old cartoons." 

"Hmmm, how stimulating." 

Stephanie glared at Luke for his condescending tone. She had noticed him trying to get digs in on Paul all night and she didn't like it one little bit. She was about to say something to him when she saw Paul return to the table. She decided to leave it for now and picked up her drink instead.

Naomi shook her head as Paul placed her drink in front of her. "I thought I told you no ice in my coke, Paul." 

"Did you? I'm sorry." 

Stephanie smiled from behind her glass knowing that despite his innocent tone, Paul had done it deliberately. He seemed to get a kick out of winding her up and Naomi made it so easy. She tended to get upset at the slightest of things.

"Here you go, my friends. Down one of these." 

Luke glared disapprovingly as Paul placed a shot glass in front of both Matt and Stephanie. "Do you think that's such a good idea? By the looks of things, the three of you have had enough already." 

Paul clenched his fist under the table as he forced a smile in Luke's direction. "I think I'm old enough to decide that for myself." He threw his head back and downed the drink in one go. The amber liquid burned his throat. 

Matt did the same and placed the empty glass on the table. "See Luke, this is par for the course when we celebrate a birthday. The aim is to get as drunk as we can and whoever's left standing pays the bill." 

Naomi smiled at her boyfriend. "I never understood that. Why isn't it the first one to keel over that forks out the cash?" 

Paul shook his head as he clicked his tongue in her direction. "Because that person can't stand up let alone put their hand in their pocket. Plus it's always Steph who passes out first and up until now, Miss McMahon has been a lowly student struggling away on her meagre income. She could never afford it so we had to change the rules." 

Matt grinned. "But she can now, can't you Doctor McMahon?" 

Stephanie bit down on her lip as she shook her head. "Nope. I've got at least another fifty thousand dollars of loans to pay back." 

"Not to mention the money she's borrowed from us over the years." Paul grinned at Matt who nodded in agreement. 

She smirked at Paul. "You can afford it. I've seen what you're worth. Doing your accounts certainly opened my eyes." 

Matt grinned at her curiously. "And how much is that exactly?" 

"Let's just say there are quite a few zeros on his bank balance. Paul isn't the pauper he's led us to believe." 

Just then Luke sat back and placed his arm around Stephanie. "Well the way I see it, you can have all the money in the world but it means nothing when you don't have that special person to share it with."

As he smiled at his girlfriend, Paul scowled and looked down at the table. His fingers played with the end of the cloth napkin well aware that the comment had been aimed directly at him. Well he could take his comment and shove it up his ass. He didn't need reminding that he had no one to share things with. And how could he when the woman he loved was in love with a total asshole like him.

As Paul sat in silence, Matt could see his friend was angry at Luke's comment and he didn't blame him. The guy had been bang out of order and it wasn't the first time tonight but he let things slide for Stephanie's sake. He didn't want to cause an argument. Not when they were out celebrating her birthday. As he looked across the table, he saw that Stephanie had removed herself from Luke's embrace and she looked extremely pissed off.

Suddenly Paul pushed back his chair and he stood up from the table. "I'm going to get another drink." 

As he left, Naomi could sense the unease at the table. She cleared her throat and forced a smile. "So Stephanie, when are you going to open your presents?" 

Stephanie seemed distracted as her eyes followed Paul to the bar. "Soon." She placed her napkin on the table and stood up. "Excuse me for a second." 

She didn't notice Luke who scowled as he watched her go after Paul.  
Stephanie made her way through the tables and towards Paul as he stood at the bar. She hesitated slightly before reaching out to tap him on the shoulder. "Can I help you get the drinks?" 

Paul managed a genuine smile as he turned to face her. "I don't know if that's such a good idea McMahon. You'll probably spill them on the way back to the table." 

"In that case, we'll just drink them here." 

Paul shook his head in confusion as she sat down on the stool. "Steph, what are you doing?" 

"Staying here. I don't like the company at the table." 

He sighed as he sat down beside her. "Matt won't like you talking about Naomi in that way."

"You know who I mean." She reached out and touched his arm. "I'm sorry, Paul. Luke had no right to say that." 

He sat down beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Her head rested against him. "You can't blame the guy for telling the truth, Steph." 

Stephanie looked up and shifted in her stool to face him. Her hand rested on his thigh. "You're a great guy, Paul. You'll find someone and when you do, she'll be the luckiest girl in the world."

He chuckled as he covered her hand with his. "You must be drunk McMahon. You just paid me a compliment." 

Stephanie looked annoyed as she stared straight into his deep brown eyes. "I'm being serious, Paul. I mean, look at you. You're sweet and kind and generous. Any woman would be mad not to snap you up."

"Now you're talking gibberish Steph. There's to be no more alcohol for you." 

"Why won't you listen to me? I'm telling you the truth." 

Paul squeezed her hand and tried to his hardest keep things light hearted. He had to. If he didn't, he'd be in danger of telling her exactly how he felt. "Why do you do this? Why do you feel the need to get all deep and meaningful when you've had too much to drink?"

"It's only because I care about you, Paul." She lifted up her hand and touched his face. "I worry about you, you know. I just want you to be happy." 

"I am happy, Steph." 

She looked at him disbelievingly. "Really?" 

"Really." He brought her hand down and took both her hands in his. "So can we drop the subject, please?" 

Stephanie sighed. "Okay." She reached across and pulled him into a hug. "You're my best friend, Paul." 

Paul closed his eyes as he rubbed her back. Somehow those words provided him with little comfort, not when holding her in his arms just felt so right. He didn't want to be just her best friend. He wanted to be her everything. They broke apart just as the bar tender arrived with their drinks.

Stephanie smiled at Paul mischievously as she set the shots in front of him. "Come on then Levesque. Let's see who'll be paying the bill tonight."

Paul smiled despite himself and raised his first glass in the air before swallowing it down in one go. He felt the liquid burn his throat but didn't stop him as he picked up the second one and did exactly the same. Getting drunk just might help him forget – if only for a little while. 

Matt smiled as he approached his friends. "You'd better have one there for me." 

"Of course. We just wondered what the hell was taking you so long." 

"Well, I didn't want to totally abandon Luke and Naomi." He swallowed his drink and winced as the flavour hit him. "What the fuck is that?" 

Paul shrugged. "I don't know. Whatever is in that blue bottle up on the shelf." 

"Well whatever it is, it's fucking awful." He shuddered as he placed the glass on the bar. "By the way, Luke's not entirely impressed at being left on his own. Are you guys coming back to the table?" 

Stephanie sighed as she stood up from the stool. "Only if he can manage not to be a total jerk to Paul." She smoothed down her dress and linked her arm through Paul's. 

"Did you hear that, Matthew? Miss McMahon is actually showing concern for me." 

Stephanie stuck her tongue out at him as she took Matt's arm as well. "Make the most of it, Levesque because in the morning, I'll have forgotten all about it." 

"Good. I get nervous when you're nice." 

"What do you mean? I'm nice to you all the time." 

Paul raised his eyebrows at her before looking at Matt. "Matthew, tell her." 

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "You can be pretty mean to us, Paul especially." 

"Yeah but he usually deserves it." 

"Hey! You're meant to be concerned for me, remember?" 

"I changed my mind. Come on guys, let's get back to the table so I can open some presents." 

"What makes you think you have any?" 

"Shut up Dolan." 

The three friends chuckled as they made their way back to the table. 

Naomi smiled as she watched them walk towards her arm in arm. "I see the three musketeers have returned then." 

Matt bent down to kiss his girlfriend. "Yep. Stephanie's under the impression that she has some presents to open." 

Luke smiled at Stephanie as she sat back down beside him. She returned the smile half-heartedly. She was still annoyed at how he had treated Paul but now wasn't the place to discuss it. She'd talk to him when they were alone. 

Naomi reached under the table and handed over the gift to Stephanie. "Here you go, Steph. You can start with this one." 

Stephanie grinned as she began to rip open the shiny paper. She let out a gasp of surprise as she saw the blouse she had had her eye on. "Thank you guys. This is great." She stood up and leant across to kiss his cheek. "How did you know I liked it?" 

"You told me when we went to pick up the dry cleaning a couple of weeks ago." Matt looked over at Paul. "Which you still owe me for by the way." 

Paul frowned. "Do I?" 

Naomi shook her head. "Never mind that. Paul, give Stephanie your present." 

"And what gives you the impression that I have one?" 

Stephanie clapped her hands together excitedly. "Come on, Paul. Hand it over."  
She grinned as she saw him reach into his jacket pocket. 

"You sure are excited about his gift." 

Stephanie turned and smiled at Luke. "Paul always buys me great presents. He's a lot more thoughtful than he looks." 

"I can always take this back where it came from." 

Stephanie turned to grin at Paul as she took the oblong box from his outstretched hand. "Don't you dare." 

She undid the bow and slowly opened the gift. She gasped when she saw what was inside. She felt the tears well in her eyes as she removed the locket from the velvet case. Her fingers grazed against the antique gold. "It's exactly the same." 

She stood up slowly still gazing at the locket and she blinked back the tears as she stood in front of Paul. "Thank you so much." 

She pulled him into her arms and hugged him tightly. 

Naomi turned to Matt. "Is there a meaning behind the gift? Steph looks pretty emotional about it." 

Matt nodded his head as he watched Paul place the necklace round Stephanie's neck. "Stephanie inherited her grandmother's locket years ago but a month or so ago, she lost it. She was pretty upset. She loved the necklace plus there was the fact it was a family heirloom." 

"And Paul's got her the same one?" 

Stephanie smiled at Naomi as she sat back down at the table. "It's exactly the same." She smiled at Paul. "How the hell did you manage it?" 

Paul grinned. "I can't take all the credit. Shane helped me out." 

"Sweetie, can I give you my gift?" interrupted Luke touching Stephanie's arm to get her attention. 

"Of course." 

He smiled as he reached into his pocket. Stephanie froze as she saw the small square box in his hand. Her heart pounded in her chest as she accepted the gift. Her finger lifted the gold clasp and as she opened the box, she froze. Her eyes widened in shock as she saw the sparkling sapphire surrounded by diamonds. Her mouth went dry as she realised what this meant. 

Stephanie was in shock and failed to notice that Luke had stood up from the table. He smiled as he looked at the faces around him. "I didn't plan to do this in public but what the hell." 

Paul looked away as Stephanie turned towards Luke. He didn't know why but he suddenly felt the urge to cry. He also felt sick to his stomach. He grabbed the glass of champagne that sat beside him and downed it in one go. As he placed it back on the table, he realised his hands were shaking. He let out a slow breath and tried to focus on something – anything – instead of what was happening right before his eyes. 

"Stephanie, I love you. Will you marry me?"

Stephanie stood there stunned, unsure what to say. Her head and her heart seemed to be torn in two. Her head was saying yes. She loved Luke and after all, wasn't this the commitment she had been looking for from him? They had been dating for a while now and this was the logical next step. But was it really a step she wanted to take. Her heart told her no. And the reason for that was sitting opposite her. Paul. She wanted him to shout out and tell her she was making a big mistake. She needed him to tell her that the feelings she had for him – the feelings that were growing each day – were the same ones he had for her. But of course he wouldn't. Paul only saw her as a friend. He had no reason to stop her. She wished she could turn round and look him in the eye. That way she would know. Paul's eyes told her everything. But she couldn't. Not when Luke was pleading with his blue ones to give him an answer.

"What do you say, Steph?" 

Her stomach churned as she realised this was it. A simple yes or no was about to change the course of her whole life. She let out a shaky breath as she looked him in the eye. "Yes. Yes I'll marry you." 

Luke beamed back at her and pulled her into his arms. As Stephanie hugged him back her eyes searched for Paul but they never found him. He wasn't at the table. Paul was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Naomi leant back against the seat in the cab and watched Matt as he chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his short, dark hair. She knew he was worried about Paul after he'd pulled his disappearing act tonight. He couldn't fathom why his friend would up and leave so suddenly. But she could. It looked like her intuition about Paul was right. He did have less than platonic feelings for Stephanie and his reaction tonight more than proved that. But she hadn't realised that his feelings ran so deep so much so it was obvious he was in love with her. She actually found herself feeling sorry for the guy despite her dislike for him at times. After all it must have been heart wrenching for him to have witnessed Luke's proposal but even more so when Stephanie accepted. It was little wonder that he hadn't stuck around to wish them well.

"I just don't know why he would do something like that. It was such an important moment in Stephanie's life. He should have been there congratulating her instead of disappearing and worrying her half to death." 

Naomi smiled at Matt and squeezed his knee. Of course, he was completely in the dark and being a man, probably couldn't even see what was right in front of his face. But then again, Paul had hidden it pretty well, or at least he had until tonight. But his secret was out and it was time to put Matt in the picture. Paul was going to need his best friend to talk to especially now.

"I can understand his reasons why."

Matt furrowed his brow in confusion as he saw the smile on her pretty face. "What do you mean? What reasons?"

Naomi shifted her body to face him. She took his hand in hers and absently played with his fingers. "Paul is in love with Stephanie, Matt." 

Her boyfriend shook his head and laughed. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you'd had a bit too much to drink because now you're being completely ridiculous." 

"Oh I'm not ridiculous."

Matt looked into her eyes for a second before slowly shaking his head. "What possible reason could you have for even thinking that? I mean you've seen them together, right? Half the time they're bickering and fighting with one another……" 

"Yeah and with enough sexual tension between them you could cut it with a knife."

"Naomi, I really think you're way off base here." 

Naomi shook her head and gave him a small smile. "I don't think so. After Paul's reaction tonight, it all makes perfect sense to me." She saw the puzzled look on her boyfriend's face and she reached up, cupping his face with her hand. "Just go home and talk to him, Matt. You'll soon see that I'm right." 

Matt said nothing as he sat back against the leather seat and took her hand in his. Despite her assurance, he couldn't help but feel that Naomi was wrong. He lived with Paul. He was his best friend for God sakes. Surely he would have noticed if he was in love with Stephanie. But then again it did go a long way to explaining why Paul high-tailed it out of the restaurant tonight. Matt sighed as he looked out of the passenger window and absently stared at the city lights. It looked like he and Paul needed to have a little talk after all…….

Across town Paul was leaning against the railing as he looked out onto the water. Everything was silent apart from the sound of the waves lapping against the boats in the harbour. He pulled his coat tighter as he felt the chill in the air. A light breeze blew behind him blowing his blonde hair in his face and he reached up to push the wayward strands behind his ears. He sighed softly as a small melancholy smile traced his lips. He loved coming down here. It was always so calm and peaceful and reminded him of being back home. He grew up in a small town and wasn't accustomed to the hustle and bustle of city life so this was his place to escape when things got on top of him or he had something on his mind and he just needed space; or he just wanted to think about someone.

Paul sighed once more as he rested his thick forearms across the metal railing. His brown eyes softened as he thought once more about Stephanie. She was the reason he had been coming down here more often the past couple of months. In fact he was actually standing in this very spot the day he admitted to himself how he felt about her. And if he was being honest, it really hadn't come as any big surprise to him. He knew he had been falling for Stephanie for a long, long time. He just hadn't expected it to hit him so hard or so deep. And now… well now his love for her was so strong it was affecting his ability to think straight. All he could think about lately was Stephanie but he'd just have to find a way to get over her. He had to. He had no other choice especially after tonight.

"I thought I'd find you here." 

Paul jumped, startled, as he heard the voice behind him. His heart pounded in his chest as he turned round to see Matt smiling at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Matt walked across and stood next to Paul at the railing. He placed his hands in his pockets as he rested his back against the metal bars. "I heard there was some weirdo staking out the harbour. I thought I'd do my bit for the community and scare him off." He shrugged his shoulders casually. "Besides, I know you too well, Levesque. When I saw you weren't home, I kinda figured this is where you would be." 

Paul sighed as he leant forward, his arms resting against the railing once more. "I'm that predictable, huh?"

"Normally I would say yes but after tonight, I'm not so sure." He paused for a second as he watched Paul fidget with his hands, obviously feeling more than a little awkward with the topic of conversation. Well things were about to get even more awkward. "Why did you leave like that, Paul?" he asked him. 

His response was to lift his shoulder in a shrug. "I wasn't feeling too great. I needed some fresh air."

"And you didn't think to come back in afterwards?" 

"I figured you guys would be that busy celebrating, you wouldn't miss me." 

"Bullshit, Paul!"

As Paul turned round, Matt could see his surprise at his harsh tone. But what did he expect? His excuse was lame at best and he knew it. All it did was help reinforce his belief that maybe Naomi was speaking the truth after all.

"Stephanie was really upset when she realised you were gone, you know." 

Paul's eyes shifted to the ground as he felt a pang in his chest. He hated knowing he had hurt her but it hadn't been intentional. His departure had simply been self preservation. There was no way he could have stayed there and congratulated her. Not when inside, his heart was breaking in two. God, the thought of her being with someone else killed him inside never mind knowing she loved Luke so much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Stephanie could never be his and acknowledging that was like sticking a dagger through his heart.

"I'm sure Luke managed to console her." he eventually replied.

"That's not the point." 

Paul sighed as he pushed himself back off the railings. He placed his hands in his coat pockets as he turned round, a scowl crossing his face. "Then what is the point, Matthew?"

"The point is, Paul, one of your best friends just got engaged and instead of congratulating her, you decided to bail out on her instead. Do you care to explain to me why that is?"

Paul lifted his left shoulder in a shrug. "I told you. I wasn't feeling well. I needed some air."

Matt shook his head in total disbelief. His friend really was a stubborn bastard and at times, he forgot just how stubborn he could be. But unfortunately for Paul, he wasn't about to be fobbed off with his flimsy excuses. "I don't believe you. Why don't you stop with the crap and just tell me the truth?"

"What truth?" cried Paul, throwing his hands up in frustration. "Man! If you're so intent on not believing me, why don't you tell me exactly what you think the truth is because God only knows where you're going with this one!"

"Okay then." Matt paused pressing his lips together in determination. "You want the truth I'll give you the truth. I think you left tonight because you're in love with Stephanie."

"What?" Paul stammered as his breath hitched in his throat. The blood beat heavily in his ears as he stared at his friend, stunned. Of all the explanations he had expected Matt to come away with, the truth wasn't one of them. He shuffled his feet nervously as he immediately went on the defensive. He plastered an almost arrogant smirk on his face as he shook his head in disbelief. "The alcohol has clearly affected your brain, Dolan. That's crazy talk."

Matt was contemplative as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "I don't think so. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, the more I realise Naomi was right." 

Paul snorted at the mention of the girl's name. "I might have known she'd be behind this ridiculous notion of yours."

"Oh it's not ridiculous."

Matt walked across and stood in front of Paul. His grey eyes focused on him intently and determinedly.

"Look me in the eye, Paul. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not in love with Stephanie."

He watched with a smug satisfaction as Paul immediately diverted his eyes to the ground.

"You can't do it, can you?"

His friend shook his head as he slowly backed off. "You don't know what you're talking about, man."

Paul turned round to walk away but was stopped in his tracks as Matt grabbed his arm and yanked him back round to face him. As he was forced to meet his stare, he saw his friend's genuine concern. 

"Paul, you can talk to me. You know that, don't you?" 

Paul let out a slow breath as he slowly nodded his head. He pushed back his hair as it blew in the wind. 

"Then tell me the truth. You're in love with her, aren't you?" 

He sighed in resignation as he dropped his head and gazed towards the ground. Inside Paul silently acknowledged defeat knowing he couldn't hide the truth from Matt any longer. Denying it would be futile especially when his best friend knew him so well so that left him with his only choice. He had to admit how he felt about Stephanie but that was easier said than done. It meant saying those words out loud and that scared him to death because saying them also made them real. It meant it wasn't his secret any longer and he didn't like the thought of being so vulnerable. Raking his fingers through his hair in frustration, Paul lifted his head and his simple answer was barely audible as the sound of police sirens echoed across the water.

"Yeah." 

He walked over and sat down on the wooden bench across from them. His arms rested on his legs as he placed his head in his hands. His blonde hair spilled over his face hiding it from view.

Matt sighed heavily as he walked slowly across to sit down next to him. Although he had found himself believing Naomi, he still felt shocked by Paul's own admission. He guessed, deep down, there was a part of him that still didn't trust it was the truth, not until he had heard it from Paul. After all, it was hard to believe that one of his best friends felt that way about the other and yet he didn't have a clue. Surely he would have noticed something, some sign that would have told him what had obviously been staring him in the face. But then again, Paul was a very private person and seldom discussed his feelings. If he hadn't forced the issue with him tonight, Matt knew he would never have gotten the truth. But now that he had it, he was at a loss at what to say. Instead he asked the question that had been niggling away at the back of his mind. "How long have you known?" 

"What? That I loved her?"

"Yeah."

Paul's face was sad when he lifted his head and brushed back his hair from his face. He said nothing for a moment as he sat back and placed his hands in his pockets. His shoulders lifted with his heavy sigh as he stretched his long legs out in front of him. "I don't know. A few months. Maybe even more than that. It's just kind of crept up on me, I guess."

"And Stephanie has no idea how you feel?"

Matt winced as Paul turned round to glare at him. If looks could kill, he would be six feet under the ground. 

"No and she's not going to either." 

"But surely she deserves to know?" 

Paul shook his head vehemently as he stood up abruptly from the bench. "That's where you're wrong, Matt. Stephanie will never know. She can't especially not after tonight." 

"But Paul……………" 

Matt was cut off mid-sentence as Paul pointed his finger in his direction. "It's not up for discussion, Matt."

There was a moment's silence as Paul's feet shuffled against the concrete before he sat back down on the bench he had vacated. The sound of the church bells ringing in the distance echoed in the night.

"Do you know I've spent the last three hours walking around going over and over it in my head."

He turned to look at Matt. His face wore a sombre yet determined expression.

"I know I have to let go of these feelings I have for Steph. I mean, she loves Luke and he's the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I can't compete with that so I won't even try."

"Well I'm not so sure."

"Well I am."

Paul turned away briefly as his hand brushed a lock of hair behind his ear. When he looked back round to face Matt, his brown eyes were desperate, pleading with his friend to try and understand.

"I need you to promise me you'll keep this to yourself. Please. Stephanie has no idea how I feel and that's the way it's going to stay. She's happy, Matt. I'm not going to spoil that for her."

Matt licked his lips thoughtfully before reluctantly nodding his head. In his opinion, Paul was making a mistake but at the same time, he understood his reasoning behind it. He loved Stephanie and only wanted what was best for her. Or what he thought was best for her. "I just want you to be sure you're doing the right thing."

"I am."

Stuffing his hands in his coat pocket, Paul stood up from the bench and as he offered him a small smile, he effectively ended their conversation. "Come on. Let's get home before we both freeze to death out here."

Matt stood up and reluctantly followed his friend along the sidewalk keeping his thoughts to himself, knowing that sharing them with Paul would be completely futile right now especially when his friend was so adamant telling Stephanie would be a mistake. Right now he wasn't so sure that was true.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Stephanie absently toyed with the delicate gold chain around her neck. Luke felt a surge of annoyance as he watched her from across the table. She'd been playing with that damn thing ever since she'd gotten up this morning. She had hardly looked twice at the sparkling jewel currently adorning the finger on her left hand. It was almost as if it had paled into insignificance despite the fact that it was a reminder that they had promised to spend their lives together. Sighing in frustration, Luke pushed aside his plate and cleared his throat to get Stephanie's attention. She'd been off in her own little world for the past ten minutes and had hardly said a word to him all through breakfast.

"Aren't you hungry?" Stephanie asked, smiling distractedly at him.

"I seem to have lost my appetite." Luke replied sighing once more as he sat back in his chair. His big hand raked through his hair. "Fancy telling me what is on your mind." He paused for a second pressing his lips together. "Or should I say who?"

Stephanie frowned slightly as she looked at him over the table. She could hear the pissed off tone in his voice and it immediately put her on the defensive. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Nothing." he sighed.

"Yeah? Well I don't believe you. Something is bugging you."

"Well maybe something is bugging me. Maybe I'd prefer it if the woman I loved was talking to me and spending time with me instead of sitting there obviously thinking about someone else."

Luke sounded like a petulant child. Stephanie shook her head in disbelief. "So I'm worried about my best friend. Sue me." 

He bristled with anger as he heard the defiant tone in her voice. His blue eyes glared across at her. "Yeah well there's no need to take it out on me. I'm not the one who disappeared without a word last night."

"I'm sure Paul had a perfectly good reason for leaving the way he did."

Stephanie sniffed as she stood up from the table and lifting the plates, she walked over to the sink. As she turned on the hot water faucet, she wondered if she sounded convincing because the truth was she had no idea why Paul would up and leave like that. It had completely baffled her and God knows she had been racking her brains all morning trying to think of a possible explanation but so far she had come up blank. It just wasn't like him to disappear without even saying goodbye. Maybe he'd gotten a message on his cell phone or something. Maybe something had happened with his family. Maybe even one of his stupid dates had invited him over for a night in the sack or something. Knowing Paul it was probably the latter. After all he definitely wouldn't have left because maybe he actually felt the way she was beginning to feel about him. That would obviously be too much to hope for on her part.

"Personally, I think it was damn selfish of him. The least he could have done was offer us his congratulations first."

Stephanie snorted sarcastically. Like Luke really wanted Paul to congratulate him. It was more like he wanted to rub the engagement in his face. She whirled round and glared at her new fiance. "Well perhaps if you hadn't been so quick to get your digs in on Paul last night, he might have hung around!" 

Luke shook his head as he pushed back the chair and stood up. "I don't believe this. Your so called friend does a disappearing act and yet I'm the one getting it in the neck!"

"Well, what do you expect? You were bang out order last night. Some of the things you said to him were horrible." 

He lifted his shoulder in a casual shrug. "Why? I didn't say anything that wasn't the truth. The guy is thirty one years old going on sixteen. All he seems to want out of life is meaningless sex and spending the weekend getting drunk with his friends." 

Stephanie glared back at him defiantly immediately going on the defensive as she usually did when someone had a pop at someone she cared for. "Well at least he's always there for me which is a damn sight more than I can say for you sometimes." 

Luke snorted, throwing his hands in the air. "Oh here we go. Poor Stephanie is feeling neglected. Well get used to it, honey. I'm a doctor and you know fine well the hours I have to work. It's not a 9-5 job in a cushy little health club!"

"Then just maybe I don't want to get used to it." she replied folding her arms across her chest indignantly. "Maybe I want someone who'll put me first once in a while instead of constantly being treated as an after thought."

"Yeah? Well you should have thought of that before accepting my proposal last night!" 

Luke's words stunned Stephanie into a contemplative silence. He was right. She should have thought of that. She should have thought of a lot of things before agreeing to marry him but the truth was he hadn't given her time to think about anything at all. He had popped the question right out of the blue and feeling under pressure she had said yes. And if she was honest with herself, part of her had felt obliged to.

Luke walked across to stand in front of her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I love you Stephanie. I want to marry you but I need to know you want the same thing." 

Stephanie shifted her gaze to the floor pushing back the lump that had developed in her throat. The truth was that right now, she didn't know what she wanted. She knew she loved Luke but marrying him would mean coming second to his career and was she honestly prepared to settle for that?

"Stephanie, look at me." 

She slowly looked up to meet his grey eyes. They were unfathomable to her. She couldn't tell what was going on in his head. She never could.

"I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me if this is what you really want." 

Luke was right. The least he deserved was some honesty from her. Stephanie shook her head as she blinked back the confused, hot tears that now burned in her eyes.

"I don't know Luke. I really don't." 

He sighed as he slowly stepped away from her. "Then I think you should go and think about what it is you actually want." 

As his arm fell to his side, Stephanie felt herself start to panic and she wiped at a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek. Her big blue eyes stared back at him. Although she wasn't sure what she wanted, she knew she couldn't face losing Luke. She cared for him far too much. As if he could sense her panic, Luke's expression softened as he reached across to wipe away her tears.

"Just remember I'll be here waiting for you."

He bent down and kissed her forehead softly. Stephanie managed to smile at him through her tears before grabbing her bag and leaving the house. She didn't turn back round to say goodbye. If she did, she just might lose her courage and stay. Instead she closed the door softly behind her and walking determinedly, she made her way home knowing exactly what she needed to do before she could even figure out what it was her heart wanted. 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

He tried to pretend his heart didn't jump the second he heard her loud knock. Because he knew it was her. He knew it was Stephanie.

Paul's eyes drifted tentatively towards the white painted door. She'd arrived home half an hour ago. He'd heard her walk into the apartment and he had been on tender hooks ever since. In fact his stomach was doing somersaults just thinking about facing her. And he would have no choice about seeing her. It was inevitable that Stephanie would want to rip him a new one and he had been expecting it. After all he was the one that had bailed on her last night with no rational explanation as to why. Still, that didn't necessarily mean he was ready for this. His heart ached enough at the thought of losing her. The ache would only get worse witnessing her delight at her engagement.

"Paul, can I come in?" 

He let out a slow, calming breath as he tried to control the pounding in his chest and at the same time find the courage to face her. But it shouldn't be hard. After all he used to putting on a front around her lately. In fact he was becoming quite the expert. Raking his hands through his messy strands, Paul sat up in bed letting the covers pool around his waist.

"You'd better have some coffee with you." he called out. 

Stephanie's amused chuckle followed her into the room. The intoxicating scent of her perfume filled the air around him causing his breath to catch in his throat. She looked so beautiful with her hair falling in soft curls around her shoulders and when she threw that brilliant smile his way, he swore she was trying to kill him.

"It's strong and black just how you like it." 

Paul smiled back accepting the mug gratefully. As he took a grateful sip, he could see Stephanie out of the corner of his eye hovering beside the bed and before he knew what he was doing, he had shifted across to make room for her. She grinned at him as she placed her mug on the night stand and hopped up beside him.

"So what's on the agenda for today? The Cartoon Network? Nickelodeon?" 

"Ha ha McMahon!" he playfully scowled as he placed the cup on the nightstand. As Stephanie nudged him in the ribs laughing and he felt a pang of guilt in his chest. Here she was laughing and joking with him despite him bailing on her last night. And for that he knew he owed her an apology. In fact he was due her a huge one but honestly, he was reluctant to bring the subject up. Because mentioning last night meant Stephanie would ask him why he had left and he wasn't sure he wanted to go down that particular road. After all it could only land him in trouble because if Matt hadn't believed him, then he had no chance in hell of convincing Stephanie. She always had the uncanny knack of knowing when he was lying. But God knows he had to try. He owed her that much at least.

Picked up the remote control that lay on the covers, Paul switched off the television. The silence felt stifling as he turned his head towards her. Stephanie's inquisitive blue eyes were watching him. His heart skipped a beat as she reached out to touch his hand, covering it with hers.

"Paul, is everything okay?" 

He slowly nodded his head. He could hear the concern in her voice and it unnerved him. He didn't deserve it. He really didn't.

"I've been worried about you you know especially when you just left like that."

Her gentle tone got to him and Paul felt his chest tighten as he glanced down at their joined hands and sighed.

"Yeah well about last night."

He paused needing a second before his brown eyes slowly lifted to face her.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't stick around. I didn't mean to split on you. I just needed to get out of there. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was those shooters or something. I just knew if I didn't leave I was going to spoil your moment by throwing up all over the table or something and wouldn't you have just loved me for that one." 

As Paul chuckled and silently congratulated himself for lying through his teeth, Stephanie smiled back and tried not to feel disappointed at his reason for leaving. Deep down, she had hoped for so much more. Although what she had expected, she wasn't quite sure. And maybe she was even stupid for thinking that way. After all she knew a declaration of love was out of the question but that didn't mean she didn't want to hear it. Despite her confusion over Luke, she knew that Paul had a place in her heart. She just wished she had a place in his but it looked like it just wasn't meant to be. She squeezed his hand affectionately satisfied that she at least had his friendship. She could settle for that even though her heart yearned for so much more.

"I wouldn't have minded if you did. I mean it's not like I haven't seen you in a mess like that before. Besides it just wasn't the same without you there." 

Her words lingered in the air, haunting him. He could feel his stomach twist with guilt. Paul shifted in the bed, feeling like the biggest bastard in the world right now. He had let his feelings for Stephanie get in the way of their friendship and he had promised himself he wouldn't do that to her. And he wouldn't. Not again. From now on, he refused to listen to his heart.

"I really am sorry, Steph." 

"It's okay but do me one favour okay?" She cocked her head and pointed at him playfully. "Just don't let it happen again."

As her finger prodded his chest, the sparkle of the diamonds caught Paul's attention. He slowly reached across and took Stephanie's hand in his. He smiled sadly as he admired it.

"It's a pretty ring." 

Stephanie nodded her head and the words were out of her mouth before she realised.

"Though I'm not entirely sure I should be wearing it." 

Paul's brown instantly furrowed in confusion. "Why not? You're engaged, aren't you?"

That was a loaded question. Stephanie withdrew her hand as her shoulder lifted in a shrug.

"Actually, I don't know." she sighed. "I told Luke this morning that I wasn't sure it was what I really wanted."

Paul ignored the way his heart skipped a beat as he took in what Stephanie was telling him. Still, he couldn't help but feel a sense of elation at the news because this meant he hadn't really lost her. At least not now and not to Luke. But those feelings of relief were quickly replaced with guilt. Stephanie was obviously upset about it. He could see the sadness that lingered her ocean blue orbs and while he wanted to take her into his arms and never let go, part of him knew he had to get her to talk about it. He needed to make sure she was okay. After all, that's what friends did for one another and that's all he was to Stephanie. A friend. He had to remember that and not let his love for her obscure his judgement. The last thing he wanted was her feeling upset and thinking she had no one to turn to even if it did kill him to talk about her love for someone else.

Pushing his own feelings to one side, Paul squeezed her hand again offering her some reassurance he was there for her.

"So what's making you have doubts?" he asked. 

Stephanie shrugged her shoulders not entirely sure what to say. It's not like she could tell Paul the truth. She couldn't admit that he was the reason she couldn't commit to Luke and that if there was the tiniest chance he felt something for her, she would walk away from her relationship. Instead she went for the safe option; safe for her pride and safe for her heart.

"I just don't know if I want to be second best to his career." 

"And nor should you be. You should be the most important thing in his world." 

Stephanie felt her heart lift in hope but why she should hope anything she didn't know. After all Paul hadn't given her any signals. There was no clue that he wanted her like she wanted him. There was only that one kiss they had shared and even then he'd agreed it was a mistake. But was it a mistake? Stephanie watched Paul tentatively. "So you would put me first?" she asked curiously. 

Paul nodded without hesitation. "Of course I would because when you love someone, you put that person first regardless of how important your career may be."

She swallowed thickly as she stared into his eyes, mesmerised by them. They were so beautiful and at times she swore they were the windows to his soul. She could tell what he was feeling just by looking into his eyes. They were always a myriad of emotions and right now looking at him, she swore could see something there that she had seen once before. Like the moment just before they kissed. Her heart raced and the words raced desperately from her mouth before she even knew what she was saying.

"And do you love me?" 

Stephanie's question blindsided him. Paul awkwardly cleared his throat and tried to keep his composure. He couldn't let Stephanie see how badly her words had affected him. And then there was the way she was looking at him. One second longer and he was in real danger of getting lost in those eyes, eyes that were pulling him in and making him lose his resolve. Paul quickly looked away, diverting his eyes. Instead he focused his attention on their hands refusing to meet her gaze. Not looking at her meant he could keep his secret.

"Of course I do. You're my best friend, Steph." 

Stephanie shook her head in disbelief at his reply. Either he misunderstood her question or he was trying to fob her off. And judging by his reaction and the look she had seen in his eyes, it was the latter. Not to mention the fact she had made him nervous. Paul was fidgeting with his hands, a sure fire sign that she had unnerved him. Stephanie somehow felt encouraged by this and it gave her the strength she needed to take his face in her hand and bring it up towards her. Her fingers tucked underneath his stubbled chin. She could hear his breathing quicken as their eyes connected and her own chest fluttered strangely. She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly feeling terribly dry.

"That's not what I meant." she told him softly. 

Stephanie instinctively leaned towards Paul and breathed him in. He was so familiar to her yet it was like she was really seeing him for the first time. And before she had time to think about what she was doing, her mouth moved towards his. Her lips brushed over his and she hardly dared to breathe. Because this is what she wanted. There was no doubt in her mind and that want was further cemented when Paul began to kiss her back. She moaned softly into his mouth and her arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Her slender fingers tangled in his soft hair. His lips felt so soft and warm as they moved against hers. Stephanie began kissing him more insistently tilting her head to deepen the kiss. She could feel her heart as it thumped wildly in her chest and the blood beat in her ears. She didn't want this to end but unfortunately it did all too soon and she whimpered slightly as Paul broke away. His lips grazed her cheek gently before he pulled back to look at her. It took all he had to lift his hands up and gently remove her arms from around his neck.

"This isn't a good idea, Steph. You should probably go before we both do something we'll regret." 

He could feel his heart break in two as he saw the pain that flashed in her eyes but he knew he was doing the right thing. Stephanie was confused enough as it was about Luke. The last thing he needed was to confuse her even further. She needed to figure out what she wanted alone. Paul's eyes deliberately avoided her gaze as she frantically searched his face for an answer.

"But I don't want to leave." 

He closed his eyes knowing how easy it would be to let her stay. God knows he wanted her to. He wanted to take Stephanie in his arms and show her how much he loved her; how much every part of him loved her. But instead he tried to find the strength to do what he needed to do. Despite his fucked up logic, he knew it was for the best. If Stephanie ended her relationship with Luke, it had to be for all the right reasons. And by taking himself out of the equation, he knew he was making the truth easier for her. If she really felt something for him, she would be back and he would know for sure that he was the one she really wanted. And if she loved Luke, then she would stay with him. It was as simple as that. Although right now, it felt anything but simple and how could it be when he could still feel her and taste her on his lips.

When Paul eventually opened his eyes, he saw Stephanie watching him intently. With a heavy heart, it pained him to repeat his words. "Steph, I really think you should go." 

He tried to ignore the solitary tear that slipped from her lashes and the hurt expression on her beautiful face. Instead he could only watch as she pushed herself from the bed and practically ran out of his room slamming the door behind her. And within a few seconds there was another slam. This time it was the coffee cup as Paul launched it against the wall. He watched the dark brown liquid as it ran down the wall and ignored the voices in his head that screamed at him, telling him he had made a huge mistake.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Stephanie kicked the door shut behind her and she closed her eyes as she breathed in the delicious aroma that drifted through the apartment. Her stomach rumbled in appreciation and it was little wonder. Her shift had been chaotic and she'd hardly had time to grab a coffee never mind anything else. The thought of dinner made her mouth water but it also filled her with a sense of dread. Because it would mean having to face Paul and she wasn't sure if she was quite ready for that yet. She was still smarting after his rejection and had successfully managed to avoid him for the past week or so. But she knew she'd have to face him sooner or later. She couldn't hide from him forever and nor did she want to because despite her hurt and her embarrassment, she realised that she missed him really badly. He was her best friend and she didn't want to lose him. Not when he was such a huge part of her life.

Stephanie sighed as she brushed her hair behind her ears and made her way to her bedroom to change for dinner. She threw her coat down on the bed but looked up as she heard the knock on her door. Matt was leaning against the wooden frame smiling at her.

"Hey, do I know you? Your face looks familiar to me."

Stephanie smiled. "You're very funny, Matthew." She walked across and pulled him into a hug. "But it's good to see you."

"Likewise." He grinned as he stepped back. "So, are you gracing us with your presence at dinner tonight?"

Stephanie playfully shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It depends how burnt your offerings are."

"Oh you don't have to worry on that score. I didn't cook. Paul did." He pretended not to notice the blush across her cheeks as she diverted her gaze to the floor.

"I didn't realise he was home." she said as she picked up her coat from the bed and hung it up in her closet.

"I don't think he had a choice in the matter. I think Tim threw him out of his office."

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he's sick of the sight of him, I guess. Paul's been practically living at that place all week."

Stephanie tried to feign indifference as she pulled her t-shirt out of the drawer. "I can't say I noticed."

"You wouldn't have. You've hardly been home this week either." Matt closed the door behind him and sat down on her bed. "So, what's your excuse?"

"I don't have an excuse. I've just been busy at work, that's all." she said gathering her hair into a loose ponytail.

"And funnily enough Paul tried to fob me off with the same line earlier."

Stephanie's fingers lingered on the elastic for a second before she found her composure once more and tugging her hair tight, she scowled at him. "It's not a line Matthew. It's the truth."

Matt watched as she sat down on the stool beside her dresser and absently touched with the gold locket around her neck. He decided to bite the bullet. "So, when's the last time you talked to Paul?"

Stephanie threw her hands into the air as she abruptly stood up again. "I don't know. What's with the twenty questions anyway?"

"I guess I thought something might have happened between the two of you, that's all."

She quickly shook her head as she wrapped her arms around herself. "No. Why would you think that?"

Matt stood up, sighing heavily. "I don't know. I thought you might have been mad at him for running out on you last week."

Stephanie swallowed hard as she slowly shook her head. And she wasn't lying. She wasn't mad at Paul for leaving her birthday party. But she couldn't tell Matt the real reason she was avoiding him. The sooner she could forget about that rejection, the better for her pride. She couldn't believe she had gotten it so wrong. She could have sworn that Paul felt something for her too but apparently she was mistaken. She had been horribly mistaken.

"Matt, where the hell are you? Dinner's ready!"

Stephanie jumped slightly at the sound of Paul's voice. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she inwardly cringed at the thought of facing him. Her earlier bravado was starting to slip away.

Matt smiled at her. "Are you coming, Steph?"

She quickly shook her head. "No. Actually I'm not hungry."

Matt watched her for a moment witnessing the slightly panicked expression on her face. It was pretty obvious something was up but he would leave it for now. He would talk to Paul first. He walked over and rubbed her arm affectionately. "I'll save a plate for you."

Stephanie smiled at him gratefully and watched as he left the room, closing the door behind her. She let out a shaky breath as she lay down on her bed, hugging a pillow to her chest. Despite her hunger, she knew she couldn't go out there and walk into that kitchen like nothing had ever happened. Not to mention the fact that she didn't have a clue what she would say to Paul when she saw him. She'd avoided him for so long now that the thought of facing him left her with knots in her stomach. She just wished she hadn't kissed him and that she'd kept her feelings for him firmly locked away. It was obvious by his rejection that those feelings were one-sided. She just needed to forget that look in his eye that had betrayed him and perhaps told her otherwise….

Paul placed the plates on the counter and looked up as Matt walked through the door. He felt a surge of disappointment when he realised he was alone. He could have sworn he had heard Stephanie come home and he had been glad. Although he had been guilty of trying to avoid her, he had realised today that it couldn't go on. He was in danger of losing her and their friendship and that scared him. He wanted Stephanie in his life. In fact, scratch that. He needed her in his life period.

Matt gave him a small smile as he walked across and grabbed the cutlery from the drawer. "It's just the two of us. Steph's not hungry."

Paul said nothing as he dished up the lasagne on the plates. If he was honest, he wasn't surprised. They hadn't spoken in over a week. The last time they had talked, he had told her to leave. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to see him. He let out a heavy sigh as he placed the plates on the table and sat down.

Matt chewed thoughtfully as he watched Paul play with the food on his plate. Despite their chat at the harbour last week, they had never brought up the subject of his feelings for Stephanie again. He and Paul weren't in the habit of discussing things like that. That was usually where Stephanie stepped in. She was the one they turned to when they needed to get things off their chest. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd chewed her ear off about Naomi. But Matt knew that if he ever needed him, Paul would be there listening and likewise with him. And that was why he was going to try and force Paul to tell him what had happened between him and Stephanie. He wasn't stupid. It was apparent that something had gone down and it was serious enough for the pair of them to avoid one another for days. And with both of them being as stubborn as each other, it was time for him to step in and try and sort it out. He needed to something if he wanted some peace and harmony about this place. Some company would be nice too on occasion. He swallowed his food and placed down his fork. "Can we talk?"

Paul lifted his head and saw the serious expression on Matt's face. He sighed and sat back, leaning against the chair. "Uh oh. You know, if I was Naomi, I'd be worried that you were about to dump my ass. Although, you know, that could be considered cause for a celebration." He grinned at Matt who just slowly shook his head.

"I'm being serious, Paul. I want you to tell me why you and Stephanie have been avoiding one another all week."

"I haven't been avoiding her. I've just been busy."

Matt shook his head. "Don't lie to me. Something has happened. I mean, is she pissed off that you left the restaurant that night?"

"She said she wasn't."

"Then what is it? And don't say nothing happened because I don't believe you."

Paul pushed back his hair with his hand and sighed. He knew Matt would have noticed something was up – it was pretty hard not to especially when he'd been practically living on his own for the past week or so. And he knew his friend would be concerned as well as curious so he decided honesty was the best policy. Besides, he needed someone to talk to. He was going crazy keeping everything inside. He pushed his plate aside as he rested his thick arms on the table.

"If you must know Stephanie kissed me and I told her to leave."

Matt's eyes widened in surprise. He didn't know what he had expected to hear but it certainly wasn't that. "She kissed you?"

Paul slowly nodded his head as he absently picked at his fingernail.

"And you rejected her?"

His eyes narrowed in defence. "I didn't reject her. I just told her it wasn't a good idea and asked her to go."

"Wow. Well, now I can see why things are pretty strained between the two of you." Matt pushed his chair back as he stretched his legs out under the table. "Can I ask why you did it?"

Paul frowned in confusion. "Did what?"

"Asked her to leave. You love her Paul. I thought you'd be happy something happened between you."

Paul sighed heavily as he leant back against the chair again. He bit down on his bottom lip as he picked up his water glass from the table. "You'd think so, wouldn't you?" He took a drink before placing the glass down next to him. He saw Matt watching him, patiently waiting for him to continue. He let out a slow breath as he brushed his hair behind his ear. "Do you know how hard it was for me to watch her leave when I was so desperate for her to stay? It took everything I had to tell her to go but I had to do it, Matt. For her sake."

"But she kissed you, Paul. She must have wanted it to happen."

He slowly shook his head once more. "She kissed me because she was confused about Luke. She'd just told him she wasn't sure if she wanted to marry him and she was obviously upset. I was probably a distraction from it all."

"You don't honestly think that's true do you?"

Paul shrugged. "I don't know. But I do know I did the right thing. If Steph is confused about her feelings for Luke, the last thing she needs is me making things even harder for her. She has to figure out how she feels about him before she makes any decisions."

"I guess I can understand that." He gave Paul a smile. "Maybe you should try explaining it to Stephanie."

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Because she probably thinks you rejected her, Paul. Maybe if she knew your reasons behind it, she might not feel that way. It would sure go a long way towards fixing things between the pair of you. Because regardless of how hard you try to pretend otherwise, you need each other."

Paul said nothing as he watched Matt pick up his fork and begin to eat. He knew his friend was right. He should try explaining things to Stephanie. The problem was he was too scared. He didn't trust himself not to blurt out how deeply he felt about her. God knows he was constantly in danger of falling apart around her. So he needed to protect himself. He couldn't face putting his heart on the line only for her to stomp on it and throw it back in his face by telling him it was Luke she wanted. Their friendship was on shaky ground as it was. It could never survive something like that. Not when his stupid male pride would probably stand in the way. No, he'd have to find some other way of fixing this rift between them. He'd just need to figure out what that was….

Hours later Stephanie was tiptoeing quietly towards the kitchen trying her hardest not to make a sound. Although she guessed she was pretty safe. Matt was staying over at Naomi's and she'd heard Paul go to bed at least an hour ago. He would be fast asleep by now which meant she was free to finally grab some dinner. She was absolutely famished and that was the reason why she was currently wide awake at one o'clock in the morning. Her stomach hadn't let her sleep although she guessed she must have dozed off at some point during the evening. She was about to open the kitchen door when his voice echoed out in the darkness startling her.

"I wondered how long it would take."

Her heart thumped wildly against her chest as Paul flicked on the lamp and stood up. His hazel eyes watched her intently while hers darted around looking everywhere but at him. She protectively wrapped her arms around herself. "I thought you were in bed."

"Good. You were meant to."

Stephanie shook her head as she forced herself to look at him. She tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach as he stared at her. "Isn't it a bit late to be playing these little games?"

"No. Not when I can't get you to speak to me otherwise."

She lifted her left shoulder in a shrug. "I've been busy."

Paul snorted at her. "Yeah, busy avoiding me."

Stephanie immediately went on the defensive and she glared at him as she placed her hands on her hips. "I thought that's what you wanted Paul. I mean you did ask me to leave you alone, remember?"

She watched as Paul's face fell at her comment. She hadn't meant to cast it up like that but standing there in front of him brought all her pain and anger to the surface. She couldn't help it. It was still so fresh in her mind. She tried to ignore the pang she felt in her heart as she saw the hurt expression in his eyes.

"You know I never meant it like that."

"It doesn't matter what you meant. The outcome was still the same. I kissed you and you rejected me. It's as simple as that."

Paul sighed heavily as he pushed back his hair with his hand. Stephanie tried to ignore the way his t-shirt rode up his stomach as he did so exposing the thin strip of smooth skin above his waistband.

"But it's not simple and you know that." he told her.

She stood frozen to the spot as he walked towards her. She tried not to think about how soft and warm his fingers felt on her skin as Paul touched her arm and lifted it up. He held up her left hand in front of her face. The sapphire glinted in the light demanding her attention.

"See this ring, Steph? Well, this ring makes it anything but simple. In fact it makes it extremely complicated, don't you think?"

Stephanie struggled to find an answer as she stood in front of him, feeling the heat of his stare working its way into her. God, his eyes were so beautiful. She deliberately diverted her gaze as she inhaled the gentle scent of his cologne. It was so hard to be close to him right now. She needed to get out of there before she did something else she'd live to regret especially with him looking at her like that. She was in serious danger of drowning in those eyes. Stephanie began to walk away shrugging his hand off in the process. She focused on the floor as she slowly backed towards the hallway.

"I'm not discussing this."

"But Stephanie…."

She held up her hand to stop his protest. "I don't want to hear it, Paul. It's late. I'm going back to bed."

Stephanie practically ran back to her bedroom and shut her eyes as she closed the door, leaning back against it. Taking a second to find her composure, her mind drifted to their conversation and she knew Paul had made a good point. Luke was a complication; a complication she still wasn't sure about. She'd spent so much time brooding over Paul's rejection that she hadn't allowed herself a chance to make a decision about her future with Luke. And she knew that if she was thinking straight, that would give her an answer right there. If she just knew how Paul felt, things would be so much easier. Instead, she was hanging onto a life with Luke that she knew, deep down, she didn't want. She just needed the courage to tell him that. In fact she needed the courage to do a lot of things.

Sighing softly, Stephanie opened her eyes and the sapphire on her third finger sparkled, catching her attention once more. She admired it for a second before letting out a slow breath and removing it from her finger. She quickly placed it on the nightstand beside her bed before pulling back the covers and crawling underneath them. She drew them up to her chin and was about to turn off her lamp when she spotted the piece of paper lying on the floor. She threw back the covers and picked it up. A smile crept across her face as she read the note.

"_Open the door and eat up, McMahon. The last thing I need is you wasting away on me."_

Stephanie could smell the food on the other side of the door. She opened it and for some inexplicable reason, felt tears spring to her eyes as she saw the tray lying on the floor. She bent down to pick it up. There was a plateful of lasagne along with a large glass of milk. But that wasn't what upset her. There was another piece of paper. On this one, Paul had hurriedly drawn a dog with huge wide eyes and underneath he'd scribbled the words "_I miss my best friend_."

Stephanie sniffed as she felt a tear roll down her cheek. She lifted her hand to wipe it away. She missed him too. She was about to return to her room when she heard the faint sound of the television. Paul was obviously still up. Well, he had made the first move and it was up to her now. She carried the tray through to the living room and without saying a word Paul shifted across the sofa as she sat down beside him. She glanced at the television screen and shook her head as she saw the car explode. "I hope you're not expecting to watch that crap." She placed the tray on the table and stood up to walk to the kitchen.

Paul shook his head rolling his eyes dryly and called out to her. "And what crap are you expecting me to watch, McMahon?"

Stephanie walked back through with a fork in her hand. "Steel Magnolias has just started on channel 315."

Paul groaned and turned the channel as she sat back down. She picked up the plate of lasagne from the table and handed Paul the fork she had just gotten from the kitchen. He smiled gratefully as he leant across and speared the food onto it.

"You'd better not blubber all over me again when Julia pegs it."

Stephanie threw him a look as he sat back, chewing on the lasagne. "Please! You were the one with the sniffles last time." She pointed her fork menacingly in his direction. "And don't even try to deny it."

He frowned as he swallowed the food. "I had a cold actually."

"Yeah, yeah. You keep telling yourself that, Levesque. One day you might just convince yourself it's the truth."

Paul made a face at her as he took another forkful from the plate. "Just shut up and eat."

Stephanie smiled as she chewed on her food. She was relieved to notice there was no hint of awkwardness between them at all which was surprising. She had gotten herself into such a tizzy all week about facing him. It was amazing how easily they had managed to fall back into their familiar pattern – with a little help from Paul of course. His gesture had definitely broken the ice between them and she was grateful. She didn't know if she could have handled another week like the last one. She knew they'd still have to talk. But right at this moment, she'd settle for having her best friend back.

"By the way, Shane called last night. He's planning to come and visit soon."

Stephanie turned to grin at him. "Did he say when?"

Paul looked distracted as he replied. "Probably during the next few weeks." He reached across to wipe the side of her mouth with his thumb. "You've got some sauce on your face."

Stephanie swallowed thickly as their eyes met. His thumb seemed to linger as it grazed against her skin. "Thanks."

His eyes were almost trancelike as he looked at her for a moment before lightly shaking his head and smiling. "You're welcome."

Stephanie's skin felt cold as he removed his hand from her face. As Paul shifted in his seat and settled back to watch the movie, she set the empty plate on the table. She rested back against the cushions and they continued to watch the movie in silence. Or at least she'd tried to watch the movie.

Stretching her arms above her head, Stephanie looked around the empty living room realising she must have fallen asleep. Paul must have left her on the sofa and for some reason she felt disappointed at that. He'd never left her on the sofa before. She was about to get up and go to bed herself when she heard a cupboard door close in the kitchen and within a few seconds Paul had walked back through. He smiled when she saw she was awake.

"Thank God for that. I thought I was going to have to bust my back and carry you."

Stephanie stuck out her tongue and scowled at him. "Just for that, you can."

Paul shook his head. "No way, McMahon. You've got a pair of legs. You can make your own way to bed." He lifted his hand in farewell as he walked towards the hallway. "Goodnight."

She scowled as she shouted after him. "I hate you, you know!"

"The feeling is mutual, toots."

Stephanie pouted for a second before a mischievous smirk crossed her face. She was in the mood for a little fun. She picked up the remote control that was lying on the table and switched the television back on. She selected a music channel and continued to press the volume button. The music blared throughout the apartment and she grinned when she saw Paul run back through.

"Turn the damn music off will ya!"

She grinned as she saw him approach and quickly hid the remote behind the cushion.

"Not until you carry me to bed."

Paul scowled as he shook his head. "No. Now turn it down before Mrs Benson calls the cops on us."

"Let her. The old bag." She pressed the volume button again and the guitar solo blared through the room.

"Steph, please. Turn it down. You're going to wake up the whole damn neighbourhood."

Stephanie lifted up her arms. "Then you know what to do."

Paul shook his head and sighed before bending down to lift her up. As he adjusted her in his arms, she pointed the remote at the television and switched it off.

"You're a goddamn pain in the ass, Steph."

She grinned as he carried her into her bedroom. "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do. Now goodnight." Paul told her as he threw her gently on her unmade bed. As he turned to leave, his leg hit against her nightstand knocking the engagement ring to the floor. He looked at it for a moment before sighing and hunching down on his knees to pick it up. He could feel Stephanie watching him as he placed it back on the table. Her eyes wore a tender expression as she reached out to touch his face.

"I'm not wearing it anymore. Maybe things might be less complicated now."

Paul's brown eyes smiled back at her as his fingers lifted to loosely intertwine with hers. "Maybe." he agreed softly. "But right now, I'm just glad I've got my best friend back. I missed her."

"I missed you too."

Her breath hitched in her chest as Paul bent down, his lips brushing against hers softly.

"Goodnight Stephanie."

She whispered goodnight as he left, the door closing quietly behind him. Stephanie listened to his familiar footsteps disappearing down the hall as she lifted her hand and lightly traced her finger along her bottom lip. She could still feel his kiss. And although it had been nothing more than a peck really, she knew it had meant something because Paul didn't usually kiss her like that. Stephanie couldn't help the smile that crossed her face as she nestled into the pillows. It appeared her feelings weren't so one sided after all and just maybe there was a chance Paul was falling for her just like she had fallen for him.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Stephanie bent down and picked up the chocolate-coloured Labrador puppy. She giggled as he enthusiastically began to lick her face. "You're such a little cutie, aren't you Riley?"

The puppy let out a yap before continuing with his licking. Naomi smiled as she watched Stephanie tickle him behind his ear. "I fell in love with him the minute I saw him."

"No wonder. He's adorable, Naomi."

Stephanie placed the puppy down on the floor and watched as he scampered towards his water dish over by the kitchen table. Matt kissed the top of his girlfriend's head as he passed by her to get himself more coffee.

"So, do they know how long it will take to fix the wiring in your apartment block?"

"No. They didn't say anything apart from telling us to get the hell out of there." She smiled gratefully at him and at Stephanie. "Thanks for letting me stay here in the meantime guys. God knows where I would have gone otherwise. Not a lot of places are keen to take lodgers with animals."

Matt ruffled her auburn hair affectionately. "It's not a problem, honey. Besides, I couldn't see my girlfriend out on the street now could I."

"And you're sure Paul won't mind?"

He shook his head as he swallowed his coffee. "Why would he?"

"Well it's no secret that he and I don't exactly get along." Naomi smiled at her boyfriend meekly.

"Paul will be fine." Stephanie reassured her as she looked over at the clock and saw it was almost noon. "Speaking of the big lump, I'd better wake him up. It's his turn to do the grocery shopping and he needn't think he's getting out of it." She was on her way out of the kitchen when she spotted Riley. She bent down to pick him up, grinning mischievously. "Come on, little guy. You can help me raise the dead."

She patted and cooed at him as she made her way to Paul's bedroom. As she stood outside the door, she held her finger to her lips gesturing to Riley to be quiet and deciding not to knock, she walked into his room. It was still in darkness as the blind was drawn. The light from the hall illuminated the bed. A smile crossed her face as she saw Paul was still fast asleep. He looked like a little boy as he slept with his long lashes resting against his face and the covers pulled tightly up around his chin. Riley gave a little whimper and Stephanie ruffled his soft fur. "He's a real cutie, isn't he?" she whispered.

Riley let out a yap in response and she saw Paul stir at the noise. His eyes remained closed though as she walked with Riley to stand at the side of the bed. Stephanie smiled to herself as she placed the puppy down on the covers and stifled her giggles as he proceeded to lick at Paul's face. It wasn't long before his head shot off the pillow and his eyes widened in disbelief as he saw the small puppy clamber all over him. He threw off the covers and his hand swatted at the puppy to prevent him from licking at his face yet again. "What the fuck is going on?" he muttered thickly.

He looked up as he heard Stephanie's laughter. It was infectious and he found himself smiling in spite of his rude awakening. He pushed himself up the bed and grabbed the puppy as he saw him start to chew on his covers. He held him up in front of him. "So, who do we have here then?"

Stephanie smiled as she sat down beside him on the bed. "His name is Riley."

Riley yapped excitedly at his name.

"Well hello Riley." Paul placed him back down on the covers and watched as the puppy scrambled across the bed. He pushed back his hair with his hand as he yawned loudly. "So, what's with the puppy, Steph?"

She shrugged. "Matt and I decided we needed a new way to get your ass out of bed. Riley is your new personal alarm clock."

"That's a shame. I kinda liked my old one." Paul smirked as he watched Stephanie stand up and walk across to open his blind. He held up his hand to shield his eyes as the daylight streamed through the window into his room.

"Yeah well this alarm clock was getting sick of the verbal abuse every morning." She saw Riley hover around the edge of the bed and lifted him up to place him on the floor. Without even thinking about it, she kicked off her shoes and pulled back the covers to get into bed beside Paul.

"The abuse is nothing personal you know. I'm just not a morning person."

Paul stretched his arms above his head and Stephanie tried her best not to stare at his muscular abs which were revealed as his t-shirt rode up his body. She swallowed thickly as she diverted her eyes towards Riley who was sniffing around a pile of clothes in the corner of the room.

"So Steph, what's the story with the dog?"

Stephanie grimaced slightly as she smiled at him. "Promise you won't shout?"

"Why? He's not yours, is he?"

"No. He belongs to Naomi."

Paul groaned as he rested his head back against the pillows. "She's here?"

"Yep. She's here."

He suddenly lifted his head taking Stephanie's hand and clutching it in between both of his as he shifted his body round to face her. "Please tell me she's leaving soon." His hazel eyes practically pleaded with her and the desperate expression on his face was comical. Stephanie couldn't help but chuckle as she shook her head.

"Stop being so dramatic, Paul. She's not that bad."

"She is. And that voice." He gave a little shudder at the thought. "It grates on my last nerve."

"Well, you'd better get used to it. You'll be hearing it a bit more often from now on."

She saw Paul's face fall as he dropped his hands to the covers. However, she couldn't help but notice that while he took one hand away, he still kept hold of hers with the other. Her palm felt sweaty where the heat radiated from his skin.

"What do you mean get used to it?"

Stephanie offered him a sympathetic smile. "Naomi is moving in for a while."

Paul snorted in response and smiled. "Good one, Steph. Stop trying to wind me up." But his smile soon faded as he saw the solemn expression on her face. "You're not kidding me, are you?"

"I'm afraid not. The wiring in her apartment block is faulty. She's had to move out while they fix it."

Paul sighed heavily and his head fell dramatically to rest on her shoulder. "I think I'll stay in bed."

"No you don't. You've got grocery shopping to do."

As he lifted his head to glare at her, Stephanie tried to not think about how close he was. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her cheek. In fact, if she turned her head slightly to the left, their lips would be practically touching. Her body tingled as their eyes connected but she felt a pang of disappointment as she felt him move back.

"You and your damn rota. I hope you made a list."

Stephanie caught her breath as he grinned at her. "No, I haven't."

"Then you'll have to come with me. I'm still smarting from that tongue lashing you gave me when I bought the wrong milk the last time. It was brutal you know."

"Fine then, I'll come." she sighed.

Although she tried her best to sound like she was protesting, inside Stephanie was silently cheering at the thought of spending some time alone with him. She had decided after their conversation last night that she was going to talk to Paul and confess her feelings for him. She had to. She would go crazy otherwise. She was finding it harder and harder to act normal around him and she needed to know if he felt the same way. Because after last night, he had given her a tiny glimmer of hope that he did.

"Hey mutt. Get away from there!"

Paul jumped up from the bed letting go of her hand, snapping Stephanie out of her thoughts. She watched as he ran across and picked the puppy up off the floor. "Damn dog. He was chewing on the television cable."

Stephanie chuckled as she pushed herself off the bed and walked round to stand beside him. She held out her arms. "Give me the dog and get your ass in the shower."

Paul grinned as he handed over Riley. "Yes ma'am!" He gave her a mock salute.

"You're such a smart-ass" she said as she slowly shook her head.

"Yeah but you know you love me anyway."

Paul saw Stephanie instantly blush and look away awkwardly before he realised what he had said. He nervously cleared his throat as he pointed towards the door.

"I'll just go and um, grab that shower."

Stephanie watched as he disappeared down the hallway. Riley's yapping got her attention and she smiled as she patted him distractedly. "Wish me luck for this afternoon, boy. I think I might just need it."

She placed him down in the hallway as she went to her room to get changed. After all it wouldn't do any harm to look her best and maybe have a bit of fun along the way….

A short while later they were both at the store. Paul swallowed thickly as Stephanie bent over in front of him grabbing the carton of milk from the bottom shelf. He diverted his eyes trying his hardest not to stare at her shapely legs. Christ knows they went on forever and her short denim skirt left very little to the imagination either. Actually if he didn't know any better, he would swear she was trying to torture him. And if the skirt wasn't enough, her top was certainly low enough to show off her ample cleavage. It was taking everything he had to make sure his eyes firmly focused on her face when she spoke to him.

"Can you remember if it was chocolate or strawberry milk Naomi wanted?"

Paul cleared his throat as Stephanie's voice brought his attention back to the matter at hand. "No. Just get the one that hides the taste of arsenic."

Stephanie shook her head as she grabbed a carton of each flavour and placed it in the shopping cart. "I hope you're going to make the effort to be nice to her while she's staying with us."

He made a face as he followed her along the aisle. "And why would I want to do that?"

"She's Matt's girlfriend, Paul. Think how he feels having to watch the pair of you at one another's throats." She chewed on her lip as she began to check the label on a tub of yogurt.

"Okay. Point taken."

Paul sighed as he rested his arms on the cart. His mouth downturned in a petulant frown. He just hoped Naomi's stay wasn't going to be a long one. It was going to take everything he had to remain remotely civil.

"Paul Levesque! How are you doing, man?"

He looked up at the sound of the voice and grinned as he recognised the face of Ben Harris, one of his and Shane's old friends from their college days. He shook his outstretched hand before pulling him into a hug. As Paul released him, he stepped back and took in his muscular appearance. "Good God! What the hell happened to you?"

Ben grinned as he adjusted the cap on his head. "I guess your infatuation with the gym rubbed off on me. I've become a workout addict."

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught their attention and Ben looked round to smile at the tall, slim blonde-haired woman standing beside him. "Sorry honey. Let me introduce you. Jo, this is Paul. Paul, this is Jo, my fiancée."

Paul smiled as he shook Jo's delicate hand. "It's nice to meet you, Jo."

As she turned her head back towards Ben, Paul discreetly gave his friend the thumbs-up causing him to grin.

"Paul, can you remember if we needed juice?" Stephanie placed the yogurt in the cart and was too busy checking the list in her hand that she failed to notice the two people standing in front of them.

"Yeah, we did." he replied as he grabbed her arm before she could wander off down the aisle again. "Steph, there's someone here I'd like you to meet."

Stephanie looked up and finally noticed the couple standing in front of her. She smiled as she folded away the list placing it in her jacket pocket.

"This muscle-bound freak in front of you is my old friend from college, Ben Harris. And the beautiful lady standing beside him is Jo, his fiancée."

She smiled at she shook the couple's hands. "It's nice to meet you both. Although Paul really has a nerve calling anyone a muscle bound freak."

Ben watched with amusement as Paul stuck his tongue out at Stephanie. "So you finally settled down, Levesque. How long have you guys been together?"

Paul shook his head vehemently while Stephanie blushed slightly. "Oh, we're not together."

He looked at them both apologetically. "I'm sorry. I just assumed you were a couple what with the grocery shopping and everything."

Paul grinned. "It's Stephanie's way of making me suffer. We're roommates as well as friends."

As Ben and Paul continued their conversation, Stephanie tried not to be too downhearted at how quickly Paul had flatly denied them being a couple. Okay, they weren't together but he didn't have to sound so damn adamant about it. A little hesitancy would have been nice especially after the kiss they had shared last night. Although she guessed she couldn't have expected anything else. After all, Paul was only telling the truth. They were only friends.

"So, Jo and I are only in town until tomorrow. If you haven't got any plans, would you like to meet for a drink tonight and catch up with one another?"

Paul smiled. "Sure. That would be great."

"And Stephanie, will you be joining us or do you have plans for this evening?"

He looked down at the floor as he waited for her reply. It was Saturday night and he knew for a fact that she wasn't working. In fact, she wasn't on for the next three days. He'd sneakily checked the work rota that she kept pinned up in her room. But he had also noticed the red circles on the rota too. That was Stephanie's way of marking down the shifts that Luke was working. And there was no red circle pencilled in under tonight which meant lover boy was also free. If Stephanie declined Ben's invitation then it wouldn't take a genius to put two and two together and realise she had other plans.

"No, I've nothing arranged. I'd love to join you."

Paul's head shot up and as he looked at Stephanie, he bit down on his lip to stop the grin that threatened to cross his face. She obviously didn't have a date with Luke and he would be lying if he said he wasn't extremely pleased about that. In fact, it was music to his ears. That meant she had been serious when she had taken off the ring last night. It hadn't simply been a gesture to ease the situation between them. And if that was the case, just maybe he could allow himself a little bit of hope that his feelings weren't so one-sided after all. Still, he wasn't going to push things between them. He knew Stephanie was still confused about the whole situation with Luke. But at least he'd get to spend some time with her. And if something was to happen and she made a move to kiss him again, he knew it was almost a certainty that he wouldn't be stopping her this time.

* * *

Ben shook his head in disbelief. "Why the hell has it taken me three hours to find out that your Shane McMahon's little sister?"

"You never asked." Stephanie grinned before taking a drink and emptying her glass. She was definitely feeling a buzz from the alcohol but it was no surprise. She wasn't usually a spirit drinker and four vodkas straight after one another were starting to have an effect.

"Easy there, McMahon. I don't want to be carrying your ass home tonight." Paul warned but he smiled to let her know he was only messing around with her. Truth be told, he was just glad she was having a good time. He knew Stephanie was shy when it came to meeting new people but he needn't have worried. She and Jo had found plenty to gossip about while he and Ben caught up on the last eight years.

Stephanie lifted her purse from the table and smirked at him. "You've just inspired me to get in another round. In fact, this time I might even go for some shots."

"It's your funeral. Just don't come complaining to me when you feel like crap tomorrow." Paul grinned round the table. "Steph gets crabby when she's hung over."

Stephanie smacked his arm. "Shut up Levesque." She pushed back her chair and stood up.

"I'll come with you." Jo grabbed her bag and stood up to join her. The girls linked arms as they made their way to the bar.

Stephanie hopped up on the stool and lifted her hand to get Jack's attention. "Can I have the same again Jack and add four shooters would you?"

Jack shook his head and laughed as he grabbed the glasses from under the bar. "Paul warned me you'd be after those. He told me to hide the bottle."

Her mouth widened in surprise as she whirled round in her stool and shot Paul a glare. However, he wasn't paying attention. He was too busy laughing at something Ben had said. She bit down on her lip as she watched him, mesmerised. She loved his smile. It was so beautiful. He was beautiful.

Jo couldn't help but see the wistful look on Stephanie's face. In fact she had been throwing Paul those looks all night and from what she could make out, they had been returned on quite a few occasions. It was obvious there was something more than friendship between them. But it was also obvious that both of them were clueless as to how the other felt. After all, she should know the signs. She and Ben had been exactly the same up until a couple of years ago when her friend had forced them to come clean to one another. Maybe she could help point Stephanie in the right direction. It was the least she could do after she had been so nice and welcoming this evening. She cleared her throat to get her attention. "So, Paul seems like a great guy."

Jo's voice snapped Stephanie out of her trance-like state. She smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I didn't catch what you said."

"That's okay. I was just commenting that Paul was a great guy."

"Yeah. Yeah he is." Stephanie smiled as she turned back round in her stool.

"So how long have you been in love with him?"

Her eyes widened in shock and she nervously began to wring her fingers together. She gave an awkward laugh as she shifted in her seat. "Well that was pretty blunt and to the point."

"Sorry. I'm not the most tactful person in the world as you can tell." Jo smiled as she patted her on the shoulder. "So, tell me how long you've felt like this about him. And don't try to deny it. It's written all over your face."

Stephanie sighed in defeat as she leant her elbows on the bar. "It's that obvious, huh?"

"Oh I would say so. I mean I've only met you yet I could see it a mile off."

She let out a slow breath as she picked up a beer mat and began to flip it round in her hand. "I don't know. I mean I've always cared for him. He's my best friend and I love him. But recently I've been having less than friendly thoughts towards him. In fact, I can't get him out of my head. I know I'm falling in love with him. That's if I haven't already. It's driving me crazy." She smiled at Jo as she placed the mat back down on the bar.

"Then why haven't you done something about it?"

"Believe me, I have. But it's complicated, I guess."

"Why? What's so complicated about it?"

Stephanie brushed her hair behind her ears and turned in her stool to face Jo. She lifted her shoulder in a shrug and failed to notice Jack hovering around as he prepared their drinks. "Well to cut a long story short I kissed Paul and he turned me away. And at first I was hurt and angry by his rejection. See I thought he felt something for me too and I couldn't believe I got it so wrong. I couldn't face him after that. In fact, I avoided him for the better part of a week. But last night we talked and I realised why he did it. You see, I'm involved with another guy, Luke. And not only that, we got engaged a couple of weeks ago."

Jo frowned. "Surely you can't marry him? Not with the way you feel about Paul?"

"I know, I know. I just haven't plucked up the courage to tell him it's over." She reached up to touch the gold locket around her neck and absently played with the chain. "You know if I knew how Paul felt, it would be so much easier to tell him how I feel. I'm going out of mind wondering if he feels the same way as I do."

"Oh trust me, he does."

Stephanie looked at her disbelievingly. "Yeah well I'm not so sure."

"Well I am." Jo told her adamantly. "The guy is one hundred percent head over heels in love with you, Stephanie and I reckon you're the only one that can't see it. Even Ben commented on it while you guys were at the bar tonight and he's usually totally oblivious when it comes to things like that."

Stephanie couldn't stop the huge grin that spread across her face. "You really think so?"

"I do." Jo smiled at her.

"For what it's worth, this old man thinks so too."

Stephanie turned round in her stool to see Jack smiling at her. He placed the drinks on the tray and covered her hand with his.

"Darlin', I've been around long enough to know a man in love when I see one and Paul is definitely a man in love. He has been for quite a while now. I've seen it in his eyes when he looks at you. He adores you." He squeezed her hand gently. "Love like that doesn't come along often. You should grab it with both hands and quickly."

The blood beat loudly in Stephanie's ears and she couldn't help the slow, happy grin that crossed her face. She found herself believing Jo and Jack but at the same time, she wouldn't believe it until she heard the words from Paul himself. It seemed far too good to be true. Maybe it was but she was so tired of second guessing. She needed to talk to him now. She couldn't wait another second. Feeling a rush of nervous energy, she jumped down from the stool. "I'm going to talk to him."

Jo gave her a delighted smile. "And there's no time like the present. Go get him, girl."

Stephanie nodded her head and adjusted her skirt. She took only a few steps forward before turning round towards the bar again. Both Jo and Jack watched as she grabbed a shot from the bar, downing it in one go. She licked her lips and smiled at them both.

"Dutch courage."

She let out a shaky breath and swore her knees were trembling as she walked purposely towards the table where Paul and Ben were still sitting. Her stomach was in knots despite her bravado at the bar. She took a couple of slow breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. But it was pointless. She found her heart racing like a train as Paul looked up and smiled at her.

"Finally. Where the hell have you been?"

She chewed on her lip nervously as she found herself frozen to the spot. The voice inside her head was screaming at her to say something but she couldn't. Her nervousness had caused her to clam up. She remained still as she felt the nudge on her back. The whispered voice in her ear gave her the courage she needed.

"Don't worry. He loves you."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jo place the tray of drinks on the table. Paul reached for his bottle of beer but Stephanie grabbed his hand instead. "Come with me."

Paul furrowed his brow in confusion as he felt her literally pull him to his feet. "Why? Where are we going?"

Stephanie pulled him towards the exit. "Outside."

"Outside? Why the hell are we going outside? It's freezing out there."

She said nothing as she tugged him towards the door. The bitter wind hit her bare arms as soon as she walked outside. But she didn't feel it. She was too focused on what she had to do. She pulled him towards her as they stood outside the building right in the middle of the street. Despite the alcohol she had consumed tonight, Stephanie now felt as sober as a judge. She gripped Paul's hand tightly as his hair blew behind him in the chilly wind.

"Steph, what the hell is this all about?" he demanded.

Stephanie decided to lay her all cards on the table. She knew Paul all too well. He wasn't the best person in the world when it came to discussing matters of the heart. In fact, he kept his feelings pretty close to his chest so it was little wonder she was a such confused mess over all of this. But by coming clean and telling him exactly how she felt, she knew she'd have a better chance of getting him to admit the truth to her. She just prayed it was the truth she was desperate to hear. As she looked into his familiar brown eyes, she saw something there, something that made her fear and hesitation slip away. She licked her lips as she felt her mouth go dry and tightened the grip on his hand.

"I think you should know something. I think you should know that I'm in love with you."

Her admission stunned him in silence. As her big blue eyes stared at him, Stephanie's words slowly registered in Paul's head. He couldn't believe it. In fact he felt like asking her to repeat them just in case his mind was playing tricks on him. Because it wasn't the first time he'd envisioned this scenario. He'd dreamed of such a moment a million times in his head. But this time it was real. Stephanie was really standing in front of him and she was really telling him she loved him. It all seemed too good to be true. Maybe it was. He swallowed hard while his heart raced at a hundred miles an hour. His hopeful eyes searched her beautiful face for any hesitation or doubt at all but he was relieved to find there was none. There was just her. He struggled to breathe as her free hand reached up and her fingertips began to lightly trace his face.

"I don't know why it took me so long to see this amazing guy who was there right in front of me."

She paused for a second, her thumb affectionately caressing his cheek.

"He was there all this time and I never knew it." she continued. "I guess I saw him as my best friend and I didn't want to do anything that could risk that friendship. I didn't want to lose him. But now my feelings for him are so strong that I know I can't fool myself any longer. I can't fight it. So I'm sorry but I can't be just your friend anymore, Paul. Not with the way I feel about you. The question is how do you feel about me?"

Stephanie looked deeply into his beautiful brown orbs, searching for her answer. She found it. And the love was so evident in his eyes that she wondered how she could have doubted ever seeing it there before. But Paul still had to admit it. Her stomach was in knots as she waited for his reply. Her hair blew in the biting wind as a gust came from behind her. But she didn't feel the cold. She was far too focused on Paul.

Her breath caught in her throat as he reached up, brushing her hair behind her ear. His touch made her spine tingle and the tender expression he wore melted her inside.

"Well at the risk of sounding cheesy and ripping off that line in that movie, all I can say is ditto, McMahon."

Her breath hitched in her throat. Stephanie felt such a rush of emotion, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She felt the tears build up in her eyes as she smiled at him. "You really mean that?"

Paul brushed his warm lips against her forehead. "With all my heart." His hand reached up to cup her face, his thumb lightly grazing her cheek. "I'm in love with you too, Stephanie" he whispered.

Stephanie couldn't stop the grin that spread across her face as his words sank in. Her blue eyes sparkled at him in the moonlight as her heart soared. "Then don't just stand there. Hurry up and kiss me."

Paul smirked at her. "Why must you always be so demanding?"

She shook her head dismissively not in the mood for playing around. "Paul, just shut up and kiss me please."

She didn't have to ask him again. His lips brushed softly against hers as he kissed her slowly. He moved his hand from her face and his fingers clutched the strands of her soft brown hair. His lips parted and he opened his mouth kissing her deeply. Stephanie lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck. Her knees felt weak as she eagerly returned his kiss. God knows she had waited for this forever. She would have waited even longer. Both of them were breathless when they finally broke apart. Paul dropped a kiss on her cheek before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.

Stephanie played with the ends of his hair as she smiled into his chest. "At least we won't be avoiding one another this time."

Paul stepped back and grinned at her mischievously. "I don't know. I kind of enjoyed the peace and quiet."

"You're treading on thin ice already mister." Stephanie pretended to scowl at him as she poked him in the chest.

"I'm sorry." Paul smiled as he brushed her hair from her shoulder and began kissing her neck. She let out a soft moan as he sucked on her skin.

"I hope you realise I'm not like those other women you dated. I don't put out on the first date."

Paul lifted his head and smirked. "But that doesn't mean I can't have fun trying."

Stephanie's eyes closed as he kissed the column of her throat. She swallowed hard as she tried to ignore the tingles of pleasure up her spine. "I think we'd better get back inside. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to be mauling one another in the street like this."

"You're probably right." he mumbled into her neck before he reluctantly pulled away. Paul smiled at her softly, rubbing her arms as he noticed the goosebumps appearing on them. "You're freezing. Let's get you inside."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they walked back towards the bar. Stephanie stopped just as they got to the door. She smiled at Paul tentatively.

"I'm going to talk to Luke in the morning. I'm going to tell him that it's over between us."

Paul smiled as he touched her face tenderly. "Good. Because the sooner you tell him, the sooner we can get that first date over and done with."

"And why are you in such a hurry to get it out of the way?"

"Well you said you don't put out on the first date. The sooner we can get to the second one the better."

Stephanie laughed as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her. "Really? And what makes you so sure I'd sleep with you then."

"Well you were putty in my hands just a minute ago when I was kissing you. You'll be lucky to make it out of the first date unscathed."

Her laughter followed them into the bar. She didn't want to tell him he was probably right. Stephanie felt like she had waited long enough to get her hands on him. She wasn't sure she could hold out very much longer. But she'd have to. At least until she'd got her conversation with Luke out of the way. She wasn't looking forward to it but the sooner that was over with, the better. Then she could concentrate on the man she really loved and the man she knew now loved her back…..

* * *

Matt hung up the phone and sighed as he brushed his hand through his hair. He reluctantly picked the receiver up and dialled Stephanie's number. He hated to ruin her night but there was no other choice. It had sounded pretty serious and he knew she'd want to be there once she heard the news. She'd want to be there by his side.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Paul bit down on his bottom lip in attempt to stifle his laughter but it was no use. He let out a loud snort as Stephanie completely missed her chair and landed unceremoniously on the floor. She threw him a glare as she grabbed a hold of his outstretched hand.

"It's not funny, you know."

"It is to me. You didn't see yourself when you fell. The look on your face was priceless." Paul continued to chuckle as he pulled her to her feet. He watched Stephanie dust herself off as she sat down next to him at the table. "If I had a dollar for every time your ass has hit that floor, I'd be a rich man." he teased as he picked up his bottle of beer and winked at her.

"You could at least pretend to be a little more concerned here. I might have seriously hurt myself, you know."

Stephanie pouted as she reached across the table for her drink. But her pout turned to a smile as she felt Paul grab her arm and turn her towards him. His gorgeous brown eyes twinkled as he rested his hands on her legs and grinned. She felt her temperature rise and knew it had nothing to do with the alcohol she had consumed. Being in close proximity to Paul was driving her crazy.

"True. I'm sorry McMahon."

Paul moved his face even closer so their noses were practically touching. Stephanie swallowed hard as his hand travelled agonisingly slowly up her bare leg and he tilted his head to whisper in her ear.

"Will you forgive me if I promise to kiss every bit that hurts better?"

His thick husky voice and familiar scent sent shivers down her spine. She closed her eyes as his teeth grazed her sensitive lobe.

"I-I guess it does hurt a little."

"Tell me where."

Stephanie licked her lips as she felt his lips brush softly against her cheek. "I would tell you but I don't think Jack would appreciate it."

Paul smiled to himself as he lifted his head and saw her flushed face and heavily lidded eyes. His teasing had obviously had quite the effect on her. But he had to admit to feeling pretty aroused himself as she covered her hand with his and slowly made a trail upward to the bottom hem of her skirt.

"Do you see what I mean?"

Paul swallowed thickly as he nodded his head. His palm caressed her soft skin. Just then a passer-by threw them a curious stare and he cleared his throat as he sat back in his seat. His palms were sweaty and he rubbed them on his jeans as he tried his best to gather his composure.

"You know for someone who doesn't put out on the first date, you sure know how to push a guy's buttons."

Stephanie watched Paul grab his beer and take a swift drink. She didn't know if it was the effect of the alcohol or the knowledge that she had clearly flustered him that made her bold as she reached across and rested her hands at the top of his thighs. Her fingers squeezed the hard muscle as she playfully batted her eyelids. "Do I?"

Paul smirked and shook his head as he placed his drink back on the table. "You know fine well you do and I knew Jack should have kept that damn shot bottle hidden. All that alcohol has made you frisky." He leant forward and tried to ignore how close her fingertips were to touching him or the twitch in his jeans that appreciated the attention. "You do know you're practically groping me right now. And in a public place too." He shook his head and grinned mischievously. "It's just as well Ben and Jo left when they did. I reckon they'd be feeling pretty embarrassed right about now."

He laughed as Stephanie practically jumped backwards in her seat. Her face turned a shade of red as she made a face at him. "Bite me, Levesque."

"You'd like that now, wouldn't you?" he retorted flipping her a wink as he chuckled to himself.

Stephanie couldn't help but smile. She was used to his teasing. After all, she'd had to put up with it for almost two years plus it was all part of his charm. Not that she'd tell Paul she found him charming or incredibly sexy. Nope. His ego was bad enough. As her gaze travelled over shoulder, Stephanie couldn't help but notice that the bar was practically empty. Only a couple of guys sat at a table across from them and a lone figure sat on the stool watching Jack as he washed up the glasses. "Paul, what time is it?" she asked curiously.

Paul screwed his eyes up slightly as he looked at his watch. "It's about twenty minutes away from midnight. I guess we should get out of here before we're kicked out." He finished off his drink and pushing back his seat, he stood up offering his hand out to Stephanie. "Ready to go?"

She grinned and nodded as she accepted his hand and got to her feet. She smoothed down her skirt and pulled on her jacket.

"Take care going home now."

She looked round as she flicked her hair out over her collar to see Jack standing smiling at them. She felt Paul slide his arm around her shoulder and she bit down on her lip trying her best to contain the delighted grin that threatened to erupt across her face.

"Don't worry about Steph. I'll look after her. It's not the first time I've had to cart her drunk ass home. Goodnight Jack." Paul raised his hand in farewell as he turned to leave.

"Goodnight."

Jack caught Stephanie's eye as she left and flipped her a wink too giving her the thumbs up. She grinned and mouthed thank you before turning around and leaning into Paul on their way out of the bar. A few moments later Stephanie found herself shivering slightly as they began to walk home. Although the wind had died down, there was a definite chill to the air. She hugged Paul a little closer enjoying the delicious warmth from his body.

"So McMahon, what are your plans for tomorrow?"

She smiled as she felt him kiss her hair. "Nothing. Well apart from sleeping late and letting you serve me breakfast in bed."

Paul's loud snort echoed in the night air as he stopped in his tracks. He guided Stephanie round to stand in front of him and placed his hands on her shoulders as his brown eyes glared at her playfully. "When I told you I loved you, I wasn't exactly signing on for being your personal slave you know."

"I never implied you were."

"So what's with the whole breakfast in bed thing, then?"

She poked her finger into his chest. "Well if you check the rota, you'll see it's your turn to do breakfast duty."

She grinned as she saw the scowl appear on his face.

"You and that damn rota." Paul took her hand and began walking again. "You know by rights, you should be letting me off the hook."

Stephanie leant into him as she tottered a little unsteadily along the street. "And why would I want to do that?"

"Well we are dating now. That should entitle me to at least some privileges."

She laughed as she stopped in her tracks and tugged Paul's hand to bring him towards her. She tried to ignore the slightly dizzy feeling in her head. The mixture of fresh air and alcohol was definitely making her feel a little drunk.

"You know technically we can't be dating. I mean, we haven't even been on one date yet."

"Well give me a chance McMahon." Paul said tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "It was only a couple of hours ago that you dragged my ass outside and declared your love for me. Give a guy some slack will ya?"

Stephanie smirked as she ran her hand across his chest feeling the firmness of his body underneath his shirt. "And here's me thinking you were a quick operator." she said as her fingers began to toy with one of his buttons.

"Not that quick though."

Paul swallowed thickly as she accidentally undid the button she had toyed with. Her fingernail grazed temptingly against his collar bone.

"Although right now, I wish we were on that second date." he admitted.

Stephanie smiled to herself as she moved her hand up towards his face. She felt his warm breath on her skin as her thumb reached out and lightly traced his bottom lip.

"Me too."

Her words carried in the wind as she took her hand away quickly replacing it with her mouth. She crashed her lips against his as her arm slid around his neck and she tangled her fingers in his soft hair. Her other hand moved round to cup his ass and pull him tightly towards her. Stephanie moaned softly as she felt his tongue tease her bottom lip before he began to suck on it gently. God, kissing Paul was just so incredible. It was so hard to believe this was really happening. It was like all her dreams had come true all at once and she didn't want it to stop. Ever.

But just then a car drove by tooting its horn. Paul reluctantly broke the kiss. As her eyes slowly opened, he noticed Stephanie bite down on her lip and smile slightly. He found it sexy as hell and combined with the heat from her body as it pressed against him, she was driving him wild. Christ knows he had waited for her for so long and he wasn't sure he could wait another second. He wanted her so badly. He needed her. And as Stephanie's eyes met his, he saw that same need and same desire mirrored in her eyes and he swallowed thickly.

"I think I'd better get you home before I'm tempted to just maul you in the street."

Stephanie grinned as she let her arm fall from around his neck. She deliberately trailed it slowly downwards across his firm chest and stomach before teasingly brushing it over his groin. Paul growled lowly.

"Now look who's become putty in my hands." she winked before stepping away from him and swinging her hips in a seductive manner as she continued to walk down the street. Her teasing continued as they made it their apartment and Paul was reaching in his pocket for the key when Stephanie's hand covered his to stop him.

"Let me get that for you."

She smiled at him mischievously as her hand slid into the denim pocket and gently rubbed against his arousal.

"Oops!" she giggled as she took hold of the keys this time and dangled them up in front of him.

Taking them, Paul slowly moved towards her, backing her against the door. His lips hovered against hers as his brown eyes stared into her big blue ones.

"I'm suddenly getting a sense of déjà vu here." he told her.

Stephanie swallowed thickly as she felt her heart race in her chest. She licked her lips in anticipation of his kiss. "Me too. Although this time I think it would be a good idea if you should actually kiss me" she whispered.

She didn't have to ask twice. Paul closed his eyes and pressed his lips against hers. His hot mouth kissed her passionately and Stephanie let out a breathless whimper when they finally broke apart. Paul was watching her. His expression was tender and gentle as his fingers ran through her long hair. His nose nuzzled her cheek as his forehead came to rest against hers.

"You want to know something?"

"What?" Stephanie breathed.

Paul paused for a second, sighing softly, letting his thumb trace over her jaw. His lips pressed together thoughtfully.

"I probably shouldn't admit this to you but I'm going to anyway. I'm scared McMahon. I'm scared I'm going to wake up tomorrow and realise this was all just some kind of a dream."

His beautiful eyes met hers. Stephanie swallowed thickly feeling moved by his words. She wasn't used to Paul sounding so vulnerable. All traces of his usual humour and cockiness were gone. Instead they had been replaced by this shy, sweet man that had such an obvious expression of love in his deep brown orbs that she couldn't believe she hadn't realised it before tonight. She had to have been walking blind or just so hopelessly in love that she never dared to dream that he might just feel the same way.

Stephanie smiled as she brought her hand up to cup his handsome face. Her thumb traced his stubbled jaw. "Well that's not going to happen." she told him. "Because this, us, it's for real. I love you."

A slow grin crossed Paul's face as he brushed her hair across her forehead. "Ditto McMahon."

Stephanie rolled her eyes shaking her head slowly. "You do know you've used that cheesy line on me twice in one night. Is that the best you can come up with?"

"No. I have more. I just don't fancy the slap in the face afterwards." Paul grinned as he kissed her lips once more.

He glanced down the hallway as a door opened. He made a face as he reached over Stephanie to place his key in the lock.

"Let's get inside before Mrs Benson threatens to call the cops on us again."

The apartment was in darkness as they walked in. Paul switched on the lamp and frowned as he saw shredded pieces of paper strewn across the wooden floor. He bent down and began to pick them up peering at them curiously.

"What is it, Paul?"

"I don't know. It must have been a note or something. It looks like Psycho's dog got his paws on it though."

Paul pushed himself to his feet as he continued to scrutinise the pieces of paper. God knows what was written on it but he recognised Matt's familiar scrawl. He'd just have to ask him about it in the morning. He placed the ripped paper on the table and looked up as he heard Stephanie try to stifle a yawn as she kicked off her shoes beside him. They made a dull thud as they hit the rug.

"Time for bed, young lady." he instructed.

Stephanie didn't protest as Paul took her hand in his and escorted her to her bedroom. She opened the door and as she walked into the room, she realised he wasn't following her. She turned round to see him leaning against the open doorway and her heart skipped a beat as he smiled at her.

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss?"

"Of course you do. Unless you want to stay that is."

Stephanie bit down on her lip shyly as she anxiously waited for his reply to her invitation. And that's what it was. An invitation to her bed because she knew without a doubt she wanted Paul. In fact, she had never wanted anyone so badly in her life. Her body tingled all over at the mere thought of his touch and her stomach pooled with her desire just imagining what it would be like to have his body pressed against hers; to feel his lips on her skin. To feel him deep inside her. Her big blue eyes watched him impatiently.

Paul tried his hardest not to let them suck him in as he raked his fingers through his blonde strands. Because despite wanting nothing more than to spend the night with Stephanie, he just couldn't do it. Not until she had ended things with Luke. This was way too special to him and he wanted it to be special for Stephanie too; special for the both of them. He didn't want it to be tarnished by any feelings of guilt, for Stephanie to think that somehow she'd cheated on Luke by being with him. It might be selfishness on his part but the last thing he wanted was for the woman he loved to be worrying about another man when she was with him. He needed Luke out of the picture completely. He just hoped Stephanie understood.

Paul let out a slow breath as he took her hands in his, gathering his resolve. Because it wouldn't take much for him to break. Stephanie was so incredibly sexy and beautiful. He was even lucky he could string together a single coherent thought with her looking at him like that. Like she wanted him and needed him every bit as much as he needed her.

"Not tonight, Steph." he eventually said and the flash of disappointment in her eyes crushed him. He squeezed her hands reassuringly as he began to explain. "I just think we should wait, you know. I mean, you're still with Luke. I can't be with you until you've told him it's over between you. Can you understand?"

Stephanie slowly nodded her head.

"Good." Paul smiled and dropped his head, brushing his lips over her forehead. "But don't think for one minute that I don't want you. Because trust me, it's taking everything I have right now to say no to you."

He slid his arms around her waist and pulled him to him. Stephanie closed her eyes for a moment, leaning her head against his chest. She sighed softly. She knew Paul was right. She couldn't sleep with him tonight. It wouldn't be fair on Luke but more importantly, she knew it wouldn't be fair to Paul. She was with another man. She wasn't completely his. But that wouldn't be the case for long. She was ending things with Luke tomorrow, first thing. She was going to tell him what she should have had the courage to say to him the night he had proposed to her. That she wasn't in love with him. That she was in love with someone else. Paul. The man who had her heart now and probably always did if she had taken the time to listen to it properly.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The persistent muffled barking disturbed his slumber. Paul rolled over and groaned as the noise outside his room woke him up. His hand lifted wearily to his face and he rubbed at his eyes. As the barking continued, he silently vowed was going to kill the mutt when he got his hands on him; either that or fucking muzzle him. Paul's eyes slowly fluttered open and as he began to come round, he became aware of something heavy lying across his stomach. He turned his head and his eyes widened in quiet surprise when he saw Stephanie fast asleep beside him. A slow smile crossed his face as he listened to her deep and even breathing. His hand reached out to fondly graze her cheek. She must have snuck in through the night and he had been totally oblivious. He had crashed out the second his head hit the pillow.

Just then the barking got louder and Paul frowned as he slowly got out of bed trying his best not to waken Stephanie. Although the way that mutt was going, she wouldn't be asleep for very much longer. He scowled as he walked into the hallway pulling the door closed behind him. Riley was sitting outside the bathroom obviously barking at the person inside. Paul picked him up and scolded him as he carried him towards the kitchen.

"Hey, keep the noise down would you? There are some of us trying to sleep around here."

Riley yapped in response as Paul laid him down on the floor and he watched him scurry towards his water dish in the corner.

"Hey, I didn't know you were up."

Paul jumped at the unexpected sound of Matt's voice. He turned to see him walk into the kitchen and he smiled, greeting him.

"Yeah well our new alarm clock woke me up with his barking."

Matt's face screwed up with a grimace. "Naomi's taking a shower. Sorry."

"Hey I'll live. Besides, I needed to get my ass up anyway. According to the McMahon rota up there, I'm on breakfast duty."

Paul reached into the fridge for a bottle of water. He unscrewed the lid and as he took a drink, he saw his friend out of the corner of his eye watching him with a concerned expression on his face.

"How did Stephanie take the news?" asked Matt gently.

Paul swallowed the water in his mouth and looked at him, confused. "What news?"

"Didn't you get my messages? I left one on her phone and I also scribbled a note before I went to bed last night."

He shook his head. "Steph's mobile died on her last night I think. As for the note, I found it pieces on the floor. Our friendly neighbourhood mutt must have got his paws on it."

"Shit! Then she doesn't know about Luke."

Paul's brow furrowed curiously. "What about Luke? Is something going on with him or something?"

"He was attacked by one of the patients at the hospital last night."

"You're kidding me?"

Matt shook his head. "The guy who did it was a crack addict and was carrying a knife. When Luke tried to treat him, the guy stabbed him at least a couple of times."

Paul shook his head slowly as he tried to absorb the news. "I don't believe it. How is he?"

"When his parents called, they told me he was in intensive care and that the next twenty four hours would be critical. When I saw Steph wasn't in her room, I just assumed she had gotten my note and had gone to see him."

Paul sighed heavily as he laid down the bottle of water on the table. "She's sleeping in my room. I'd better go and tell her I guess."

He chose to ignore the inquisitive look on Matt's face as he left the kitchen. He didn't want to get into the whole thing of him and Stephanie right now. He had more important things on his mind like how he was going to break the news about Luke. Paul raked his hands nervously through his hair as he made his way to the bedroom. He tried hard not to dwell on the impact that Luke's attack would have on the events of last night. He wasn't stupid. He knew it would have to affect his relationship with Stephanie somehow. But right now, he didn't want to think about that. It wasn't exactly the time to be selfish or feel worried about himself. The only person that mattered was Stephanie and how she was going to take it.

As Paul pushed open the door, he didn't expect to see Stephanie awake and sitting up in his bed. Her beautiful smile made his chest tight and he wondered how wrong it would be to just take her in his arms for a while; to hold her in bed and pretend this wasn't happening right now.

"I think you're missing something there Levesque. Weren't you supposed to be bringing me breakfast?" she teased.

But her smile quickly faded and she frowned at the absent smile Paul offered her as he sat down beside her on the bed. He looked preoccupied and quite clearly had something on his mind. She could tell by the way his eyes darted around as he chewed nervously on his fingernail. In fact he could hardly look at her. Stephanie's stomach churned as she touched his big arm to get his attention. Inwardly she was worried and prayed that it had nothing to do with what had happened between them last night. She couldn't face it if Paul regretted it and considered it a mistake. Not when it had been the happiest day of her life.

"Steph, there's something I need to tell you."

Stephanie's heart felt heavy as he covered her hand with his. She suddenly felt a little cold and a little scared. She could see the solemn expression on Paul's face and it made her want to scream, shout, anything. Anything to stop her from having to listen to what he had to tell her. Because she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear anything that had the potential to break her heart. Panicking, Stephanie quickly pulled her hand away and threw back the covers to get out of bed.

"Steph, what are you doing? I told you. I need to talk to you."

She shook her head, backing slowly towards the door. She refused to look at him as the blood beat in her ears. "I don't want to hear it, Paul. I can't. Not when I believed every single word you said to me last night."

Stephanie's hand reached for the door knob when Paul's voice halted her in her tracks.

"Wait Steph. You've got it all wrong."

She turned her head. Paul had stood up from the bed and was crossing the room towards her. She let out a heavy sigh confused.

"This has got nothing to do with us." he explained. "Well not directly anyways."

Stephanie looked at him not sure what to say. On one hand she was relieved that Paul didn't consider last night a mistake. On the other, she was still worried about whatever it was that affected them directly or indirectly. She watched with trepidation as Paul placed his hands on her shoulders and gave her a sympathetic smile.

"There's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to come right out with it. Steph, Luke was attacked last night."

Her eyes widened as she let out a gasp of shock. Her hand covered her mouth as Paul told her everything they knew about the attack and Luke's condition.

"I'm sorry Steph." he told her as he finished.

Stephanie felt the tears well in her eyes as Paul hugged her tightly. Her arms remained limp by her side unable to bring herself to hug him back. She couldn't touch him; not when she felt so fucking guilty about Luke. Because the harsh truth was that while Luke was being attacked last night, she was declaring her love for another man. God that made her such a selfish bitch especially knowing she had spent the night in Paul's bed instead of being with Luke. And although she had no regrets about her and Paul at all, she knew she had a sense of duty to be by Luke's side right now. After all, as far as everyone was concerned, she was still his fiancée. And she did still care about him. The least she could do was be there for him when he needed her.

Stephanie slowly pulled away from Paul and began to move towards the door, unable to bring herself look at him. Because if she looked at him she'd only be tempted to stay. And she couldn't stay. Not now. "I need to go to the hospital." she told him.

Paul nodded as his concerned brown eyes watched her carefully as her hand wiped at her wet cheeks. "Do you want me to take you there?"

"No, its alright." she sniffed. "I think it would be better if I just went on my own."

Paul nodded his head once more showing her he understood perfectly why she wouldn't want him there. And if he was honest, he didn't particularly want to go either. He just wanted Stephanie to know he would be there for her. Regardless of what was or wasn't happening between them right now, he was still her best friend and he cared about her.

"You know where I am if you need me, okay?"

Stephanie nodded and opened the door. She lingered in the doorway for a second before offering him an apologetic smile. "I'd better go."

Paul watched her leave clicking the door shut behind her. He sighed softly throwing himself down on the bed and burying his face in the pillows trying to block any thoughts from his head. Because he didn't want to think about Stephanie right now. He didn't want to dwell on what had just happened. If he did, he might just persuade himself that the look of guilt on Stephanie's face was something he should be worried about. That they were over; over before they had even had the chance to get started.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Stephanie gripped Luke's hand tightly as she sat by his bedside watching him sleep. The machine beside her beeped steadily as it monitored his heartbeat. The thing that had frightened her most about him was how pale his skin looked. It was almost translucent and a stark contrast to his dark head of hair. But she guessed it was only to be expected. Luke had lost a lot of blood where the knife had perforated his stomach lining. But thankfully the surgery had been successful and according to the doctors, there was no reason why, in time, he shouldn't make a full recovery.

Stephanie sighed as she reached out to lightly trace his brow. She was happy and so relieved he was going to be okay. She didn't know if she could have forgiven herself if it had turned out to be otherwise never mind the fact she was feeling tremendously guilty about what had happened. And she should feel guilty. After all it was her fault Luke had been at the hospital last night. According to Wendy, a fellow doctor in the A&E department, Luke had been planning to take Stephanie to dinner. When he hadn't been able to get hold of her yesterday afternoon, he had volunteered to cover the extra shift. It was covering that shift that had led to him being stabbed by that crack addict. And the thing that really got her was she knew Luke had called her but she had ignored him. She had seen his name on her phone when it had rang out but she had been with Paul in the store at the time and hadn't wanted to talk to him. So instead she had left his call unanswered and had switched off her phone.

Stephanie sniffed loudly as she blinked back her guilt ridden tears. Luke may not be the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, but she still cared for him deeply. It broke her heart to see him lying here like this. Her inability to be honest with him had caused him to get hurt and that was the last thing she wanted to happen. Luke had done nothing wrong in any of this. After all, it wasn't his fault she had fallen in love with Paul. God, Paul.

Stephanie closed her eyes as she thought about the man who had stolen her heart. She had fallen in love with him so unexpectedly and so fast it had left her reeling. Yet at the same time, it was so familiar like she had always loved him and she guessed in a way she had. It had just taken her a while to realise what was right under her nose. Paul was everything she had been looking for. She had been so overwhelmed last night when she realised he had felt the same way. That Paul fallen for her like she had fallen for him. It was more than she ever could have dreamed of and when he had kissed her, it had been the sweetest most wonderful kiss in the world. It had literally taken her breath away.

The voices of Luke's parents snapped her from her thoughts. Stephanie looked up to smile at them, grateful for their support. They had been nothing but sweet and kind to her since she had arrived this morning. Her apologies had been silenced by hugs and reassurances that it wasn't her fault. But it was her fault. Nothing anyone could do or say would possibly change that.

"You look tired. You should go and get some fresh air, dear." Luke's mother said patting her shoulder as his father sat across on the other side of the bed.

"I'm fine, honestly" Stephanie replied, smiling at her.

"Well, you don't look fine to me. You look exhausted." Anne observed as she reached across and touched her son's face. "A break will do you the world of good. We'll be here to look after him."

"Okay. I guess I could grab a coffee or something." Stephanie relented pushing back her chair and getting to her feet. Although she was reluctant to leave Luke, she knew she should give his parents some time alone with their son. She picked up her purse, tucking her hair behind her left ear. "I won't be long."

"Take as long as you need, dear." Anne waved at her as she walked out the door.

A page echoed over the tannoy as Stephanie walked along the corridor towards the cafeteria. She had only taken a handful of footsteps when she saw the familiar figure heading her way. Matt lifted his hand in a wave and she smiled, grateful to see him however there was a big part of her that couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed that he appeared to be alone. She gripped onto him tightly as he pulled her into a hug.

"How are you holding up?" he asked as he stood back observing her. The concern was evident in his blue eyes as he lightly gripped hold of her hand.

"I'm okay." Stephanie replied.

"And how is Luke?"

She sighed softly, absently lifting her right shoulder in a shrug. "He's still asleep. He's not woken up from surgery yet but the doctors are confident it's just a matter of time."

Matt nodded as he rubbed her arms affectionately. "I hope you don't mind me coming along tonight. I thought you might like the company. You sounded a little down when you called earlier on."

Stephanie shook her head. "Of course I don't mind, silly. It's great to see you." She gestured along the corridor. "I was actually going to grab a coffee. Care to join me?"

"Sure if you're buying." Matt smiled as he linked his arm through hers and they walked to the cafeteria, their footsteps echoing in the narrow corridor. "Naomi sends her apologies by the way. She wanted to come but she thought she had better puppy-sit. The damn dog has been causing chaos chewing everything in sight."

"And I can bet Paul is overjoyed about that one."

Stephanie's smile faltered as she lowered her head, her eyes falling on the squeaky linoleum floor. She hadn't meant to mention his name. It had just slipped out. Although she shouldn't be surprised it had. God knows he had been constantly on her mind today and it was taking everything she had not to call him just to hear his voice.

"Actually Paul isn't home."

"Oh?"

Stephanie lifted her head curiously and Matt smiled at her knowingly. He had a feeling she might wonder where he was.

"He left pretty much after you did today." he explained. "He decided to go and visit his parents. I think his mom was nagging him that he hadn't been home in a while."

Matt placed his hand on Stephanie's back and guided her to a table in the corner of the cafeteria.

"You stay there. I'll get our drinks."

Stephanie nodded her head and sat down on the small wooden chair. She placed her purse down on the table next to her and as she absently gazed around the room, she couldn't help but let her mind drift to Paul. She knew he had made no plans to visit home before this morning. It could only make her think that this situation with Luke was the reason he had gone. See, she knew him too well. She knew visiting home was usually his way of escaping, giving him time to lick his wounds about whatever was troubling him at the time. And she knew Paul was troubled. She had seen it in his face in his bedroom this morning.

And that was something else she felt extremely guilty about. Paul. She knew he would be confused about this whole situation. He had to be. After all, less than twenty four hours ago she had dragged him out into the street and confessed her love for him. Now she was here, keeping a vigil by the bed of the man that, for all intents and purposes, she was still engaged to and still cared for. She knew Paul understood she had to be here. He had even understood when she told him she wanted to come alone. But understanding didn't mean he wasn't hurting. And Paul was hurting. That was obvious by his need to get away for a while and visit home.

"Here you go."

Stephanie smiled gratefully as Matt placed the cup of steaming liquid in front of her.

"I was just thinking while I was standing in the queue that I hope Paul doesn't get home before I do. The thought of him and Naomi being alone is terrifying." Matt chuckled to himself as he stirred his coffee.

Stephanie smiled distractedly as she cautiously sipped at her drink. She didn't want to think anymore about Paul. Not know she knew he was hurting and she was the reason why. See, she couldn't dwell on her guilt over him. She had to try and put him to the back of her mind and be here for Luke. She owed Luke that much at least. God knows if she'd been a better girlfriend he wouldn't be lying in this damn hospital in the first place. She just had to pray that being here for Luke didn't mean she pushed Paul away in the process. Because the thought of that just didn't bear thinking about. She didn't want to lose him. She just couldn't. Not when he meant so much to her. Not when she loved Paul so much her heart ached painfully without him.

* * *

Paul was greeted by the boisterous Labrador puppy as soon as he walked through the door. He bent down and ruffled his black fur affectionately. Despite his protests to the contrary, he was actually pretty fond of the little mutt.

"Hiya boy. Did you miss me?"

"I guess it must be nice to know at least somebody did." Naomi shouted out to him.

Paul snarled at the sound of her voice. He was only in the door a few seconds and already it was irritating the hell out of him. He patted Riley's head and smiled with amusement as the dog stuck by him, following him through to the living room. Naomi was sitting on the sofa with her back to him, flicking through a magazine.

Paul couldn't resist the urge and made a face behind her back.

"You're still here then?" he commented.

"Yep and I just bet you're just overjoyed about that."

"I think I'll manage to contain my excitement." Paul shot back as he turned his head and snorted with laughter as his brown eyes fell on Naomi. "Jesus Christ! What the hell is that gunk on your face?"

Naomi shook her head in disdain. "It's a cucumber and aloe vera beautifying face mask."

"Beautify, huh? I'd ask for a refund if I were you."

"Fuck off, Paul."

Paul snickered to himself as he picked up the remote control. He enjoyed winding her up. It was way too easy and way too much fun.

"Don't turn it over. I'm watching that."

He scowled and shook his head. "No you're not. You're reading your damn magazine." He sat down on the opposite sofa and turned the channel.

"Are you always such a dick?"

"Yep."

"God only knows how Matt and Stephanie put up with living here."

"If you don't like it, feel free to move out."

Naomi glared at him. "You know what? I wouldn't want to give you the satisfaction." She picked up Riley who was chewing on the leg of her jeans and placed him down beside her.

"The dog isn't allowed on the sofa." Paul said as he flicked the channels.

"Says who?"

"Says me."

Paul smiled with smug satisfaction as he watched her lift Riley up and put him back down. He actually didn't mind the dog being there but it was just another excuse to for him to get under Naomi's skin and judging by her deathly glare, he was doing a good job by all accounts.

"You know there's no need to take your pissy mood out on me."

"I'm not in a pissy mood."

"Oh yes you are." said Naomi, looking at him smugly. "I can tell."

Paul snorted at her. "How the fuck can you tell what kind of mood I'm in? You don't know me."

"I know you better than you think." Naomi examined her fingernails and tried not to smile. She was enjoying this especially when she knew she would have the last laugh.

"You do not know me. In fact you know nothing about me."

"Oh yes I do." Naomi replied in a sing song voice which only served to irritate Paul even further. His brown eyes narrowed in her direction.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Actually I wouldn't." retorted Paul as he began casually flicking through the channels once more.

Naomi stared at him. She saw the smug look on his face and took great satisfaction in knowing she was about to wipe it off. "Yeah well for the record there is one thing about you I do know, one thing that's completely obvious to me and everybody else with eyes in their head."

She paused, waiting for him to take the bait. She didn't have to wait long.

"Oh, here we go. Naomi know-it-all strikes again." Paul threw down the remote on the sofa and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, come on. What is it? I know you're just dying to tell me."

"Okay." She watched him intently. "Well it's obvious to me you're completely in love with Stephanie."

She saw his face fall for a second before he managed to quickly compose himself.

"Shut the fuck up, Naomi. You don't know what you're talking about."

Paul picked up the remote control again and staring at the television, he began to flick the channels once more effectively trying to end the conversation but Naomi wasn't done with him.

"Oh yes I do know. And that's why you didn't deny it because you know I'm telling you the truth."

She picked up her magazine and stood up. Paul still refused to look at her but she didn't care and carried on regardless.

"And I bet I can hazard a guess that's why you're in such a pissy mood, isn't it? You love Stephanie but she doesn't love you and you're all heartbroken about it. Well boo-fucking-hoo."

"Fuck off, Naomi."

"No I won't. Not until you admit it."

Paul glared at her angrily. "Admit what?"

Naomi tightened her robe as she felt her own anger bubble to the surface. His attitude sickened and frustrated her and she was tired of pussy footing around the guy all the time. Well she wouldn't be pussy footing any more.

"Admit that you're pissed off!" she cried. "You're pissed off because you love Stephanie and you can't have her. Well tough shit, Levesque. Stephanie doesn't love you and you need to accept that. Stop being so fucking selfish all the time!"

Paul stood up quickly, startling Naomi and causing her to step back. "You don't know what you're talking about so I would shut up if I were you."

"Why? Because I'm the only one that has the guts to tell you the truth?"

"The truth! You wouldn't know the truth if it came up and bit you in the fucking ass!"

"Maybe. But at least I can support my friends when they need me."

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think means, Paul? Stephanie needs you right now. She's going through hell and where have you been, huh? Have you been there for her? No. Instead you've been home sulking with your mommy!"

Paul could feel his blood beginning to boil. He walked menacingly towards Naomi, his finger pointed in her direction. The stupid bitch was really starting to piss him off. "I would shut your face Naomi. Right now." he warned.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

Matt's voice startled them both as he burst into the living room and they jumped apart as he walked towards them, his grey eyes glaring at them inquisitively.

"I could hear you two half way down the stairs for Christ sakes."

Paul looked at him, his face red with fury. "Tell your psycho girlfriend to shut the fuck up then. Nothing but shit comes out of her stupid mouth!" he yelled.

Matt's lips parted, taken aback by Paul's anger. He knew Naomi tried his friend's patience on more than a few occasions but he had never seen him like this. He turned to Naomi who was standing glaring at Paul. He touched her shoulder to get her attention.

"Naomi, what have you been saying to him?"

"Nothing. I've just been telling him a few home truths, that's all."

"Like what?"

Naomi turned back to stare at Paul. She wanted to see the look on his face as he heard the words out loud one last time. "That he's a selfish bastard. Poor Stephanie is going through hell right now. She needs her friends to support her. Her fiancé is lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life and all he can think about is the fact that he can't have her for himself. He can't handle the fact she loves someone else."

Matt saw Paul move towards her and he placed his hand on his arm to hold him back.

"Naomi, I need to talk to Paul alone. Please."

He saw her make a face but watched with relief as she eventually left the room a moment later with Riley close at her heels.

"I want her out of here."

Matt rolled his eyes as Paul began pacing in front of him.

"Paul, listen…."

"I mean it Matthew. She's gone."

Paul raked his hand through his hair and he sighed heavily before sitting down on the sofa. His breathing was heavy as he tried to keep his temper in check. It was taking everything he had not to grab that bitch and throw her out the door.

Matthew sighed as he sat down opposite him. He knew Naomi's comments had been bang out of order. Especially after what Stephanie had told him at the hospital. He still couldn't believe it. They had been drinking their coffee when he had made an off the cuff remark about Paul. He couldn't remember what it was but he could remember the tears that sprung to her eyes at the mention of his name. He had asked Stephanie about it and after a minute of protesting it was nothing, she had told him the truth about last night. He had to admit he had been slightly shocked at first. After all, he knew how Paul felt but he had no idea Stephanie felt the same way. But the happiness he should have had for them was tarnished by the situation Stephanie found herself in. She had told Matt that although she loved Paul, she had to concentrate on Luke right now. And although she was probably doing the right thing, he knew that would provide little consolation to his best friend sitting in front of him.

Matt pushed his glasses up his nose as he leant back against the cushions. His grey eyes watched Paul sympathetically. "I'm sorry about Naomi. I'll talk to her."

"Yeah? Well while you're at it, you can tell her to pack her bags and take that mutt with her."

Matt paid his threat no attention. He knew Paul was only lashing out in anger and right now, he couldn't blame him one little bit.

"I went to the hospital tonight." he told him.

Paul sighed as his big hands rubbed at his face wearily. "Is Luke okay?"

"Well he's out of the woods at least. He lost a lot of blood but they think he should make a full recovery."

"Good."

And Paul meant it. Although he had never been a fan of the guy, he was genuinely relieved he was okay for his sake and of course for Stephanie's. God, he was so worried about her. He knew she would be blaming herself and taking the whole thing really hard. He just wished he could be there for her and offer his support. It was killing him to be away from her and be so distant but at least she had Matt. She wasn't alone. That provided him with a little consolation at least.

Paul cleared his throat and wiped his hands absently on his jeans. "How's Steph?" he eventually asked tentatively.

"She's fine. She's holding up."

He watched Paul nod his head and chew thoughtfully on his lip. Matt knew he was concerned about her. He just hoped he knew Stephanie was concerned about him too. He decided to tell Paul he knew the truth. After all, it couldn't hurt and with Stephanie occupied with Luke, he knew his friend would need someone to talk to. He wanted Paul to know he was there for him. He cleared his throat and smiled at Paul as he got his attention.

"When I was at the hospital, Steph and I had a chance to talk. Paul, she told me what happened between you last night and I just want to say I'm sorry that it's been spoiled by what's happened to Luke."

Paul gave him a wry smile as he lifted his right shoulder in an absent shrug. "I'm just glad for Stephanie's sake that he's going to be alright."

"But what about you? Are you going to be okay?" Matt said, with a concerned look on his face.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I know how much you love Steph. It's got to be hurting you to know that she's putting Luke first right now."

Paul shook his head denying that fact. "Steph is doing the right thing. She needs to be there for him." He sighed as he shifted in his seat raking his hand through his hair. "But what is hurting me right now is the fact that she's blaming herself. I know her Matt and I know what she's thinking. She thinks that somehow it's her fault that Luke was stabbed last night. That's she is to blame. Steph feels guilty about it and that guilt will probably mean our relationship is over before it even got started."

"I don't think so." said Matt, shaking his head. "Once Luke has recovered things will get back to normal. She'll tell him it's over. Then you guys can finally have that chance to be together."

"And that's what I admire about you, Dolan. You're always an eternal optimist, aren't you?"

"And why not? You've got no reason to think otherwise."

Paul sighed once more as he stared at his clutched hands resting on his lap. "Yes I do. You didn't see her reaction this morning." He lifted his head. His brown eyes were sad. "She pushed me away, Matt. She pushed me away because she felt guilty about Luke. That guilt is going to put distance between us and it sucks. And the reason why it sucks is because not only will we lose our chance to be together, I might also lose my best friend."

Matt reached out and touched his knee. "You'll not lose Stephanie, Paul. Trust me. She loves you."

"I wish I could believe that. I really do." Paul pushed himself off the chair. "I need a drink. Do you want one?"

Matt nodded his head. "Thanks."

Paul walked into the kitchen and before he got the bottles of beer, he leant against the refrigerator door and sighed, bowing his head. He just couldn't get Stephanie out of his mind. Not only was he worried, he was scared. The thought of not having Stephanie in his life terrified him. He didn't want to live without her. He couldn't. Not now he knew what it was like to love her and have her love him back. When he held her in his arms last night, it had just felt right. He had felt complete. Stephanie was the one person that had finally filled that empty void in his life. He just had to hope and pray that Matt was right and he wouldn't lose her. He didn't know how he would cope if he did.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Stephanie rubbed her eyes wearily as she began to climb the stairs to the apartment. Her legs felt like lead as they moved slowly up the concrete steps. She felt absolutely exhausted after spending the better part of the day and night sitting by Luke's bedside. She was both emotionally and physically drained. Then of course there was the guilt she felt about everything; the guilt that continued to eat her up inside. Deliberately pushing that thought aside, Stephanie rummaged in her purse for her key and unlocked the door. To her surprise, the apartment was in darkness and completely silent. Although it was almost midnight, it was still unusual for no-one to be up especially Paul. Then again, for all she knew, Paul was still away visiting his parents. She hadn't spoken to him at all today and it just felt easier that way; easier on her mind that was. Not her heart.

Stephanie sighed sadly as she switched on the light. Her eyes squinted as the living room was bathed in a bright glow. The first thing she noticed was the familiar black leather coat thrown across the back of the sofa. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest as she realised Paul was obviously home after all. Impulsively, she wandered across to the sofa and lifted up the jacket. Holding it in her arms, Stephanie breathed in the faint trace of his cologne. She closed her eyes pulling it to her chest suddenly feeling terribly overwhelmed. God, she had missed him. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about him ever since her confession to Matt. Paul had been constantly on her mind even when she was sitting holding Luke's hand. And although she knew that made her a horrible person, she hadn't been able to stop herself. She was desperately worried about him. Despite his ability to put on a good front at times, Paul was a sensitive person. He wore his heart on his sleeve and she knew this whole thing would be affecting him terribly. Hell, it was affecting her too. She had really missed him today. Paul was always there through any bad times, supporting her and comforting her, telling her that everything was going to be okay. He was her rock. Her best friend. And although they had both agreed it was better for him not to be at the hospital, she had wanted him there. She had wanted him there holding her hand, telling her that it was alright. Because that's what he did. Paul helped her believe everything would work out for the best in the end.

Carefully placing his coat back down and after hesitating for a few seconds, Stephanie made her way down the hallway. She suddenly felt an inexplicable pull towards Paul. She was probably being selfish but she needed him. She needed him to hold her in his arms and help her to forget. Because that's what she wanted. She wanted to forget Luke's attack even happened. She wanted to forget that was probably her fault too. All she wanted to remember was Paul and the fact that he loved her. And she wanted to hold onto that love. It felt like the only thing holding her together right now.

Stephanie didn't knock on his bedroom door. The blood beat in her ears as she opened it quietly and tried to ignore the disappointment she felt when she found the room in darkness. Paul wasn't there.

Stephanie was about to leave when she heard the soft snore from the bed. The mattress creaked as Paul shifted his position. She smiled as she heard his low steady breathing and made out his sleeping form in the shadows. Suddenly her arms ached to hold him. Tiptoeing across to the bed, she removed her shoes and her jeans. Stephanie left her blouse and underwear on and fumbling in the darkness for the covers, she pulled them back and got in beside Paul. Her arm reached out for him, pulling his back to her chest. She immediately felt the heat from his soft skin as she snuggled into him. She pressed her lips to his shoulder, kissing him softly. Suddenly her emotions got the better of her and Stephanie swallowed the lump in her throat as she held him close.

"I love you." she whispered as she closed her eyes, trying to hold back her tears. But it was in vain. They began to stream down her cheeks as she let out a soft cry. Her body shuddered with her sobbing as she clung desperately to Paul.

He quickly stirred beside her, the sound of her crying interrupting his sleep. He mumbled something incoherent as he opened his eyes and as he came round, he became aware of the body lying next to him. Her sobbing alarmed him and he lifted Stephanie's arm as he rolled gently over onto his back.

"Steph? Steph what is it? What's wrong?" he asked her thickly.

"I…..I…."

Her voice trailed off in a tortured cry. Stephanie couldn't speak. Instead she buried her face in his chest and continued to sob. He could feel the wetness of her tears on his skin as her shoulders trembled. Every single tear she shed broke his heart. Paul rubbed her back soothingly as he tried his best to comfort her. That was all that he could do. He was powerless to do anything else.

"Sshhhhhh." he hushed as he held her close. "Its okay, Steph. Its going to be alright."

As he kissed her soft hair, Paul knew his words were empty. After all, he hadn't a clue why Stephanie was so upset or why she was even in his bed so there was no way he could even know things would be okay. But what else could he say and he felt he had to offer her some solace. Anything that would somehow stop her pain. God, he was worried about her. He had to admit he was surprised to find her here but he was glad. He wanted to spend every moment he could with her in his arms. God only knows how long it would last. Because he wasn't stupid. He knew how Stephanie worked. He knew it was only a matter of time until her guilt forced them apart. Until then he would take what time they got.

Eventually he could feel her body still as her crying stopped and Paul kissed the top of her head once more.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, softly.

Stephanie sniffed as she nodded her head against his chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so upset." She let out a shaky breath as she moved her hand slowly across his chest.

"There's no need to apologise, Steph. You're entitled to be upset. Look what you've been through today."

Paul's eyes closed as Stephanie's fingers began to trace circles against his skin. Christ. He'd dreamt of this moment a thousand times and each movement was killing him. He wanted this so much. He wanted her.

"I didn't mean to wake you up. I just wanted to be close to you. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just scared."

"Scared of what?"

Paul felt his breath hitch in his chest as Stephanie brought her face to his and he felt the warmth of her breath dance over his skin.

"I'm scared of losing you." she whispered.

His eyes fluttered open as he let out a soft sigh, brushing back Stephanie's hair with his hand. He felt relieved. Relieved that she was just as scared as he was. Her fears were his fears. And that gave him hope. It meant Stephanie wasn't prepared to give up on them just yet and he was going to hold to that. God knows he couldn't let her go.

"You're not going to lose me, Steph." Paul told her.

"You promise?"

"I promise." he replied gently. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be here waiting. Trust me. I'm not going anywhere."

Paul couldn't hold back any longer. Cupping his big hand around her cheek, he drew Stephanie's face to his and brushed his lips over hers.

"I love you." he whispered into the shadows.

Stephanie's mouth curved into a small smile. "Ditto." she replied.

"Hey. Stop stealing my lines."

"Yeah well you ripped them off first Levesque. And not just once if you remember."

"Oh I remember."

Despite the playful lilt to his voice, Stephanie could hear the underlying serious tone. She knew Paul was thinking about last night, just like she was. God, they had been so happy. Realising they felt the same way about one another was all her dreams come true. Unfortunately those dreams turned into a nightmare once she had discovered Luke was hurt. Thankfully it looked like he would make a full recovery and once Luke was back on his feet, perhaps she and Paul would have the chance to be as happy as they were twenty four hours ago. But that chance seemed like another lifetime away. Every minute apart from Paul stretched like an eternity. She loved him so much. In fact there weren't enough words to even express how much she loved him. She just knew her heart felt like it would burst every time she was with him. Like right here and now. There was so much she wanted to say to him. She wanted Paul to know exactly how much he meant to her. But she didn't even know how to start that conversation. Instead she was overcome with the urge to show him instead. To offer herself to him so completely Paul would have no doubt at all as to how she felt about him. Stephanie wanted to be as close to him as possible. She needed him, body and soul.

As her body tingled with her desire for him, Stephanie's lips hovered above his temptingly.

"Be with me, Paul." she pleaded huskily.

Her wet mouth kissed him. Paul swallowed thickly. All logic and reason went out of his head as Stephanie's body pressed seductively against him. All he could think about was how much he wanted her. She tasted so fucking incredible and she was so close. The heat of her soft skin was so enticing. His own body burned with her touch. Suddenly Luke and all their problems were the furthest thing from his mind. Nothing else mattered except the love they had for each other. A love that completely fuelled his need for her. A need that had always been there since the moment he had fallen for her. Paul let his heart take over as he rolled onto his side, facing Stephanie. Their eyes met in the shadowy darkness as his fingers undid the buttons on her blouse. His hands were shaking as he pushed the cotton material over her shoulders and brushed aside her long brown strands. He needed to ask her. He wanted to be sure this wasn't a mistake because this meant way too much to him to have her ever regret it.

"You're sure this is what you want?"

Stephanie nodded and her fingers lightly traced his face. "I want this, Paul. I want you. Please."

She didn't have to ask him twice. Paul kissed her passionately as he rolled her onto her back. The mattress creaked as his body moved over hers. As his hand pushed aside the lace cup of her bra, his tongue entered her mouth deepening the kiss. Stephanie moaned softly as his palm grazed over her nipple before he squeezed her left breast. His touch was driving her crazy as tingles of pleasure shot up her spine. God knows this was everything she ever wanted. She'd never felt so alive. Stephanie arched her back letting out a whimper as Paul's hot mouth descended on her. His tongue flicked and teased the sensitive nipple. Her fingers threaded through his long blonde hair as she gripped the strands desperately. She forgot everything else but them and this moment. It would be more perfect than she had imagined. It was everything she had ever hoped for.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Stephanie's eyes slowly fluttered open and a slow smile crossed her face as she came to and felt his arms wrapped around her. Paul. His body felt deliciously warm next to hers and his gentle breathing whispered over her skin. Stephanie sighed contentedly and slowly shifted round to face him careful not to wake him. Paul was still fast asleep and he looked so peaceful in his slumber. Unable to shake off the need to touch him, Stephanie lifted her hand and her fingertips lightly traced his brow. He was so beautiful and perfect to her. A wave of emotions rippled through her as she lay beside him, simply watching him. Last night had been terribly overwhelming for her. They had made love until the sun had come up and she could say without a doubt that it had been the most incredible night of her life. She had felt things she had just never experienced before. Not even with Luke. Not with anyone. It was like Paul had a road map to her soul and he knew exactly what she craved and needed from him. He had been passionate and assured yet his touch felt so gentle and tender. He really was like no other man she had been with before. With Paul she found part of herself that she never even knew existed; the part of her that had been empty without him. Now with him, she felt complete.

Stephanie moved closer and nestled against her head against his chest. She could hear the steady beating of his heart and it soothed her somewhat. Paul was real and what she felt for him was just as real. Ask her heart. It was bursting with love for him. Yet at the same time it was breaking at the thought of losing him. Because despite Paul's whispered reassurances that everything was going to work out, she was still scared. Her sense of loyalty to Luke had the potential to tear them apart. She knew it had to be hard for Paul to know she was putting another man before him. She just hoped Paul had meant it when he said he would wait for her because that was the only thing holding her together right now. The mere thought of being without him was terrifying. But there was nothing else she could do. She couldn't abandon Luke. Not now. Not when he needed her the most. Her guilt just wouldn't allow it.

Stephanie closed her eyes and relished one last moment being in Paul's arms. She had to leave for the hospital soon and visit Luke. She had promised she would be there first thing and he would wonder where she was. God knows sitting by his bedside was the least she could do for him. After all it was her fault he was lying in that bed. If she'd just answered her damn cell phone that night then maybe Luke wouldn't have been hurt. He wouldn't have been stabbed by that crack addict because he would have been with her instead.

But while part of her regretted her actions, the other part couldn't help but be extremely grateful too. And if that made her a horrible person, she really didn't care. Because the truth was if she had answered Luke's call, Stephanie knew she wouldn't be here now. She wouldn't have gone to that bar with Paul and his friends. She would have never found the courage to talk to Paul and find out he was in love with her. In turn her own feelings would have remained a secret and her dream of finally being with Paul just wouldn't have come true. And the mere thought of that now, after everything and particularly after last night, just didn't bear thinking about at all.

Dropping a kiss on his chest, Stephanie lifted her head and her blue eyes sought out Paul's face once more. A soft smile traced her lips. She felt so content lying here and so safe wrapped in his arms. It was so easy to imagine lying here that nothing else existed. It was just them, together. No-one else mattered. But unfortunately that couldn't be further from the truth. She had an obligation to someone else; someone else who did matter because she still cared about Luke despite her feelings for Paul. God, she felt so torn.

Stephanie sighed heavily as she gently began to pull away from Paul. She didn't want to leave him but unfortunately she had to. She had no other choice. Lifting his big arm, she carefully untangled her body from his and her lips brushed gently over his cheek before she pulled back the covers. Stephanie lightly cursed the mattress that creaked as she got out of bed. She glanced at Paul making sure he was still asleep. She didn't want to disturb him and spotting one of his shirts flung across the chair, Stephanie quickly grabbed it and pulled it on before gathering up her clothes that lay scattered across the carpet. She tiptoed towards the door and quietly closed it behind her.

"Good morning."

The sound of Matt's voice startled her and Stephanie jumped slightly as she turned and noticed him standing in front of her looking at her curiously.

"Matt, hey." she replied as she nervously raked her hand through her tangled hair. "Em, shouldn't you be at work?"

Stephanie didn't wait for a reply as she shuffled towards the bathroom and nudging open the door, she dumped her clothes in the laundry hamper.

"I've got the week off. I was due some vacation time." Matt informed her as he followed her in. His shoulder leant against the door frame as he watched her grab her toothbrush from the holder at the basin.

"I take it Paul is still asleep?"

Stephanie lifted her head and met his gaze in the mirror. She nodded her head contritely knowing there was no point in even trying to deny the fact they had spent the night together.

"Then I'd better call Tim and let him know he'll be late in this morning."

Stephanie smiled in acknowledgment before squeezing the toothpaste on the brush. Matt watched her for a moment chewing on the corner of his lip. It was on the tip of his tongue to say something to her about the situation with Paul. Part of him was holding back thinking it was probably none of his business. The other part was telling him they were both his best friends. He cared about them. The last thing he wanted was either of them getting hurt. That's why he had to say something before this whole thing spiralled out of control.

His mind made up, Matt wandered over to Stephanie. He offered her a tentative smile as she brought the toothbrush to her mouth. It hovered at the corner of her lips as she waited for him to say something. She didn't have to wait long as Matt rubbed her shoulder affectionately.

"You know I'm on your side, right? I mean no one was happier than I was when you and Paul admitted your feelings for each other. But I have to confess I'm worried too."

Matt's grey eyes looked into hers. Stephanie's hand dropped from her mouth placing the toothbrush on the basin before she turned to face him. He had something on his mind and she was going to hear it whether she wanted to or not.

"Can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Sure." she replied, nodding.

"Be honest with him."

Stephanie's forehead crinkled with her frown. She was suddenly confused. She didn't have a clue where Matt was coming from or what he was trying to say to her here.

"Of course I'll be honest. I would never lie to Paul." she said.

"Good. He deserves to know where he stands, Steph."

"What do you mean?" Stephanie asked, pushing her hair behind her ear as she looked at her friend inquisitively. "Because I don't understand. You're going to have to explain what you're getting at Matt."

Matt sighed and taking a couple of steps back, he sat down on the toilet seat. He pushed his glasses up his nose before folding his arms across his chest. He offered her a small smile. "Things between you and Paul are on hold right now, aren't they?"

Stephanie nodded reluctantly feeling the guilt creep up on her again. "But believe me, it's not what I want."

"And it's not what Paul wants either but I know he understands. In fact, we've talked about it and we both think you're doing the right thing."

"I have to Matt." she told him sadly. "I've no other choice right now. I have to be there for Luke."

"I know." Matt told her holding his hand up to silence her and show her he completely understood. He was on her side. "Like I said, you're doing the right thing by Luke. I just want you to make sure you're doing the right thing by Paul too."

"What do you mean?"

"Just don't confuse him." Matt paused for a second as he dropped his hands to his lap and absently rubbing his thighs he offered Stephanie a tight smile. "Don't be with him one minute then push him away the next because despite his cockiness at times, Paul wears his heart on his sleeve. It can make him pretty vulnerable. I just don't want to see him getting hurt."

"Me neither." Stephanie sniffed as Matt's words weighed heavily on her. It honestly hadn't been her intention to hurt Paul or confuse him. It was the last thing she wanted. God, she'd been so selfish last night. She'd put her feelings first, before everything else. But she had needed him so desperately. She had wanted to cling on to Paul; to know that despite everything, he would be there for her. She just needed to know she wasn't going to lose him.

"In fact, I don't want to see either of you get hurt." Matt said gently interrupting her thoughts.

Stephanie saw the concerned expression on his face and suddenly she felt like crying. It was all such a mess and she didn't know how to put it right. Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall, Stephanie pressed the heel of her hand to her mouth.

"God Steph, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Matt cried as he walked across and pulled her into his arms. Stephanie sniffed as she rested her head against his shoulder. She swallowed, pushing back the hard lump in her throat.

"Its okay, Matt. It's alright. Honestly."

Stephanie lifted her head and sighed sadly as her friend's arms hung loosely around her waist.

"You were only speaking the truth and I know you mean well. Honestly?" she sniffed. "I didn't mean to complicate things between us. I really didn't. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt Paul."

"I know."

"He means too much to me."

Stephanie paused biting worriedly on her lip as she stepped out of their embrace. Her big blue eyes looked up at him, pleading with him.

"I'm worried about him, Matt. Will you look after him for me? Make sure he's alright with everything?"

"Sure."

"Because you know what he's like." Stephanie said, her lips curling into a fond smile. "Paul always tries to make out everything is absolutely fine when it's usually the opposite."

"Sounds like someone else standing not too far away." Matt replied as he tweaked her nose affectionately before pulling her into another hug.

"Is this a private warm and fuzzy or can anyone join in?"

They both looked up startled as they broke apart. Paul was smiling with amusement as he leant against the door, his arms folded across his bare chest.

"I see you've finally risen from the dead." Matt smiled as he raked his hand through his hair. "Do you know the time? You're late for work, you know."

"I'm the boss, Matthew. I think I can afford a tardy slip or two."

"In that case, you'll have time for breakfast. Naomi's making pancakes. Do you want some?"

"No thank you." Paul scowled. "By the way, has she packed her bags yet?"

"Is Naomi leaving?" Stephanie asked in surprise as she looked between them both, her nose wrinkled in confusion.

"Yes." Paul replied adamantly, still staring at Matt.

"You were serious?"

Stephanie interrupted before Paul could reply. "Look guys, what's going on here? Why is Naomi suddenly leaving? I thought her apartment was still out of bounds."

"It is." Matt sighed. "But Paul and Naomi had an argument last night."

"You're damn right we did." Paul snarled back. "She was bang out of order. She had no right to say what she did. The fucking bitch was lucky I didn't throw her out the door."

"Paul, calm down." Stephanie touched his shoulder. She smiled at Matt sympathetically. He was in an awkward position here stuck between a friend who he loved and a girlfriend he adored.

"He's right, though." he admitted to her. "She was out of order. I told her that last night hence the reason why she's making breakfast. It's her way of apologising."

"Well she can stick her apology up her ass!" said Paul.

Stephanie heard movement in the living room. She pulled Paul by the arm into the bathroom silencing him as she closed the door behind them. The last thing she needed was Naomi overhearing and causing more trouble. "Paul, you can't throw her out on the street." she hissed.

"I don't see why not." he replied as his brown eyes stared back at her defiantly.

Stephanie saw the look of determination on his face and she shook her head. He really could be a stubborn bastard at times. She glanced over at Matt. He shrugged his shoulders as he sat back down on the toilet seat. She genuinely felt for him. She had to make Paul see sense. The last thing she wanted was a rift between her two best friends. "Look, you just can't alright." she told him. "She's got nowhere else to stay."

Paul leant his hip against the sink crossing his legs in front of him as his arms folded over his chest. "That's not my problem."

"Paul, be reasonable. Think how Matt feels. Naomi is his girlfriend. He loves her and he wants her here. So do I for that matter."

His heavy sigh echoed around the four walls of the small room. Paul wearily rubbed his face with his hand as he thought about what Stephanie said. He hadn't really thought about Matt's feelings in all of this. He had just been too damn angry with his psycho girlfriend. But that wasn't Matt's fault and he reckoned he shouldn't be taking his anger out on him. And it was only natural he wouldn't want Naomi out on the streets even if the idea was personally extremely appealing. Sighing reluctantly, Paul eventually gave in.

"I guess I've been outnumbered then."

"Look if you really want her to go, I'll tell her." offered Matt.

Paul shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to upset his best friend. He'd just have to put up with the bitch. Somehow. At least it wasn't a permanent arrangement and as he pushed himself off the sink, Paul tried to find some comfort in that.

"She can stay. But one more word, just one, and I'll personally throw her ass out."

Matt nodded. "Understood." He smiled at Paul gratefully before making his way towards the door.

"Hey Matt!" Paul smirked as he turned round. "Tell her the pancakes don't cut it. I want a personal apology instead."

He saw Matt roll his eyes and chuckle as he left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. His friend knew he was only messing with him. Still it would be somewhat gratifying to have Naomi grovelling in front him.

Letting out a low chuckle of his own, Paul's attention turned to Stephanie. Suddenly he felt an awkward tension in the room as she quickly looked away and he realised she was avoiding looking at him. Instead she was standing chewing on her fingernail finding the design of the floor tiles somewhat fascinating. It was obvious she was feeling as anxious as he was; as he had been the second he had woken up and remembered the night before. What had happened between them had been totally unexpected on his part. But he didn't regret it. Not one single bit. God knows he had needed Stephanie as much as she had needed him. In fact it had been all his dreams come true. Just holding her in his arms had felt so right and he had somehow managed to convince himself that things would work out between them. After all they had shared something pretty damn special and he had felt this connection between them; a connection that went beyond anything he had ever felt before. And Stephanie's whispers of love had given him encouragement. Together, they could overcome any obstacle, including Luke. What they had was unbreakable.

But in the cold light of day, when he had woken up without her, Paul's belief in them and their love for one another had been replaced with doubt. He couldn't help it. He was frightened Stephanie would push him away again. She had pushed him away yesterday when she had discovered the truth about Luke and now, the fact she was standing there, unable to look at him, only accentuated that fear. Stephanie obviously felt guilty about last night but he could handle that. In fact he could handle anything as long as there were no regrets between them. Last night meant far too much to him to ever be labelled a mistake.

Paul nervously cleared his throat lightly scratching at his beard. He had to do something to dispel this awkwardness between them. He hated it and he hated the silence. Brushing his hair behind his ear, he forced a smile and a conversation.

"I was surprised to see you still here. I thought you'd gone to the hospital already."

"Not yet. I'll head over once I'm showered and changed." she replied.

Stephanie's eyes slowly lifted to meet his and as she met his gentle stare, she felt a rush of emotion that overwhelmed her. She quickly looked away once more and pressed her lips together trying her best to keep control. God knows it was taking everything she had not to pull him into her arms and hold him. She wanted to hold Paul and never let go. But she couldn't. She felt far too guilty especially with Matt's words preying on her mind. Because he had only spoken the truth after all. She had to try and keep her distance until Luke had recovered. It was only fair on Paul. She couldn't let her own selfishness or neediness get in the way. But it was going to be hard to keep away from him. Really hard in fact.

"I guess I'll get out of your way and leave you to it."

His words brought her out of her haze. Stephanie lifted her head quickly. She could see the flash of hurt in Paul's eyes as he walked past her. She immediately reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him. She couldn't let him leave. Not like this. She pulled him round to face her. The pained expression on his face broke her heart and made her forget all the rules. Stephanie instinctively reached out and slid her arms around him holding him tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Paul. I just don't know what I'm doing any more."

His big hand rubbed her back soothingly as she sighed into his chest. Paul breathed in her familiar perfume hearing the confusion in her voice and knowing he was just as confused. In fact his head was spinning and right now he didn't have a clue what was going on. One minute Stephanie couldn't look at him. The next she was pulling him into her arms. He just couldn't fathom her out other than the fact she was obviously finding the fact that they had slept together hard to deal with. But she had come to him. He thought it had been what she wanted.

"Last night should never have happened." she said softly.

Her words were like a knife to his gut and Paul could only push her away, angry that she hadn't wanted him and his worst fear had been realised. Stephanie viewed the best night of his life as a total mistake. Well it was a point of view he didn't share. Not by a long shot.

"You might regret it but I sure as hell don't." he shot back, his brown eyes flashing black with his anger. He tried his best to push past her, to escape, but she deliberately stood in front of him blocking his path.

"I never said I regretted it, Paul."

Stephanie's fingers felt like fire on his skin as she reached for him but he deliberately shrugged her off not wanting to remember what they had felt like touching him. Because they were memories that were tainted. Tainted by her guilt and her regret.

"Yeah? Well it sure as hell sounded that way to me." he retorted as he glared back at her. But that in itself was a mistake because Paul found himself being drawn into those incredible blue eyes; eyes that sucked him in no matter how hard he tried to fight it. And like that saying went, resistance was futile anyways and that certainly rang true where Stephanie was concerned. He could never resist her. He was pretty sure he never wanted to resist her either.

"Well it's the truth. I don't regret last night, Paul." Stephanie repeated as she watched him carefully. Those eyes were determined yet gentle as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"You took what I said the wrong way." she informed him.

"Well, how was I meant to take it?" he asked, his nose crinkling defensively. "You said yourself you wished it had never happened."

Stephanie sighed as she threw her hands in the air. "But not in the way you thought I meant it. I meant something else entirely."

Paul let out a groan of frustration feeling his head start to hurt. "Jesus Christ, Steph! You're confusing the hell out of me!" he cried.

"I know and I'm sorry. I really am."

Stephanie pressed her lips together as her voice wavered. She could feel her hot tears burn her eyes and she bit down on her lip to stop them. Because she had no right to cry. This was her fault. She was the one confusing Paul with her mixed up words and her mixed up messages. And he didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve any of it.

Stephanie sniffed loudly as her emotions got the better of her. Paul immediately felt guilty as he saw the distress she was in. He pulled her into his arms, letting his lips brush over her hair.

"I'm sorry too."

Paul sighed softly as his chin rested on her head. He began to wonder how everything got so damn complicated. Because it was meant to be simple. He loved Stephanie and she loved him. Unfortunately it just wasn't that easy. At least not for them.

"I want you to know last night was the best night of my life."

Her gentle voice lifted him from his thoughts. Paul pulled away to find Stephanie's blue eyes gazing up at him tenderly. Her hand cupped his cheek as her thumb began to trace his skin.

"We both shared something so incredible and beautiful. I'll never forget it." she smiled shyly.

Paul smiled back at her, his brown eyes softening and shining with his love for her.

"But I took advantage of you." Stephanie continued. "I was selfish and needy but I didn't mean to be. I just wanted to be close to you that's all. I just wanted to show you how much I love you. And I do love you, Paul. You know that don't you?"

Paul nodded as his fingers lifted to her hair, brushing it back from her forehead.

"And you know that I love you too right and you should also know that I wanted last night to happen every bit as much as you did."

"But don't you think it was wrong? I mean, shouldn't we have waited until I had sorted things out with Luke?"

"Maybe." Paul said lifting his right shoulder in a shrug. "But the way I see it is how could it be wrong when it felt so right between us?"

Stephanie's mouth curved into a delighted smile as her tears shone in her eyes. "It did, didn't it?"

"Yeah. See we fit together, McMahon. We're like bees and honey. Peanut butter and jelly."

She burst into laughter. "You're nuts."

"About you, yeah. And hey, I got you smiling." Paul grinned as he bent down and kissed her lips softly.

"I just don't want to lose you, Paul." admitted Stephanie, her smile faltering at the very thought of that happening. Because she couldn't lose him. It just wasn't an option for her or her heart.

"I told you. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here." he reassured her, squeezing her shoulders gently.

"You promise?"

"I promise." Paul said softly as he pressed his lips to her forehead, his fingers gently running through the ends of her hair. "Just remember that even though we can't be together right now, I'm still your best friend. I'll be here when you need me, Steph."

She smiled and closed her eyes as she rested her head against the delicious heat of his skin.

"Oh and by the way, feel free to wear my shirts anytime."

Stephanie's retort stuck in the back of her throat as the knock at the door startled her. Matt's voice drifted through to them.

"Steph, there's a call for you. It's Luke's mom." 

Stephanie lifted her head feeling her stomach start to churn anxiously. There had obviously been a development in his condition. Anne wouldn't be calling her otherwise.

"Hey, you'd better take that phone call." 

She nodded and smiled at Paul distractedly as they broke apart. She wandered past him opening the door. She felt oddly nervous as Matt handed her the cordless phone and she let out a calming breath before greeting Luke's mother. 

"Hello Anne." 

Paul and Matt stood watching her from the end of the hallway. Concern was etched across their pair of handsome faces.

"Do you think its good news?" 

Paul puffed out his cheeks sighing as he watched Stephanie stop and brush her hair behind her ear. "Man, I hope so. I really do." he replied.

Matt patted his back reassuringly and they both waited as Stephanie hung up. Her expression was blank not giving anything away as she walked back in their direction.

"How is he?" Matt blurted out, unable to wait any longer. 

"He's awake thank God. He's been asking for me." Stephanie replied as a slow delighted smile lit up her face. A smile that made Paul oddly uneasy but he tried to push that feeling aside. After all it was the news they all wanted. They all wanted Luke to be okay. 

"That's great news, Steph." Matt said pulling Stephanie into a hug.

"I know. I can't wait to see him now." she beamed and let out a squeal.

Again Paul felt that tight knot in his chest as he watched her. He knew he was being absolutely ridiculous but Stephanie sounded almost desperate to see Luke. While he told himself it was only natural she would be overjoyed and relieved he was out of the woods, part of him also wondered if she now realised how much Luke meant to her. Maybe she even saw this as a second chance for them. You read about these things happening all the time. Couples can be estranged, sometimes practically hating one another until tragedy occurs and you get a wake up call. You realise you don't want to lose that person. In fact the very idea of being without them breaks your heart in two. That's when you realise the truth. You realise you never really hated them at all. You realise you're actually still in love with them. 

"I guess I'd better get to the hospital." Stephanie said raking her hands through her hair. 

Matt quickly shook his head. "Breakfast first, young lady. Luke isn't going anywhere."

"Okay, okay." she grinned as her friend grabbed her by the hand and began leading her to the kitchen. Stephanie turned to glance at Paul and smiled.

"Are you joining us?"

Her wide grin made his breath catch in his throat. Paul shook his head, glancing away as his brow crinkled with his frown. 

"Nah, I'll skip it. I'm late for work as it is." 

"What happened to be being the boss and having the perks?" asked Matt as he stared at him curiously. 

Paul absently scratched his chin as he backed into the bathroom. "I forgot. I've got a meeting with a supplier. I'd better make tracks."

"Paul?" Stephanie called out.

But her only reply was the click of the door as it closed quietly behind him. 

Matt shook his head as he led her to the kitchen. "He's lying. He's avoiding someone and I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's probably Naomi." 

Stephanie let her eyes linger on the bathroom door for a second longer as she tried to ignore the uneasy feeling that it wasn't Naomi Paul was avoiding. It was her.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Stephanie beamed at Luke as she approached his hospital bed. She could feel her guilt and her anxiety begin to slip away as she saw he was awake and not only that he was okay. Luke still looked pale and drawn but at least he was alert and sitting up. God knows she had been so relieved when Anne had told her the news. Of course her delight about Luke had been overshadowed somewhat by Paul's odd behaviour afterwards. She still couldn't shake the feeling that somehow he was pissed off with her. But she couldn't dwell on that now. She wasn't here to worry about Paul. She was here for Luke.

Bending over and hugging him, Stephanie dropped a kiss on his cheek. "Hey. It's so good to see you awake. We've been so worried about you."

"I'm just glad you're here." Luke smiled as he took her hand and squeezed it gently as Stephanie settled in the chair next to him. "I've been wanting to see you all morning."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner." she told him apologetically.

"But you're here now. That's the main thing."

Stephanie forced a smile as she felt a knot of guilt in her chest but this time her guilt wasn't over Luke's injury. Her guilt was over last night and the reason why she had been late coming here this morning. She was just glad he hadn't questioned her whereabouts. She could hardly tell him the truth. That while he had been awake and asking for her, she had been in another man's bed; a man that she loved with all her heart and a man who she wanted to be with more than anything in this world.

"So, have the doctors examined you?" she asked quickly changing the subject of conversation.

"Yeah. Ferguson hasn't long left me actually. They're apparently pleased with my progress. I might even be able to go home in a week or so depending."

"That's great news, Luke. It really is."

Stephanie squeezed his hand once more and watched him grimace slightly as he adjusted his sore weary body against the pillows.

"Mom tells me you were here practically all day yesterday."

She nodded and smiled.

"She also mentioned you were upset."

Stephanie's brow crinkled with her frown. "Of course I was upset. You'd been stabbed Luke. You could have died."

"But I didn't." he told her, reassuring her. "I guess that gives me a second chance."

"A second chance at what exactly?"

"Us." Luke's mouth curved up gently as his thumb began to trace her hand lightly. "I know things between us haven't been the best lately but it will be different when I get out of here."

Stephanie bit down on her lip as her stomach began to churn anxiously. She felt sick and guilty. In fact she felt absolutely horrible because things were going to be different when Luke was better but not the way he thought. God, it was going to be so hard to tell him. She wished she didn't still care about him. It would make this whole damn thing so much easier. But she did care. That was why she was here and that was why she couldn't tell him the truth. Not now. Not until he was one hundred percent healthy. She didn't want to do anything to jeopardise his recovery. She had hurt him enough as it was. After all it was partly her fault he was laying here in the first place.

"You were right, you know." Luke continued interrupting her thoughts. "My career did come first but I promise you will be my number one priority from now on."

He paused looking at her tenderly. Stephanie suddenly wished the ground would open up in front of her and swallow her whole.

"When something like this happens to you, it makes you put things in perspective. I had lost sight of what was important in my life. I lost sight of you and I promise it will never happen again."

Luke's grey eyes were apologetic as he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. Stephanie managed a shaky smile back while inside she felt like screaming. This was all such a mess and she felt like a complete bitch. Luke was offering her remorse and promises and all she could offer him in return was a lie. A lie that they had some sort of future together outside these hospital walls but the truth was they had no future. They had nothing left, not now. God, she just wished Luke was home then this whole nightmare could be over.

"Hey, Mom."

Stephanie looked up to see Anne embracing her son. Her whole face was beaming with joy as she ruffled his hair affectionately.

"What do you think?" she asked. "Doesn't he look great considering everything he's been through?"

Stephanie nodded as she let out a calming breath, finding her composure. "He certainly does."

Anne sat down on the opposite side of the bed and patted her son's leg through the covers. "I've just been speaking with the surgeon who carried out your operation."

Luke smiled. "Doctor Fielding?"

"Yes. He's really pleased with the way your wounds are healing. I asked him if that meant there was a chance you could get home sooner."

"And what did he say?"

"Well, if your wounds continue to keep improving, he sees no reason why you couldn't get out of here by the end of the week and recuperate at home. He stressed plenty of bed rest though. Oh, and he'd need to make sure that someone was on hand to look after you for a couple of weeks. You know, when you can't get around so well."

Luke sighed and rolled his eyes dryly. "I'm sure I'll manage."

Anne looked at him sternly clucking her tongue in disapproval. "Stop being so stubborn, Lucas. You know fine well you can't manage. You won't be able to stretch or bend over in case you tear those stitches. I'll just have to take time off work and look after you."

Luke's eyes widened with panic as he shook his head frantically. "No, Mom. Honestly. You don't have to do that."

"But Luke you can't be at home on your own."

"And I won't be on my own. Steph will look after me, won't you honey?" he asked, smiling and turning to her.

Stephanie nervously raked her fingers through her hair momentarily stunned into silence. Her mind was racing a hundred miles an hour knowing she didn't want to look after him. She couldn't. She wanted to end their relationship not be his personal fucking nurse. And not only that, she had Paul to think of too. God, Paul. She knew he understood she had to be here with Luke right now but how understanding would he be when she was living with him and taking care of him, albeit temporarily. There was no way she could expect him to put up with that. It was a certainty any relationship they might have had would be over. She needed to figure a way to get out of this before it jeopardised everything.

"I'm sure she would love to look after you but she can't just take time off work." Anne explained to Luke and silently Stephanie thanked her, grateful for her interruption.

"Stephanie has important responsibilities as a doctor here. She also has to work demanding shifts. I don't. I'm sure the office won't mind if I have a couple of weeks off."

Stephanie inwardly breathed a sigh of relief as she smiled at Luke. "Your mom is right. I'd love to look after you but it's just not possible for me to be there for you twenty four seven."

Anne nodded. "Then that's settled. I'll call the office first thing in the morning."

Luke leant his head back on the pillow and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Or even scream. The last thing he wanted was his mother breathing down his neck. All she would do was fuss over him and treat him like some stupid invalid. He couldn't stand it. He had enough of her clucking around him like some mother hen for years. He had to find a way of putting her off if only for the sake of his own sanity. Maybe he would have a quiet word with Doctor Morgan about Stephanie. With any luck, if he pleaded his case he might let her have some time off from the hospital. Feeling his spirits lift with that thought, he turned to Stephanie briefly glancing down at their joined hands. He frowned curiously as he noticed her bare finger on her left hand.

"Steph, where's your ring?" he asked her.

There was a beat before she smiled back. "It's at home."

"Oh. But why aren't you wearing it?"

Stephanie shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she felt Anne's eyes watching her, practically burning a hole through her. She lifted her shoulder in a shrug and gave him the first excuse that popped into her head.

"I took it off to do the dishes this morning. I guess I left it on the window ledge."

"You know, I do that all the time. It's so easy to forget." Anne replied, chuckling.

Stephanie laughed while making a conscious note to wear the ring tomorrow. She had no choice. She knew Luke would make a point of checking now and it would save any awkward questions. And besides, it was only for a few days. She could handle that she supposed especially when the lies and pretence were thankfully nearly over.

* * *

The loud crash echoed through the silent apartment. Paul jumped up from the sofa startled and rubbing his eyes, he came to before making his way to the hallway where the noise had come from. As he shuffled his feet across the floor, he realised he must have fallen asleep. Not that he had meant to. He was meant to be puppy-sitting tonight. Matt and Naomi had gone to dinner and had asked him to look after Riley. Well, Matt had asked him. He had yet to lay eyes on Naomi. She had asked Matt to collect her from work. So far she had managed to avoid him and he was still waiting on her apology. Not that he really wanted one anyway. He just enjoyed making her sweat and in turn make her miserable.

Chuckling to himself, Paul padded down the hallway. As he came to the bathroom, he pushed the partially open door and his eyes widened in disbelief at the mess he found there. There were towels lying scattered on the floor and the toilet roll had been totally unravelled. There was also an overpowering smell in the room. It was Stephanie's perfume. He recognised the floral scent and his suspicions were confirmed when he saw the glass bottle lying broken on the tiled floor. Paul sighed as his big hands pushed back his hair. The lovable little mutt was in deep trouble wherever he was.

"Riley, come here boy." he called.

But there was so sign of him in the bathroom. Paul wandered out into the hallway and whistled loudly.

"Riley!"

He heard a barked response and his brow crinkled in concern as he realised it had come in the direction of his bedroom. He scowled as he made his way quickly down the hall.

"If you've made a mess in there, I'll kick your ass!"

He stomped into the room where the dog was chewing on his t-shirt. Paul walked over to grab it but the puppy ran past him with the shirt in his mouth.

"You little bastard. Come here!"

He chased after him down the hallway silently cursing under his breath. But Paul was suddenly halted in his tracks when he saw her in the living room. His eyes widened in surprise wondering when she had got here. He hadn't heard her come in.

"Hey." he smiled.

"Hey your self." Stephanie grinned as she gestured towards the puppy lying at her feet. "Is he giving you a hard time?"

"It's nothing I can't handle."

"Yeah, right. That's why he's chewing on your t-shirt and you're calling him a little bastard."

Paul smiled back at her meekly. "You heard that, huh?"

"I did and I think your language is atrocious." she said, shaking her head playfully.

"Yeah, well he deserved it. Go and check out the bathroom and you'll see what I mean." he told her.

Stephanie frowned and Paul stepped aside as she scurried past him. He smirked at the puppy who was watching him with his big brown eyes.

"You're in trouble, boy. Big trouble."

"Oh my God!"

Stephanie's cry echoed down the hallway and Paul chuckled as he bent down beside the dog.

"Hear that? Its curtains for you, pal. You're dead meat once she gets her hands on you, you know."

The puppy growled playfully and Paul rubbed his tummy affectionately.

"I hope you're going to clean up the mess."

His smile quickly turned into a scowl as he heard Stephanie behind him. Paul pushed himself to his feet and turned round to face her. She was standing with her hands on her hips and glaring at him sternly.

"And why should I be cleaning it up?" he asked. "He's not my dog."

"But he's under your watch."

"Yeah. So? It's still not my fault he trashed the place." he replied.

"Then whose fault is it?"

"It's yours." Paul grinned.

"What?" Stephanie snorted looking at him in disbelief. "How is it my fault? I wasn't even here."

"Maybe not but it was your fault I fell asleep in the first place."

"And how do you figure that one out, Einstein." she smirked.

"Well, it's because of you I didn't get much sleep last night." Paul winked at her and burst out laughing as she furiously blushed. "Aw, what's wrong McMahon? Are you embarrassed?"

"Bite me, Paul."

"With pleasure" he hushed as he crossed the short distance between them. And before she could say anything, he had brushed her hair behind her shoulder and began to place soft kisses along her neck.

"Paul." Stephanie sighed closing her eyes and swallowed thickly as she felt those kisses work their way into her. "This is wrong."

"Dead wrong." Paul mumbled against her neck.

"We should stop."

"Hmm hmmm."

His teeth lightly grazed and nipped her ear. His whispered breath made her legs lightly tremble. She could also feel her stomach churn with pleasure as Paul began kissing her again. Christ, she wanted him badly and it would be so easy to let this happen. She hadn't stopped really thinking about him all day and she swore every time she did she remembered how he had touched her and how he had felt inside her. She had felt alive. Complete. But she couldn't do this no matter how badly she needed Paul. Matt had been right this morning. She had to think of the man standing on front of her. She couldn't hurt him or confuse him any longer. She couldn't be with him until Luke and her were over.

Her mind made up, Stephanie broke away before her body betrayed her and it succumbed to her desires.

"I'm being serious, Paul." she told him.

There was a beat before he slowly lifted his head and sighed heavily. His brown eyes refused to look at her as he pushed past her. Stephanie let out a puff of annoyance as she called out after him.

"Where are you going now? We need to talk."

"Yeah well I need to clean up the mess in the bathroom." he shot back.

"Let me help you."

"Don't bother!"

The loud slam of the door echoed down the hallway. Stephanie pushed her hair back in frustration before glancing at the puppy. He was watching her carefully almost sympathetically. She bent down and picked him up stroking his soft fur and his wet tongue licked her hand in affection.

"I really made a mess of things, huh?" she sighed.

Riley whimpered in response and his nose nuzzled against her palm.

"But I'm just trying to do the right thing. It's just so hard and I need him to hold on that little bit longer."

Stephanie's blue eyes were sad as they gazed in the direction of the hallway and cuddling the puppy closer, she whispered softly.

"Just don't give up on us, Paul. Please."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

As Stephanie threw her keys down on the table, the silence was the first thing she noticed. Frowning, she removed her wool coat and placed it on the back of the sofa. Her boots clicked against the wooden floor as she made her way to the kitchen and curiously wondered where everybody was. It unusual to find nobody home nowadays and the empty apartment reminded her of the days not so long ago when the guys would deliberately stay out late in their attempt to avoid making dinner. Of course, those were the days before THE ROTA. Scheduling the chores equally among them had most definitely worked to her advantage.

Chuckling to herself, Stephanie pushed open the heavy wooden door and her amused smile quickly disappeared when she saw the dirty breakfast dishes still lying on the table. The cereal box was open and the milk hadn't been returned to the refrigerator. Stephanie shook her head. There was only one culprit in her mind. It looked like in her absence Paul was reverting back to his old messy habits.

Sighing, Stephanie began to clear the dishes from the table and briefly wondered where he was. She hadn't seen much of him the past couple of days. Between her shifts and visiting Luke, she had spent the majority of her time at the hospital managing to fit in sleep somewhere in between. She had to admit the whole situation was draining her. Actually she felt physically exhausted so much so she had practically fallen asleep on Luke when she had been visiting him earlier so he had suggested she left and got an early night. Of course, she hadn't protested. She was dead on her feet but thankfully the doctor had confirmed that Luke would be getting home in a few days and she was grateful. Not just grateful that Luke was well enough to leave hospital but also grateful to get some normality back in her life. She couldn't remember the last time she had some time to herself or the last time Paul, Matt and herself had sat down at the table and had a meal together. She had missed it and she even missed the constant bickering over who would do the dishes or the laughter at the table as they chatted about anything and everything.

As she turned the faucet to fill the sink, Stephanie decided that now she did have some on her hands she would make dinner tonight. She wanted just one night where they could spend some time together as friends. She knew Naomi wouldn't be here. Matt had driven her down to visit her sister for the weekend so it would just be the three of them and for some reason that seemed really important to her. She was so looking forward to spending time with her two best friends.

Stephanie took off her engagement ring and placed it on the counter. As she began to rinse the dishes, she heard the key in the lock and smiled to herself as she heard the familiar whistling. Although she didn't recognise the tune, she knew without a doubt it would be some heavy metal song. She very seldom heard Paul listen to anything else although she did catch him singing along to some cheesy pop song not that long ago. As Stephanie placed the bowl on the draining board, she heard his heavy footsteps approach the kitchen and as the door opened behind her, the whistling suddenly stopped.

"Uh oh!"

Stephanie shook the excess water from her hands and turned round. She couldn't help but take a moment to find her breath as she took in the man standing in front of her. Paul had obviously been working out at the gym. His black vest top clung to his muscular body and his hair was loose and damp underneath the cap he always wore backwards. As a slow smile crossed his face, she felt that familiar fluttering in her stomach. The fluttering that let her know exactly how much she was attracted to him and it was little wonder. In her eyes, Paul was beautiful and she had missed him terribly the last couple of days.

"Would you believe me if I told you I was just away to clear that up?" he grinned.

Stephanie slowly shook her head as she returned his smile. "Not really, no."

"Well, it's true. Matt even called me at work personally to remind me."

"That was nice of him."

"Nice wasn't the word I used, I'm afraid."

"I can imagine." Stephanie chuckled.

Paul laughed as he walked across to the refrigerator and removed a bottle of water.

"I would tell you to put the milk back while you're over there but it's probably a waste of time. It will have gone off by now."

Paul peered round the side of the door and looked at her sheepishly. "Oops."

"You do know you'll have to go to the store and buy another carton."

Paul disappeared behind the door for a second before reappearing and shaking his head. "No need. Matthew has enough milk here to sink the Titanic." He closed the door and leant back against it as he unscrewed the top from the bottle. "It must be for the mutt. Oh, and her little puppy too." he said, snickering.

Stephanie rolled her eyes in amusement as she watched him take a drink and felt somewhat comforted by Paul's familiar banter. As he screwed the top back on, he tilted his head in her direction smiling at her softly.

"So, I didn't expect to see you home this early."

"I fell asleep while I was visiting Luke. He sent me home."

"His conversation is that interesting, huh?" he teased but Stephanie's frown showed her visible disapproval.

"Sorry. Bad joke I guess."

There was an awkward pause as Paul let his gaze drift to the floor. He straightened up and avoided eye contact as he backed away towards the door. "Well if you don't mind, I'm going to hit the shower."

He turned round and was about to leave when her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"I'm making dinner."

Paul slowly turned back round only to be met with Stephanie's hesitant and hopeful smile. It was a smile that made him ache inside and a smile that reminded him exactly how much he had missed her.

"I thought it would be nice for the three of us to sit down together. We haven't done that for a while." she explained.

Paul nodded and smiled back, his brown eyes wearing a gentle expression. "If you give me ten minutes, I'll help you."

"Why? You feeling bad because I had to clean up your mess?" she teased.

"Maybe. Or maybe I just want to make sure that we have something edible on the table." he said, smirking.

Stephanie's amused laughter echoed around the four walls of the kitchen. "Get out of here Levesque before I have to chase you out."

Paul grinned and winked at her before he turned around and left the room, however, that grin slowly faded as he headed towards his bedroom. It had killed him being so close to her yet feeling so distant from her. Not being able to touch her was like some slow form of torture for him and it had taken everything he had not to pull Stephanie into his arms and keep her there forever. The need to kiss her and taste her was so overwhelming but there was nothing he could do about it other than ache for her. Stephanie's touch was forbidden to him now he had made a promise to himself that he was going to back off.

Paul sighed heavily as he entered his bedroom and the mattress creaked as he threw himself across the unmade bed. He closed his eyes as he felt the pang in his chest. The whole situation was killing him right now. Part of him was starting to wish Stephanie had never told him how she felt. Not that he regretted her doing it. He didn't. Not for one single second. How could he when it was words he had been so desperate to hear and words that had put him on such a high. But unfortunately their timing just hadn't been right. In fact it had spoiled things between them if he was being honest because since that night, he could feel Stephanie pulling away from him. And it was no-one's fault. Luke had been attacked. Stephanie had done the only thing she could do and that was for her to be there by Luke's side. And he got that. He did but he could see the toll it was taking on her. She was exhausted and drained and racked with guilt too and it was that guilt which was slowly causing a rift between them.

Lifting his head, Paul took his cap off and flung it towards the chair across from him. When it missed and landed on the floor, he sighed and buried his face in the pillow.

Love really was a hopeless emotion. God knows he had coped with his feelings for Stephanie a whole lot better when he had no clue that she felt the same way. The fact she could even love him back hadn't even crossed his mind. Instead he had been perfectly content to worship her from afar knowing there was no way he could act on his feelings. They were his secret and touching Stephanie was forbidden. He couldn't kiss her. He couldn't hold her. He couldn't remember what it was to make to love to her and he certainly couldn't tell her that he loved her, heart and soul.

But now he knew Stephanie did love him back, he was desperate to do all of those things. He wanted to kiss her and steal her breath away. He wanted to hold her and whisper in her ear how much she meant to him. More than that, he wanted to make love to her and feel that connection between them. A connection that surpassed any expression of words they might say to one another and a connection that told him without doubt he and Stephanie were meant to be together. They fit perfectly like they were two parts of a puzzle that belonged together.

But they weren't together, at least not right now and he just wished this whole thing was over so he knew where he stood. He had felt so sure of their future when Stephanie had come to him that night. He was even comforted by the fact she no longer wore her engagement ring but he was still so confused and he had no doubt Stephanie felt the same way. He had even seen her confusion the other night when he had put her in an awkward situation by initiating that kiss. He hadn't meant to but his feelings for her had overwhelmed him so much so he had to touch her. He always wanted to touch Stephanie. It was a natural instinct for him much like breathing but the last thing he wanted to do was put any pressure on her. That's why he had promised to back off. Stephanie needed him as a friend only and he was going to respect that boundary as much as it pained him to do so. And when Luke had recovered, he would be here waiting for her just like he had told her he would. He wasn't going anywhere. His heart just wouldn't allow it.

Suddenly a loud banging at the door interrupted his thoughts and Paul lifted his head.

"Hey! Steph says you've to get your lazy ass out of there and get in the shower. We're starving here."

Paul rolled his eyes chuckling to himself. He hadn't even heard Matt come home and as he pushed himself off the bed and opened the door, he found his friend was still lingering checking on him.

"Yeah, yeah." Paul grinned playfully shoving at him as he walked past him to head straight into the bathroom.

* * *

Stephanie pushed her half-eaten cheesecake across the table. "That's it. I'm done. I think I've made myself sick.

Matt screwed his nose up at her announcement and Paul chuckled as he dangled his fork in his hand.

"Well, you were the one who wanted a second slice McMahon."

"Not all of us have bottomless pits for stomachs." Stephanie scowled and her eyes widened in disbelief as Paul pulled her plate towards him. "Don't tell me you've still got room for that? Paul, that's your third helping."

"Well I am a bottomless pit." he replied, smirking.

Matt shook his head. "It is actually disgusting the amount of food you can put away. No wonder your Mom chucked you out."

"She didn't chuck me out. I left of my own free will." Paul smiled as he swallowed his dessert.

"It's just as well he does work out otherwise he'd look like the Pillboy man." Stephanie teased as she pushed back her chair stretching her legs out in front of her.

"You guys are just jealous that I can eat what I want and not gain an ounce." said Paul before popping another piece of cheesecake in his mouth and chewing on it.

"Yeah well I'm not jealous of the grocery bill. I bet your Mom's glad she doesn't have to fork out on food for you any more." Matt snorted.

"Yeah and I'll bet she's relieved she doesn't have to tidy up after him too." said Stephanie.

"Oh, here we go. It's obviously "gang up on Paul" night." he sighed throwing his fork down on the empty plate. "You know, you guys take way too much pleasure in picking on me." he told them playfully scowling as he crossed his arms over his massive chest.

"Aw, poor Paul." Matt chuckled as he reached across and patted him on the back.

Stephanie laughed as Paul stuck his tongue out making a face at him. She pushed back her chair and stood up from the table.

"I'm going to have a glass of wine. You guys want a beer?"

Paul snorted. "Now that right there is a dumb question."

"Yeah. It's like asking if Paul wants that last piece of cheesecake over there."

Paul's brown eyes glinted and went wide. "I didn't realise there was more."

He turned his head and called out to Stephanie who was on her way to the fridge.

"Hey Steph, bring it across with you will you?"

His reply was a deathly glare and he smiled at her batting his eyelids.

"Please? Come on. I asked nicely."

She rolled her eyes dryly as she turned back to the refrigerator and absently tuned in to Paul and Matt chattering in the background. As she listened to them and got the drinks, she realised that for the first time in a while, she felt completely relaxed. She wasn't worrying about Luke and she wasn't thinking about Paul either, at least not in that way. Tonight he was just her friend and it amazed her how easy it actually was for Paul and herself to fall back into that familiar pattern. There was no tension and no awkwardness between them. It was if Paul had realised what tonight had meant to her and he knew that she needed this. Not that she should be surprised by that. Paul always seemed to know what she needed sometimes even better than she knew herself. She never had to explain herself to him or justify her actions. He understood her in ways no one else did. Quite simply, he got her.

"Hey McMahon are you bringing those beers or are you going to make us die of thirst over here?"

She shook her head as she took out the beer and the bottle of wine. She smiled as she carried them across to the table and sat down.

"I think you've forgotten something." Paul frowned as he stared at the bottles in front of him.

"Oh yeah. Sorry." Stephanie replied standing up once more and walking across to the cabinet. She took out a wine glass and walked back to the table.

"Thanks for reminding me." she replied, smirking at him.

"You're so funny." Paul scowled as he pushed back his chair and stood up. Just then the phone rang and he diverted his path towards the living room. "I'll get it seeing I'm up." he told them.

Stephanie looked across at Matt as Paul disappeared behind the white panelled door. "Do you think that's such a good idea?" she asked him as she began to pour herself a glass of wine.

"What?"

"Letting Paul answer the phone. It could be Naomi, you know." she said teasingly as she set the bottle in the middle of the table and watched Matt's reaction as he quickly turned round and reached across his chair to pull open the door. Paul's voice filtered through from the living room.

"He's not back yet. There was some broad was on the phone looking for him. I don't know who she was but she said something about meeting him for a drink."

"Paul! Stop it." Stephanie shouted at him.

She shook her head as she heard him chuckle and Matt dryly rolled his eyes.

"Okay, he is home." There was a slight pause and Matt shook his head in amusement. "I'll only get him for you if you ask me nicely." Paul said strolling through to the kitchen smirking. "Sorry, it will need to be nicer than that."

Matt quickly stood up and snatched the phone from him slapping Paul across the head.

Paul rubbed his hair as he frowned at him. "Hey, that hurt."

"It was meant to." Matt grinned as he brought the phone to his ear. "Hey baby. How are things?" he asked as he took the call through to the living room once more.

Paul shook his head as he watched him leaning against the back of the chair. "You know there's way too much violence in this house."

"Hmmm. I wonder why." Stephanie grinned as she took a sip of her wine.

Paul stuck his tongue out in her direction before he pushed back his chair and stood up. "I'm going to get that cheesecake. Where did you hide it?"

"I didn't hide it, smart ass. It's on the counter by the sink."

"Cool."

Paul lifted his plate from the table and went to get it. Stephanie twirled her glass in her hand absently watching the liquid as it sloshed around the sides. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Shane called while you were in the shower. He wants you to call him back."

She shifted round in her seat when she got no response. Paul was just standing at the counter silently.

"Paul, did you hear me?" she asked him. "I said Shane wants you to call him."

"Yeah. I heard you."

Stephanie frowned thinking Paul was sounding strange not to mention the fact he was just standing there not moving or doing anything. She pushed back her chair and placing her wine on the table, she stood up. Her bare feet padded across the tiled floor and as she reached out to touch his shoulder, she felt him tense.

"Paul, are you okay?" she asked him, worried.

"Not really, no." Paul replied.

Stephanie's brow crinkled with her confusion knowing he was perfectly fine a second ago and had no idea what had just crawled up his ass. "What is it? Has someone stolen the last piece of cheesecake or something?" she joked.

But her smile faltered as Paul turned round to face her and she saw the hurt expression in his brown eyes. She swallowed hard as he held his hand out in front of her. The diamonds sparkled back at her, almost like they were mocking her.

"So you're wearing your ring, huh? I guess that makes things complicated again."

She could hear the pain in his voice and Paul refused to look at her as he took her hand in his. He placed the ring in her palm and closed over her fingers. The tears sprung to her eyes as he quickly turned from her and walked away.

Stephanie could only watch him leave as she stood there completely stunned. Her stomach was in knots knowing he didn't realise. It wasn't what Paul thought it was. She had to try and make him understand.

"Paul, wait. I can explain." she called out.

But as she looked up, she saw the door close shut behind him. Paul was gone and she felt the tears trickle down her cheeks knowing she didn't have the courage to go after him. Not right now. Not when she knew the pain she had caused him and she couldn't handle seeing it. She couldn't handle knowing that once again she had left Paul feeling hurt and confused and it was all her fault. God knows she couldn't blame any one else. This was her mess. No one else's.

Stephanie walked slowly across to the table and as she sat down, she stared at the ring in her hand. She'd forgotten the stupid thing was even lying in the kitchen. She'd only put it on to stop Luke asking questions every single minute. She hadn't wanted to upset him. Not while he was still recovering and of course that was all her fault too. Luke would never be in that damn hospital bed if it wasn't for her.

Stephanie sniffed and lifted up her hand to furiously wipe at the tears that had trickled down her face. She didn't deserve to cry. She had brought this on herself the second she had become a coward and refused to tell Luke it was over. She just wished she'd never accepted his damn proposal. She should have said no. She'd realised at that time that she had feelings for Paul so why did she go ahead and settle for second best? And deep down Stephanie knew that Luke had always been second best. She'd just never had the courage to admit it to him or herself. Paul was right. Things were complicated and she was the only one who had made it that way.

Just then the kitchen door opened and Stephanie bowed her head, ashamed.

"Why did Paul leave?" he asked her. "Don't tell me he needed more cheesecake?"

Stephanie couldn't help herself as she let out a strangled sob. Matt's eyes widened in alarm as he quickly rushed over to her and bent down beside her. His hand rubbed her arm soothingly.

"Hey, what is it? What's happened?"

Stephanie gulped back her tears as she raised her head slowly to look at him and the devastation on her face mirrored the devastation in her voice. "He saw the ring, Matt."

Matt looked at her confused. "What ring?"

She slowly opened her hand and showed him the engagement ring and once again the diamonds sparkled in the light reminding her of the reason Paul was gone. "He knows I've been wearing it again."

"Shit." Matt sighed.

"I didn't mean to hurt him, Matt. I've just been trying so hard to do what's best for all of us."

"I know."

"I think I've ruined things between us."

Matt was silent for a moment as he stood up and pulled a chair over to sit next to her. His hand brushed through his short, dark hair as he watched Stephanie carefully. "Paul loves you. That's not going to change."

"Are you sure? I mean how many times have I taken that love and thrown it back in his face, huh? I mean, I tell him things are over between me and Luke and then I'm spending every day by his bedside. Paul and I sleep together and then the very next day I'm pushing him away."

"But you were only doing what you thought was the right thing." Matt told her squeezing her leg and reassuring her.

"But it's not right, is it?" Stephanie said sadly as she looked down at the ring cupped in her palm. "You know I took this ring off to prove a point to Paul. I wanted to show him that Luke wasn't the man I wanted in my life. Of course, I never actually managed to tell Luke it was over. I never got the chance and then he started asking questions when he noticed I wasn't wearing the ring. Well, I couldn't tell him the truth, could I? Not while he was in the hospital so I put the ring back on. It wasn't meant to mean anything. As far as I'm concerned, my relationship with Luke is over."

Stephanie lifted her head to look at Matt and saw the sympathy in his eyes. She didn't have the energy to tell him she didn't deserve it.

"But the ring meant something to Paul. When he saw it sitting there, he knew I'd been wearing it. And now he thinks Luke is the one I want."

"Then just tell him the truth."

"It's not as simple as that. I think it might be too late." Stephanie told him as she stared once more at the ring in her hand. Suddenly, she couldn't look at it any more and as the tears rolled down her face, she threw it across the room hearing it bump and roll across the floor before it settled to a stop. She choked back her sobs as she lifted her face to look at Matt. "I've lost him, Matt. I just know I have." she cried.

Matt reached out and pulled her towards him feeling Stephanie's body shake as she sobbed into his shoulder. He just prayed she was wrong and Paul came to his senses. His two friends were in love with each other and they would be crazy not to try to find a way to work this whole thing out. But in the back of his mind, he knew Stephanie could be right. He knew Paul. When he was hurt, his defences came down and he tried his best to shut everyone out. It was his way of trying to cope with things and there was every possibility he would do that with Stephanie. He could only imagine how much Paul was hurting right now and that was before he had found about the ring. Being apart from Stephanie was killing him. She would just have to do everything in her power to try and make Paul listen to her and in turn make sure he didn't push her away.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

When Paul finally arrived home he was grateful to find the apartment in darkness. He didn't want to face anybody and had deliberately stayed away until an hour when he knew both Stephanie and Matt would have given up waiting on him and gone to bed. Rubbing his hands together, Paul felt his fingertips tingle in the warmth as they began to thaw. It had been freezing cold walking home. The funny thing was it was probably colder sitting down at the harbour but he hadn't noticed. At that time he had been too busy thinking about Stephanie but that was why he had gone there in the first place. He had needed to think. He had needed to come to a decision to try and fix this mess.

Sighing, Paul made his way to the kitchen needing some water. His throat was dry and his head hurt. As he flicked on the light, he jumped back startled. Her tired blue eyes stared back at him anxiously.

"I'd almost given up on you."

Paul swallowed thickly totally unprepared to see Stephanie sitting there. He shuffled his feet nervously. "I didn't think anyone would be up."

"Don't you mean you hoped?"

He bit down on his lip as he pushed back his hair with his hand.

"Where have you been?"

"The harbour."

"Paul, you've been gone for hours."

"Yeah, well I had a lot on my mind." he snapped back as he quickly walked to the refrigerator and took out the water. His heart pounded in his chest as he twisted off the cap. God knows it was unnerving him to be around Stephanie although really that was nothing new. The girl had the uncanny knack of turning his whole world upside down and had done ever since the moment his heart decided to fall in love with her. And it was a good chaos. Or at least it had been until the few days. Now the overwhelming joy he would feel at simply being around her was being replaced with the knowledge that he couldn't be with her. Stephanie belonged to someone else at least for now and he could no longer put on a brave face and be okay with that. Not after tonight and of course he knew they had to at the very least talk about it. But the truth was he had planned on putting any conversation off until the morning. He was tired. He wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind but he knew Stephanie had deliberately waited up to talk to him. It was quite clear he wasn't going to get away with heading straight to bed. Paul sighed as he took his water to the table and sat across from her. Deep down he knew was probably better to get it over with anyway because the longer this went on the longer he had to think about things and possibly change his mind. And that simply couldn't happen. Not for Stephanie's sake and not for his.

Paul took a mouthful of the water and the cool liquid provided relief to his hot throat. As he placed the bottle back on the table, Paul looked at Stephanie. He sighed heavily noticing she looked so tired. Her face was pale and drawn and it was obvious this whole situation was putting a huge strain on her. Stephanie was being pulled in so many different directions and it pained him to know that he was doing the right thing. Because God knows, he didn't want that to be the case. He would give anything not to do this but he had to. He was doing it for her. Stephanie came first and Paul cleared his throat before he spoke. Her big blue eyes were watching him intently stealing his breath away.

"Stephanie, we need to talk." he told her sadly.

"I know." she whispered.

Paul sighed softly tapping his fingers against the table. He nervously shifted in his seat. "The problem I just don't know where to start." he admitted.

"The beginning is usually a good place." Stephanie offered with a small smile.

"Yeah." Paul chuckled nervously.

He adjusted his chair so he was sitting directly facing her and allowed his brown eyes to connect with hers. Ignoring the heavy ache in his heart he began to talk.

"What can I say? I fell in love with you, Steph and it was so unexpected. I don't even know when it happened. I mean there's no exact moment I can pinpoint and say to myself, yeah, that was it. The moment I fell in love with Stephanie McMahon. It just kinda crept up on me I guess. Suddenly, I'd look at you and I'd get butterflies in my stomach. You'd hug me and I'd want that hug to last that little bit longer. I knew there was nothing I could do about it of course. And I was fine with that. I really was. I could handle keeping these feelings to myself right up until the point where you told me you loved me back."

He smiled at her tenderly and his brown eyes shone with his fondness as he remembered that night and their conversation.

"You know I'd never dreamed you'd actually feel the same way about me. I just couldn't believe that this amazing, beautiful woman was standing in front of me telling me she loved me. It all seemed too good to be true." His smile faltered as he glanced down at his hands clasping his fingers together. "And unfortunately, it was." he finished.

Paul slowly lifted his head to look at Stephanie once more and when he did he saw the tears in her eyes. He tried to ignore his gut instinct to pull her into his arms and tell her not to cry and that it was okay. But he couldn't lie to her. It wasn't okay. In fact right now, it was anything but. Still, he couldn't help himself. The instinct to touch her was way too strong. Paul reached out and took Stephanie's hand in his noticing it felt like a block of ice. His thumb grazed her knuckles slowly as he drank in her beautiful face wondering why the simple act of loving her had to turn out to be anything but. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated between them?

"I never really understood the whole "if you love someone, set them free" crap." he began as he watched her carefully. "I mean if you feel that way about someone, why the hell would you let them go when every part of you just wants to hold onto them so badly."

Paul swallowed hard as he watched a solitary tear roll down Stephanie's cheek and he squeezed her fingers gently offering her the little comfort he could.

"But this past week I've seen the guilt and the pain in your eyes. This whole situation is tearing you apart and I can't sit back and watch it happen. I love you, Steph. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. That's why I have to let you go."

"No." Stephanie cried out as she shook her head adamantly. The tears now streamed down her face as she gripped Paul's hand tightly. "That's not what I want. Paul. I don't want to lose you."

Paul felt his own tears burn his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He had to stay strong. He hadn't come this far to fall apart now.

"I don't want to lose you either, Steph." he told her. "God knows it's the last thing I want but I have to do this for both our sakes."

Stephanie's strangled sob echoed around the silent room breaking his heart. Paul couldn't help himself. He closed the small distance between them and pulled her into his arms holding her close. He kissed her hair and breathed in the familiar clean fruity smell of her shampoo. He closed his eyes committing it to memory. He didn't want to forget the way she felt or the way she smelled. He wanted to remember everything because after tonight, memories were all he would have to hold onto. Paul's grip tightened around the woman in his arms as he held her close.

"This just isn't the right time for us, Stephanie. And loving someone shouldn't be this complicated. We should be happy instead of feeling so damn miserable all the time." He rubbed her back soothingly trying his best to calm her down. "And you know what? Tonight only reminded me of what we're good at."

Paul paused as he pulled back and cupping her face in his hand, his thumb wiped away her tears.

"Friendship." he smiled. "I need my best friend in my life, Steph and if we keep going the way we've been going lately, we won't even have that. And I refuse to let it happen. I refuse to lose you."

Stephanie's heart felt heavy as she looked into his eyes. Paul's beautiful brown eyes. Every part of her ached knowing what he had said was right. This whole situation had been tearing them apart and as much as it was killing her to even imagine being without him, she knew letting Paul go was for the best at least for now. It wasn't fair on him to ask him to wait for her but yet she needed him in her life somehow. Losing Paul completely wasn't an option for her either so she would have to settle for the friendship he was offering her but she would only settle so long as she knew that there might be a chance of something more in the future. She could cope with that and live with that somehow. She'd have to. It was as simple as that.

Taking both Paul's hands in hers, Stephanie let out a shaky breath and rested her forehead against his. Her eyes closed briefly as she felt his gentle heat work its way into her. "If one day down the line the time was ever to be right for us to be together and I was to ask you out on a date, what would you say?"

There was a beat before Paul replied. "I'd say that you already know the answer to that question."

Stephanie's eyes slowly fluttered open as she looked at him once more. "Maybe I just need to hear you say it."

"Then I'd say yes." He smiled at her gently before slowly breaking away. His hand fell away from her lap as it reached up to brush her hair behind her ear.

"I'm so sorry, Paul."

He looked at her sternly cupping her face in the palm of his hand. "Hey, no apologies. You've nothing to apologise for."

"But….."

He placed his finger on her lips instantly silencing her. "I mean it, Steph. No apologies. Not between us."

She smiled at him gratefully.

"You look done in." Paul told her as he pushed back his chair distancing himself from her. "You should try and get some sleep."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Finally. She takes the hint." he joked but the tight smile that adorned his face didn't quite reach his eyes as he pushed back his seat from the table.

"So I guess I'll see you in the morning." Stephanie asked.

Paul nodded. "Sure."

She smiled as she stood up but that smile faltered as she was suddenly hesitant and even a little scared to leave him. She couldn't handle the thought that she had perhaps ruined things between them for good. That Paul didn't mean what he said and she could actually lose him. "Paul, things will be alright, won't they?" she asked feeling slightly panicked. "I just don't think I could handle any awkwardness between us."

Paul shook his head and his genuine smile allayed her fears somewhat. "Things won't be awkward, Steph. It will be fine. Trust me."

"Okay." she nodded managing a shaky smile in return. "Goodnight Paul."

"Night, Steph."

Paul stood motionless watching until Stephanie left the room. Only once she was gone did his smile slip and his brown eyes went dark with his sadness. Sighing, he walked across to the fridge and his hand hovered over the handle. An image of Stephanie's face flashed through his mind and he felt the ache deep in his heart. Letting her go had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do in his life but deep down, he knew it had been the right decision. Stephanie was so torn and guilt ridden over everything. He had to free her from that guilt. He owed her that much. Now all he had to do was keep faith that one day she would come back to him. And if she didn't…..well he didn't want to think about that. He just had to hold onto the belief that one day the time would be right for both of them.

Paul swallowed the lump in his throat as he leant back against the door. He closed his eyes and his heavy sigh filled the room as a solitary tear escaped and fell down his cheek.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Stephanie rolled onto her back and sighed as the soft rays of moonlight fell across her face. She couldn't sleep. Thoughts of Paul haunted her making her restless and turning her head for what felt like the millionth time, Stephanie rested her cheek against the soft pillow realising her deepest fears had come true. She had lost him with nobody to blame but herself. After all she was the one who had caused this mess by accepting Luke's stupid proposal in the first place. The question was why? Why had she said yes? Even then she'd realised her feelings for Paul only she'd been too scared or too dumb to act on them. Instead she'd settled for a man she didn't love, at least not in the way she loved Paul. She loved him to the tips of her fingers and he made her feel so many things she had never felt before. Quite simply, Paul overwhelmed her.

Pushing back the tears that threatened to fall once more, Stephanie threw back the covers and got out of bed. Trying to get any sleep tonight was proving to be absolutely pointless. She shivered as the cool air hit her bare arms and pulling on her robe, she left her bedroom and made her way towards the kitchen.

Her bare feet padded quietly down the hallway. As Stephanie reached the bottom, she was surprised to see the television flickering, casting a faint glow across the room. She knew what it meant. Paul or somebody else was still up. She hesitated and exhaled slowly. She hadn't seen him since last night. Somehow they had managed to avoid one another and although it had been unintentional on her part, she had to admit she had felt pretty relieved when she had missed him at breakfast this morning. And when he hadn't been home tonight, she had been grateful. She wasn't sure she could do this. Not when she could still feel his lips against her skin or hear his whispers of love in her ear. The memories of their short time together was all still so fresh. But above everything else she knew she needed him in her life and if that meant settling for friendship then she would do it. She had to. She had no other choice.

Stephanie took a deep breath and slowly walked towards the sofa. She saw Paul's legs kick back and forward as they dangled over the end. She couldn't help but smile as the sound of machine guns firing echoed through the room.

"So what mind-blowing crap are we watching tonight?"

Paul visibly jumped from his vertical position on the sofa. He pushed himself up as he rubbed at his eyes. "Jesus Christ, Steph. You scared me."

She hovered by the coffee table. "I'm sorry." Her head tilted downwards and she fiddled with her hands suddenly overcome with a feeling of awkwardness.

Paul sighed sensing her uneasiness. And if he was honest with himself, he was feeling slightly uneasy too but he was determined not to let that awkwardness stand in the way. He needed their friendship. It was all he had left. He pushed back his hair as he sat forward in his seat. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked.

Stephanie looked up and saw him watching her. His brown eyes wore a tender expression. She slowly shook her head.

"Me neither." His smile was sad. He stood up and stretched his arms out in front of him. "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want one?"

Stephanie nodded as she brushed her hair behind her ear. "Think you could stretch to hot chocolate?"

Paul chuckled and shook his head. "You're a pain in the ass, McMahon."

She smiled as she followed him into the kitchen. She was surprised to see various pieces of paper scattered across the table and as she briefly scanned them she noticed they were invoices. "Are these yours?"

Paul turned round as he took the milk from the fridge. "Yeah. I brought it home with me. I couldn't get anything done at work today. There were too many distractions."

Stephanie smirked. "What? Like watching television when you're supposed to be doing paperwork?"

Paul made a face as he prepared her drink. "Don't get smart. If you must know, I was taking a break."

Stephanie smiled as she sat down on the stool in front of the counter. Her hand reached up to rub the back of her neck.

Paul frowned at the dark circles under her eyes. "You look exhausted."

Stephanie lifted her head. She could see the concern etched on his face. His brown eyes were gentle. She swallowed hard and her chest felt tight. Suddenly she felt the urge to cry. The tears welled in her eyes and she bit down on her bottom lip in a desperate attempt to stop them. She didn't want to break down. Not in front of him so she glanced away but it was too late. Paul had seen her tears. He didn't even hesitate as he walked round to the other side of the counter and pulled her into his arms. He closed his eyes as he felt her body shake against him. Her hot tears seeped through the material of his shirt. His fingers brushed through the ends of her hair as he rocked her gently in his arms.

"Shhhh, Steph. Please don't cry."

Her cries were muffled as she buried her face into his chest. Her arms squeezed him tightly. She didn't want to let go. She needed to feel close to him. She loved him so much. The pain of knowing they couldn't be together was tearing her apart. "I don't want to be without you, Paul."

She felt his sharp intake of breath. She hadn't meant to say the words out loud but they had escaped from her lips. She slowly pulled away and raised her head.

"Steph…."

His voice trailed away as her blue eyes stared at him intently. His heart pounded in his chest as she brushed his hair behind his ear. He swallowed thickly as she licked her lips.

"I'm sorry." she whispered as she let her hand drift down the side of his face. His beard tickled her fingertips.

"What for?" he asked. His breathing was heavy and his body trembled at her touch.

"For this." she whispered as she reached up and pressed her lips against his.

Paul sighed heavily as he closed his eyes. He hesitated for a second before eagerly returning her kiss. He knew this was wrong on so many levels but he couldn't deny that he wanted it. As her tongue teased his bottom lip, his mouth quickly parted. A soft moan escaped his lips as their tongues brushed together. He pulled her body tightly against him and felt the heat of her skin through her robe.

Stephanie's lips moved to his cheek as her fingers tangled in his long, blonde hair. She placed soft kisses across his face before sucking on the column of his throat. She tasted his cologne as her tongue flicked out to lick his warm skin. There was no doubt in her mind as to what she wanted. Paul was like a drug. She craved his touch and she desperately craved him.

As her hands moved to unbutton his shirt, Paul opened his eyes. It would be so easy to let this happen. God knows he wanted her. His body ached for her. But it could only make things worse between them. The situation was strained enough as it was. Stephanie's fingernails scraped against his skin as she pushed open his white shirt. It took all he had to place his hands on her wrists stilling her movements.

Stephanie didn't look up. Instead, she rested her head in the crook of his neck. Her arms wrapped around him as her hot tears fell against his skin. "I'm sorry." she whispered.

Paul sighed heavily as his hands fell to her hips and he rested his cheek against her soft hair. "I just need things to go back to the way they were. Before everything got so complicated between us."

"I don't know if I can." she replied, choking on her tears.

Paul's hand moved to her back and he rubbed it slowly. "Me neither but God knows I have to try."

He stepped back as he felt her pull away. Her eyes were swollen and red. Her cheeks glistened with her tears. "I never meant to hurt you Paul."

"I know."

"And I wish I could go back and fix things. I wish I could change the moment I accepted Luke's proposal because if I had any idea, any clue that you loved me, I would never have said yes."

Paul swallowed hard. Her words didn't provide him with any comfort. Instead they only tormented him further. He shook his head as he slowly backed away. "Please. I can't do this."

Stephanie sighed, biting her lower lip. "But I miss you, Paul."

"I'm right here."

She shook her head as she blinked back her tears. "It's not the same. And I know that's my fault."

"It's not anyone's fault, Stephanie." He let out a slow breath as he sat down on the stool next to him. His hand pushed his hair back from his face. "Look, maybe this whole thing with Luke happened for a reason. I mean, we're probably better off as friends anyway."

Stephanie shook her head. "You know that's not true."

"Do I?" His brown eyes looked dejected as he shifted in his seat. "Steph, I'm trying really hard here to do the right thing. I love you. You know that. And it would be so easy for me to be the bastard here. I mean, I could make you choose between me and Luke but I'm not going to do that. I don't want to force you into a decision that quite frankly, you're not ready to make. I'm just trying to make things easier for both of us."

"Then why is it so hard?"

Paul smiled at her gently as he took her hands in his. "It won't always be that way. We just need to give it time."

Stephanie reluctantly nodded her head. She wanted to say more but she knew it was pointless. Paul had made his decision. She had to respect that for his sake. She didn't want to cause him any more pain. God knows she'd hurt him enough as it was.

"We should probably both head to bed. It's getting late." Paul got up from the stool and let go of her hands. He sighed as he looked at the cluttered table in front of him.

"You should leave that until the morning."

He turned round to face her, a crooked grin on his face. "You're giving me permission to leave my mess?"

Stephanie smiled in spite of herself. "I think I can let you off this one time." She lifted her hand to stifle a yawn.

"Get to bed, McMahon."

She hesitated, reluctant to leave him.

Paul pushed open the door and smiled. "I'll be right behind you."

She nodded and left the kitchen. She walked towards the television and casually flicking through the channels she was about to switch it off when she saw the movie that was playing. She smiled to herself and all thoughts of bed left her head as she sat down on the sofa.

Paul frowned as he entered the living room and saw her sitting there. "I thought I told you to get to bed."

Stephanie lifted up her hand. "Shhhh. This is the good part."

Paul's curiosity was piqued as he sat on the sofa beside her. He groaned as he saw what she was watching. "Steel Magnolias again!"

She swatted at his arm. "I thought I told you to shush."

He grinned as he sat back against the cushions. He said nothing as Stephanie's head leant against his shoulder. He swallowed thickly as her hand rested against his thigh.

"I hope you're not going to snivel on me."

"Shut up."

"Because last time you had snot in your nose. It was most unbecoming."

"Bite me, Paul."

He chuckled to himself as they continued to watch the rest of the movie in silence. It wasn't until the credits rolled that he realised she was fast asleep. He gently lifted her head and laid her down on the arm of the couch. He got up quietly and grabbed the woollen blanket from the cupboard in the hall. Stephanie shifted in her sleep as he placed the blanket across her. He bent down, kissing her softly.

"Goodnight sweetheart." he whispered as he tenderly brushed some loose strands from her face. Then he sat down in the chair beside her content just to watch her sleep.

Stephanie eyes flickered open as she rolled onto her back. She let out a yawn as she slowly came round.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

She pushed herself up and saw Matt grinning at her from the kitchen doorway as he ate his cereal.

"I see you didn't make it to bed last night."

She brushed her hair behind her ear. A small smile crossed her lips as she saw the blanket that covered her. "I was watching a movie. I guess I fell asleep."

"You sure did. Your snoring was proof of that."

She looked up to see Paul standing at the end of the hallway. He had obviously just showered. His hair was wet and droplets of water soaked his navy shirt.

"I don't snore."

Paul snorted as he approached the sofa. "Oh yes you do. The damn apartment was practically shaking."

Stephanie shook her head. "You're an ass."

Paul chuckled as he made his way towards the kitchen.

Stephanie smirked as she shouted after him. "I hope you're making breakfast in there."

Matt chuckled as Paul's hand appeared through the doorway, flipping her off.

"Real mature, Paul!" she shouted with a smile on her face.

She moved her legs to allow Matt to sit down beside her. He placed his empty cereal bowl on the coffee table and smiled at her. "Are you going to the hospital today?"

She sighed and nodded. "I'll go in later on this morning. I'm on 3 till 10 this week so I'll probably just stay until my shift starts."

"When does Luke get home?"

"In a day or two." She sighed as she clutched her hands in her lap. "I'll just be so glad to get things back to normal."

Matt nodded his head. "Speaking of normal, you and Paul seem to be getting things back on track."

Stephanie gave him a wry smile. "I've got no option, have I?"

"What do you mean?" Matt asked, frowning.

Stephanie hesitated as she looked over at the kitchen door. It was closed and judging for the clattering she could hear, Paul was pre-occupied. "This is what Paul wants. Us to be friends. I'm just respecting his decision."

"But what about you, Steph? What do you want?" His grey eyes looked concerned.

Stephanie shrugged.

"It doesn't matter what I want."

Matt patted her leg. "Of course it matters. You deserve to be happy."

"How can I be when I can't have what makes me happy."

Matt sighed. "Let me guess. Paul?"

She nodded. "I love him, Matt."

"And he loves you too, Steph."

"I know."

"Once Luke is home and recovered, you and Paul can have your chance to be together."

Stephanie shook her head. "I don't think so."

Matt's eyes widened in surprise. "Why?"

"Because Paul thinks we're better off as friends. He told me that himself." She bit down on her lip. She couldn't deny it had hurt her when he had said that.

Matt shifted in his seat and turned round to directly face her. He smiled. "You know as well as I do that he didn't mean it."

Stephanie shrugged her shoulders.

"Steph, Paul is just protecting himself. He's trying to convince himself that he's doing the right thing." He chuckled as he heard Paul curse loudly in the kitchen. A small smile crossed Stephanie's face. "It killed him to see you so torn, you know. He knew you were feeling guilty about Luke. You were hurting, Steph. He couldn't watch you go through that."

She looked at Matt, surprised. "He told you that?"

Matt nodded. "Paul and I do have the odd heart to heart from time to time."

Stephanie smiled as she reached across to squeeze his hand. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For listening to my woes."

Matt grinned. "Any time."

Just then the kitchen door opened. Paul was holding his hand. "Do we have any bandages around here?"

Stephanie immediately saw the blood that stained the dishcloth. She jumped up from the sofa and rushed over towards him. "What did you do?"

Paul lifted his hand away as she tried to take a look. "Easy McMahon. It's just a small cut."

Stephanie frowned. "Small cut, my ass. Paul, the dishcloth is covered in blood. Let me take a look."

Paul reluctantly lowered his hand. His finger was throbbing. He heard her gasp as she removed the towel. Blood poured steadily from the cut on his index finger.

She glanced down and frowned. "You're lucky. It looks like you don't need stitches." She placed the cloth back over his hand. "I'll need to clean it up though in case it gets infected."

Paul glanced back at Matt as Stephanie led him towards the bathroom. "Will you keep an eye on breakfast?"

Matt nodded and made his way to the kitchen.

Stephanie turned on the cold water tap and removing the dishcloth, she placed Paul's finger under the water. "Keep it there and don't move."

"Yes Ma'am." He snickered as she scowled. He watched as she reached up into the cabinet and pulled out the disinfectant.

"How did you cut yourself anyway?"

Paul shifted his body and leant against the basin. "I was chopping some mushrooms. The knife must have slipped."

Stephanie looked up as she passed him a towel. "Dry your finger off. I'll clean it up."

Paul did as he was told. As he looked down at his finger, he noticed the blood had now reduced to a trickle.

"This will probably sting."

Paul gritted his teeth as Stephanie dabbed the disinfected cotton wool against the cut. "Jesus Christ! That hurts."

Stephanie shook her head. "You're being a big baby."

Paul scowled at her. "I'm feeling a severe lack of sympathy here." He shook his throbbing finger as Stephanie grabbed the cream.

"Hold still." She placed the cream on his wound.

"You know this would be much more fun if you wore one of those little nurse outfits."

"I don't have a little nurse outfit."

"A white coat and a stethoscope work for me too." Paul grinned.

"You're a pig." Stephanie began to bandage his finger. She wrapped the white gauze and taped it. "There you go." Without thinking she lifted his finger to her lips and kissed it.

Their eyes stared at one another as Paul slowly brought his hand away. "Thanks."

Stephanie's heart beat loudly in her chest as she moved her face towards his. She could feel his warmth breath against her lips. She swallowed hard as she breathed in his familiar smell. She was desperate to kiss him. Disappointment masked her face as Paul cleared his throat and took a step back. He smiled at her awkwardly.

"I'd better get back to the kitchen before Matt burns the place down."

With a heavy heart, Stephanie nodded her head. She leant against the sink and blinked back her tears as she watched him leave the room.


	23. Chapter 23

As well as thanking everyone for their reviews so far, I thought I'd better tell you there's a little bit of smut towards the end of the chapter. Just thought I'd better do the right thing and warn any younger readers. And remember kiddies, don't try this at home...lol.

* * *

Chapter 23

Luke saw Stephanie approach him and a huge grin crossed his face. He pushed himself up the bed and waved in her direction. He had been eagerly waiting her visit ever since he had spoken with Doctor Morgan this morning. Apparently at his request the good doctor had been able to juggle the rota and had granted Stephanie some time off. It was a blessing in disguise for him because it now meant he could go home. It also meant he wouldn't be under the constant watchful eye of his mother. God knows he loved her but she had been driving him crazy the past couple of days and having her at his home twenty four seven was something he knew he couldn't handle. Her nagging and constant fussing would drive him up the wall never mind her endless questions about the state of his health. It was almost like she didn't quite believe her son was no longer at death's door and had to keep constantly reassuring herself by interrogating him.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" Stephanie asked as she bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"All the better for seeing you." Luke grinned as she sat down beside him and his grin got even wider as he watched her. Stephanie looked at him curiously.

"What's got you so chipper all of a sudden?"

"I have good news."

Stephanie smiled. "Have they confirmed you are getting home?"

"Yes." He took her hand in his. "I can go home on Wednesday."

"That's great news Luke. It really is." Stephanie smiled squeezing his fingers affectionately. "Your Mom must be delighted."

"She will be once I've told her."

Stephanie frowned. "I hope she can get the time off work at such short notice."

"That will not be an issue, my dear."

Her blue eyes were confused as Stephanie looked at him oddly. "Why? I thought you couldn't get home without supervision."

"I will be supervised." Luke paused as his grey eyes twinkled happily. "By you."

His words were like a punch to her gut. Stephanie swallowed hard as she tried to wrap her head around them. "What do you mean by me?"

"Well I cleared it with Doctor Morgan. You have the next two weeks off so I was thinking you can move in and look after me."

Stephanie stared at him, stunned but Luke didn't even notice her silence as he continued to ramble on.

"And who knows? Maybe the move could be permanent. After all, we are going to be married at some point. This would give us a chance to test the waters so to speak."

Stephanie shook her head unable to believe that Luke had gone ahead and done this without consulting her. Who the hell did he think he was? She snapped her hand away from him and her jaw was clenched in anger. "How dare you!"

Luke was shocked at her tone. "Steph, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" she shot back, her blue eyes glaring at him. "Luke, you went behind my back and spoke to Doctor Morgan. You just assumed that I would agree to look after you."

Luke frowned. "But why wouldn't you, Stephanie? After all, you are my fiancée or have you forgotten that?"

"No I've not forgotten that! How can I when you bring it up every five minutes?"

As Stephanie raked her hand through her hair in frustration she also wanted to scream that she couldn't forget especially when being Luke's fiancée had also cost her the one thing the wanted most in the world. The one man she could barely live without and her broken heart was a constant reminder of that fact. So no, there was no chance of her forgetting anything.

"Stephanie, what the hell is your problem?" Luke asked her completely dumbfounded by her reaction. "I thought you would be pleased. I mean, aren't you glad I'm getting out of here?"

"Of course I am." she sighed softly.

"Well it sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

Stephanie felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she looked at his crestfallen face. She knew she was being unfair to Luke but she couldn't help it. All she could think about was Paul and his reaction to the news that she would be moving in with Luke albeit temporarily. It would definitely ruin any chance she had at convincing him that he was the one she wanted to be with. In fact she was pretty sure it would finish things for good. She tried not to flinch from his touch as Luke reached out to take her hand.

"Stephanie, I'm sorry. I really am. If I'd known it was going to be such an issue I wouldn't have gone behind your back."

She forced a smile shaking her head. "It's alright. I guess I overreacted."

"You will look after me, won't you?"

Luke's grey eyes pleaded with her. She wished she had the courage to open her mouth and just say no. She wished she could tell him that she didn't love him. It was over between them and it had been ever since she realised she was in love with Paul. But she didn't. She couldn't. She felt obligated to him. After all, it was because of her he had been attacked and it was because of her Luke's life had been threatened. It was up to her to take care of him and make sure he got back on his feet. It was the least she could do after everything she had done to him.

As the voices of reason in her head screamed at her not to do this, Stephanie slowly nodded agreeing to take care of him. Luke smiled and somehow she managed to smile in return while inside her heart, she cried.

* * *

Paul's brown eyes were blurry as he peered at the lock trying his best to focus. At the third attempt, he managed to slot the key inside and open the door and he stumbled into the apartment grateful to see it in darkness. He wasn't in the mood to speak to any one. He just wanted to go to bed and lie and wallow in his own melancholy. That's if he could actually find his bed and this damn apartment would stop spinning.

Paul's hand reached for the wall and placing his palm against it, he steadied himself before staggering in the direction of the hallway. He hadn't meant to get drunk tonight. He had only gone to the bar with Tim to be social but the beer had gone down extremely well and after the first few, he found the pain had started to numb. It was a pain he had been constantly living with since the night he found that damn engagement ring and the night he thought he was doing the right thing by letting Stephanie go. But if it was the right thing, why did he feel so fucking bad?

Paul sighed heavily as he made his way towards his bedroom. He had been torturing himself all day thinking about her. He just couldn't get Stephanie out of his head and he knew he had been so close to kissing her again this morning. It had taken everything he had to pull away from her because he wanted to kiss her. In fact, he wanted her period. Memories of the night they had spent together were still so vivid in his mind. He could still feel the warmth and softness of her skin. He could still taste her on his lips. The sound of her voice as she called out his name still rang in his ears beckoning him. He had to face facts. He was officially screwed.

Paul tripped over his feet as he walked into the bedroom. He cursed as his hand fumbled across the wall for the switch. He eventually found it and his breath caught in his throat as he saw Stephanie sitting on his bed, waiting for him. Or least he thought he saw her. Paul closed his eyes trying to tell himself he was imagining things. That there was no way in hell this was happening. But when his brown eyes eventually fluttered open again, she was still there and this time she was standing in front of him.

Paul swallowed thickly and in that moment he swore Stephanie looked like an angel. She wore only a small silk nightdress. The ivory material rested against the top of her thighs and her chestnut hair fell in waves across her shoulders. She had never looked more beautiful that she did in that moment and the subtle scent of her perfume was intoxicating. Everything about her was radiant with the exception of her eyes. Her big blue eyes were woeful and sad as they stared back at him longingly.

As Paul opened his mouth to speak, Stephanie placed her finger on his lips silencing him.

"Don't say anything. Just be with me. Please."

She didn't give him a chance to protest. Stephanie stood on her tiptoes, capturing his mouth as her lips brushed over his. Paul squeezed his eyes shut and after a beat he began to respond to her kiss. His mouth parted open and his tongue swept over hers hungrily tasting every inch of her and Stephanie tasted as sweet as he remembered. She was also incredibly enticing and as she pressed her body to him, Paul felt his need for this woman begin to overwhelm him. Her familiar touch made his knees weak and his whole body tingled with a desire that he had only ever felt when he was with Stephanie. God, he wanted her so badly he couldn't think straight because this was wrong. This shouldn't be happening. Yet somehow it was and he was completely powerless to stop it.

A soft moan escaped from her lips and it only fuelled his need for her as Paul backed her slowly towards the bed. His fingers tangled in her soft chestnut strands and he gripped them firmly but gently as his mouth sought out Stephanie neck. He could hear her whimper softly as his tongue flicked out tasting her perfumed skin and his lips nipped and sucked along the column of her throat.

"God, Paul."

Her breathy sigh whispered against his ear. The palm of his left hand travelled over her back seeking out the hem of her nightdress. He roughly pushed it up rubbing the creamy flesh of her thighs. Stephanie began to fumble with the buttons on his black shirt and Paul lifted his head. His breathing was frantic and heavy as his brown eyes settled on her blue ones. They were almost black with her desire for him and his hands stilled as his gaze locked on her. Paul suddenly felt completely sober as he simply watched her and Stephanie pushed the shirt from his massive shoulders letting her nails trail along his back lightly scratching his skin. She stepped away as the cotton garment fell from his body and her next movement took his breath away as Stephanie lifted the hem of her nightdress and pulled it over her head letting it fall to the floor.

Paul's mouth went dry as she stood there in front of him. Stephanie was completely naked and with her tousled hair she never looked more beautiful or vulnerable to him. Paul's hand reached for her face, cupping her cheek. If this was so wrong, he didn't want to know what was right.

"I love you." Stephanie whispered.

Paul pressed his lips together suddenly feeling terribly overwhelmed by the moment. He wanted to tell her he loved her too. He loved her with every beat of his heart but the words wouldn't come. They lodged in his throat stuck in the knowledge they weren't enough. They never would be because simply there weren't enough words in the world to describe how he felt about this woman, this perfect goddess that was standing here right in front of him.

Paul couldn't help himself as his mouth sought out hers once more. This time his kiss was slower, tender and he expressed every word he couldn't find in that kiss. Both hands cupped her face as he drank her in. Every sip of her lips quenched his thirst for her yet it didn't completely satisfy him. He needed more. He always did.

Stephanie let out a gasp of surprise as he lifted her up and she wrapped her long legs around his waist as he continued to kiss her but this time his kisses were more urgent and more desperate. He could feel the heat of her skin as Stephanie's breasts pressed against his chest. Her long fingers tangled in his hair as he lowered her to the bed.

"Paul."

His name fell from her lips once more as his mouth covered her breast. His light stubble scratched her skin only intensifying her pleasure. Stephanie's head fell backwards and she closed her eyes. She arched her back against him needing more, not able to have him close enough because God knows it had felt like forever since Paul had last touched her. Her body was screaming out for him and she wanted him so much. She needed him desperately.

Paul's mouth moved to her other breast, his tongue wet against her skin. Stephanie lightly shivered against him feeling her whole body tremble with her pleasure. His hands were running down her side, skimming over her stomach. She shifted her legs feeling the ache in her core and her hands moved from Paul's hair to fumble for his jeans. The metal fastener on the belt clanked as she unbuckled it and undid his zipper. It made an odd sound as it echoed around the silent room and Paul lifted his head. Stephanie rolled her body from under him as she got to her knees, pushing him backwards onto the bed. The mattress creaked underneath her as she crawled towards him. Paul's heavy lidded eyes were watching her and she could see the flicker of desire that lingered there. He lifted his hips as she undressed him tugging the faded denim over his hips and down his thick toned thighs. As she began to kiss a path up his stomach to his chest, Paul kicked the jeans from his feet to the floor.

"Steph." he growled against her ear as her teeth nipped his lobe and her legs moved over him, straddling him.

"I need you, Paul." she told him as she moved her hands down his body seeking out his thick fingers and sliding her own through them. Her blue eyes stared deep into his as she lifted them, placing their joined hands on the pillow next to Paul's head and she continued to stare as she positioned herself above him and slowly sank down on him.

She let out a hiss of pleasure as she remained still for a moment and feeling him finally inside her Stephanie was suddenly hit with the notion that she was whole again.

Bending over him, her mouth sought out his. "Make love to me baby." she breathed against his lips.

As she kissed him, Stephanie felt Paul begin to rock her slowly. She closed her eyes feeling the sensation of him to the tips of her fingers and was suddenly hit with the urge to cry. Squeezing her eyes even tighter, Stephanie fought off that notion as she concentrated on Paul and how he was making her feel. Christ, he made her feel amazing and Paul felt so incredible inside her. It was like he fit perfectly, like the pair of them had been made for one another. And being with Paul like this took her to this other place. A place where it was just him and her and no one else existed. And for the first time that day, Stephanie felt free as she drifted off to that place forgetting about everything else except him. Because she wanted to remember Paul and she wanted to remember every second with him. She needed to cherish every single moment they had together because after tonight it was all she would have left. Tomorrow reality would come crashing down and this would all just be a dream. A perfect unattainable dream she would have to find a way to live without. The only problem was she wasn't sure she could. She wasn't so sure she had the strength to completely walk away from Paul. Yet at the same time, she didn't have the courage to make the choice to stay because the truth was what she felt for Paul scared her to death. The night she had first made love to him it had overwhelmed her so much she actually felt terrified. She had lost herself so completely in him that she didn't know where he ended and she began. And she had never felt anything like it before. Her love for him was so powerful it had sent her running in the opposite direction from it. It was almost like she didn't feel ready for what they had together because the fact of the matter was she was meant to be with Paul. She could feel it. She knew it in her heart. She just had to hold on to the belief that the same fear of losing him would one day send her running back to him because this was what she wanted. She wanted Paul desperately. Now she just had to find the courage to go after what she wanted. She needed the courage to find her heart.

* * *

The tears rolled down Stephanie's cheeks as she lifted Paul's arm from around her waist. She pulled back the covers and shivered as the cool air hit her naked body. The first rays of sunlight filtered through the blind as she crept out of bed careful not to make a sound. She saw her nightdress on the floor and pulled it on. She wiped her wet cheeks as she turned towards him. Paul was still fast asleep and he looked so beautiful and peaceful. Stephanie lingered by the bed for a moment wanting nothing more than to jump back in beside him. But she couldn't. It wasn't fair on Paul. She had to let him go for his sake and for hers.

Stephanie slowly bent towards him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He murmured something in his sleep before rolling onto his side and Stephanie let out the breath she didn't realise she had been holding as his eyes remained closed.

"I love you." Stephanie whispered as she backed towards the door. As she turned the handle she gulped back her tears and turned away. She didn't trust herself to look at Paul anymore. If she did, she'd only want to stay and that wasn't an option for her.

"Goodbye Paul." Stephanie whispered sadly as she left the room clicking the door softly behind her.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Paul rolled onto his stomach and flung his arm across the mattress. As his eyes opened, he saw the empty space next to him where she had been and he realised he was alone. Stephanie was already gone.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips as his fingertips traced the cold sheets. Deep down, he knew this was going to happen. Last night had been a mistake; this huge, amazing, complicated mistake. He had known that the minute her lips had pressed against his. Probably even before that. He shouldn't have given in to her. Even in his drunken state, he had known it was wrong but he hadn't been able to stop himself. He never could where Stephanie was concerned because he had never wanted anyone as much as he wanted her. She was like an addition to him. An addiction that was slowly but surely tearing him up inside.

Paul swallowed thickly, closing his eyes and let his thoughts drift to the previous night in spite of himself. He could admit it had felt so good to be with her again. He could forget everything they were going through and just concentrate on her and how she made him feel and Christ, she made him feel incredible. They had this deep connection, something he never had with any one else and it was so strong that at times it frightened him to death. But at the same time, everything seemed so simple. It always was when they were together. Loving Stephanie was easy. It was like breathing. It just came naturally to him. It was living without her that was the really hard part.

Paul lifted his hand and slowly began rubbing his left temple. His head was thumping and his stomach felt nauseous. He'd had far too much to drink yesterday and yet, it hadn't been enough. He had still thought about her. He had still been haunted by her sad blue eyes and the look on her beautiful face when he had refused her kiss. He just wished he'd had the strength and the sense to refuse her last night. But he hadn't. When it came to Stephanie, he was completely weak and things between them had become so damn complicated. Seeking solace in one another's arms was only making matters worse.

Paul sighed and threw back the covers. He didn't want to think about it any more or he'd go completely nuts. He shivered slightly as the cool air chilled his skin. Throwing his legs across the bed, he stood up and pulled on his black track pants and t-shirt. He tried to ignore the spinning room as his hand fumbled for the handle on the door and he stepped out into the hallway.

"Good morning."

Paul scowled as he heard Matt's overly loud greeting and held his hand up in front of him to silence him. "Do you have to be so frickin' loud?"

Matt chuckled as he noticed Paul's bloodshot eyes and pale complexion. "Feeling a little hung over buddy?"

"I feel like shit actually." Paul admitted rubbing his eyes as he followed Matt through to the kitchen. He walked straight to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. He placed it down on the counter and opened the drawer, taking out the aspirin.

"So, what was the special occasion?" asked Matt who sat down on the stool on the opposite side of the counter.

"I thought I'd celebrate the fact that Naomi got back home tomorrow." Paul replied sarcastically. His big fingers popped the tablets out from the foil strip and he placed them in his mouth.

"Don't you mean you drowned your sorrows?" Matt smiled at his friend. He knew Naomi irritated the shit out of Paul. They just didn't get along and they never would. He had to admit that sometimes it bothered him. He wished that the two of the most important people in his life could learn to be friends but he had accepted it wasn't going to happen. Not in this lifetime anyway.

"Maybe it was something like that." Paul smirked as he swallowed his water. The cool liquid refreshed his dry mouth. He screwed the cap back on the bottle and walked across to the table. He sat down on the chair and stretched out his long legs, yawning loudly.

"Steph left early this morning."

Paul pressed his lips tightly together at the mention of her name. He wasn't surprised she had bailed out before he awoke. Quite honestly, he had expected it. It wasn't the first time it had happened either. Stephanie hated confrontation. She preferred to avoid the situation instead which pretty much guaranteed more silence and awkwardness between them. Unfortunately, it had become pretty much normal behaviour for their relationship these days.

"I thought she had the day off." Matt commented.

Paul shrugged. Usually he would have some sort of idea of her whereabouts. Stephanie always usually made a point of telling them when she would be home but lately he just didn't have a clue. It saddened him to realise just how much things were changing between them.

"Didn't she anything to you?"

Paul sighed heavily and pushed back his chair. When he looked up at Matt, there was no mistaking the sad look in his brown eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, Steph and I don't exactly talk like we used to."

Matt frowned sympathetically. "I'm sorry." He got down from the stool and sat down at the table beside him. "I thought things were getting better between you. At least it seemed that way yesterday."

"Yeah, well that was yesterday."

Matt looked at him curiously. "Why? What's happened between you now?"

Paul shook his head as he picked at the label on the water bottle. He didn't want to discuss it.

"Paul, talk to me."

He lifted his head to look at his concerned friend. "There's nothing to talk about Matt."

"Well, I think there is."

Matt sighed as he watched Paul look away and continue to focus his attention on the bottle in his hand. His fidgeting alone told him that something was up. He knew Paul too well. Something had happened with Stephanie and he was hurting. He just had to look into his friend's eyes and he could see the torment there. He watched as Paul stood up placing his bottle on the table.

"I'm going to take a shower." Paul announced as he turned towards the door.

Matt sighed once more knowing he needed to get Paul to open up but he wasn't going to push him. He could see the whole situation with Stephanie was taking its toll on him and he hated seeing him so down. That just wasn't Paul so he decided he was going to try and help him take his mind off things. "Do you have to go into work today?"

Paul turned back round, surprised by Matt's question.

"I was thinking of calling in sick. I thought we could shoot some pool and have a few beers. Make the most of my last day of freedom." Matt said, shrugging.

Paul smirked, shaking his head. "I never thought I'd see the day. Matt Dolan, high flying marketing consultant, Mr Conscientious himself, bunking off work."

"I guess I've lived with you that long your bad habits are starting to rub off on me." his friend grinned.

Paul chuckled as he folded his arms across his chest. He had to admit he was tempted. A couple of beers and he would soon forget his hangover. Tim would cover the club in his absence and God knows he could use the distraction right now. The truth was he was sick and tired of wallowing. He could use a little fun. As he looked at his friend, his mind was made up and he grinned mischievously.

"I hope you've got plenty of money because you know I always kick your ass at pool."

"Ten bucks a game. Loser buys the beers?"

Paul nodded. "You're on. Just give me half an hour and I'll treat you to breakfast. It's only fair seeing as it will be the only time I'll be putting my hand in my pocket today."

Matt flipped him off. "Get out of here, Levesque."

He heard Paul chuckling as he left the room. Matt smiled. As he wandered through the living room to call in sick, he realised he was looking forward the day ahead. And he had no doubt in his mind that he would be drunk and penniless by the end of it too.

* * *

Stephanie felt the chilly air against her face. She bowed her head as a gust of wind blew as she turned the corner. Her hair fell against her face and she pushed it behind her ear. She adjusted the strap of the newly purchased holdall on her shoulder as she walked towards their building. She had realised this morning that she didn't possess anything she could pack her clothes in. Anytime she had needed a bag like when she visited her parents, she had always used Paul's gym bag. But she would be pretty uncomfortable asking him for it now especially considering the circumstances.

Stephanie entered the apartment building and climbed the narrow stairs. The heat instantly warmed her cold skin and lifting her hand, she checked the watch on her wrist. It was almost ten thirty. It was pretty much a certainty that Paul would have left for work by now. Stephanie sighed heavily as she made her way along the hallway. She hated herself for what she had done last night. God, she had been so selfish. All she had thought about was how much she had needed Paul. She knew he was slipping away from her and she had just wanted to be as close to him as possible. She had needed him so badly she had given him no option but to give in to her. And now she had done the last thing in the world she ever wanted to do. She had hurt Paul and she would never, ever forgive herself. He would be upset that she had walked out on him this morning. He would try to hide it but she would know he was hurting. He was a sensitive guy. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He felt things, deeply. And when he found out she was moving in with Luke, it would kill him. He would never forgive her and she couldn't blame him. Paul was such a wonderful person. He didn't deserve all the shit she had put him through lately and he was better off without her.

Stephanie turned her key in the lock and pushed open the door. She closed it behind her and when she turned round her blue eyes went wide when she saw Matt standing in front of her, looking at her inquisitively.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" she asked, panicked.

Matt shrugged. "I decided to skip it in favour of beer and pool. I even persuaded Paul to join me."

Stephanie's heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. Her stomach was in knots as she looked around the apartment anxiously. "He's still here?"

Matt nodded. "He's in the shower."

"Shit!" she exclaimed as she pushed past him and made her way towards the bedroom. She ignored Matt's voice as he called out her name. She had to dump the bag and get out of here. She couldn't face him. Not after what she had done. Not after what she was about to do to him.

Stephanie had just placed the bag on the bed when Matt stormed into her bedroom.

"Steph, what the hell is going on?"

She spun round on her heel to see Matt glaring back at her. She felt the tears well in her eyes. He looked so angry with her and he had every right to be after what she had done to Paul. Matt had warned her not to confuse him. He had warned her she would hurt him. God knows what he thought of her now he knew she had slept with Paul a second time. Stephanie bit down on her lip and let out a shaky breath.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered. "I tried to stay away. I really did. But I couldn't."

She saw Matt close his eyes and heard him sigh. He closed the door over behind him as he slowly walked towards her. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

"I guess I now know what's up with Paul." he replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. He heard the faint gasp escape from Stephanie's lips. He smiled at her grimly. "He hadn't told me. I knew something had happened between you but he didn't want to talk about it. Now I know why."

Stephanie gulped back her tears as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She bent over clutching her hair tightly at the scalp as her elbows rested on her thighs. "I didn't mean to hurt him Matt."

Matt sat down beside her. The sheets crinkled underneath him. "Maybe not but what did you think was going to happen Steph? The guy loves you. It's killing him to be apart from you but he's trying so hard to do the right thing. You just can't jerk around with his feelings like that. It's not fair to him."

Stephanie lifted her head up and pushed her hair back in frustration. She gritted her teeth as she glared at him. "Don't you think I know that?"

Matt shook his head. "Then why do you keep doing it? Why can't you respect what he's trying to do for you and stay away?"

Stephanie stood up and looked at him angrily. "Because I can't, okay? I just can't." She sniffed, wiping at her face and wrapped her arms around herself. "I keep telling myself it's for the best. I know we have to be apart. But forgive me if I'm having a little trouble letting him go."

"You don't have to. It doesn't have to be this way, Stephanie."

She scowled at him. "Of course it does. I don't have a choice."

"Yes you do." Matt stood up and stood in front of her. He placed his hands on her shoulders as his grey eyes looked into hers. "You can do what you should have done weeks ago. End your relationship with Luke."

"I can't."

Matt frowned. He stared at her incredulously. "Of course you can."

Stephanie shook her head and her sad expression matched the sadness in her voice. "It's complicated. I've got an obligation to look after him. I can't just abandon him."

Matt dropped his hands and backed away from her slowly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing from her and in his opinion it was a crock of shit. He turned and looked towards the bag on the bed. Suddenly it all made sense. His jaw clenched tightly as he realised what she was about to do. Shaking his head, he turned back round towards her. The tears now fell freely from her cheeks as she stood there, her arms still wrapped tightly around herself.

"No, Steph." Matt told her as he pointed towards the bag on the bed. "This is wrong."

"I have to Matt. There's no other choice."

"Bullshit Steph!"

His loud outburst shocked her and Stephanie backed away from him, sobbing.

"What the fuck are you thinking, huh? One minute you say you're ending things with Luke. The next minute you're going to move in with a guy you claim you don't want to be with and be his fucking nurse!"

Stephanie gulped back her tears. "I told you. I don't have a choice."

Matt sneered as he shouted at her. "That's a lame excuse, Steph. Why don't you just admit the truth? You're far too much of a coward to make the right decision." He shook his head at her and there was no mistaking the disappointment in his eyes. "Have you any idea what this is going to do to Paul? I mean, haven't you fucked him around enough?"

"I-I never wanted to hurt him, Matt. You've got to believe me."

"Yeah well you've got a funny way of showing it." Matt said exasperated as he ran his fingers through his hair and threw his arms in the air. "So, when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

Matt stopped and stood there staring at her open-mouthed. "Tomorrow?"

Stephanie nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"And were you planning on telling anyone you were going?"

She scowled at him. "Of course I was."

"And your mind is made up. You're moving in with Luke?"

Stephanie nodded sadly as she brushed away the tears from her eyes. "I have to Matt. He needs someone to look after him. He's depending on me. It's the least I can do seeing it's my fault he was stabbed in the first place."

Matt shook his head and sighed. He knew Stephanie still felt guilty over what had happened. He just wondered how long she was going to let that guilt ruin her life.

"You do know you're making a huge mistake." he told her.

Stephanie looked down at the floor, unable to look him in the eye knowing he was only speaking the truth. She heard his footsteps as he walked to the door and opened it. He turned around and lingered in the doorway as he looked at her.

"You'd better tell Paul tonight. I think it's the least he deserves, don't you?" Matt said softly.

Stephanie looked up at him and her stomach dropped as she saw Paul standing behind Matt in the doorway. A soft whimper escaped her lips as she saw the look of devastation in his beautiful brown eyes. He knew. Paul already knew.

Matt saw Stephanie's eyes look past him. He turned round just in time to see Paul stride down the hallway.

"Paul, wait!" he shouted out after him.

Matt backed away and Stephanie could see the look of anger in his eyes. She stood there frozen to the spot as she listened to him run after Paul. The door slammed behind him and after a beat, she fell to her knees and cried.

* * *

"Can we have another two beers, Jack?"

The old bar tender smiled at Matt's slurred words. "Coming right up."

Matt turned to Paul who was slouched over the bar. He slapped him on the back of the head. "Wake up, Levesque."

Paul lifted his head up and looked bleary eyed at his friend. His brown eyes stared as he tried to focus. "I wasn't sleeping. I was just resting my head. The room was spinning." He blinked rapidly. "Fuck, it still is."

He exhaled slowly as he lifted up his beer and finished the drink. He smiled at Jack as he placed another one in front of him.

"Thanks."

Matt stared at the bottle sitting on the bar. "Why have I got two?"

Paul looked at him as if he was crazy. "What the fuck are you talking about, Dolan? There's only one bottle in front of you."

Matt turned to grin at Paul. His eyes were glazed over. "It looks like two." He let out a deep breath as he shifted in his seat. "Naomi will fucking kill me when she sees the state I'm going to be in tomorrow."

Paul snorted. "Women. They cause you nothing but trouble." He paused as he took a drink of his beer and banged it down on the bar. "And heartache."

Paul wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and rested his arms on the cherry wood surface. He focused his attention on the football game playing on the television above the bar.

Matt looked over at his friend and sighed. He had tried all day to discuss the situation with Stephanie but every time he had brought it up, Paul had told Matt to drop it. He refused to talk about it. Instead he had chosen to drown his sorrows and Matt had happily joined him. He still couldn't believe that Stephanie had chosen to move in with Luke. What the hell was she thinking? She was only doing it because she felt obligated to him. She didn't love the guy. And from what Matt could gather, Luke treated her like shit. He was always letting her down and putting his career as a doctor first. Why would she want to be second best to someone when she could have it all with the guy sitting next to him?

"It just doesn't make sense."

As Paul turned to look at him, Matt realised he had spoken out loud.

"What? The football game?"

Matt shook his head. He decided there was no harm in giving it one last shot and try to talk to him about Stephanie. Maybe the alcohol would loosen his tongue. And if Paul did punch him like he had threatened to do the last time he had mentioned her, at least he wouldn't feel it. He couldn't feel his legs. There was a good chance he wouldn't feel Paul's fist when it connected with his face either.

Matt licked his dry lips as he pushed himself up the bar stool. "No, you idiot. I was talking about Stephanie."

Paul let out a slow controlled breath. "Well I don't want to listen."

He picked up his beer and took a drink. He wanted to forget the pain he felt every time he thought about her leaving and he hadn't intentionally listened in to their conversation this morning. Their raised voices had made it difficult to ignore them and he had been shocked at first. Despite everything that had happened between them, it hadn't even crossed his mind that she would leave. But when he'd realised that Stephanie was really leaving and she was leaving to go to Luke, he swore something inside him broke in two. It was hard enough dealing with the fact that they couldn't be together. It would kill him to watch her walk out that door. And the thing that scared him the most was the thought that she might never come back.

"She's making a huge mistake."

Paul scowled at him. "I thought I told you already. I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to hear her name."

"She's leaving, Paul. Don't you even want to try and stop her?" asked Matt.

Paul looked away and shifted in his seat. He sighed heavily as he picked up his bottle. "No." he said softly. He placed the bottle to his mouth and took a large mouthful of his drink.

Matt stared at him, disbelievingly. "But why? You love her, Paul. Surely you want her to stay?"

Paul swallowed his drink and placed his bottle down before he rubbed his face wearily. "Of course I want her to stay. But she's made her decision, Matt. I have to deal with it and move on."

Matt frowned. "Do you honestly think you can do that?"

"No but God knows I have to try."

Matt paused for a second as he tried to gain clarity in his drunken mind. "Paul, ask her to stay. She might say yes."

Paul wore a wry smile as he looked at his friend. "Maybe but there's also the chance she's going to say no." He shrugged. "That's why I can't do it, Matt. Maybe it's my stupid male pride getting in the way but I refuse to put myself in that situation. I'm not putting myself in a position where I'm just going to get hurt again. I can't do it. Not any more." he slurred. He pushed back his stool and unsteadily got to his feet.

"Where are you going?"

"Home. Are you coming?"

Matt nodded his head and held out his hand. "Pull me up."

Paul yanked him from the stool. He burst into laughter as he watched Matt fall to the floor.

Matt got to his knees and pushed his glasses up his nose. He rubbed his left shoulder. "Jesus Christ, Paul. I think you took my arm out of its socket."

Paul wiped his eyes and held out his hand. "Stop being such a drama queen, Dolan. Get up. You're starting to embarrass me."

Matt gripped his hand and somehow managed to get to his feet.

"You boys take care getting home now." Jack said as he cleared the bar behind him. His lips were upturned in an amused smile.

"Goodnight Jack."

"Yeah, g'night!"

The pair of them lifted their hands in farewell as they staggered towards the exit.

"Paul, I think we should get a cab. I can't feel my legs."

Paul turned round as the cold wind blew against his face. The fresh air wasn't helping him any. He was struggling to focus on the road ahead. "Nonsense. We're just round the block."

Matt staggered towards him. "I'm not sure I can make it that far."

Paul grabbed him just before he slumped to the ground. Matt's face was pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped round his waist. Paul chuckled as he pushed him off. "Give me your arm and stop clinging to me. We're in the middle of the street."

He lifted Matt's arm and placed it around his shoulder. He began to walk them, albeit a little unsteadily, towards home.

"I love you, man." Matt slurred.

Paul shook his head and smiled. "Yeah well, you probably love everyone right now."

"You're my best friend. Steph too, even though I'm pissed off with her right now."

"That makes two of us, buddy." Paul turned the corner onto their street. His teeth chattered in the cold. In his rush to leave the apartment, he'd forgotten his coat.

"She's sorry she hurt you. She told me that you know."

Paul swallowed hard as he pushed open the door to their building with his hip. He climbed the stairs as Matt's feet dragged behind him.

"She's just having a bit of trouble letting you go."

Paul pulled him impatiently up the stairs. He wasn't in the mood to listen. "And I'm having trouble getting you home. Try and lift your damn feet will you."

Eventually they made it to the top of the stairs. They staggered along the hallway to the door.

"I forgot my key."

Paul groaned. "You're joking?"

Matt closed his eyes and shook his head as he leant against the doorway. "Just use yours."

Paul leant his head back against the wall. "I don't have mine. I left it inside."

Matt turned towards the door and his fist pounded against the wood. "Stephanie! Let us in." he shouted.

"Shhhhhhh! You'll wake up that old bag down the hall."

Matt grinned as he pounded even louder. "I don't give a shit. Let her call the cops."

"Oooooh. Bunking off and getting arrested all in one day. You're really walking on the wild side, my friend." Paul replied, chuckling.

"I don't think she's in." Matt replied, sighing.

He leant his back against the door. Paul was about to say something when he saw the door open and watched Matt fall unceremoniously to the floor. He bent over and burst into laughter.

Stephanie shook her head and knelt down beside Matt, touching his arm. "Matt, are you okay?"

Matt joined Paul as he burst into laughter too.

Stephanie shook her head as she looked between the two of them. A small smile touched her lips. "The pair of you are crazy."

Paul held out his hand to Matt to pull him up. "Yeah well think yourself lucky. As from tomorrow, you won't have to put up with our madness any longer."

Stephanie tried not to feel hurt by the bitter tone in his voice knowing she deserved it.

She got to her feet and stood awkwardly as she watched Paul pull him up.

Matt smiled at her as he leaned against Paul. She could see Paul was deliberately avoiding looking in her direction. "We're drunk."

Stephanie forced herself to smile in return. "So I see. I was worried about you."

"Sure you were." Paul snapped as he dragged Matt towards the hallway. "Come on buddy. Let's get you to bed."

He kicked open the bedroom door and Matt staggered and fell onto the bed. He closed his eyes as Paul removed his shoes. "You should ask her to stay, Paul."

Paul sighed as he left the room not wanting to hear it. "Goodnight, Matt."

As he closed the door behind him, he saw her still standing in the hallway. He swallowed thickly as their eyes connected. He was surprised to find that he actually felt quite sober. Even the alcohol couldn't stop the pain from his heart breaking.

"I was worried about you, Paul. I wasn't lying to you."

"Your concern is touching but I don't need it." he replied. His tone was harsh as his pain was replaced by anger. God knows it was the only defence he had left.

"It was never my intention to hurt you, you know."

"Well you got a funny way of showing it."

Stephanie bit down on her lip as she wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm just trying to do what's best."

Paul snarled at her as he slowly approached her. His fists were clenched at his sides as he shook his head. "Best for who, Steph? Best for you or best for Luke? Because it sure as hell isn't what's best for me!"

Stephanie blinked back her tears. "I have to do this, Paul. He needs me."

Paul snorted. "I need you too but somehow that doesn't seem to matter to you."

"That's not true!" she cried.

"Really? So if I was to ask you to stay, you would change your mind?"

Paul's brown eyes stared at her as he waited for his answer. He hadn't meant to ask the question. He had told himself over and over he wasn't going to put himself out there again. He wasn't going to let her hurt him anymore. Yet here he was, standing in front of her, giving her yet another opportunity to rip his heart in two.

The tears rolled down her cheeks as she slowly shook her head. "Please Paul, don't do this. Don't make me choose." she whispered.

Paul's jaw clenched tightly as he slowly backed away. His eyes were cold and emotionless. "If you need help packing, you know where to find me."

He turned around and ignoring the sound of her tears, he walked into his bedroom slamming the door behind him.


	25. Chapter 25

For what it's worth, in this story, Stephanie is bugging the hell out of me too. Thanks again for all your lovely reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

Chapter 25

Paul walked through the silent, empty gym and into his office. His nose wrinkled in disgust as he saw the paper littering his desk. It was everywhere and there wasn't a spare inch of wood to be seen. The grey metal filing cabinets were lying open too. In fact the whole place was in disarray. He was going to kill Tim when he got his hands on him. Every time he had a day off, it was always the same. He would come back to chaos only this looked worse than usual. The place looked like a bomb had hit it.

Paul shrugged off his leather coat and threw it over the back of his chair. He scratched his head and he sighed feeling like this was the last thing he needed especially when he already felt like total shit. His drinking binge with Matt was definitely biting him in the ass right now. He should have known he had the hangover from hell the minute he opened his eyes this morning and the room had started to spin. He had been sorely tempted to pull the covers over his head and go back to sleep but instead he had gotten out of bed and made a quick exit from the apartment while everyone else was still asleep.

Paul flopped down in the chair and rested his elbows on the desk. His fingers rubbed at his temples wearily. Stephanie was moving out today so leaving was self preservation on his part. There was no chance he was sticking around to say goodbye because he didn't want to see her. He couldn't. Not when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and ask her to stay. Fuck. He was so weak when it came to Stephanie. He couldn't resist her and it seemed he never could. That was why he had left so early this morning. He wasn't going to put himself out there again. He wasn't going to give her yet another opportunity to take his heart and stomp on it. Because he would try and get her to change her mind, he knew he would. The thought of her walking out that door scared him to death.

Paul closed his eyes and bowed his head. His fingers clutched his long blonde strands tightly as he licked his dry lips. He couldn't sleep last night. Instead he had tossed and turned thinking about Stephanie. He had been so angry with her. She had promised him she was going to leave Luke. Now she was running off to be his fucking nurse. She had lied to him when she had told him things were over between her and Luke. It was obvious she still cared about him. Moving in with him went far beyond feeling an obligation to the guy. Maybe she was confused. Hell, maybe she even still loved him. He just wished she had been honest with him from the start. Maybe then he wouldn't feel like she had taken his heart and literally ripped it in two. But his anger hadn't lasted. It never did with her. In fact, it had disappeared the minute he had turned his head and breathed in her familiar scent on the pillow next to him. Instead his anger had been replaced with his pain. But not regret. Never that. How could he regret the two most incredible experiences of his life? Experiences where he remembered every single little thing..

_"Tell me again." His brown eyes gazed at her tenderly as his lips brushed against hers so gently._

_"I love you, Paul."__  
_

_His tongue slid across her bottom lip teasing her. Her lips parted allowing him entry. She moaned softly as their tongues brushed together, tasting one another. When they broke apart, her blue eyes shone at him. _

_"Do you love me?" Her words were a hushed whisper as her nails scraped lightly down his bare chest causing a sigh to escape from his lips. __  
_

_"Of course I do."__  
_

_"Tell me. I need to hear it." __  
_

_He kissed her again as he nudged her thighs gently apart. His big fingers tangled in her long soft hair as he slid slowly inside her. He murmured against her open mouth. _

_"I love you."_

_"Boss! You're early."_

_Paul quickly lifted his head at the sound of his voice. His hands dropped to his lap as he sat back. He cleared his throat, taking a few seconds to compose himself before turning round towards the door._

_"I wasn't expecting you to be here." Tim lingered in the doorway. His hand ran through his short, dark hair and he wore a nervous smile on his face._

_"Obviously." Paul replied as he got up from the chair. He grabbed his coat and pulled it on. "The place is a fucking mess, Tim. I want it cleaned up."_

_"Yes boss."_

_Paul shook his head in amusement as he flicked his hair over his collar. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"_

_"Sorry boss." Tim grinned as he approached the untidy desk._

_Paul chuckled and he playfully slapped him upside the head as he passed. "I'm going for some strong coffee. Can I get you anything?"_

_Tim shook his head and smiled knowingly at the tell-tale bloodshot eyes. "Was it a hard night last night?"_

_"Oh yeah." Paul walked towards the door calling out as he left. "I want this place sorted when I come back."_

_He shook his head as he walked through the gym. Tim was a good guy. He just needed to be kept in line. Left to his own devices, he caused more problems than Paul cared to remember._

_The bitter wind hit him as soon as he stepped outside the door. He buttoned his jacket and placing his hands in his pockets, he walked down the almost deserted street. The sun had begun to rise behind the tall granite buildings casting a pinkish glow across the sky. A milk cart slowly rumbled by. Paul couldn't recall the last time he had been up so early. Probably the last time he had made a quick escape from some nameless woman he had picked up. Although that seemed a long time ago now. The tree lined street was like a different place to the familiar hustle and bustle he was used to. Usually he found himself weaving in and out of the busy pedestrians. It made a nice change not to have to fight his way through them._

_As he turned the corner to head towards the coffee shop, Paul literally stopped in his tracks feeling his breath catch in his throat. Stephanie was standing less than three feet in front of him. She was holding two Styrofoam cups in her gloved covered hands. Her chestnut hair blew in the wind. Her cheeks were red, pinched by the cold. He swallowed thickly as their eyes connected. She raised one of the cups slightly as a nervous smile traced her lips. _

_"I was bringing you some coffee. I thought you might need it."_

_Paul stood there, unsure what to say. He had to admit this was the last thing he had expected. Stephanie never confronted a situation. She preferred avoidance. And that was what he had been prepared for. He wasn't prepared for this. For her to be standing here in front of him, obviously on her way to find him, it shocked him. He was confused as hell. But then again, his confusion was par for the course nowadays. _

_"I thought we could talk." Stephanie said softly._

_Paul sighed. He dug his hands deeper into his pockets pulling his coat tighter around him. "I'm not sure talking is going to solve anything, do you?"_

_Stephanie bit down her lip as her blue eyes looked at him sadly. "Maybe not but I have to try. I can't leave things the way they are between us."_

_Paul swallowed thickly. He knew this was probably a bad idea. Nothing was going to change between them. She was still leaving. He was still heartbroken. _

_"Please, Paul." Stephanie pleaded._

_Her words carried in the wind as those perfect eyes looked at him. He knew he couldn't refuse her. She was his weakness. He nodded slowly. He saw the look of relief that crossed her face. _

_"We can talk in my office."_

_Stephanie slowly approached him. He quickly turned round ignoring the ache in his chest and they walked along the quiet street in silence. Both of them were alone with their thoughts. Neither of them seemed in the frame of mind for small talk as they approached the granite building._

_Paul held open the door for her. Stephanie smiled at him tentatively as she brushed past him. Their footsteps echoed through the empty gymnasium as she followed him to his office. She remembered when Paul had just opened this place and had started out on his own. He had been so nervous but excited too. It had always been his dream to have a place of his own and she always felt so proud of him when she thought about here. He had accomplished so much in such a short space of time._

_"Hey, Tim."_

_Tim looked up from the desk when he heard Paul's voice. His face was surprised. He clutched a bunch of papers in his hand. "You're back quick." _

_His eyes moved to the doorway and he noticed Stephanie lingering there. A wide grin crossed his face. _

_"Steph! It's great to see you."_

_Stephanie smiled as she slowly wandered forward into Paul's office. "It's nice to see you too, Tim." _

_Paul's thick fingers began to unbutton his coat. "Just leave the mess for now. We can sort it out later."_

_Tim smiled as he looked between Paul and Stephanie. His smile slowly faded as he felt the obvious tension between them. He had never seen them like this before. They were avoiding looking at one another. Both of them looked so serious. Usually the pair of them laughed and joked, teasing one another constantly. Something was up that was for sure. He quickly dropped the papers back down on the desk. He gestured towards the door, suddenly eager to leave. "I'll leave you guys to it."_

_Paul nodded and smiled at him gratefully as he took off his coat. "Close the door for me, would you?"_

_Tim nodded and the door clicked shut behind him._

_Stephanie stood watching Paul as he removed his coat. She couldn't help but admire him. He was wearing a black shirt. She loved him in black. It was the way the colour contrasted with his blonde hair as it fell across his broad shoulders. Paul pushed his hair behind his ear. She swallowed thickly. She remembered how soft the strands felt. She loved brushing her fingers through it and it always smelled so good. It wasn't so long ago that she found herself opening the bottle of his hair product while she was in the shower. She spent minutes breathing in the familiar smell, remembering. Of course, she had no right to remember now. It was her fault it was all over between them. Not that it had ever really started in the first place. And now she was in danger of losing Paul for good. God, she had treated him so horribly. She couldn't cope if there was a chance he hated her. He meant so much to her. More than he probably would ever know._

"You'll have to excuse the mess I'm afraid. It was the human tornado out there."

Stephanie's lips upturned into a small smile grateful for the break in the silence. It felt weird and uncomfortable. There was never usually a lack of words spoken between them. They could usually talk about anything and everything. "You need to get Tim his own office space. That way he won't mess up yours."

A slow smile crept across Paul's face. Her heart skipped a beat. "That's a very good point. I'm sure I have a spare broom closet or something around here."

As they stood across from one another, the silence descended again. Stephanie shuffled her feet nervously.

"Give me those and you can take off your coat."

Stephanie smiled at him gratefully as she handed him the warm Styrofoam cups. She tried to ignore how his hands brushed against her gloved ones and lingered just that fraction of a second. She cleared her throat as she pulled off the gloves from her hands. "Yours is the strong black coffee."

Paul's brown eyes twinkled as he smiled at her appreciatively. As she removed her coat, he cleared a space on the desk and placed them down. He saw her hover uncertainly beside his desk, her long black wool coat lying across her arm. "Grab a seat."

Stephanie nodded and took the chair at the opposite end of the desk. She placed her coat across her lap. When she looked up her hot chocolate was sitting in front of her. She smiled. "Thanks."

Paul nodded as he took a sip of his drink. The hot liquid instantly relieved his dry mouth. His cold hands wrapped around the warm cup.

"You left early this morning."

He tried to act non-chalant, shrugging his shoulders. "I had a lot to do."

"I heard you leave." Stephanie bit down on her bottom lip pulling on it with her top teeth. "I was wide awake. I couldn't sleep."

Paul let out a sigh as he rested back against his chair. He stretched out his long legs in front of him. It had crossed his mind to make this difficult on her. He could try to pretend like he didn't care. His pride wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing juts how much she had hurt him. Yet somehow he knew he would make it easy for her because it seemed his head and heart were always in conflict when it came to one Stephanie McMahon. "Funnily enough, neither could I." he said, softly.

Stephanie smiled weakly. She felt an ache in her chest hearing the strain in his voice. Sitting here in front of Paul, her reasons for her actions became blurred. She didn't know what the hell she was doing any more. But she did know she had hurt the one person in the whole world that didn't deserve it. Paul was such a good man. He was thoughtful, generous, kind and caring. In her wildest dreams, she had never expected him to love her. Yet he had. He had given her his heart and she had repaid him by not handling it with care. She had treated him badly. She could never forgive herself for that.

"So, you wanted to talk."

Stephanie sniffed. She slowly nodded her head as she shifted in her seat. She tilted her head slightly upwards and her gaze met his. The expression in his brown eyes was sombre. She could see the pain lurking there. Pain that only she had caused. Her mouth opened and then quickly closed. She had so much she wanted to say. She just didn't know where to start.

"What did you want to talk about?"

She let out a shaky breath. "Us."

Her simple reply somehow angered him. Paul said nothing as he placed the coffee on the desk. His brown eyes stared at her as he sat back in the chair. They were usually warm and inviting. Now they were cold and hard. "There is no us, Stephanie or have you forgotten?" he replied bitterly.

"Look, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean because honestly, I have a hard time understanding anything you say or do to me anymore."

Stephanie's bottom lip quivered. She felt her eyes sting. "I'm sorry."

Paul snorted. "You know, you keep saying that to me."

"But I am sorry. I really am." Her voice wavered as tears welled in her eyes.

Paul sighed heavily as he sat forward. He hated seeing her upset like this. He never could handle seeing her cry. But he couldn't comfort her. Not anymore. He clutched his hands together and rested them in front of him on the desk. "Your apology doesn't change anything though, does it? I mean, you're still moving out aren't you?"

Stephanie pressed her lips together and nodded her head. "I have to."

Paul looked away, his eyes focusing on the papers in front of him. He wasn't going to ask her to change her mind. He refused to do it even though everything inside of him wanted to. When he allowed himself to look at her again, her blue eyes still glistened with unshed tears, watching him. "Steph, why did you want to talk?"

She took a deep breath as a single tear trickled down her cheek. "I don't want to lose my best friend."

He swallowed thickly. He glanced down at his hands as he twisted his fingers together.

"I'm scared of what's happening between us, Paul."

Paul continued to look at his hands, scared to look at her. He couldn't trust his heart not to betray him. "We just need time, Steph. Maybe you moving out, well maybe it will give us the space we need to try and move on."

He tensed as her hand reached across and covered his. Her skin was so warm. He could still remember how soft and inviting it felt when he lay next to her.

"I don't know if I can. Move on that is."

Paul slowly lifted his head. He took a deep breath fighting the tightening in his chest.

His brown eyes pleaded with her to understand. "But I have to. You've made your decision. You're going to be with Luke and whether it's through guilt, loyalty or something else, I have to accept it and I have to try and deal with it." He tried his best to ignore the pain in her eyes as he told her the truth. "I have to move on, Stephanie. It's the only way I can see us still being friends."

The tears now fell freely down Stephanie's cheeks as she tightened her grip on his hands. "It was never my intention to hurt you, Paul."

Paul's expression was gentle yet his words tore her apart. "I know but yet you did."

"I'm so sorry." she whispered before she bowed her head, her shoulders shaking with her sobs. Her hand fell away resting on the desk. Stephanie didn't hear his footsteps as he walked round the desk. But she felt his hand on her arm, guiding her to her feet as her coat dropped to the floor.

As Paul pulled her into his arms, she clung to him desperately. She didn't want to ever let him go. She buried her face in his chest, her body melting into his. She breathed in the scent that was distinctly Paul. His warm embrace reminded her of everything she had lost. His husky whispers as he held her. His hot mouth kissing her passionately, making her feel things she had never felt before. The unmistakable emotion she could see in his beautiful eyes right before he would make love to her. A whimper escaped her lips as the memories became too painful. Her hot tears rolled down her face soaking the material of his shirt. "I never thought that I could ever be with you." she cried against him, choking on her sobs. "I don't think I can let go."

Paul closed his eyes as he rested his head against Stephanie's breathing in the fruity scent of her shampoo. "We can't change things. It's too complicated now."

Stephanie managed to nod against him. She knew Paul was right. She had to try and let go. She had made her decision and she couldn't turn back. No matter how much she wanted to. She'd hurt Paul and confused him more times than she cared to remember. She wasn't going to do it to him any more. He didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve him.

"But I know I'll never love anybody the way I love you." Paul whispered into her hair.

Stephanie slid her hands from his waist and placed them on his chest. She slowly lifted her head to look at him. Her knees felt weak as she looked into his eyes. Her heart was breaking at the thought of being without him. Yet the depth of the love that she felt for this man terrified her. It was so real and powerful. It overwhelmed her to the point she wanted to run from it, not quite ready for it. She swallowed thickly as she felt his warm breath on her face. Unable to form any words, she brought her hands around his thick neck. She tilted her face towards his and closed her eyes. As their lips met in a sweet kiss, she knew this moment between them was their goodbye. It was closure on what could have been if only she had had the courage to take the chance. And all too quickly, she felt Paul pull away. She slowly opened her eyes witnessing the pained expression on his face.

"I can't keep kissing you any more, Steph." he replied, his voice breaking. Paul placed his hands on her arms and gently lifted her arms from around his neck. He stepped back deliberately putting distance between them.

Stephanie nodded as fresh tears pooled in her eyes. She backed towards the chair and looked away. She picked up her coat from the floor holding it loosely in her hand knowing it was time to leave. Staying would only prolong their pain.

"I guess I should go." she said reluctantly.

She tilted her head upwards and as their eyes connected, she was sure her heart broke all over again.

Paul smiled. His brown eyes were gentle. "You know where I am if you need me, okay?"

"Okay." Stephanie smiled sadly as warm tears fell and trickled down her face. Her eyes drank him in once last time before she dropped her head and hurried towards the door. Her tears blurred her vision. As her hand rested on the doorknob, she allowed herself to look back one last time. She swallowed the lump in her throat and felt the dull ache in her chest as she forced herself to smile. "I'll always love you, Paul Levesque. Remember that."

Before he had a chance to respond, Stephanie was gone. The door clicked shut behind her and Paul blinked back tears of his own as he stood there even more unsure of things than ever. He just prayed he had done the right thing in letting her go.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Stephanie closed the door to the apartment behind her. She took a few tentative footsteps towards the living room as she clutched the keys in her hand. "Hello? Is there anyone home?"

She didn't get an answer and she wasn't really expecting one. When she had called Matt to let him know she was going to pick up a few more clothes and collect her mail, he had told her he wouldn't be home this weekend. He was away overnight in New York for a conference and he wouldn't be back until the following afternoon.

Stephanie's heels clicked against the wood as she tucked her hair behind her ear. A slow smile crossed her face as she took in the familiar furnishings. The multi coloured cushions were crushed and thrown haphazardly on the sofa. The newspapers and magazines lay in a heap on the floor and there were takeaway cartons littering the small wooden coffee table. The tall plant in the corner was drooping and in desperate need of some water. Stephanie inhaled the musty scent and crossed the room to open the window. As she pushed up the framed glass, she looked down at the street below. She watched a couple holding hands entering the small coffee shop as the sunlight threatened to peak through the thick clouds overhead. It was Thursday. No doubt they would take advantage of the free Danish on offer. Every Thursday it was the same. It wasn't uncommon either for her to go there herself and have a black coffee and a cinnamon Danish for breakfast. Sometimes Matt and Paul had even joined her. Or at least they did.

A sad smile traced her lips as she backed away from the window. Stephanie sighed heavily as she looked around the untidy room. God, she missed this place and she missed Paul and Matt so much. The past couple of weeks had been nothing short of hell without them because they'd been there for her through everything, both the good times and the bad. Now she was all alone. Sure Matt had called her periodically but it hadn't been the same and she had a huge void in her life without them. But then again there was no point in feeling sorry for herself. She really had no-one else to blame. After all she was the one who had caused this mess. She was the one burdened by her own guilt.

Stephanie instinctively gathered up the takeaway cartons and made her way to the kitchen. She shook her head but wasn't surprised at the stack of dishes sitting in the sink. She threw the cartons in the bin. She then grabbed the mail from the top of the refrigerator and sat down on the tall stool. She flicked through the various envelopes noticing most of them were bills but she raised her eyebrows fractionally as she spotted the cream envelope. Her manicured finger opened the seal and a frown crossed her face as she pulled out the three tickets.

Stephanie's blue eyes were filled with melancholy as she held them up in front of her. She'd forgotten about the concert. It had been Paul's idea to go. Of course, he was the only one that liked the damn band but he'd pleaded that much with her and Matt that they had eventually agreed to go with him. She'd ordered the tickets the next day and she could still remember the look on his face when she had told him. It had reminded her of a little kid and his handsome face had lit up like a Christmas tree. Stephanie placed the tickets down and stood up from the stool. Maybe Naomi could take her place. One thing was for sure, she couldn't go. The last thing she wanted to do was to make things awkward for Paul. He needed space and she was trying her best to respect that even if it did break her heart to keep her distance.

Stephanie checked the watch on her wrist and then began to unbutton her coat. Anne had agreed to stay with Luke for a few hours. She had plenty of time and besides, she wasn't exactly in a rush to get back to the house anyway. God knows it was like her own personal prison. So Stephanie made her way to the sink and began to fill the basin with water. She would tidy the place up while she was here. Naomi certainly didn't appear to be the domestic type and Matt was away. There was no chance in hell Paul would do it. She slid off her engagement ring and placed it on the window ledge. Singing softly to herself, she rolled up her sleeves and began to clean the plates. And for the first time in what seemed like forever, she got lost in her own little world feeling somewhat happy and content.

* * *

"Hello?"

Paul closed the door behind him and dumped his large holdall at his feet. He threw his keys on the small table and made his way into the living room. The television was on. Some rock chick was singing and loudly too. No doubt their neighbour would be having a coronary at the racket. He was surprised that he had made up the staircase without the old bat pouncing on him to complain about it. Standing in the middle of floor, Paul looked around the room. This was not the place he had left a week ago. The cushions were plumped and tidy. There was a vase of fresh flowers in the centre of the coffee table. There was also a hint of furniture polish and detergent. This place had been scrubbed to within an inch of its life. Paul heard the loud clatter coming from the direction of the hallway. He chuckled as he decided to check out what Matt was up to. Whatever it was, he had no intention of getting roped into helping him. It was obvious instead that his friend was in obvious need of rescuing. Hopefully he could persuade him to replace the rubber gloves with a beer bottle instead. Marigold yellow was definitely not his colour.

"Matt?" he called out.

Paul heard the water running in the bathroom and as he pushed open the wooden door he was hit with the smell of lemons. He shook his head and snorted as he rubbed at his eye.

"I never took you for a domestic goddess, Matthew."

He froze in his tracks when he saw her. His hand dropped quickly to his side and Stephanie's eyes were wide as she turned round to face him. His heart raced in his chest as Paul cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Hey." he said as his lips curved up gently.

"Hey." Stephanie replied shyly as her fingers pulled nervously at the wet cloth in her hand. She felt a faint fluttering in her stomach as their eyes connected and she offered him a tentative smile. "I came by to pick up some mail." she explained.

Paul nodded as he raked his fingers through his long blonde hair.

"The place was a mess." she finished as she lifted her shoulder in a shrug. Her voice trailed off as she briefly glanced down at the tiled floor. Her stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels right now. She hadn't expected to see Paul like this. Matt had told her he was visiting his parents but obviously he was home now and it had thrown her for a loop. Honestly, she wasn't entirely sure what to say to him. I love you. Sorry but I fucked up? It was a bit late for that. The damage had been done and chances were Paul probably wouldn't want to hear it anyway. The last time she had seen him he had made it clear he wanted to move on from them and from her. Moving on probably meant forgetting that he loved her. She couldn't blame him for that. Not when all she had done was thrown that love back in his face.

"You know, for once it actually wasn't my mess."

Stephanie tilted her head upwards and saw his brown eyes twinkling at her. He wore a smile on his face, a smile that she had missed more than he could ever possibly know.

"See I've not been here."

Stephanie nodded slowly. "Matt told me you'd gone to your parents."

"Yeah." Paul let out a nervous chuckle as he shifted his feet and stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. "It was Lynn's birthday and, well, I just kind of needed to get away for a while."

Stephanie pressed her lips together in a tight smile. She tried to ignore the overwhelming feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach as she looked at the beautiful man in front of her. She knew she was probably the reason he had felt the need to escape. She had hurt him and she had hurt him badly. She just wished she could tell him that she hurt just as much. But she couldn't. She didn't have the right to. Not anymore.

"Mom sends her love by the way."

Stephanie nodded her head and suddenly feeling overwhelmed, she grabbed the bottle of bleach from the ledge by the sink. "I really should get going." she said.

She brushed past him avoiding his gaze. She couldn't look at him. Not when all she wanted to do was burst into tears. It was either that or take him into her arms and neither of those were options for her right now.

Stephanie had just stepped into the hallway when she felt his hand grip her arm, stopping her in her tracks. She jumped slightly feeling his fingers burn her skin. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she stood there motionless staring at the wooden floor and trying to do everything in her power not to look at him. If she looked at him, she knew she would break.

"I miss you." he said, softly.

Stephanie closed her eyes and squeezing them shut she willed herself not to cry. She hadn't expected him to say that. If anything, she had expected the opposite. She had been prepared for his anger and hostility. She deserved it. She sure as hell didn't deserve this. But then again, Paul had a big heart. He was one of the kindest and most generous people she knew. It was of the reasons why she loved him so much. He really was a wonderful guy and then some. Stephanie turned her head back towards him. She let out a shaky breath as she opened her eyes but she didn't look directly at him. She couldn't. Not when she knew the look in her eyes would betray her completely so instead she looked slightly past him.

"I miss you too." she whispered.

She became conscious of Paul's body as he moved closer towards her. Her blue eyes focused on the writing on his black t-shirt. It had been a Christmas present from Matt. She remembered she'd got him cologne that year. The same cologne he wore right now. God, he smelled so good. He always did and even his hair had smelled amazing the couple of times they had been together. Even now she could still feel the softness of his strands against her fingertips. His skin had been so warm and smooth too. She could remember exactly how he felt and it was impossible not to when every kiss and every touch was replayed over and over in her mind. She remembered everything and she held onto those memories desperately. She had to especially when it was all she had left.

"Steph, look at me."

She swallowed hard as she felt his hand move from her arm and clasp around her fingers tightly.

"Please?"

Stephanie slowly lifted her head. Her eyes blinked rapidly as they focused on his face. His deep brown eyes were looking straight at her and they held a sadness that was all too familiar to her because if she looked in the mirror, hers would wear the same sad expression. Her blue orbs would also be filled with regret. Regret for having the courage to take the chance on them.

"I miss you and I also miss our friendship. Badly."

Stephanie bit down on her lip as the hot tears welled in her eyes. She knew his heart-felt confession was more than she deserved to hear right now.

"And as much as it's tough for me being around you right now…" Paul admitted as he paused to lick his lips and smile gently. "It's been even tougher not having you in my life. I need you, Steph. I need my best friend."

A strangled cry escaped from the back of Stephanie's throat. As Paul slid his arm around her, she buried her face in his chest as her body shook with her sobs.

Paul closed his eyes as his hand rubbed her back slowly in an attempt to soothe her. He tried to ignore the pang in his chest and the voice in his head telling him that this is where she belonged. Here, in his arms. Not stuck with some other guy because of some misplaced loyalty towards him. But that was Stephanie's choice and he was trying to deal with it. Granted he wasn't dealing with it very well but he was coping. He was trying his best to move on. And he would. His heart would mend in time. The scars would heal eventually. And he'd actually done a lot of thinking during this past week. And while he was prepared to give up on what he could have shared with Stephanie, he wasn't prepared to give up on their friendship because before he'd let his heart get in the way, their friendship had been one of the most important things in his life. He wasn't going to lose it. Just like he knew he couldn't lose Stephanie. Not having in her in his life wasn't an option to him. He was going to push aside every bit of love he felt for her. He was going to do whatever it took to get things back on track between them and fix this mess.

Paul allowed his fingers to brush through the ends of her hair as he waited patiently for her sobs to subside. Eventually he felt her body still but he still held onto her, cherishing the feel of her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Paul."

He shook his head as he took a step back from her and placing his finger underneath her chin, he forced her eyes to meet his. Stephanie's cheeks were stained with her tears and she hiccupped slightly as she tried to control her emotions. "No more apologies, Steph. We draw a line under this and we move on, okay?"

Stephanie slowly nodded her head as her puffy eyes scanned his face. "But is it really that easy?"

Paul paused for a second before looking at her determinedly. "Probably not but we don't have a choice. Okay?"

Stephanie sniffed and nodded. "Okay."

"Good." Paul said smiling at her as he stepped away. His hand fell to his side as he gestured towards the kitchen. "So, do you have time for a coffee or do you have to go?"

Stephanie's lips tugged upwards into a smile. "That depends. Are you making the coffee?"

"Of course."

"Then I'd love a cup."

Paul smiled as he brushed past her and made his way to the kitchen. Stephanie let out a slow breath as she lifted her hand. She wasn't surprised to see it still shaking. She was in shock at what had just happened. But it was a good shock. In fact, what had happened was more than she could have ever hoped for. She had fucked up big time yet Paul had somehow found a way to forgive her. He had told her once he could forgive her anything. It looked like he had been true to his word although honestly, she didn't deserve his forgiveness. She wasn't sure she even deserved his friendship. But she was going to grab it with both hands and cling onto it because it was the most precious thing in her life right now.

Stephanie wiped at her eyes and then made her way to the kitchen. She stopped as the song changed on the television and she took a step back and smiled. She wasn't sure how long she had been standing there when she jumped slightly and Paul handed her the mug of coffee. "Thank you." she smiled as she accepted the hot drink.

"You're welcome." He smiled knowingly at her as he nodded towards the television. "Shane's wedding. I believe it was the first song we ever danced to together."

Stephanie nodded as she placed the cloth and the bleach on the table. She wrapped her hands around the mug savouring the warmth. "It was almost the last one too. My toes were bruised for weeks afterwards."

Paul swallowed his coffee and scoffed. "You always have to exaggerate, don't you?"

The cushions crumpled underneath his weight as he sat down on the sofa. He caught the look Stephanie threw his way and he chuckled as he reached behind him and pulled up the cushion. "I know, I know. Don't squash the damn cushions."

She smiled as she sat at the other end and took a mouthful of her coffee.

"I saw the tickets in the kitchen."

Stephanie turned her head towards him. She saw his brown eyes narrow as he looked at her.

"You will still come with Matt and I, won't you?"

She bit down on her lip and shrugged. "I don't know. I was thinking you'd probably take Naomi. Matt told me the other day you two get along now."

Paul snorted at her indignantly. "I don't think so. Do you know she actually frightens me more when she is being nice to me?"

Stephanie laughed as she hugged her mug in her hands.

"Anyway, at least she's out from under my feet. Thankfully her wiring has been fixed and Matt informed me that she's moved back home." He paused and smiled. "Anyway, don't change the subject. Are you coming to the concert or not?"

Stephanie nodded her head. "I'll come."

"Cool." There was a beat as he looked at her thoughtfully. "It will be okay, won't it?"

"What do you mean?"

Paul cleared his throat awkwardly as he glanced down at the mug in his hand. "Well, Luke won't mind you coming along, will he?"

Stephanie looked away just as awkwardly and shook her head. "No. He won't mind."

"Good."

There was silence for a few moments as both of them focused their attention on the television. The song changed and a slow smile crept across Stephanie's face as she recalled a memory.

"Karaoke at the hospital Christmas party last year."

Paul groaned as he pushed his hair back behind his ear. "I thought we agreed never to mention that again."

Stephanie shifted her body slightly to face him. "No. If I remember correctly, you and Matt agreed it was a taboo subject." She bit down on her lip to hide her grin. "Then again, who can blame you? It definitely wasn't your finest moment."

Paul scrunched his nose as he made a face at her. "Neither was puking in the middle of street but you still did it."

"It wasn't my fault you'd been ordering me doubles all night."

"It wasn't my fault you drunk them." he shot back placing his coffee cup on the arm of the sofa balancing it there. "One of these days you'll learn to hold your liquor."

"Bite me, Levesque."

"No thanks, toots. I just ate."

As Paul turned his attention back to the television, Stephanie watched him. Her blue eyes couldn't help but stare at him and Paul must have realised what she was doing because he slowly turned his head around and looked at her curiously. His big hand lifted to rub at his beard.

"What is it?"

"Do you think it's weird?"

His brown eyes looked at her, confused. "Is what weird?"

"This." Stephanie said shrugging her shoulders casually. "I mean, look at us. We've fallen back into our familiar banter. You know, we're acting normally with one another. There's no huge awkwardness between us or anything."

Paul let out a soft sigh as he brought his coffee mug to his mouth. "Yeah well I guess it just proves something."

"What?"

He remained silent as he swallowed his drink. She couldn't make out the expression in his eyes but there was a tinge of sadness in them and Paul's face wore a tiny frown when he eventually replied.

"That we're meant to be friends. This is what we're good at, Steph. Everything else, well, it's obviously not meant to be. At least not for us."

He gave her a small smile as he glanced back at the television.

Stephanie looked at him for a moment before looking away. She tried to ignore the heaviness in her heart knowing Paul had obviously made up his mind about them. He was obviously fine with them just being friends. She'd just have to find a way to do the same. She had no choice. It was either that or possibly lose him forever and she couldn't allow that to happen. Not when she knew what it felt to be without him the last week or so. So if this was what Paul really wanted she would settle for having second best. She would respect his decision and she would settle for having her best friend back in her life.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"Are we there yet?" said the voice from the back seat.

Paul ignored said voice and sighed heavily as he stared in frustration at the road ahead of him. "There is never traffic in Boston on a Wednesday night. It just doesn't happen." he said as he banged his hand impatiently against the steering wheel.

The car engine purred quietly as he narrowed his eyes and surveyed the trail of slow moving cars in front of him. They were basically at a standstill and he was beginning to lose his patience.

"We'll make it in time. We've still got fifteen minutes. The arena is only a mile from here." offered Matt trying to sound encouraging.

"Of course if we had left in time in the first place….."

Paul turned his head and glared in the rear view mirror at Stephanie. She was sitting in the middle of the back seat looking at him with a smug expression on her pretty face. Her lips were pressed together in an arrogant smile. He scowled at her. "Save it McMahon. I'm not in the mood for another lecture."

"I was just saying…..."

"I know what you were saying." he said cutting her off. "It's the same thing you've been telling me every five seconds for the last half an hour."

"Not to mention you have no sense of direction."

"Matt, tell her to shut up." said Paul impatiently as he turned to his friend.

"You know if I was sitting in front you wouldn't have missed that turn-off onto the freeway." she continued, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Which begs the question why I'm always shoved in the back?"

"Because Paul says so, that's why." answered Matt.

"Well it sucks."

"Quit whining Steph." said Paul as his eyes remained fixed on the road ahead.

Stephanie leant back against the dark grey leather crossing her arms across her chest and there was a mischievous glint in her eye as she continued to taunt the driver. "Are we there yet?"

Paul's brown eyes deliberately stared at her in the mirror as his big hand reached across and turned up the volume on the stereo. Stephanie stuck her tongue out before turning to look out the car window. The red glow of the tail lights illuminated in the darkness as a motorbike crept through the line of traffic. The loud music pounded in her ears vibrating through her body. Stephanie scowled as she clasped her hands together in her lap. Paul was so fucking juvenile. Now she was subjected to this crap before she even got in the damn concert. That's if they made there in the first place. Because of the big idiot in the front, they were over half an hour late leaving tonight. She and Matt had been waiting impatiently in the apartment when Paul burst through the door mumbling about some problem with some running machine. Then he took an eternity to shower and change although she really couldn't complain at the end result. Paul looked and smelled incredible in his jeans and white t-shirt, his wet hair scraped back in a ponytail and covered with a baseball cap. He always did look amazing but lately she couldn't help but notice everything about him. Maybe it was because he was strictly off-limits to her. Knowing she couldn't have him had heightened her senses. And maybe it was because she missed him. She missed him with everything inside her although she had no one to blame but for that predicament but herself. After all she was the fucking coward. She was the one that happily used Luke's injury as a smokescreen to cover up the fact she was terrified to death, terrified of what she was feeling and terrified of how strong those feelings actually were. Falling in love with Paul happened so fast and it was totally unexpected. The feelings she had for him were so real and so powerful that it forced her to run. In her heart she knew Paul was forever. She just wasn't sure she was ready for that. So she had pushed him away and taken the easy way out. Now she wasn't sure she could live without him. Being friends just wasn't enough not now she had experienced what it was like to love him and have him love her back. Pity she hadn't had this moment of clarity sooner. Now she had to live with her own damn stupidity.

"Are you getting out of the car or are you going to sit there all night?"

Paul's voice snapped her out of her funk. As Stephanie looked towards the front of the car, she saw the bright lights of the glass arena. "We're here?" she asked.

He nodded as he got out of the car, Matt following him. Stephanie grabbed her purse. She hadn't even realised they had arrived. She'd been so wrapped up in her thoughts of Paul but of course that was nothing new. Not lately. It seemed all she could do was think about him.

"Out you get." said Paul opening the door for her.

"You're being terribly chivalrous." she said as she got out of the car.

"That's because friends do nice things for one another. It's an endearing quality of mine." replied Paul, smiling as he locked the car.

"So is your modesty."

"Well you know I've never been one to brag." he winked at her and they followed Matt towards the arena.

"Who has the tickets?" asked Stephanie.

Matt held up the cream envelope as they weaved their way through the various people outside the front of the arena.

"And just how long will this torture last?"

"Remind me why you are here again?" said Paul as his hand pressed against her back, guiding her past a crowd of teenagers. Stephanie felt a tingle down her spine at that simple touch and she swallowed thickly.

"The sadistic side of you insisted I came along. You know the part that enjoys making my life a misery."

"Do you two ever stop?" asked Matt as they entered the lobby.

His blue eyes surveyed his two friends who walked just in front of him as they made their way to the hall entrance. He sidestepped a vendor selling concert programmes and watched Paul playfully nudge Stephanie as they joined the long queue at the door to the concert hall. Matt smiled. He was glad that they were getting along despite their constant bickering although the back and forth banter had always been a part of their relationship. He had to admit for a while he honestly hadn't thought it could be possible, that they could actually exist as friends. Paul had been devastated when Stephanie had moved out of the apartment. Stephanie had been equally as devastated that she had lost Paul. Yet somehow over the past month they had managed to rebuild their friendship. Of course it hadn't been easy for either of them. He wasn't sure it even was now. But both of them needed one another in their lives even if it wasn't the way they wanted it to be. Because Matt wasn't stupid. He knew his best friends far too well. Paul and Stephanie still loved one another and as their friend he still held out hope that somehow they would find a way back to each other. Providing their equal stubbornness and pride didn't stand in the way.

The queue began to move quickly and within a few minutes Matt was handing over the tickets. The three of them quickly rushed towards the concert hall where the music had struck up and the crowd had started to cheer.

* * *

"I'll grab the beers. Save me a seat."

Matt nodded and grabbed the free table just to their left. He watched Paul disappear among the crowd of people at the bar.

"I think my ear drums have shattered." moaned Stephanie as she took the high legged stool next to him.

"It was pretty loud, huh?"

"Loud? I'm surprised the glass structure didn't shatter around us." She placed her purse on the table and pushed back her matted strands from her hot and sweaty forehead. "Remind me never to let Paul talk me into this again. This is one experience I'm happy never to repeat."

"We could always make a run for it before he returns with the drinks." suggested Matt.

"If I wasn't in desperate need of some liquid refreshment, I would be sorely tempted." Stephanie smiled and glanced over in the direction of the bar. Her smile immediately changed to a frown as she noticed Paul talking to someone. "Who's the Barbie doll?" she asked curiously.

Matt wore an amused grin on his face as he glanced over towards the bar. Paul was talking to a tall, slim blonde haired woman and her head was thrown back as she laughed at something he had obviously said to her. Of course, Paul was quite the charmer. Women seemed to practically fall at his feet and this one seemed no different. She was also quite stunning. Not that he would say that to Stephanie. Not if he wanted to keep his balls firmly intact. Instead he shrugged his shoulders and when he looked back at her, he tried not to grin at the prominent scowl she wore on her face. "I've never seen her before."

"Well, Paul seems to know her." said Stephanie.

She didn't add that it looked like she knew him quite well judging by the way she was pawing at him by constantly placing her hand on his chest. The bitch was practically throwing herself at him. She obviously had no respect for herself, the stupid whore.

"We could always go over and introduce ourselves."

Stephanie's blue eyes glared back at Matt. "No thanks. I don't think I could handle Barbie the Bimbo's stimulating conversation."

Matt burst into laughter. Stephanie scowled at him as she placed her hands on her hips.

"And what, pray tell, do you find so amusing?"

"You!" He grinned at her as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "Anyway, how do you know she is a bimbo? She could be a very intelligent woman."

"Please!" she snorted. "That bleached blonde mop of hers has bimbo written all over it."

She narrowed her eyes as she looked across at Paul and her fingers tucked her hair behind her ear. Her heart ached as she watched him smile. Even from a distance she could see his brown eyes twinkling. God she loved those eyes. She swore sometimes she could see into his soul when she looked into them. Well at least she used to before she went and fucked things up between them. Now she had to stand here and watch from afar as someone put the moves on him. Stephanie glanced away. Just watching that bitch was making her nauseous. Her hand absently rubbed her stomach through her white vest top.

"You feeling okay?" asked Matt.

"Yeah."

"You sure? Because I don't know…." His voice trailed off as he tried to contain a smile. "You're looking a little…..."

"Don't even imply that I am jealous." she said cutting him off poking her long manicured finger in his chest.

"It looks very cute on you." he teased.

"I am not jealous."

"If you say so."

"I do now drop it."

Matt smirked widely as Paul returned to the table, three bottles of beer in his hand.

"Here you go."

"About time." snapped Stephanie as she took a bottle from the middle of the table. She immediately took a mouthful of the drink and the cool liquid soothed her dry throat. Now only if it could get rid of the pounding in her head and the ringing in her ears.

"Who were you talking to, buddy?" asked Matt as he took a beer.

Paul smiled as he took a seat. "Her name is Rachel."

"Like it matters." muttered Stephanie under her breath.

She saw Matt throw her a look. Shit. She obviously hadn't been as discreet as she intended. She cleared her throat and bowed her head. Her manicured fingers picked at the label on the green bottle. Why was Dolan so god damned observant anyway? His ears could hear a pin drop within a fifty foot radius.

"She's a sales rep for a health food company. She comes to the gym every couple of weeks." said Paul.

He took a mouthful of his beer as his brown eyes settled on Stephanie. Her attention was on the bottle of beer in her hand and her full lips were parted slightly. He noticed a loose curl had escaped from her hair clip and rested against her cheek. While his fingers itched to touch it, to brush the soft strand back from her face, he knew he couldn't allow himself even the briefest of contact. The slightest hint of intimacy between them and he would remember everything. The way she felt. The way she smelt. The way it felt to be with her. These were all things he had managed to block from his mind. Well, apart from the lonely nights when he lay in his empty bed. Then he was forced to remember, his memories making him long for her. Stephanie. The woman his heart would never allow him to forget.

"Do you think these bottle tops would work?" asked Stephanie suddenly picking up the metal cap from the table.

Matt looked at her strangely. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"These." she replied holding it up in front of her. "Do you think they would work as ear plugs?"

"God I hope so." said Paul. Stephanie threw him a curious glance. "It will save me having to listen to your constant moaning from the back seat on the way home."

He grinned widely at her. She ignored her heart as it flipped in her chest. Damn him.

"You are so not amusing." she said scowling.

"Actually I find myself to be pretty hilarious."

"Annoying is the word that springs to mind." said Stephanie as she placed the bottle cap down on the table and wrapped her left arm around herself. Her bottle of beer dangled between her long manicured fingers.

"You can stop the pretence McMahon. We're all friends here. It's okay to admit you're fond of me."

"You're so full of it." she retorted as she brought the glass bottle to her lips.

"I'm full of a lot of things."

"Yeah and bullshit springs to mind."

Paul narrowed his eyes as he watched her drink her beer. His thick fingers picked at the peeling label on his bottle.

"What?" she snapped.

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

"Shove it, Paul."

Matt pushed back his seat, interrupting them. "Now children, I hate to break this up but we need to head back to our seats."

"He started it."

"I did not." said Paul as he finished off his beer.

He slammed the bottle on the table and got down from his seat. His nose wrinkled as he glared at Stephanie as they walked to the concert hall. That damn woman. She was constantly trying to get under his skin and he swore she lived to annoy the hell out of him. And of course, she was succeeding too. She always did. Stephanie drove him insane but even his insanity couldn't stop him from wanting her. He guessed that made him pretty fucking hopeless.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Stephanie suddenly announced.

Paul let out a groan as she stopped in her tracks. A loud roar went up as the crowd began to cheer and he shook his head as he adjusted his baseball cap. Matt had disappeared and had obviously gone on without them. "Well I'm not waiting for you McMahon. The concert is starting."

"No one is asking you to, you know. I'm a big girl. I can damn well go myself!"

"Then go!"

"Fine! I will!"

Stephanie spun round on her heel and stomped down the corridor. Her feet pounded against the concrete. As she made her way to the bathrooms, she cursed Paul under her breath. He could be such an asshole at times. He seemed to enjoy bugging the hell out of her. God knows what his problem was and she was sick of trying to figure it out. Stephanie angrily pushed open the door and entered the rest room. She sidestepped some wet paper towels lying on the floor and as she made her way to the empty cubicle at the end of the row, she spotted her. The Bimbo! Barbie was preening herself in the mirror by the sinks. Her blue eyes glanced over and acknowledged Stephanie before they returned to her reflection in the mirror. Stephanie scowled as she slammed the cubicle door shut and rested back against the door. As she stared at the graffiti covered wall in front of her, she sighed heavily and admitted it was time to be honest with herself here. Paul didn't have the problem tonight. She did. Her panties had gotten in a bunch the minute she had spotted him with the bimbo out there. She'd done nothing but bitch at him since and all because he was laughing with another woman. Fuck, she was pathetic. After all, she was the one that let him go. Who the hell was she to get upset in the first place? She was no one that's who and she needed to get her shit together. If she didn't, she was in danger of ruining their friendship and she couldn't do that. Not when it was all they had left. But God help her if Paul ever did move on and find someone else. The thought alone was totally sickening to her. Jealousy was definitely not her strong point. But then again neither was trying to survive with a broken heart.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"Hey man, have you seen the inventory sheets I was working on Friday night?" asked Paul sifting through the mountain of paperwork on his large oak desk.

His lips were down turned in a frown as he struggled to find what he was searching for. There were invoices and membership forms but not the papers he needed. Sighing heavily, he shook his head then absently scratched his forehead. They had to be here somewhere. He'd left them on this very desk Friday. Of course that was before Tim got his hands on his office. Fuck, that guy was so messy and completely disorganised. This was the last time he took a whole weekend off and came back to this nightmare. Tim was going to have to learn to be tidy otherwise he was being relocated to the fucking broom closet. He couldn't work in this mess. Contrary to what everyone thought about him at home, at work it was a different story. He hated working in a tip and feeling so damn disorganised. Muttering under his breath, Paul threw his pen across the desk.

"Tim?" he snapped, lifting his head.

His frown turned into a scowl as he watched his young associate smile. He was punching something in on his cell phone totally oblivious to his question. The guy was clearly on another planet. He was no doubt love struck yet again. Tim had fallen in love more times than he'd had a hot meal lately. It was really quite pathetic if he didn't find it so amusing. Young love. It would be a shame when the reality of life sent him crashing to the ground. Shaking his head, Paul walked around his desk. His massive arm pushed up his navy t-shirt as he placed his right hand on his hip, smacking Tim across the head with his left one.

"Hey, Casanova?"

"Ouch!" replied Tim rubbing his brown hair and scowling at Paul. "What the hell was that for?"

"I asked you a question and you ignored me."

"I never heard you!" Tim protested as he stood up from the old wooden chair. He placed his cell phone in his jeans pocket and leant his shoulder against the tall filing cabinet.

"Who is it this time?" asked Paul, smirking.

"Who?"

"The object of your affection." he teased.

Tim made a face as he listened to Paul lightly chuckle. "If you must know her name is Lucy."

"Lucy, huh? And how old is Lucy?"

"Seventeen."

"Seventeen?" exclaimed Paul, his forehead wrinkled in amazement. He lifted his hand running it over his hair which was tied back into a tight ponytail. "Tim, you're fucking twenty two."

"I know how old I am!" scowled Tim. He folded his arms defensively across his chest.

"Good. So you'll know how lame it will look when a guy with facial hair accompanies his date to the school prom!"

"Fuck off, Paul." glared Tim as he lifted one hand and rubbed over the stubble on his chin. He shook his head as Paul continued to snicker. "You know age doesn't matter when you love somebody."

"I'll have to take your word on that." said Paul as he pulled down the hem of his t-shirt and wandered back across to his desk. His eyes continued to scan for his missing inventory. As he lifted up a pile of paper in his hand, he felt Tim's eyes watching him. His brown eyes narrowed as they looked in his direction. "What?"

"I just find it hard to believe, that's all."

"What? That I can't find anything I'm looking for in the fucking mess you left?" asked Paul, his head tilted downwards as he began to flick through the papers he held.

"No." said Tim looking slightly guilty as he pushed aside the tray of invoices and sat down on the side of the desk. "I just can't believe that you're telling me you're thirty one years old and you've never been in love."

"Well believe it buddy because I'm telling you the truth." said Paul as he continued to search through the papers.

Of course he was totally lying but somehow it was a damn sight easier than admitting the truth to a young kid that really had no clue what love was really about. It wasn't romantic text messages and whispered phone calls telling a girl "I love you." Love was about putting that one person first, ignoring your wants and needs and doing what was right for them. Love was letting that one person go when every bit inside of you was desperate to hold on and the thought of being without them killed you inside. Love twisted your heart until it broke, shattering it into tiny little pieces. It was a soul destroying, heart wrenching pain that constantly consumed you. That was the reality of love, at least for him anyway. Love quite frankly sucked and then some.

Sighing heavily, Paul threw down the pile of papers. He glared at Tim who was still sitting watching him. "Do you have a damn clue where that inventory has gone?"

Tim looked almost cocky as he reached into the top of the tray and held up the inventory in front of him. "Is that what you're looking for?"

Paul scowled and grabbed it from him. His brown eyes scanned the paper as he slowly shook his head in disbelief. "What the fuck was it doing there?"

Tim shrugged. "You left it there on Friday."

Paul licked his lips and sighed reservedly as he recalled something to that effect. It had been late and Matt had burst into his office looking for him. Apparently he'd agreed to meet him at Jack's bar over an hour ago. And while Paul couldn't remember such a conversation, he had been happy to drop everything and have a few beers. It had been one hell of a week and he'd been more than glad to see it over. Two of the running machines had broken down in a matter of days not to mention he'd been harassed by sales reps and one disgruntled employee. Thinking back, he remembered that perhaps he had placed the inventory in the tray on the way out the door but who the fuck actually knew? His mind hadn't been exactly focused on much of anything lately but still, that didn't excuse the explosion of paper on his desk.

Picking up a pen, Paul walked towards the door of the office. As he went to step into the corridor, he spotted one of his trainers talking with a sales rep. Grimacing, he quickly back tracked into the office and closed the door before she spotted him. The last thing he felt like was dealing with another fucking rep.

"Is there a problem, boss?" asked Tim as he got to his feet.

"You could say that." Paul replied as he walked back across to his desk. "We've been invaded."

"Another fucking rep?"

Paul chuckled as he threw his pen and papers down on his empty chair. "That was my thoughts exactly. You have to get rid of her."

"Me?" asked Tim incredulously, his mouth hanging open wide.

"Yes, you." Paul's big hand gestured towards the clutter on his desk. "I think it's the least you can do given the fucking disaster you've left."

"Sorry boss." replied Tim somewhat sheepishly.

"And how many times have I asked you not to call me that?"

"Too many?"

Paul grinned. "Correct. So, go redeem yourself and tell Rachel thanks but we're not interested."

"Rachel?" asked Tim, his blue eyes sparked with interest. "She was here just last week."

"She was?"

"Yeah. She asked for you but you weren't here. I think you were at the suppliers trying to sort out those running machines."

Paul nodded in acknowledgement, his hand scratched at his bearded chin. "So if she was here last week, what the hell has she come back for?"

Tim smirked widely. "You."

Paul scoffed. "Fuck off."

"It's true boss. Once she knew you weren't here, she wasn't interested. She said she would come back later. Secretly, I think she has the hots for you."

Paul shook his head and frowned. "You're delusional."

"Nah, man. I'm telling you. She wants you." Tim grinned at him shaking his head. "Man, you're one lucky bastard, you know that?"

Paul frowned. "And why is that exactly?"

"Have you seen the rack on her? Shit. What I'd do to get a piece of her."

Paul snorted with laughter. As well as being constantly love struck, Tim was a horny little bastard. He was obsessed with sex and had proved that with the stash of Playboys Paul had discovered in the bottom of the filing cabinet last month. Apparently his mother would castrate him and send him to a monastery if she had found them in his bedroom. Paul could sympathise with that. He'd lived in constant fear of his own mother coming across his own porn collection. He'd disguised his tapes by placing them in the empty boxes of his supposed Star Wars collection. Little did his mother realise he fucking hated those movies. His friend had worked nights in the local video store and he'd managed to acquire Paul the empty boxes.

"You know you should ask her out. I bet she'd say yes."

Paul frowned and shook his head. "It's not going to happen."

"What? Are you crazy?" asked Tim, confused. "Paul, she's fucking hot. Most men would give their right eye to date a chick like her, you know."

Paul shrugged his shoulders casually. Sure, Rachel was a pretty woman. And while he couldn't deny he found her attractive, he just wasn't interested. Getting involved with women was for sadistic bastards who didn't know any better. He wasn't prepared to risk getting his heart broken all over again. Although he was pretty sure that could never happen. How could his heart get broken for a second time when it had never begun to heal from the first? Paul glanced down at his desk. A soft sigh escaped from his lips. The truth was Rachel, or any woman for that matter, would just never be Stephanie. She was the one he yearned for. She was the woman his broken heart belonged to and deep down he knew it always would.

The knock at the door caught his attention. Paul inwardly groaned. Glaring at Tim, he threw him a look. Tim sheepishly walked to the door. Because of his yammering, it looked like he'd have to deal with Rachel after all. How fucking marvellous.

"Rachel, hi!"

Paul rolled his eyes. Lifting his pen, he sat down at his desk.

"Does Paul have a minute?"

No, Paul didn't he wanted to shout but it looked like he wasn't going to have a damn choice. Forcing himself to smile, he looked up as Rachel entered the room. She smiled at him as he got to his feet and despite his reluctance to see her, even Paul had to admit she looked stunning. Her long blonde hair flowed across her shoulders. Her blue eyes sparkled brightly as she smiled. And her chest, well, shit. It was hard not to notice it really as her cleavage sat high and visible above her black vest top. Her suit jacket was draped casually over her arm. As Paul glanced over her shoulder, he saw Tim standing by the door. His mouth was open in wide appreciation for the woman in front of him. Rachel definitely oozed sexiness. He wondered how she fared in comparison to young seventeen year old Lucy? Very poorly if his memory of seventeen year old girls served him correctly.

"Paul, it's great to see you."

Ignoring Tim's snicker, Paul shook her outstretched hand. "You too, Rachel."

Gesturing to the seat in front of desk, he watched her sit, draping her coat across her skirt. He could smell her perfume. It was floral and way too strong for his liking. She glanced down placing her bag on the floor.

"Did you enjoy the second half of the concert last week?" she asked. "I couldn't believe it when I saw you there. You were there with friends, weren't you?"

"Yeah, much to their dismay. They're not exactly fans. In fact, I had to drag them kicking and screaming." he replied, a small smile tracing his lips as he thought of Matt and Stephanie. It had been nice to spend some time with them, the three of them together. It very rarely happened especially now. It was yet another price to pay for listening to his heart.

"I was in to see you the next day but you weren't here." smiled Rachel. "Something about a broken machine?"

Paul nodded his head as he pushed his friends to the back of his mind. He saw Tim in the corner of the office pretending to be busy with some files. Usually at this point he would have left by now. Tim hated reps even more than he did. He was obviously sticking around for his own amusement. What a pity he was going to be only disappointed.

"Anyway, I was back in the area so I thought I'd come and see you. See if there was anything else N.R.G. could do for you?" asked Rachel. She crossed her shapely leg over, resting it on her knee. Her blue eyes remained fixated on Paul as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Not really." he replied as he tried not to notice how far her skirt had ridden up her thigh. She was sitting up so tall in her chair, her chest was full and prominent. Fuck. If he didn't think it was so ridiculous, he'd think there was an element of truth to what Tim had told him. But that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the view. What man wouldn't especially when it was a woman as sexy as Rachel?

"That's a pity. We have a lot of new products coming into production at the moment. I was hoping that we could maybe grab your interest?"

Paul gave her a small smile as he sat back in his chair. "If you leave me some information, I can take a look."

"Unfortunately, I don't have any with me." Her full lips pressed together in an apologetic smile. She leaned forward in her seat. "The damn printers are taking their sweet time with the promotional packs. But we have been promised Wednesday."

"Then just pop me a pack in the mail."

"Actually….." Rachel paused for a second. She bit down on her lip and looked at him shyly. "Maybe you would let me take you out for lunch?"

Paul's brown eyes went wide. His lips parted unsure what to say. He heard a snort from the direction of the filing cabinet and mentally made a note to throttle Tim. That fucking little bastard! No doubt he'd never hear the end of this one.

"I mean it would be strictly a business lunch, of course." she added hastily.

Paul shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He noticed her cheeks were flushed. No doubt she worried he had the wrong impression. Was it little wonder he had? No rep before had ever asked him to lunch and certainly not one who looked as awkward as Rachel did. Fuck, he hated being in these kinds of predicaments. He could never say no. The nice guy inside him wouldn't let him. Maybe he should go. Anyway what harm could it do? Rachel was a nice girl. He'd make sure the conversation was kept strictly business between them. And after lunch if she had any ridiculous notion about anything happening between them, he could put her straight then. Because God knows the last thing he wanted or needed was any more complications. His life had enough of those right now as it was.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Stephanie pressed the buzzer and stifled a yawn as she stood at the apartment door. Her hands smoothed down her red wool sweater. The familiar gold numbers on the painted wood stared back at her as she patiently waited. She really hadn't meant to come here tonight. God knows she needed some sleep after the double shift she had just pulled at the hospital. But Matt had left her yet another message on her phone reminding her to pick up her mail so when she had jumped in the car to go home, she had found herself driving straight here. She hadn't had a chance to talk to Matt since the concert two weeks ago and she was looking forward to seeing him. It would give them a chance to catch up providing he was here that was.

Stephanie was about to try the buzzer again when she heard the sound of the lock. She stood back as the door opened and she felt a rush of warmth for Matt as he flashed his familiar smile.

"Steph, it's you! Come in." he said as he stepped aside to let her pass. She had just made it through the doorway when his arms wrapped around her and he pulled her into a hug. "How are you doing? It's good to see you." he exclaimed as he released her and grinned.

"It's good to see you too." she smiled as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I wasn't sure if anyone was in. I just dropped by to pick up that mail you keep calling me about." 

"Come through. It's in the kitchen." 

Stephanie followed him through the apartment. It looked surprisingly clean and tidy and even her plant looked like it was surviving in the corner of the living room. The large cushions were thrown haphazardly on the empty sofa. The television was on low and Matt appeared to be here alone. There was no sign of Paul anywhere. Not that she had come here on the chance that she would see him of course. She had come to pick up her mail that was all. But as she followed Matt into the kitchen and felt a pang of disappointment that he wasn't there either, Stephanie realised she was kidding herself. Of course she had come to see him. She missed Paul terribly. She hadn't even talked to him, let alone seen him, since the night of the concert. She couldn't help but feel she was losing him despite their promise to remain friends.

"What are you doing using the buzzer anyway? You've still got your key haven't you?" asked Matt as he stood behind the counter. 

Stephanie nodded as she sat on the high stool. She dropped her large tote bag on the floor as she pushed back her hair. "It doesn't feel right using it though now I'm not living here."

Matt shook his head disapprovingly. "Steph, this is your home." He grabbed the couple of mugs that sat on the drainer. "Coffee?" 

Stephanie grinned. "I would love one." Her blue eyes glanced around the kitchen as Matt prepared their drinks. She saw her rota still pinned on the refrigerator. For some reason it made her smile. 

"So are you impressed?" asked Matt as he leant against the counter. 

"Impressed at what?" 

"How tidy this place is considering it was you who did most of the chores around here." 

Stephanie chuckled as she rolled up the sleeves of her sweater. "I must admit I had noticed. And yes, I am impressed. Did you guys hire a cleaner or something?" 

Matt's mouth opened as he tried to look offended. "No we did not. I did this all by myself today." He paused for a second. "Well, with a little help from Naomi of course. She took pity on my poor soul before she went to visit her sister." 

"And surprise me. The actual person who had caused the mess found some lame ass excuse to get out of it." 

Matt grinned. "How did you guess?" he chuckled as he began to pour the coffee into the mugs. "Actually the human tornado did have to work today." He passed Stephanie her coffee and she smiled at him. "Tim had some wedding out of town and Paul had to cover for him this weekend."

"He's not still at the gym at this time of night? It's almost eleven." Stephanie took a mouthful of the hot liquid and sighed gratefully. The last thing that touched her lips had been over eight hours ago when she had grabbed a quick bite at lunch. 

"No. He got done at five." Matt smiled and took a sip of his coffee. 

"So I take it he's out tonight." 

"Yes." he said. He placed his coffee cup on the counter and grabbed the pile of envelopes that were sitting by the window. "Here. All these are for you." He threw them down next to her. 

Stephanie sighed as she saw the heaped pile. She slowly shook her head. "You know most of this crap will be junk mail." Her hand shoved it aside and she took another sip of coffee. "So where is Paul tonight anyway?" she asked as her finger traced the rim of her mug.

Stephanie glanced over at the envelopes as she tried her best to act disinterested. After all she was only being polite and enquiring about her friend. It would definitely be bordering on rude not to mention his absence. 

"He's out to dinner." 

"Dinner?" she asked surprised.

Stephanie slowly lifted her head. She saw the awkward expression on Matt's face and her heart immediately sank knowing he wasn't at dinner alone. It didn't take much to put two and two together. Paul was obviously on a date with someone that wasn't her.

"Oh." she said simply.

Her blue eyes glanced away and as she stared into her coffee cup, she realised she wasn't entirely sure how to react. She was completely thrown for a loop although deep down, she knew it had been inevitable. Paul was an amazing guy. He was sweet and funny and kind. He had so much to offer a girl. It had only been a matter of time before someone else came along and realised that. Someone else with half a brain who wouldn't take his heart and mistreat it as badly as she had. 

"If it's any consolation, it's nothing serious. It's the first time he's been out with her." 

Stephanie heard his footsteps behind her as Matt's hand rested on her shoulder. "It's none of my business anyway." she told him as she lifted her head and forced a smile. She could see the sympathy in his grey eyes and for some reason she felt the sudden urge to cry. 

"Stephanie, this is me you're talking to. I'm not an idiot." 

She smiled at him sadly. "No but I am." 

Her shoulders rose and fell with a heavy sigh. Matt wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against him kissing her hair softly. His heart went out to Stephanie. He knew she was upset about Paul. It was written all over her face and while it wasn't his place to tell her about their friend's date, he really had no choice. He wasn't going to lie to her or make up some lame excuse about where Paul was. Stephanie deserved the truth. He just hoped Paul understood that although deep down he knew he would. Paul would never want to lie to Stephanie either. He still cared about her far too much to do that to her.

"Is it anyone we know?" asked Stephanie as her head rested on his chest. 

"Aren't you the glutton for punishment?" he teased trying to ease the situation. He chuckled as Stephanie poked his ribs and lifted her head to look at him. 

"Just tell me before I feel the need to inflict further bodily harm." 

Matt released her and shrugged as he wandered back behind the counter. His grey eyes were thoughtful as he picked up his coffee cup. 

"Matthew, are you going to tell me who it is or do I have to beat it out of you?" 

He swallowed his coffee and sighed as he leant back against the sink. "It's some rep that comes to the gym. She asked him out to dinner." 

Stephanie's blue eyes went wide. "She asked him?" she snorted as she picked up her coffee cup. "That's pretty forward. She's obviously not shy."

She took a mouthful of her drink and tried to ignore the pang of jealousy she felt in the pit of her stomach. After all, she had no right to feel that way. She had lost all rights to feel anything the minute she let Paul go. 

"Yeah well according to….." Matt's voice trailed off as the sound of the door slamming echoed through the apartment. 

"Honey, I'm home." 

Stephanie swallowed hard at the sound of his deep tone. Her heart raced in her chest as she listened to his familiar footsteps. Paul was here. Shit. She wasn't sure she could face him now. She was still reeling from the news that he was actually dating someone else. Her blue eyes were wide with panic as they looked over at Matt. She saw the sympathetic smile on his face that turned into a frown as the phone began to ring. 

"Who the hell is that?" he muttered as he placed his mug in the sink. 

The ringing quickly stopped. They could hear Paul's muffled voice as he answered the call. The blood beat in her ears as the door opened behind her and she froze to the spot unable to turn around. Instead her eyes focused on the coffee mug she held in her hands suddenly finding it terribly fascinating. 

"But Naomi, if that's you on the phone, then who is the broad is that's currently sitting here all cosy with our friend Matthew?" 

Matt rolled his eyes as Paul's shoulder appeared through the crack in the door. He quickly rushed over to him and grabbed the phone from his hands. "Gimme that, Levesque."

Paul laughed as Matt told Naomi to hold on. He placed his hand over the mouthpiece and pointed towards the kitchen.

"Stephanie's there" he mouthed silently. 

Paul's brown eyes went wide as he spun on his heel and saw the back of her red wool sweater. His hand pushed open the door a little wider. Stephanie's head was bowed and he could see her manicured hands flicking through the letters on the counter. He stood there for a second trying to absorb the fact she was really here. Quite honestly he couldn't believe it. It was fucking ironic really. The one time he actually decided to go on a date and Stephanie shows up. He hadn't seen her at all in the last couple of weeks. He hadn't even talked to her. Yet here she was reminding him of all the reasons why tonight just hadn't felt right and why he had sat in that restaurant wishing Rachel had been somebody else.

Letting the door close behind him, Paul saw Stephanie's body visibly tense. His big hand pushed his hair back and he sighed softly. She still hadn't turned around. That alone spoke volumes to him. Stephanie obviously knew where he had been tonight. He shifted his feet on the floor as he suddenly felt overcome with guilt. Paul didn't even know why he felt that way. Things were over between him and Stephanie. She had made her choice and he had accepted it. He was just trying to move on and get on with his life. That was why he had agreed to go out with Rachel despite his reservations. He was sick and tired of wallowing and dwelling on what could have been. He knew he wasn't over Stephanie and part of him would always still love her. But he didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone which meant giving someone else a chance. He knew Rachel would never be Stephanie. No one ever would. But she was a nice girl and when they'd been at lunch that day, he found himself actually enjoying her company. She was funny and sweet. She was somebody who actually wanted to take the time to get to know him. He found her attention flattering which is why when she had suggested dinner, he had agreed. Besides, it was only a bit of fun and being with Rachel was easy. His heart wasn't in danger of breaking. Nothing was complicated between them. God knows things had been difficult in the brief time he was with Stephanie. Their timing just hadn't been right. They were obviously never meant to be together. And while that realisation made him sad, he had learned to accept it. He had to now concentrate on their friendship and try and salvage what was left of it because Stephanie meant way too much to him to just lose her completely.

"Hey McMahon." he said finally.

He watched her flick her hair back and turn slowly in her seat. Stephanie lifted her head and smiled however the smile didn't quite manage to reach her sad blue eyes. 

"Hey yourself." she replied.

Butterflies fluttered in her chest as he smiled at her. She felt a longing in her heart for the man who stood in front of her. Paul looked so handsome underneath the soft lights. His blonde hair was down and tucked behind his ears. He wore the white dress shirt she had bought him for Christmas. She wondered if he remembered that when he had pulled it on or if his mind had been too pre-occupied with his date. Stephanie pushed that thought to the back of her mind. She didn't even want to think about that. The thought of Paul being with someone else was practically killing her. 

"I see you got your mail." he said as he wandered across to the refrigerator. He pulled open the door and smiled. "There's half a rain forest there." he joked as he removed the carton of orange juice and his thick fingers twisted off the cap.

"Most of it is junk though." Stephanie replied as she gestured towards the scattered pile of envelopes. "I don't know why they bother. Do you know there are at least six different offers for store cards in there?" 

"Word must have gotten out about your spending habits." Paul teased and lifted the carton to his mouth. He gulped down the cold juice noticing Stephanie was looking at him disapprovingly.

"I see you still haven't grasped the concept of actually using a glass." 

Paul licked his lips and grinned as he screwed the lid back on. "It saves Matthew time on the dishes." 

"Gee. Aren't you so considerate?" 

"I try my best." he chuckled as he placed the carton back in the fridge. As Paul leant back against the sink, he noticed how pale Stephanie looked. His brow furrowed as he frowned. Dark shadows encompassed her eyes. "You looked tired." he said. 

Stephanie nodded and smiled. The concern in his brown eyes reminded her that he cared. "I've been pulling double shifts for most of the week. I don't know if I'm coming or going sometimes." she replied pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. Her hands rested on her thighs and she absently rubbed them on the denim. 

"Well make sure you get some rest. The last thing you want is to get run down. You got that viral infection the last time, remember?" Paul reminded her with a stern expression. 

"Yes sir." Stephanie joked making a mock salute with her hand.

Deep down though, she was touched. Paul always did worry about her. He had been constantly on her case about getting her sleep when she had lived here. Sometimes he would even shoo to her bedroom when she was practically dead on her feet. Paul knew she needed her rest otherwise her glands got swollen and she got sick. He understood that and he understood her. Not like Luke who sulked and constantly demanded her attention. He wanted her to spend time with him when all she wanted to do was crawl into bed. She understood that he got lonely and frustrated being in the house alone but she had a commitment to her job and Luke seemed to forget that and conveniently so because it wasn't so long ago he was the one who was working every waking hour and neglecting her in the process.

"So how are things anyway? You know, with Luke and everything." 

Stephanie smiled at him awkwardly as her fingers began to twist together anxiously. She always felt weird talking about Luke to Paul. She didn't know why but it was probably her guilty conscience eating away at her.

"Everything's fine." she reassured him, pausing for a second. "He's back to work in a couple of weeks." 

Paul nodded. "You must be relieved."

"Yeah." She quickly tried to change the subject as she rubbed her hands together. "So what's new with you then?"

The question was out before she realised and she saw the hesitant look on Paul's face. Stephanie quickly glanced away silently cursing herself. Why did she ask that? And where the fuck was Matt when you needed him? She would sure welcome the interruption. God knows this was awkward and horribly hard. Stephanie fought the urge to run as her legs kicked nervously back and forward on the stool.

"I guess Matt told you." Paul said softly. 

Stephanie swallowed thickly recognising the tone. Paul was using that voice. The "I feel sorry for you" voice that was probably going to make her break down and cry any second now. Why was she such an idiot as to ask that stupid question in the first place? Fuck. She really didn't want to be having this conversation. She knew Paul was dating. He knew she knew. Why the hell couldn't they just leave it at that? She didn't want Paul to actually tell her. Hearing the words from him would make the whole thing horribly real. It would force her to face the cold hard truth that she really had lost him and the regret she felt about everything was far too late. 

"Steph?" 

She let out a calming breath and bravely lifted her head. She stubbornly forced a smile. After all her pride was the only thing she had left right now. "I'm happy for you, Paul. Really I am." she lied as her blue eyes looked everywhere but straight at him.

Her hands trembled lightly as they hastily gathered the scattered envelopes together. She got down from the stool and lifted her bag.

"Anyway I should get going." she said stuffing the mail inside. 

"Do you have to?" 

Stephanie nodded her head as she placed the strap of her bag over her shoulder and that was when finally allowed herself to look at Paul. His brown eyes were worried as they watched her and Stephanie tried to ignore the pull in her chest as she smiled at him.

"It's getting late." she said. 

Paul nodded and pressed his lips together in a small smile. "It's been good to see you, Steph."

The expression on his face was tender. Her eyes glossed over and Stephanie swallowed the hard lump in her throat. He didn't get to do that. God, she wasn't going to let him see her cry. Blinking quickly, Stephanie took a second to compose herself before she trusted herself to speak.

"You too, Paul. Say goodbye to Matt for me will you?" 

"Sure. I'll walk you to the door."

Stephanie nodded and made her way through the apartment. There was no sign of Matt as she heard Paul's heavy footsteps behind her. Really she didn't want him to come to the door. God knows this was awkward and horrible enough but she just needed to stay strong for a few seconds more. This was nearly over.

Letting a slow breath escape from her lips, Stephanie turned the shiny brass handle and stepped out into the hallway. She could feel the chill from the stairwell as she stood there awkwardly bracing herself for goodbye. Paul folded his arms across his chest as he leant against the door frame.

"You take care driving home. It's frosty out there tonight." 

Stephanie nodded and smiled as she adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder. "I will." she replied pausing for a second as her blue eyes drank him in one last time. "Well, goodnight Paul."

"Goodnight." he said softly. 

Stephanie nodded and her heart was heavy as she walked down the hallway. She had just reached the stairs when his voice stopped her in her tracks. 

"Hey, Steph?" 

She forced herself to smile as she slowly turned around. 

"Don't be a stranger, okay?" Paul asked as his gentle brown eyes looked back at her.

Stephanie could only nod, not trusting herself to speak as she lifted her hand in a wave. Walking down the stairs, Stephanie heard the door close softly over behind her and that was when her brave façade quickly began to crumble. A solitary tear trickled down her cheek as she rushed to the bottom. She just needed to get out of here. She honestly felt like her heart was breaking and the reality that it was finally over was coming crashing down around her. And it was all her fault. She was the one who had pushed Paul away. She was the one that had pushed him so far he'd landed straight in the arms of another woman, another woman who simply wasn't her. Paul had moved on and was getting on with his life. The sad truth was it appeared the time had come for her to try and do the same. The only problem was she wasn't sure she could. Because while her head knew it was over, her heart still held on. A heart that was a fixed point and a heart that still belonged completely to Paul. Because she loved him. She loved him so much she didn't function properly without him. Yet she loved him so much she was prepared to let him go.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

The warm heat from inside the gym instantly thawed her cold, pinched cheeks. Stephanie's long manicured fingers unbuttoned her coat as she walked in the direction of the office. Some rock tune was playing over the loud speaker though it was drowned out by the rhythmical thud of the weight machines. She shook her head at the sweaty toned bodies using them thinking they were crazy for even being here. It was a Saturday night for crying out loud. Who wanted to lift weights at the weekend? Not that she had even been near a gym in months. Her manic schedule hadn't allowed it although things were getting easier now Luke had recovered. He was back at work finally allowing her some time for herself. Most of that though was spent sleeping mainly because things were still hectic at the hospital. This was her first night off in two weeks. When Matt had called her inviting her out for a drink, she had tried to say no. She was tired and she had planned a night curled up on the sofa with a bottle of wine for company. Luke was working and she had been looking forward to being alone. Unfortunately Matt had other ideas for her. He had begged and pleaded with her until she had finally caved and said yes. Then on her way to Jack's, he had called and asked her to swing by the gym and pick up Paul. Apparently he was running late as per usual so here she was.

Stephanie had to admit it felt a little bit awkward. She hadn't seen Paul in a month although she had talked to him on the phone a handful of times. The first time he had called had been a week after she had found out he was dating. The conversation had been stilted and uncomfortable but that had only lasted for a matter of moments. Somehow they found a way to slip in to their old familiar banter. She knew Paul was making a conscious effort to rebuild their friendship and she was grateful to him for that. He had such a big heart. He always had and the truth was she needed Paul like the very air she breathed and if that meant as just as a friend, then she would just have to find some way to do it. Not having him in her life wasn't an option for her. She was prepared to settle rather than have nothing.

The door to the office was standing open. Stephanie walked in and saw it was empty. A pile of papers sat on the desk and a filing cabinet drawer was open. She was about to leave and look for Paul when she felt a pair of arms around her. 

"Steph! My favourite girl!" 

Stephanie let out a scream as Tim picked her up and spun her round. Her head felt a little dizzy as he placed her down on the floor. 

"How have you been doing?" 

She chuckled as she turned and felt her legs finally steady underneath her. "I'm good, thanks." 

"I haven't seen you here in ages. You come to see the boss?" 

"Actually I've come to drag his ass out of here. He was supposed to meet us half an hour ago." 

Tim frowned. "He never mentioned anything to me. Guess he's getting old and forgetful." 

"I heard that." 

His deep tone sent a tingle down her spine. Stephanie turned and saw Paul walk into his office. Her heart flipped in her chest as he flashed her that beautiful smile of his.

"Hey." he said warmly.

Stephanie's mouth upturned into a shy, lopsided grin as Paul placed a stack of papers on his desk. "Hey yourself." she replied.

She found she was struggling to catch her breath at the simple sight of him. Paul looked incredible in a navy pinstriped shirt that hung loose over his dark jeans. His hair looked a little longer too as it sat below his shoulders. She felt her eyes drift to his thick neck. His shirt collar was wide open and the top three buttons were undone. His soft skin was so inviting. She could still remember the way it tasted. The mixture of his soap and cologne and the slight sheen of perspiration had driven her insane. 

"I was just saying to Stephanie I hadn't seen her in a while." said Tim snapping Stephanie out of her funk.

She deliberately drew her eyes away from Paul. Remembering anything about him wasn't good for her at all. She was supposed to be moving on and putting her love for him in the past. However, standing here in front of him watching him push a lock of hair behind his ear, she forgot her reasons why. 

"You mean I didn't tell you?" smirked Paul. "Word has gotten out about that thing growing on your face. It's driving people away, Steph included." 

Tim scowled and lifted his hand to his face defensively, rubbing his scarcely stubbled chin. "There's nothing wrong with my face."

Paul snorted and shook his head. His captivating brown eyes fell on Stephanie and they sparkled at her as he laughed causing those damn persistent butterflies to flutter madly in her chest.

"Tell him, Steph. Tell him it's not cool to have your pubes growing on your face." 

Stephanie giggled helplessly as she looked over at Tim. The poor guy looked mortified but the sparse wiry hairs really did him no favours at all. No doubt he'd endured endless ridiculing from Paul and she couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"I'm sure it will look fine once it's grown in properly." she said smiling sympathetically at Tim. 

"Yeah? Well he's been growing that thing for over a month now." Paul chuckled as he balled up a piece of paper in his hand. He threw against the filing cabinet and it gave a thud as it dropped straight into the waste paper bin. 

"Lucy likes it." scowled Tim. "She thinks it makes me look distinguished." 

"Retarded more like." 

"Paul, stop it." interrupted Stephanie.

She was laughing looking between the two men and watching her for a moment, Paul felt his heart swell. He had always loved the sound of her laughter. He had missed it badly just like he had missed Stephanie lately. Despite everything between them, she was still his best friend. Without her, there was this huge void in his life. He needed her in it regardless of how he felt about her. That was why he had made the first move and called her. He was determined to get things back to the way they were between them before everything got so damn complicated. Stephanie was way too important to him to lose her.

"Let's go and leave the poor guy in peace." Stephanie smiled picking a loose hair from her black wool jacket.

It hung open revealing the baby pink top she wore. Her denim skirt rested mid thigh with her knee length high heeled boots covering most of her bare legs. Paul wondered why she even wore the damn things. She always complained that she couldn't walk in them.

"Come on Levesque. We're late as it is." she announced to him. 

"Yeah, boss. Get your old ass out of here." teased Tim.

Paul glared at him as he grabbed his leather coat from the back of his chair. "I'm not so old that I couldn't beat you up, you know." he informed him as he pushed his arms through the sleeves. "And I could probably do it with one arm tied behind my back too." he finished lifting his hair over the collar and collecting the bunch of keys from the desk.

"Them's fighting words, boss." laughed Tim. 

Paul shook his head stuffing the keys in his pocket. "I thought I fucking told you to stop calling me that."

Stephanie grabbed his arm and began to pull him towards the door. "Would you ease up on the testosterone and get your ass out this door?" 

Paul looked back to see Tim still laughing as he leant against the filing cabinet. "This place had better be tidy in the morning or I will beat you up." he threatened. 

Stephanie tugged him away and led him by the arm down the corridor. Paul was chuckling and she shook her head causing her long straight brown strands to shift across her shoulders. "You enjoy teasing him far too much."

"He asks for it though." Paul said as he lifted his hand to wave to a colleague. That was when Stephanie realised she was still holding his arm and letting go of it quickly she stuffed her hands in her pockets. "Especially with that thing on his face. It's fucking nasty." 

Stephanie smiled as Paul pushed open the heavy glass door and stepped aside to let her pass. The cold instantly chilled her skin as she stepped out onto the frost covered street. 

"So how's things with you anyway?" asked Paul as they began the short walk to the bar. His breath produced a thin veil of vapour in front of him. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and his boots scuffed against the ground. "Is work as crazy as ever?" 

"Yeah especially now Diane is gone. We're struggling to replace her." 

"Diane left? When?" 

"Oh a couple of weeks back." sniffed Stephanie. She side stepped a pedestrian in her path and she briefly inhaled the cigarette smoke on his clothes. A car rumbled by them in the street. "She's moved to Florida with her new boyfriend." 

"What? I thought she was married." 

Stephanie nodded her head as she turned the corner and the bitter wind blew her hair from her face. The tips of her ears nipped with the cold and the inviting neon lights from Jack's bar beckoned her.

"She was but apparently she had been seeing this other guy for months now. It turned out their marriage had been as good as over for years. Diane had only stayed with her husband this long because she was too scared to take the plunge but now that she has she says she's never felt so happy."

Paul's big hand held the door to the bar open for Stephanie. He smiled at her briefly as she passed. "I guess it proves it's worth listening to your heart sometimes." 

His words made the breath catch in the back of her throat. The blood beat in her ears as Stephanie slowly lifted her head towards him. Paul's brown eyes seemed almost sad and wistful as they watched her. Suddenly she wished she had the courage to tell him what was deep in her heart. She wished she had the courage to tell Paul that she loved him and that she had made a terrible mistake in standing by Luke. But the fear she had felt had been a powerful thing. Her love for Paul had been so strong it had terrified her to death. See, she knew he was it for her and she hadn't been sure she was ready for forever. It was only now she had lost him that she realised she was ready. She was as ready as she ever would be. The truth was the things that scare you to death are usually the only things worth having in your life. Unfortunately, she'd learned that lesson far too late and she would have to live with the consequences. The problem was she wasn't entirely sure that she could. She licked her lips and wrung her fingers together nervously. Her mouth felt thick and dry.

"Paul, I….." 

"Finally they arrive! Where the hell have you guys been?" 

Paul's eyes lingered on her for a second before he turned to smile at Matt. Stephanie bit down on her lip and tried to quash the disappointment she felt inside. Telling him the truth would have only been a disaster anyway. Paul had moved on. He didn't love her any more. It would have only served to put strain on their already fragile friendship. God knows the last thing she wanted was to push him away again. She couldn't risk the chance that she could lose him, not when she needed him so much. She had to accept the fact that they would be nothing more than friends. Anyway, it was her own fault for being so damn gutless. 

"Steph, are you coming?" 

Matt's voice interrupted her thoughts. He was smiling at her and looking at her curiously. She cleared her throat and nodded. She noticed Paul had left for their table already.

"Lead the way." 

"I'm really glad you came you know." said Matt as they weaved their way through the crowded bar. Some country tune played on the old jukebox. A couple of regulars were shooting some pool and Matt waved at the familiar faces. "Naomi is looking forward to seeing you." 

"It will be nice to catch up with her. I haven't seen her in a while." 

"Oh and you don't have to worry. Rachel isn't here." he said patting her shoulder affectionately. 

Stephanie forced a smile as she approached their table. Quite honestly, it had never crossed her mind that she would be here. It should have. After all, she was dating Paul. Apparently he'd taken her to the movies last week. She'd pried the information out of Matt in an attempt to torture herself. She was sadistic that way. Somehow her mind needed to know all the sordid details. Although the mere thought of them being together killed her inside. That's why she was relieved Rachel wasn't here and she didn't have to actually witness them with one another. She also couldn't pretend she liked a woman she already hated. 

"Stephanie! My God! It's so good to see you."

Naomi grabbed her and hugged her tightly almost taking her breath away. Stephanie could see Paul over her shoulder. He was taking off his coat and he was muttering under his breath. His words were no doubt directed at Naomi. Relations between them were obviously back to normal then. As she broke free from the auburn haired woman, she saw her green eyes narrowed in her direction. Her thin lips were pressed together in disapproval. "You look terrible." she said. 

Stephanie's mouth opened unsure what to say. 

"Well that's fucking charming." 

Naomi scowled at Paul. "I'm only telling her the truth. She's too thin and pale. Not that you'd notice." 

"And what's that's supposed to mean?" 

"Well you're a man. You don't notice these things." 

"Children, please. Can we try and get along?" asked Matt as he flopped down in his seat. 

"I need a drink." huffed Paul as he fiddled with the cuff of his shirt. He suddenly felt the need to get totally off his face. It was all thanks to Naomi. She only had to look in his direction and she riled him up. 

"I'll have a vodka and coke. Diet and caffeine free remember. Oh and no ice. You know how it affects my teeth." 

Paul glared at Naomi. Was this bitch for real? Okay, he was probably going to offer her a drink but she could at least be fucking polite and wait until he had asked her. Not to mention her list of demands. At least it wasn't one of those stupid cocktail things. Maybe she'd finally grasped the fact that this was a sports bar and not one of her little clubs she attended with her friends. 

"Paul, come on. I'll help you with the drinks." Stephanie offered tugging on his arm.

His jaw was tightly clenched as he followed her to the crowded bar. Some baseball game was on the television. Jack was busy serving a group of men on the other side and Paul stuffed his hands in jeans pockets as he waited for him. 

"I see things haven't improved any between you and Naomi." said Stephanie as she leant against the bar. She puffed her cheeks out and blew on her forehead. She wished she'd taken her coat off before she came for the drinks. The heat in the place was phenomenal. 

"Hell will freeze over before we'll ever get along." sighed Paul as he scratched his bearded chin. His brown eyes settled on Stephanie. The dim lighting cast light shadows across her pretty face and he didn't want to admit it but the psycho was actually right. Her prominent cheekbones were proof that she had lost some weight. Her normally vibrant eyes looked sunken and tired and Paul frowned shook his head. Stephanie was obviously overdoing things as usual. At the rate she was going, she was going to run herself into the ground. "By the way I hope you're taking care of yourself." he said affectionately. 

Stephanie raised her brow slightly taken aback at his statement. They had been talking about Naomi only a second ago. How on earth had it turned into a conversation about her well being? She subconsciously rubbed her fingers down the column of her throat. 

"They're not swollen are they?" Paul asked referring to her troublesome glands. 

Stephanie smiled and shook her head and although her smile was light, her heart felt heavy. Why did Paul have to be so sweet and considerate? It only reminded her of what a fool she had been. "And before you ask, I am taking my vitamins." 

"It's just as well or I would have kicked your ass."

She laughed and noticed Jack walking across to them. 

"Hey kids, what will it be?" he asked. 

Paul glanced briefly towards the bar and smiled. He looked back at Stephanie. "How about it, Steph? Top shelf for old times sake." 

Stephanie's blue eyes went wide. "Are you serious?" she asked. 

Paul pushed back his hair and nodded. She shrugged her shoulders and grinned.

"What the hell. I don't have to work tomorrow." 

"That's my girl." Paul turned and smiled at Jack. "Can we start on the left hand side, my friend? Oh and a vodka and coke for the strange lady at our table." 

"Coming right up." laughed Jack. 

Stephanie flicked back and her hair and grinned. "I thought she wanted diet." 

"It must have slipped my mind." smirked Paul as he pulled out his wallet from his jeans. 

"And don't tell me. You'll accidentally forget about the ice." 

"It's an easy mistake to make." 

Paul felt the slap on his back and he turned to see Matt smiling at him. His arm rested on Stephanie's shoulder as his finger pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Matthew, my friend, we're getting smashed." 

Matt grinned as he looked between his friends. "Just like old times, huh?" 

"Exactly." said Paul as he leant over the bar to say something to Jack.

Matt turned to Stephanie and despite his happiness, he couldn't mask the concern in his grey eyes. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" 

Stephanie pressed her lips together and nodded. "I'm sure." she said.

Their heads rested together and she let out a soft sigh. She had missed this, just being out with her two best friends. She was determined to have fun tonight because if nothing else, she was getting to spend time with Paul. That had to be better than nothing, right? And maybe, just maybe, things could get to the way they were before their feelings had gotten in the way of their friendship. It was a long shot but she had to have hope.

"Get these down you." grinned Paul as he placed the four blue coloured shooters down in front of them. He grabbed his own and lifted a glass in the air. "A toast."

Stephanie and Matt both lifted their glasses and Paul smiled at them both. His brown eyes were soft as they settled on Stephanie.

"To friendship." 

"To friendship!" said Matt holding his glass against Paul's. 

Stephanie held Paul's gaze for a second as she swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in her throat. Her eyes glossed over as she placed her glass next to theirs. "Friendship." she smiled.

The glasses remained joined for a brief moment and her slightly trembling lips let out a calming breath.

"After three." said Matt. "The last one to finish foots the bill." 

"Agreed." 

"Agreed." 

"One, two, three!" 

They downed their drinks and when Stephanie finished, Paul and Matt were both grinning at her as the final drop of the fiery liquid passed down her throat. 

"It's always McMahon."

"Get your money out, Steph." boomed Matt as he slapped her across the back.

A couple of hours later they were all still seated around the table. Stephanie's head was pleasantly buzzing with the alcohol. Of course drinking on an empty stomach didn't help her at all. She hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. A she stood up to get the next round, she swore the room moved as she stood up and pushed back her seat. 

"Woah McMahon. You're swaying there." Paul chuckled as he gripped her arm to steady her and he rose to his feet. 

"I'm fine, honestly. I'll just get us the next drink." 

"Want me to come with you?" 

Stephanie nodded her head and with Paul still holding on to her, she pushed past the bodies to get to the bar. She gripped the edge of the counter as she glanced towards the television. Some reality show was playing and she licked her lips and shook her head.

"Why is that?" she asked as she gestured towards the television looking towards Paul. He was smiling and looking confused. His nose was wrinkled and he looked all kinds of cute to her.

"Why is what?" 

"Why did MTV stop playing music?" 

"I don't know." grinned Paul. "But that's a very valid question. Maybe you should write to them and ask them." 

"I think I will." she declared proudly. Her heavy eyelids blinked. "Wait a second. I don't have their address." 

"Then I guess it will remain one of life's great mysteries." 

"It ranks up there with the chicken and the egg." 

Paul laughed as he summoned Jack. Stephanie was nuts and clearly drunk but he had really enjoyed being with her tonight. It had truly meant a lot to him. For the first time in a long time, he actually thought they would be okay, that they could put the past behind them and be a part of one another's lives. 

"Can I have a bag of nuts? It's the…" 

"Roasted ones. I know." interrupted Paul. 

"And maybe some chips to go with them?" 

"You're a pain in the ass McMahon."

She grinned at him, poking her tongue between her teeth. Paul rolled his eyes dryly and he turned to the bar and was about to place the order when he heard her voice behind him. 

"Hey Paul!"

His body tensed as he heard her voice and felt Rachel's hand on his shoulder. Shit. This was going to be fucking awkward. He forced a smile as he turned to face her. Her perfectly made up eyes stared back at him.

"I wasn't sure I'd find you here. I went to the gym and Tim told me you were here. I hope you don't mind me just showing up."

"Of course not." he lied.

But actually he did. They hadn't made any plans to meet up tonight. Things were supposed to be strictly casual between them. That didn't include turning up unannounced at a night out he had planned with friends. For some reason, it annoyed him. Now he was stuck in a situation he didn't want to find himself in. Not now. Not with Stephanie here. Fuck. Stephanie.

Paul let out a slow breath, composing himself as he turned round to face her. He guessed it was finally time to introduce her to Rachel but the space at the bar beside him was empty. His brow furrowed as he looked over towards their table. The group of bodies just in front of him obstructed his view. He tried to move past them and he could see Matt helping Stephanie on with her coat. He shook his head and frowned. 

"Paul? Is everything okay?" asked Rachel. 

But Paul didn't hear her question. He was preoccupied with watching Stephanie walk towards the exit door. He sighed in frustration and pushed his hair back. What the fuck was he meant to do now? He wanted to go and chase after her but his head was telling him to stay put because even if he did catch up with her, where it would lead them anyway? Going down that road would only lead to pain. They'd been there before. They were never meant to be together. He got that and he'd finally got to a place where he accepted that. Or at least he thought he had accepted it. Maybe now he wasn't so sure. Not when he felt so torn and not when his heart was obviously still struggling to let her go.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Paul took a mouthful of beer as he surveyed the crowded bar, his brown eyes peering across the dimly lit room. His nose was slightly crinkled in mild disparagement. This place was totally different to what he was used to and he wasn't sure he liked it much at all. In fact he found it weird the way the walls were decorated with huge glass mirrors encouraging people to dance with their own reflections and a lot of the girls were much to his amusement, young girls who obviously thought they were all that and then some. In fact some of them couldn't stop staring at themselves as they moved in time to the music. The tall glass tables and bare, metal furnishings around the large upper floor room made the place feel cold and uninviting. The chipped wooden bar and out of date decor at Jacks seemed a warmer and friendlier atmosphere somehow. He even missed the old jukebox that was permanently stuck in an eighties time warp. The incessant beat of the endless dance tunes here were slowly driving him nuts. It didn't even sound like proper music to him and it all merged into one large noise. If he woke up with a headache tomorrow it wouldn't be because of the beer that was for sure.

Paul chuckled to himself as he realised he really was sounding old. His fingers absently picked at the peeling label on his beer bottle. But then again he felt old here. God knows why Rachel had dragged him to this godforsaken place. He was only thirty one years old but the majority of the clientele were young college kids getting wasted on shooters and some weird looking concoctions in jugs like frat boy there at the table next to him. Paul shook his head in amusement as the blonde haired guy in the football jersey downed something green and strangely luminous. His body swayed before he staggered off towards the crowd of girls across the room no doubt looking for his next conquest. He'd tried to make out with three different girls in the last ten minutes only to get a slap in the face for his efforts but it hadn't deterred him in the least. The need to get laid obviously overrode any pride he had left. He personally couldn't remember ever being that desperate when he was at college. Not even in his freshman year before he'd met Vickie.

Paul smiled softly and took another mouthful of beer. Now there was a name he hadn't thought of for a while. Vickie Lee Stone. They'd dated for almost two years until one night at the end of their junior year he'd gotten shit faced and slept with someone else. His overwhelming guilt had forced him to confess his actions the very next morning. He had never been in the habit of cheating on anyone but his honesty hadn't saved their relationship and it was over from that moment. During the summer Vickie transferred to another school somewhere on the west coast and he never heard from her again. And while he had felt like the biggest bastard in the world for hurting her, deep down he'd felt a huge sense of relief. Part of him wondered if subconsciously he deliberately sabotaged their relationship that night. Vickie had begun raising the subject of marriage on a regular basis and it had absolutely terrified him to death. He was still young and while he loved her, he really didn't want to be tied down to her. Or at least he had thought he had loved her. Looking back now he knew he couldn't have. Not now when he knew what loving someone really felt like and how your love for that person consumed your entire world to the point you swore it was driving you insane.

Paul sighed heavily before his big hand lifted his beer to his lips and as her face flashed through his mind, he drained the bottle quickly. His throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed thickly. Stephanie. Somehow everything always came back to her no matter how hard he tried to forget. Yet how could he forget when his broken heart was a constant reminder of her and it would never completely heal or be whole again not when a large chunk of it would always belong to her. He hadn't seen her since she'd walked out of the bar a few weeks ago. She'd been doing everything she could to avoid him, even avoiding Matt this time. But that was Stephanie for you. Avoidance was always her best defence. Of course work had been her excuse the one time Matt had finally caught up with her but deep down he guessed the real truth. Stephanie had been hurt when she saw him with Rachel that night and he was trying so hard not to feel guilty about that. He had been honest and open with her about dating someone and it was only natural that he had moved on. Well at least he was trying to move on. Actually accomplishing it was harder than he thought but still he was determined to do it. He wasn't going to live in limbo any longer. He had to get on with his life just like Stephanie was getting on with hers with Luke.

As Paul shifted in his seat, he forced his mind away from her. He had to try and stop thinking about her. He had to stop living in the past. He was here with Rachel tonight and she deserved his full attention whenever she came back from wherever it was she had disappeared to. She had gone to the bathroom but that had been at least half an hour ago. He shook his head as he stood up from the table. He'd never understand women or why it took them so damn long to do anything. Pushing his sleeves up his thick forearms, Paul tugged on the bottom hem of his white shirt as he weaved his way through the bodies to the large bar area. He blew his cheeks out and wiped at his clammy forehead feeling the heat in the crowd. It was like a damn sauna and the smell of stale sweat and alcohol lingered in the air. He fetched another round of drinks which was thankfully quick and easy considering the amount of people hanging around the bar. He had just sat back down in his seat when his attention fell on the dance floor across from their table. Paul watched on bemused as he placed the drinks down on the wet glass. Some leggy brunette was mercilessly grinding her hips into the dark haired man dancing beside her. The poor guy stood no absolutely chance. He was just standing there helpless, his hands holding onto her waist although he was pretty sure the guy was enjoying it. What hot blooded male wouldn't be with moves like that?

Paul smiled and pushed a lock of hair behind his ear and was about to look away when the couple turned their bodies towards him. Their faces were now in clear view. Paul's brow creased and he frowned as he watched the brunette whisper something in her dancing partner's ear. His confused expression turned into a snarl as the man laughed and pulled the girl towards him. The guy lowered his head and began to kiss her as his hands roamed across the flimsy material of her dress.

Paul placed his bottle down on the table and pushed back his seat. His eyes never left the couple now making out furiously in front of him. He began to walk towards them, his fists clenched tightly to his sides but he'd only gone a couple of steps before he felt the hand on his arm.

"There you are. You gonna ask me to dance?"

Paul's head whipped round. Rachel stood in front of him. She was smiling, her green eyes sparkling brightly at him. He shook his head, quickly brushing her hand away.

"Not now Rach."

Paul walked away before he could see the confused expression on her face. His mind had already forgotten her as he strode steadily towards the couple on the dance floor. His jaw was clenched and his brow was furrowed as he approached them. His hand reached out, grabbing their shoulder.

"What the fuck?"

The man's grey eyes drunkenly peered at him as the couple broke apart. He staggered slightly as he held onto the girl, trying hard to focus. An angry snarl crossed his face. However it quickly disappeared as he slowly began to recognise the man standing in front of him. The corners of his mouth twitched in an anxious smile. "Paul."

"Hello Luke."

Paul practically spat out his name. He watched as Luke hastily dropped the hand that had been tangled in the girl's hair. The girl looked between the two men and a drunken smile lit up her pretty face.

"Who's your friend, baby?"

Luke opened his mouth. Paul looked towards the girl and interrupted before he could say anything.

"Oh, I'm not Luke's friend." He emphasised his name smirking smugly between the couple. "I'm Stephanie's friend." He took a step closer to Luke. His gaze fixed firmly on his face and he felt his anger rise to the surface. "You know, your fiancée?"

Paul saw the manicured hand reach out and connect with Luke's cheek. In his drunken state, Luke stumbled sideways into the people on the dance floor. As the brunette stormed off in the opposite direction, Paul grabbed for him and pulled him back towards where he was standing. The rage was coursing through his veins and his fist immediately swung out connecting with Luke's face. Luke staggered backwards, his face clutching his nose before he fell on his ass to the ground.

"Paul, what the hell are you doing?" screamed Rachel as she appeared beside him grabbing his arm and pulling him to face her. Paul could see a small crowd had congregated to the right watching on in amusement. He ignored them as he glared at Rachel.

"Just stay out of this, okay?"

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on here."

"Nothing's going on!"

"Nothing my ass! Something has obviously happened or you wouldn't have hit that guy in the face unless of course you're in the habit of hitting people for no reason." Rachel stated placing her hands on her hips.

"Of course not." spat Paul.

"Then what's going on?"

"Levesque, I'm going to fucking kill you." screamed Luke as he rose to his feet, interrupting their conversation.

Paul turned towards him, sneering at him. His nostrils were flared in anger. Blood was pouring from Luke's nose and was running down his face.

"I'd like to see you fucking try."

"Paul, please. Just leave him alone!" screamed Rachel.

Paul shook his head as he heard Luke groan loudly in pain. That was when he was aware that the music had stopped momentarily. He took a step forward then stopped as Luke fell to the ground again just in front of him. His head was bowed as he clutched at his face once more. Paul's fingers curled tightly into a fist as his arm hung by his side. He wanted to hit the fucker so hard and so badly he could taste it. He wanted him to feel every bit of pain he was putting Stephanie through but as the music started up again, it broke his trancelike state and Paul knew he couldn't do it. You didn't hit a guy when he was down and besides which, Stephanie wouldn't forgive him if he did. Instead he snorted in disgust, shaking his head.

"You know what? You're not even fucking worth it."

Paul turned to walk away when he suddenly stopped and looked back at Luke. He kicked at his foot to get his attention. As Luke lifted his head, Paul glared at him pointing his finger in his direction.

"You'd better tell Stephanie you're screwing around on her or I fucking will."

Paul didn't even wait for the response as he walked back to the table ignoring the astounded look on Rachel's face. He couldn't deal with her questions. He just wanted to get the fuck out of here although it didn't look like he would have much choice in the matter anyway. Paul smirked as he watched the two security guards appear through the crowd heading directly towards him. He resisted the urge to laugh out loud. He stood head and shoulder above both of them and outweighed them by a hundred pounds.

"Are you going to even bother telling me what that was all about?"

Paul turned to look at Rachel as he picked up his leather coat draped across the seat of the stool. His lips pressed together in a tight apologetic smile. Her pretty face looked bewildered. He felt genuinely bad that she had witnessed him hitting Luke but there was no way he could have ignored what he had seen not when it involved someone cheating on his best friend. His mouth opened to explain just as he spotted the security out of the corner of his eye. He immediately turned to them and scowled.

"Save it. I'm just leaving."

"Now if you don't mind, sir." said the older, balding man.

Paul turned to Rachel rolling his brown eyes before looking at her tentatively. "Are you staying?"

Rachel shook her head, her blonde strands shifting across her bare shoulders. Grabbing her purse and coat she took hold of Paul's outstretched hand and followed him in silence through the busy bar. Curious faces stared in their direction as the security followed on behind them until they were personally escorted them out of the building. The cold wind instantly whipped across her face as she stepped outside and as they walked down the concrete steps, she let go of his hand to pull on her wool coat. She flicked her hair over the collar as her fingertips fumbled with her buttons.

"So are you going to tell me now why you punched that guy's face in?"

"Trust me. He looks much better with his face rearranged."

His joke was met with a frosty stare and Paul sighed heavily as he stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and his boots scuffed along the wet street. It had been raining heavily earlier. Large puddles of water sat at the side of the road. A car rumbled past narrowly avoiding them.

"So who was he?" asked Rachel.

Paul kicked at a stone in his path. "He's Stephanie's fiancé. I caught the bastard cheating on her."

"You mean your mysterious best friend, Stephanie?"

Paul's head turned and he looked at her quizzically. "What do you mean mysterious?"

"Well I've never met her."

"And your point is?"

"I've met Matt. Don't you think it's strange I've never met her?"

Paul sniffed as he took his hand out of his pocket and pushed back a stray strand of hair that had fallen across his face. "No." he replied simply.

"Well I do."

Paul shook his head in annoyance. "There's nothing strange about it okay? Jesus Christ, I hardly see her never mind anyone else."

"Why?"

"Why what?" he asked feeling irritated. They quickly crossed the deserted street.

"Why don't you see her?"

"What is it with the twenty fucking questions tonight?" he snapped. He felt Rachel tug on his arm stopping him in his tracks. His hair blew behind him in the wind as he looked at her.

"I just need to know what it is about her." she said.

Paul's brow furrowed. His brown eyes were confused. "What do you mean?"

"It's just that I've noticed every time her name is mentioned you change."

"Change how?" he asked.

"I don't know. You just seem different somehow. Did something happen between the two of you?"

"No. Nothing happened!" snapped Paul suddenly feeling defensive.

He began walking down the street again and after a few seconds he heard Rachel's heels clicking behind him. This was not a conversation he particularly wanted to have and not now. He hadn't really talked to Rachel about the situation with Stephanie. It hadn't been deliberate. It was just something he hadn't wanted to discuss. It was personal and private.

"I wish you'd tell me the truth."

Paul groaned loudly in frustration as he continued to walk. What was it with this woman and her need to know every fucking thing? Last week she'd practically interrogated him about his family and the week before that she'd persuaded Matt to tell her a few stories about him. If he was honest it had freaked him out a little. He liked her but this was supposed to be casual, a bit of fun. What did his family matter? It wasn't like she was ever going to meet them.

"Naomi told me….."

Paul stopped and turned to face her. "Naomi?"

Rachel nodded.

Paul felt himself bristle with anger at the mention of her name. "When were you talking to her?"

"A couple of days ago. I met her in the grocery store."

"You know you don't want to a listen to a word she tells you." he warned.

"Why?" asked Rachel, confused.

"Because she's a total psycho that's why!"

"That's Matt's girlfriend you're talking about."

"Oh I'm well aware who she is darlin'."

"Why are you being a total jerk?"

"Maybe that's just the way I am."

"Well, if it is, I'm not sure I want to stick around."

"Well, no one is asking you to." he said.

Paul saw the unshed tears shine in Rachel's eyes before she turned and walked away down the street. The sound of her heels echoed in the darkness. Paul stood and just watched after her wondering what the hell had happened in the last few minutes but realising he just didn't have it in his heart to go after her and resolve it.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Stephanie's heels clicked against the tarmac and her head was bowed as she weaved her way through the pedestrians on the street. It was busy for a Sunday afternoon, well from what she could remember. She hadn't been in this part of town for a while. Luke lived further west, a couple of miles from this side of the city. A car rumbled past as the bitter wind pinched her cheeks. The tip of her nose felt numb much like she did really. The truth was she didn't know what she was feeling right now. Angry, confused even scared. She knew Luke was lying to her for some reason. She just couldn't admit why or maybe she didn't want to. Denial was a funny thing or so she had been told.

Stephanie crossed the street heading towards the apartment. She'd noticed the mess Luke's face was in the minute he'd stumbled through the door last night. It had been almost two o'clock in the morning when he got home. He'd been out with a couple of old friends from medical school. She'd been awake, unable to sleep. It was always the same when she had pulled a couple of night shifts in a row. Her body was out of whack and she was all over the place like she was last night. She'd been drinking hot chocolate in the kitchen when she'd heard his key in the lock. She hadn't been prepared for what had walked through the door. Luke's shirt had been covered in blood. His nose was busted and swollen and his right eye was bloodshot and already bruised. When she'd asked him what had happened he'd tried to fob her off with some story about a drink and an argument getting out of hand but Luke always rambled when he was drunk and last night was no exception. It wasn't long before Paul's name had slipped from his lips. She'd been surprised to learn Luke had met him at some club. Clubs weren't Paul's scene or at least they didn't used to be. Any time she had ever suggested going to one in the past, she'd met nothing but resistance from him. His date obviously had managed to persuade him to give it a go. She was there last night. Luke had mentioned some blonde he was with. She knew it was her. Rachel.

Stephanie pushed her hair behind her ear trying to ignore the bristle of annoyance at her name. Instead she thought about last night and what had taken place. Luke had finally confessed that it was Paul that had hit him. Apparently there had been some misunderstanding. He had mistaken an innocent dance for something more and had hit Luke before he knew the full story. Luke had stressed nothing had happened with the woman and Paul had gotten the wrong end of the stick. He even admitted he had probably provoked him by taunting him about their relationship. He had told her he accused Paul of being jealous that he was the one marrying Stephanie. Stephanie wasn't so sure she believed Luke's story. Paul didn't just lash out like that. Okay, he was a hothead at times but he'd never just hit someone. Not the way Luke was making out he did. Something just didn't add up. What made Paul misinterpret a dance for something more? It was a question that had been niggling at her all day and the reason why she had finally decided to come and see him face to face. She needed to know the truth and she wouldn't get that from Luke especially after his reaction this morning. He was holding something back from her. Something that had made her stomach twist up into tight knots making her feel somewhat uneasy in her own skin and something that she didn't want to think about until she had spoken to Paul.

The glass windows of the gym caught her attention. Stephanie's footsteps slowed as she stood in front of the door unsure what to do. Chances are Paul wouldn't be there. He didn't work weekends unless Tim was off. Then again, it was on her way to the apartment. It wouldn't hurt to check and it would save her coming back if he was here.

Stephanie licked her lips as she pushed open the heavy glass door. The heat instantly warmed her chilled skin and she rubbed her hands together. She could feel her nose begin to tingle as she made her way to the office. She heard the rhythmic thud of the weights and the sound of laughter above the music. She shook her head wondering who in their right mind would actually find exercise fun. She'd been here just once in the past year. Paul had finally worn her down and coaxed her to have a workout with him. It had been the one and only time she'd done it. Paul was crazy in the gym and her body had ached and burned. She hadn't walked properly for days and it took all her strength to be able to lift her coffee cup the next morning. She had sworn to him never again and surprisingly enough he'd left her alone. It was probably the constant death threats that had persuaded him to do so.

Stephanie cautiously approached the office finding the door was closed. She lifted her knuckles to knock and that was when she heard the low tone of his voice through the wood. His voice was unmistakable to her. Paul was here. Shit.

Stephanie slowly began to turn away as she felt her courage quickly disappear. Now she was standing here, she suddenly couldn't face him. She just couldn't. Maybe she could just forget about it and it would all go away. She began to retrace her footsteps down the corridor just when the door creaked open and closed just a fraction.

"Stephanie! Is that you?"

She silently cursed under her breath. It was Matt. Matt was here too. She exhaled slowly trying to remain calm and spun round to face him forcing a smile on her face.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." he smiled, his grey eyes twinkling at her. "I can't believe it's you. Where the hell have you been?"

His arms wrapped around her as he pulled her into a tight hug. Stephanie tried her hardest to keep her emotions in check. For some reason just seeing Matt gave her the urge to cry but she refused to. It would mean admitting something was wrong and she wasn't prepared to do that. Not just yet.

"We've been worried about you." he said, stepping back and releasing her.

"Oh you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. Work has been crazy that's all." she smiled tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"You look tired."

She shook her head. "I'm fine." she repeated.

"How's Luke?"

Stephanie lips pressed together sadly. "It's funny you should ask."

Just then his voice carried through the crack in the door.

"Matt, did you see a bunch of keys anywhere?"

Matt rolled his eyes and pushed open the heavy wood door. He gestured for Stephanie to follow him and she paused for a second before entering the office.

"Have you tried your desk?" asked Matt.

"Like I'll find anything in that fucking mess!"

Despite her anxiousness, Stephanie managed the tiniest of smiles as she watched Paul search through the seemingly endless stacks of paper. A couple of empty water bottles were nestled in between. His head was bowed as he searched, his soft blonde strands hanging over his face. He wore a long sleeved white t-shirt with a navy design on the sleeve. She recognised it. It was one she had picked up for him on a shopping spree not so long ago. In fact it had been the day she had been shopping for Matt's birthday present, the black leather coat he wore now and the one that was still in one piece. Her smile widened at the memory. Paul had threatened death if Naomi had gotten her hands on it a second time. Stephanie felt herself relax at the familiarity of past memories with her friends and it gave her the courage to speak. Stuffing her hands in her pockets, she eventually stepped forward.

"Some things never change, huh?"

Paul immediately lifted his head and his brown eyes were wide with surprise. "Steph?"

"This place looks like a bomb has hit it." Stephanie remarked.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

She smiled at him awkwardly as she gestured towards the door. Suddenly the familiarity didn't feel so easy any more. "I can always leave."

Paul's hair shifted across his shoulders as he quickly shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. That's not what I meant." He stepped out from behind the desk and shrugged his shoulders. "It was just a surprise to see you that's all."

Stephanie smiled as she briefly glanced at the floor.

"You're lucky you caught us actually. We were just about to leave." said Matt as he picked up a leather football from the top of the filing cabinet. He began tossing it in the air, catching it in his hands. "Well that's if Lev the human tornado can find those fucking keys."

Paul's thick finger pointed at him as he continued his search. "Hey, I told you. This isn't my mess."

"Maybe not in here but the clothes on your bedroom floor are your mess and so are the dishes currently littering half the kitchen. Oh and don't forget the towels in the bathroom."

"Fuck off Dolan. I told you I'd clean it up."

"Yeah and that was two days ago."

Paul lifted his head and glared at him. "You know you sound like my fucking mother."

"And the pair of you sound like an old married couple." interrupted Stephanie.

She shook her head in amusement, a genuine smile on her face. Her reasons for being there were momentarily forgotten as she had listened to her two friends bickering. God, she had missed them. She had even missed their constant squabbling. "You know, if you guys had stuck to the rota I made, you wouldn't be having this argument."

"You and your god damn rota!" muttered Paul as he lifted up a stack of paper.

"It kept your ass in line." she quipped.

"God knows something has to." said Matt as he continued to toss the football. He turned and smiled at Stephanie. "He's worse than ever by the way."

"Still squeezing the toothpaste from the middle?" she asked.

"Yep."

"And I bet he still drinks the juice straight from the carton?"

Matt nodded his head. "It's so annoying."

"You know guys, I'm standing right here." scowled Paul as he threw an empty plastic bottle in the wastepaper basket.

"We know." grinned Matt. "But instead of just standing there, would you hurry up and find your keys? I'm dying for a beer here."

"I'm fucking trying, okay?"

Matt rolled his eyes at Stephanie. "Can you tell he was out last night? He's grumpy and hung over."

"Oh I know he was out last night." Stephanie replied matter of factly.

She deliberately turned her head in Paul's direction and noticed his movements freeze momentarily. She felt the tight little knots in her stomach again as her earlier feelings of anxiousness quickly returned.

"How did you know that?" asked Matt, his nose scrunched in confusion as he stopped tossing the ball and held it in his hand. "I only just found out myself five minutes ago."

Stephanie's gaze never faltered as she kept her eyes on Paul. "Why don't you tell him, Paul? Tell him how I know."

It was like it was all happening in slow motion. It seemed to take forever from him to finally lift his head and look directly at her. When he did, she wasn't prepared for the emotion held in his deep brown eyes. See Paul's eyes told her everything. They always had and Stephanie could see there was no guilt or remorse there. It was something much worse. Something she didn't want to actually acknowledge. She didn't want to see the pity or the sympathy in his expression, an expression that without Paul uttering a single word, told Stephanie her answer yet she needed to hear him say it out loud and spell it out to her. She needed Paul to tell her the truth.

"Tell him, Paul." she repeated and pressed her lips together tightly.

His mouth parted but no words came out. There was only silence and for some reason that made her angry. Or maybe anger was all she was capable of feeling right now because it was an emotion she could handle and an emotion that she could control somewhat. Not only that her anger masked the fear and the pain she had felt the second she had realised why Paul had hit her fiancé.

"Guys, what's going on?"

"Just keep quiet, Matt." Stephanie snapped, her eyes still firmly fixed on Paul. She licked her lips as she crossed her arms defensively across her chest. Her mouth was suddenly dry as she shifted her feet on the carpet. "Well, are you going to tell him or shall I?"

"Steph…"

Paul's voice fell away as he struggled to find the words. He didn't want to be the one to tell her the truth about Luke. In fact, he had planned to fill Matt in on the whole situation as soon as they got out of here. He was going to ask his friend to tell Stephanie for him because quite simply he couldn't. Not with things the way things were between them right now. Their relationship was strained to say the least and Stephanie needed someone who could be there for her as a friend and comfort her and listen. He wasn't sure he could do that, well not with how he still felt about her. Paul knew he still loved her and probably always would. That meant he couldn't trust himself not to hold her in his arms and let that love get in the way of being a true friend to her. God knows he didn't want to ruin things between them completely. Although with the way Stephanie was looking at him now, he wasn't so sure they weren't ruined already.

"Why did you hit him, Paul?" she asked him.

"Hit who?"

Paul briefly glanced across at Matt who was staring incredulously between them.

"Don't look at him." shouted Stephanie as she walked across to stand right in front of the desk. "Look at me and tell me why you hit Luke."

Paul sighed heavily and pressed his lips together tightly. His hand gestured towards the partially open office door. "Matt, will you close the door for me."

Matt nodded, his face clearly confused and shocked.

"Tell me, Paul!" demanded Stephanie.

Paul finally allowed himself to look at her meeting her stormy blue eyes. Stephanie was clearly pissed off and angry with him and Paul felt his own anger bubble to the surface. Why the fuck was she mad at him anyway? It was her gutless dick of a fiancé she should be screaming at. All he had done was defend her honour by punching the guy. A lot of fucking good that had done him by the way! Stephanie was clearly out to blame someone and it looked like that someone was him. Well, he refused to be anyone's fucking whipping boy that was for sure.

Paul pushed his sleeves up his thick forearms as he let out a slow breath trying his best to keep his own temper in check. "And what exactly did Luke tell you?"

Stephanie shook her head quickly. "Never mind him. I want to hear it from you."

She placed her hands on the desk and she leant across it practically challenging him. Paul glanced down at the floor as he tried to keep his cool.

"Steph…" Matt interrupted but he was quickly silenced as Stephanie shrugged his hand from her shoulder.

"No, Matt. Stay out of this. This is between me and Paul. That's if he's got the guts to tell me the truth." she spat.

Paul let out a snort of disbelief. His brown eyes glared at her furiously, flickering darkly as his anger finally got the better of him. "Oh I've got the guts, trust me, which is more than I can say for your fucking fiancé!"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a smart girl, Steph! I'm sure you can figure that one out all by yourself."

"Maybe I want to hear you say it."

"And why should I?"

"Because you're supposed to be my friend, Paul." Stephanie reminded him.

Paul's facial expression became softer as his brown eyes settled on her face. "I am your friend." he told her.

"Then prove it by at least having the fucking balls to tell me the truth! Tell me why you hit him!" Stephanie shot back.

Paul's brow furrowed as he glared at her angrily knowing he had no choice. Not when Stephanie was forcing the issue. "I hit him because I saw him with someone else, okay? Luke was with another woman making out with her in front of everyone and practically screwing her on the dance floor. Is that honest enough for you?"

Stephanie quickly shook her head as she stared at him in shock, stunned by his admission. "You're lying."

Although deep down, she knew he wasn't. Paul never lied to her. That much she knew. But right now denial was her only defence. It was the only thing protecting her from her shame and her pain because accepting the truth was way too hard to take.

"And why the hell would I lie to you, Steph?" asked Paul.

Her head shook frantically back and forth. "I don't know but it can't be true. It just can't. Not…..not after everything."

Stephanie's voice trailed off and she stepped back from the desk. Paul was approaching her and his big hand reached for her shoulder.

"Steph, I saw him with her. I saw it with my own eyes."

She quickly stepped back not wanting his comfort. It would only encourage the tears she could feel burning the back of her eyes and she couldn't cry. Not now and not in front of Paul. God, this was her own stupid fault. Why did she need to hear the truth?

"Are you going to be okay?"

Stephanie lifted her head drawing on the anger that still simmered in her gut. It was all the strength she had left. It was the only thing holding her together right now.

"What do you care?" she glared.

Paul's brown eyes were wide with disbelief. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I care."

Stephanie shook her head once more refusing to believe him as she pulled her coat around her, wrapping her arms protectively around her waist. "No, Paul. If you cared, you would have found me and told me the truth. Instead I had to come here and drag it out of you. I mean, when were you planning to tell me? Next week? Next month? Next year? I mean how long were you going to let me humiliate myself by staying with Luke not having a clue what he was up to?"

"Look, it wasn't like that." Paul protested as he pushed back his hair in frustration. His hand dropped to his side as he sighed heavily, his blonde strands falling back around his face. "I was going to tell you. I just wanted to give Luke the chance to be honest with you."

"He's been cheating on me, Paul. It doesn't exactly score points for his integrity now, does it?"

"What? So now this is suddenly my fault for not telling you?"

"I thought I could rely on you." Stephanie told him. "I thought I could trust you to be there for me."

"You can!" he shouted throwing his hands up in frustration. "Jesus Christ, Steph! I can't believe you're turning this around on me! Luke screws around on you and I'm the bastard in the whole scenario? Give me a break!"

Stephanie swallowed back the painful lump in her throat. "But don't you understand! You've let me down and that's hurt me, Paul."

"Yeah? Well, you ripped my heart out of my chest so maybe that makes us even." Paul shot back.

But he instantly regretted his words as he saw her eyes gloss over with her tears. Stephanie rushed towards the door, her footsteps echoing down the corridor as she left.

"Go after her, will you?" Paul asked Matt sadly as he stared shell-shocked at the doorway and wondering what the hell had just happened.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"Steph, wait up!"

The cold wind blew against his cheeks as Matt tapped his foot anxiously waiting for the yellow cab to rumble past. He glared at the driver impatiently before quickly darting across the road as he continued to follow Stephanie. Her arms were swinging by her sides as she strode purposely down the quiet street, her chestnut strands flying out behind her. He sidestepped a lone pedestrian who was struggling with a bag of groceries in their arms as he struggled to catch up with her. The low sun in the sky momentarily dazzled him.

"Steph, will you slow down a minute?" he puffed as his chest heaved with his laboured breathing. He felt a painful stitch in his side. He'd run all the way from the gym. He should have taken Paul up on his offer all the times he bugged him to join up and do some form of exercise. Maybe then his heart wouldn't feel like it was about to beat right out of his chest.

"Just leave me alone, Matt." she called out not once breaking her pace. Her heels clicked steadily against the tarmac.

"Stephanie!"

She suddenly stopped in her tracks and whirled round to face him. As he finally caught up with her, he noticed her cheeks shimmering with her wet tears. Matt's heart broke as he realised she had been crying and his hand reached out towards her shoulder. She quickly shrugged him off, taking a step back from him.

"Look, I'm fine, okay?"

Matt's grey eyes looked at her sympathetically. "No, you're not." He paused for a second as he tried to catch his breath. His hands rested on his hips. "Who do you think you're trying to fool here?"

Stephanie pressed her lips tightly together as she brushed away her tears and wrapped her arms around herself. She refused to meet his concerned stare. Instead her eyes darted around the street aimlessly looking everywhere but at him.

"Look, I just thought you might need a shoulder right now." he said.

She quickly shook her head. "I told you, I'm fine." Stephanie slowly began to backtrack towards the corner of the street as she lifted her head and looked at him. "Just go, Matt. Go back to Paul and have that drink you were planning on and you know what? Have one for me. In fact have several and celebrate how shit my life is."

As she took off down the street again, Matt sighed heavily and quickly caught up with her. He grabbed hold of her arm, gently pulling her to a stop.

"No can do, I'm afraid."

Stephanie scowled at him and shook him off but that didn't deter him.

"See, it was Paul that sent me to check on you." he told her. "He was worried about you, Steph. We both are."

Stephanie's blue eyes narrowed at him angrily. "Well, that's touching, really but you can tell Paul that I don't want or need his damn concern, okay? I can do just fine without it." She attempted to walk off again but Matt's firm grip prevented her from going anywhere.

"Wait! Why are you so angry at him anyway?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" she replied stubbornly, her blue eyes blazing.

"Well I do because if there is anyone you should be angry at, it's Luke and not Paul. He was the one that cheated on you after all."

"And Paul knew that yet he never told me!" she snapped.

"Give the guy a chance! I mean, I'll admit I'm pretty much in the dark about what happened but from what I can make out, Paul only found out about Luke last night. When was he supposed to have told you because I know for a fact he's been working since first thing this morning."

"He could have called me and told me." she replied pushing the windswept strands back from her face.

"You know fine well this isn't something you would call up your best friend to drop on them. I mean, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you?"

Stephanie bit down on her bottom lip and glanced away, her feet shifting on the sidewalk.

"No you wouldn't. You'd want to tell them face to face and be their shoulder. Be there to comfort them and listen like I'm trying to do now." he told her sternly.

Matt reached out and rubbed her shoulder affectionately as Stephanie stood there in silence. It was a sign that he was getting through to her, a sign that her anger was beginning to dissipate. He was glad because God knows he didn't want her being alone right now. She wasn't in the frame of mind to be. "Come on. Let's not do this out on the street. Why don't you come back with me to the apartment and we can talk?" he asked.

Stephanie's blue eyes were wide with alarm as she looked up at him. "I can't go back there! What if Paul is home?"

Matt softly squeezed her arm showing he understood. "Okay. Maybe the apartment is a bad idea." His eyes drifted to the opposite side of the road. "What about that coffee shop across the street? I hear it does a wicked cinnamon Danish."

Stephanie licked her lips and turned her head to glance at the shop. It gave him encouragement and Matt hooked his arm through hers.

"Come on. It will even be my treat."

Stephanie gave him the tiniest of smiles as she allowed him to lead her towards the coffee shop. It was surprisingly busy but they managed to grab a table at the back of the room. They made small talk until their order was taken. Once the waitress had disappeared, Matt settled back in his chair and his finger pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. His grey eyes surveyed Stephanie carefully as he decided to finally broach the subject. He cleared his throat as he began folding the corner of his napkin.

"So, I have to admit to feeling a little stunned and shocked right now. God knows how you're feeling."

Stephanie shrugged as her fingers began to absently toy with her gold locket pulling it gently back and forward on the delicate gold chain. "Stunned and shocked sounds about right." she smiled tensely. "Hurt even."

"You've every right to feel hurt, Steph. You just found out Luke was with another woman."

She shrugged and sighed as her hand fell away from the chain and rested on the table. "I probably deserved it anyway."

"What? Are you crazy?" asked Matt leaning forward. His hands were clasped and rested on the pretty white linen tablecloth. "No one deserves to be cheated on and especially not by a guy who claims to want to spend the rest of his life with you."

"Yeah, well I guess I made it pretty easy for Luke to justify it and look elsewhere for the attention he obviously wasn't getting from me."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that ever since I moved in with Luke, I've resented him. I've resented being there looking after him and taking care of him and I suppose I've been taking that resentment out on him. I can't bring myself to touch him, Matt. Since his injury, Luke and I, well….we've never…" She sighed softly and sat back in her chair, raking her fingers through her hair. "I couldn't. How could I when all I could think about was Paul and what I could have had with him."

Just then their order arrived interrupting them. They thanked the young waitress as she placed down their mugs of coffee and Danishes. Not that Stephanie could eat hers. She couldn't stomach it. She pushed her plate aside as she reached for her white ceramic mug and pressing her lips together sadly she looked over at Matt.

"What a mess I've made of things, huh?"

Matt heard the waiver in her voice and reached over and covered her left hand with his. It felt like a block of ice as he squeezed it gently. Stephanie's eyes were glossed over with her unshed tears and his voice was soft as he tried to reassure her. "You thought you were doing the right thing, Steph. You were taking care of Luke."

"But only because I felt guilty about his injury. I didn't love him, Matt. Not really. I mean I thought I did until I suddenly woke up one morning and realised what was standing there right in front of me.

"Paul?" he offered as he lifted his hand away and brought his coffee cup to his lips to take a drink as Stephanie nodded at him.

"He came in and swept me away with that huge, big beating heart of his. Of course I never even dreamed that he could love me back, that he could feel the way that I did about him." She paused and glanced down at the table as her finger lightly traced the rim of her coffee mug. "The way I still do." she said softly. She sighed and slowly lifted her sad eyes. "Why didn't I listen to you Matt? I mean, you told me I was making a huge mistake and that I didn't have the guts to make the right decision. You said I was nothing but a coward and you know what? You were absolutely right."

"Steph…" he began apologetically.

She quickly shook her head effectively cutting him off and lifted her hand to furiously wipe away the tears that had spilled over her lashes. "Do you know what I can't stop thinking about? What really hurts the most? It's not the fact that Luke's been cheating on me because really, I've got no right to be upset about that. After all, it would be nothing short of hypocritical, not after sleeping with Paul while Luke was still in hospital." She paused for a second and swallowed the painful lump in her throat, her eyelids blinking rapidly. "But what does upset me is the fact that all the pain and heartache I put Paul through? It's been for nothing. Absolutely nothing and I'll never forgive myself for that because he's the one person in all of this that I never ever wanted to get hurt. He never ever deserved that."

Stephanie sniffed and letting out a shaky breath, she lifted her coffee cup taking a mouthful of the warm liquid.

"So, what are you going to do now?" asked Matt.

Her lips were pressed together in a firm resolve. "I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago and tell Luke that it's over."

"That's my girl." smiled Matt proudly relieved at her decision. He would have probably smacked her across the head if she had said any differently.

"I'll probably check into a hotel tonight and then try and sort out somewhere to stay."

Matt's nose screwed up in disbelief. "What? Don't be ridiculous. You're moving back in with us."

Stephanie raised her eyebrows fractionally. "I honestly don't think that's a good idea, do you?"

"Steph, it's your home."

"I just can't." she replied sadly as her hand wrapped around her mug and she watched Matt take a bite of his Danish. "Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm not exactly Paul's favourite person right now."

Matt shook his head as he swallowed. "Paul will be fine once he's calmed down."

The ringing of his cell phone interrupted him and he reached behind into his leather jacket pocket to pull it out. He smiled awkwardly as he saw the name scrolled across the screen.

"Speak of the devil."

Stephanie's eyes went wide with panic as Matt answered the call.

"Hey man."

Stephanie watched him with baited breath, her fingers reaching out and nervously rearranging the packets of sugar beside her, listening to the conversation.

"Yeah, I found her. In fact she's here with me just now."

Stephanie swallowed thickly as she felt her stomach churn. God, she hoped Paul didn't ask to talk to her. She didn't think she could face it. Not that he would anyway. After all, why would he want to talk to her? She'd basically ripped his head off accusing of him of not caring, of not being a friend. She had taken all her anger and pain out on him. That had been wrong. She hadn't meant to lash out at him like that but it had been easier to be angry with Paul than admit that she had fucked up by choosing to be loyal to Luke. A decision she had regretted the second she had made it and walked out of the apartment firmly closing the door on any future happiness she might have had with the man that had her heart and always would.

"Yeah, I'll take care of her." smiled Matt.

For some reason Stephanie felt her eyes brim with a fresh onslaught of tears but she quickly blinked them back refusing to shed them. After all, she'd only be feeling sorry for herself, something she didn't deserve. Not when she had no one but herself to blame. She had messed up big time all on her own.

"Sure thing. I'll catch you later."

Matt hung up and his lips pressed together. She could see the sympathy in his smoky grey orbs. That was something else she didn't deserve and shifting in her seat, she took another mouthful of coffee.

"Paul's had to stay on at the gym. Tim's gone home sick."

Stephanie forced herself to smile in acknowledgment.

"He also wanted to check that you were okay."

She swallowed thickly. "Well, you can tell him that I'll be fine. I'll be absolutely fine." she repeated although who she was trying to convince she wasn't entirely sure. She felt far from fine. In fact, she felt like she could burst into tears any second now but she was determined she wasn't going to. She had made her bed. Now she just had to try and lie on it. God, this had been so much easier when she had been angry.

"I know you will." Matt replied. Stephanie just wished she could be so sure.

"You know, I can come with you if you need me to."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes in his direction.

"To Luke's I mean. I can help you out with your stuff."

She quickly shook her head. "You're sweet but I think this is something I need to do by myself."

"Are you sure?"

She smiled touched by the genuinely worried expression on Matt's face and she reached over to squeeze his hand. "I'm sure."

"Well just call me if you need me, okay?"

"Okay." she replied gratefully.

"Although I just wish that you'd come home with me instead." he pleaded.

Her face fell as she pulled her hand away. She remained silent as she stared into her coffee cup.

"Please promise me you'll think about moving back in?"

She slowly lifted her head. Her sad blue eyes settled on his gentle face.

"Promise me, Steph." he insisted.

"I promise." she said softly although she wasn't sure she could even keep that promise. Not when everything inside her just wanted to run as far away as possible from everyone and everything. All she did was cause misery and heartache to the people she cared about anyway. She'd pushed Luke into the arms of another woman. She'd ripped Paul's heart out of his chest and literally stomped on it. God, that killed her more than anything when he had told her that. It was why she'd had to leave so suddenly. She couldn't handle seeing the raw pain in his eyes and know that she was the reason behind it. She really had broken his heart yet she could take some comfort from the fact that Paul had found a way to move on. Maybe in time she could do the same but for now she'd just settle for somehow managing to survive without him because the truth was Paul would be far better off without her. Now all she needed to do was try and find a way to live with that realisation.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

A tired sigh escaped from Paul's lips as he trudged up the steps of the brightly lit stairwell, his black boots scuffing against the concrete in a slow and heavy rhythm. His gym bag hung loosely from his shoulder lightly scraping against the wall as he turned the corner onto the long landing. The hallway smelled sharply of disinfectant and the scattered damp patches on the floor reminded him that it was Sunday. Old Mrs Benson washed down the landing floor every single Sunday. It was a ritual of hers much like every Wednesday when she would religiously take the early morning bus and visit her daughter on the other side of the city. She was definitely an old creature of habit which is why at nine o'clock in the evening he knew the glass pane of her apartment door would be in darkness and she would be safely tucked up in bed. She lived there all alone but in his opinion, had way too much time on her hands. She constantly checked the comings and goings of every single person in the building and was also in the habit of reporting them to anyone caught in the unfortunate position of coming across her in the wrong place at the wrong time. Paul was sure she kept especially close tabs on their apartment. Of course the loud music was always cause for complaint and the sometimes strange and long hours he kept at the gym seemed to arouse her suspicions. Then there were Stephanie's changing shift patterns at the hospital. Paul sighed softly as he slid his key in the lock. Not that they were a factor, well at least not any more.

He pushed open the door and the warm air instantly wrapped around him making the tip of his nose tingle. It was numb from the bitter wind blowing outside but he hadn't felt it, not really. His mind had been too preoccupied with other things and if he was honest with himself those things were actually just one person. Stephanie. God knows it was always her. In fact he was struggling to remember a time when it hadn't been even although he knew that time had definitely existed, a time when his life had been so simple without her. Uncomplicated. Empty.

Dumping his bag at his feet, Paul's hand lifted to rub at his throbbing right temple and emerged from the small front hall. That was when he noticed the crack of light at the bottom of the kitchen door. He could hear movement inside. Matt was home. His footsteps faltered a little debating whether or not just to go to his room. He really wasn't in the mood for small talk. Not tonight. Not when he could still feel that knot twisting away in his stomach. Even pushing himself hard in the gym couldn't shake it off. He just couldn't leave his feelings of anger and hurt behind no matter how much he felt for Stephanie right now. And he did feel for her, he really did. Her entire world had been turned completely on its head. She would be going through her own personal hell. Funny how he knew exactly how that felt.

Licking his lips, Paul raked his fingers through his hair and walked to the kitchen. His need for aspirin far outweighed his need to be alone plus there was a part of him that wouldn't be able to rest until he knew that Stephanie was okay. After all, it was only natural that he was concerned about her and he was absolutely fine with that. He could handle being concerned. Pushing open the door, his eyes squinted in the light.

"Paul! Hey!"

Paul lifted his hand in a greeting as he tossed his keys down on the granite countertop. He glanced over curiously in Matt's direction as he walked over to the sink and retrieved the small plastic bottle from the drawer. He was zipping up a small black holdall on the kitchen table. Paul leant back against the drawer closing it and standing there he rubbed his palm on his denim jeans before twisting the cap from the bottle.

"I was wondering where you had gotten to." said Matt.

Paul's nose wrinkled in frustration as the safety cap gave out a burst of tiny clicks and he pressed down on it a little harder. "I worked out a little after closing."

Matt nodded knowingly as he moved to sit at the stool on the counter watching Paul shake a couple of tablets into his cupped palm. He had guessed that was where he had been and wasn't at all surprised. The gym had always been Paul's release. It was his place to go when he needed to let off some steam. He undoubtedly would have plenty to let off after his argument with Stephanie earlier this morning. He knew Paul. He knew that her harsh words had to be preying on his mind.

"Whatcha doing with that?" asked Paul gesturing to the table.

"What? The bag?"

He nodded as he opened the refrigerator door reaching for the carton of milk.

"I was packing up a few things."

"Going anywhere nice?" smiled Paul as he popped the tablets into his mouth.

"Oh the bag's not for me. It's for Stephanie. She needed a few of the things she'd left here."

Paul paused for just a beat before he took a long swallow from the carton of milk. He almost winced as it hit that tight knot in his stomach feeling it practically sour on impact before placing the carton back on the shelf.

"I'm taking them over to Naomi's. She's moving in there for a while."

Paul's brown eyes stared blankly at the contents of the refrigerator for a moment longer. Stephanie moving in with Naomi meant only one thing. She must have ended it with Luke. She had finally found a damn backbone and left that son of a bitch. Funny how he didn't exactly feel overjoyed at the news. If anything, it all felt a little bittersweet. After all it had been Luke's betrayal and not his own love for her that had given her the courage to finally end things. Giving her his heart obviously hadn't been enough. He had been fooling himself to think that it ever could have been.

Paul's expression shifted as he slammed the refrigerator door shut behind him. Matt was watching him carefully waiting for his reaction and he felt that knot in his gut twist that little bit tighter. There was something resembling sympathy in his grey orbs. He didn't need anyone's sympathy. He didn't want sympathy. Clearing his throat, Paul pressed his lips in a tight smile.

"Good for her."

He tried to bite back the question on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't help himself. He had to know.

"How is she?"

Matt's lips curved up gently as he nodded his head. "She's doing okay. She called me just over an hour ago. She had packed up all her stuff and was waiting on Luke to get back from the hospital so she could talk to him, tell him it's over." He paused as his brow furrowed over in concern, his fingernail absently scraping at a mark on the countertop. "I just hope he doesn't give her a hard time over it."

"Yeah well he'd better not even fucking think about it!" scowled Paul as he roughly grabbed an apple from the round glass fruit bowl. He glanced down at it tugging sharply on the small stalk. He wasn't particularly hungry but felt the sudden need to occupy himself with something, anything to stop himself from grabbing his car keys and going over there to personally make sure Luke didn't harm a hair on Stephanie's head. He needed to stay away because this was nothing to do with him. Not any more. Not when he'd already gotten involved and it had brought him nothing but grief. He'd been accused of being a shitty friend and had quickly become the bastard of the whole scenario. He wasn't going to put himself out there only to get his head ripped off his shoulders. It was far too much grief and he was keeping well out of it.

"I asked her to move back in here, you know."

Paul's eyes narrowed in Matt's direction. "Why?"

"Why?" his friend repeated, clearly confused "Because this is her home, that's why."

Paul shook his head sharply, his damp freshly washed strands shifting across his shoulders. "Correction, Matthew! This used to be her home. She moved out a few months back, remember?"

"Yeah well she regrets that."

Paul let out a sarcastic little snort. "Oh of course she does especially now she's found out all about Luke playing away from home. Which apparently is all my fault by the way."

Matt sighed as he pushed back his short black strands from his forehead. "You know that's not true."

"Well you were there when she said it."

"Yes, but Steph was just upset and lashing out. You know she didn't mean half of what she said." Paul opened his mouth to say something but Matt held up his hand to silence him. "And before you argue with me on that, I know for a fact that she didn't. She lashed out at you because she was hurt and angry."

Paul threw the apple down and as it bumped gently across the counter top, his brown eyes lifted revealing a deep rooted sadness that seemed to envelop his whole demeanour. His feet shifted against the tiled floor as he crossed his arms protectively over his chest and his shoulders rose and fell with his heavy sigh. "Funnily enough, those are emotions I'm all too familiar with."

"She never meant to hurt you, you know."

A wry smile crossed Paul's face. "Yeah well that's a pretty poor consolation right now."

"But you guys are still friends, right?"

Paul pondered over that question in silence as his right hand lifted and his long fingers began absently scratching at his chin. The truth was he didn't really have an answer. He didn't know what he was feeling. He was upset and confused but above all, he felt hurt. Hurt that Stephanie would accuse him of letting her down when all he wanted to do was protect her and look out for her. Angry that she didn't see he only ever had the best of intentions towards her. He cared for her so much but maybe that was the problem. Just maybe he cared for her too much, so much so that they could never turn the clock back to being friends. Because to be her friend he'd have to deny what was inside his heart and he wasn't sure he could do that. He wasn't sure he was built that way.

"Paul?"

His hand fell to his side as he sighed softly. "Look, I don't know. I just don't know, okay?" He paused to push his hair back from his forehead. The drying strands fell messily around his face as tugged on the bottom hem of his navy hooded sweatshirt. His brown eyes were deep and wistful. "So much has happened between us lately and so many things have been said that I'm not sure if we could ever make it back to how it was, how it used to be. I mean, everything is so damn complicated."

Matt smiled softly. "Yeah, but you know it won't always be that way. Things will get better."

"Maybe." he shrugged. "Or maybe not. But I do know that I can't be around her right now. We need some time apart, Matt. For both our sakes."

"Even now when she needs her friends?"

"Especially now." replied Paul sadly. "Besides, she's got you hasn't she?"

Matt shifted on the stool as he sighed and nodded.

"Although I'm not sure you should be considered a friend letting her room with a complete psycho."

Matt scowled and opened his mouth to protest and Paul held up his hand lightly chuckling.

"I'm kidding, man. Be cool."

Matt decided to let it drop and allowed his mouth to creep upwards. Humour was always Paul's best form of defence and if a pop at his girlfriend was enough to temporarily mask the pain he felt then it was good enough for him. He honestly hadn't realised how tormented Paul was about Stephanie. It seemed he had put on a good show up until now. However, today had forced him to let his guard down and admit the truth. It hurt to be around Stephanie. Paul obviously wasn't over her and he had a funny feeling Stephanie felt the exact same way. Still, that didn't necessarily mean they were good for one another, at least not right now.

"So, when are you going over there?"

"To Luke's?"

Paul nodded.

Matt checked the black leather strapped watch and smiled almost apologetically. "Actually I should probably leave now. I said I would be there by half past."

Paul forced a smile as he bit down on the inside of his lip and watched Matt get up from the stool. His grey eyes were tentative behind his thin lenses as he grimaced slightly.

"My car's still in the garage. I was wondering if I could borrow yours."

"Sure." he replied pushing himself off the counter and frowning as he stuffed his hand in his empty jeans pocket. "I think the keys could be beside the lamp in the hall. I left them there yesterday."

"Thanks man."

Matt threaded his hands through the looped straps of the holdall and lifted the bag from the table. He grinned mischievously in Paul's direction.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. That should give you plenty of time to clean up those towels you left lying on the bathroom floor this morning."

Paul's lips twitched with his amusement. "I think it's time you got the fuck out of here Dolan." The slight twinkle in his thoughtful brown eyes faded as they followed Matt towards the kitchen door. "Steph's strong, Matt."

His friend spun back round on his heel to face him, his grey eyes recognising the sadness that cloaked Paul's face once more.

"She's a survivor." he said. "She'll get through this."

Matt nodded his head and smiled. "And so will you." He waited a beat and his mouth parted slowly almost hesitant to pass on the message he had taken only a short while ago. "By the way, Rachel called. I left her number pinned to the refrigerator."

The door closed behind him and Paul glanced over at the neatly scribbled note. He slowly walked across and pulled it from the small alphabet magnet. Paul's finger lingered on the blue letter U. It was one of only three that remained. The rest of them had gotten lost somehow over time. Stephanie had bought them as a joke a couple of Christmases ago and had proceeded to use them to leave little messages. Her favourite one had been arranging the words to spell "use a glass". Of course it had been directly linked to his habit of drinking the juice straight from the carton. A habit he deliberately never tried to break knowing it absolutely infuriated her.

Paul swallowed thickly deliberately pushing that memory to the back of his mind. He let his finger drop from the magnet and he stared down at the pale green post-it note. The seven numbers stared back at him ominously. In all honesty, he had forgotten about Rachel. Their argument last night seemed almost insignificant in the scheme of things and that right there told him something. She wasn't important, at least not in the ways that matter. Still he had enjoyed being with her. She was fun and more importantly, uncomplicated.

Paul exhaled slowly as he continued to stare at the note. Slowly his fingers curled around it scrunching it up making the numbers vanish from sight. The truth was calling Rachel wouldn't be fair to her. His heart just wouldn't be in it, at least not for the right reasons. It was probably best to just let things be, even if there were times where being with her helped him forget and in those briefest of moments, the emptiness he felt inside disappeared. Walking out of the kitchen, Paul passed by the garbage bin absently stuffing the paper inside his jeans pocket.


	35. Chapter 35

I did try and write Stephanie's confrontation with Luke but the voices in my head had other ideas once I'd listened to a particular song on my ipod. After that, all I saw was Stephanie stuck wallowing on a sofa so I came up with this instead. Oh and after this chapter, things definitely pick up a little...mwhahahaha lol.

* * *

Chapter 35

"_Spending my time watching the days go by_

_Feeling so small_

_I stare at the wall_

_Hoping that you think of me too…"_

The low ringing of the cell phone echoed in the small studio apartment, the vibration causing it to bump along the scratched, wooden coffee table. Stephanie tossed the cushion to the side, bending forward and twisting slightly to peer at the illuminated screen. Her shoulders sagged with her laboured sigh as she picked the phone up, realising it was Luke, again. She'd lost count of the number of times he'd attempted to call her in the last few days. She had refused to talk to him, ignoring every single call. She hadn't listened to any of the messages he had left on her voice mail either, deleting them immediately. Quite frankly, she wasn't interested in his pathetic excuses. As far as she was concerned, they had nothing left to say to each other, nothing that would make a blind bit of difference to their situation. Their relationship was over, a decision that had been long overdue in her mind. Luke obviously thought so too, judging by his need to be with another woman, seeking the attention that she never gave him elsewhere. Little did he know, he had actually done her a favour by cheating on her, giving her the excuse she had needed to leave him, finally ending the pretence that was their relationship. That was something that her guilt had never allowed her to do. Instead it had tied her to Luke, well with the exception of her heart. It was with someone else and she knew it had been for a long time now, probably longer than she had even realised.

As the phone continued to ring out, Stephanie's manicured finger quickly jabbed at a button ending the call. She looked at it for a moment before throwing it back down on the table and it lightly skidded resting at the corner of the magazine. The apartment fell silent once more as she leant back against the arm of the faded rust coloured sofa, stretching her long legs out in front of her. She sighed as she pulled the square padded cushion back to her chest crossing her left foot over her right. Thin strips of the winter sun poked through the tilted slats of the blinds and Stephanie felt the unusual warmth on the back of her neck. According to Naomi it was like spring outside and the first green shoots of the snowdrops were beginning to poke through the beds in the local park already. Personally, she wouldn't even know. She would have to actually set foot outside this apartment first. Instead she preferred to remain holed up here seeking sanctuary in the four walls, putting off facing the world and everyone in it. In fact, she seemed quite content to fester away in her own melancholy. It was either that or try and find the courage to put things right and rectify the mistakes she had made. She wasn't sure she had the strength to do that, not now, not after that phone call she had made just yesterday.

Stephanie swallowed hard pushing back the lump she felt lodge in her throat. It was the same every time she thought about Paul. Part of her would actually want to cry but she felt so empty she couldn't summon up the tears. She'd shed so many of them lately. Every single harsh word she'd spoken to him that day in his office cut her like a knife. Her heart felt so heavy every time she reminded herself what she had put him through. Not once had Paul ever let her down. He'd always been there for her. He was her shoulder, her confidante. Or at least he had been before she had taken his heart and stomped all over it. But yet despite that, he had still reached out to her tentatively trying to rebuild their friendship. That was Paul. He had such a big heart inside and she had repaid him by lashing out at him horribly, accusing of him not caring about her. It was little wonder he had ended up feeling hurt and confused. It was probably why he had refused to talk to her when she had eventually summoned up the courage to call him.

Stephanie let out a shaky breath as she stared blankly at the wall ahead of her. The heating system fired into life, temporarily interrupting the silence in the room as her thoughts began to drift back to yesterday. It had been late in the afternoon and she had been sipping on a cup of coffee. The radio had been on and a song was playing. It was a blues track, one of her favourites and one that she would play every single time she was having a drink at Jack's. She would place her fifty cents in the slot of the old jukebox and would wait patiently to hear the first chords strike up and no matter how long it took, she never left the bar until it was over. One night she'd even waited over three hours to listen to her song.

In fact, it was that night in particular that had prompted her to call Paul. She'd remembered something he had said to her although she couldn't recall how the conversation had come about exactly. They had both been more than a little drunk and as usual, they were having one of those deep and meaningful discussions that only ever seemed to come about when they were intoxicated. This night's particular topic was their friendship and her newly discovered relationship with Luke. Paul's brown eyes had been glazed over as he reached for her hand, covering it with his own. This had made her snort with amusement knowing that some huge declaration was forthcoming. It always was when Paul took her hand during these moments and as usual, he had scowled at her telling her to stop it, that he was being serious and he had something important to say. She had pressed her lips together tightly, trying her best to stifle her giggles as she gave him her full attention. With a sincere expression, he told her that their friendship was one of the few things he truly valued in his life. That he never wanted to be without it because it meant too much to him. That nothing would change between them no matter who came along in their lives. She remembered feeling extremely touched as he had squeezed her hand and said _"It doesn't matter what happens in the future because it's always going to be you and me, Steph, no matter what. Remember that."_

Those words had played over and over in her mind slowly rekindling any hope that Paul would find a way to forgive her. That somehow he would remember just how important their friendship was to them and that she wouldn't lose him despite everything she had put him through lately. God knows she didn't deserve it but she couldn't even contemplate the alternative. See, she wasn't so sure she could survive without him. She also knew she had to be the one to make the first move and apologise to Paul so she had quickly pushed back her chair and grabbed her phone before she lost her nerve. As she had punched in the number for the gym, her hands had been shaking. The blood had beat in her ears as the line had rung out at the other end and her heart only stopped racing once she realised it was Tim who had answered her call. When she had asked for Paul, he had told her he was busy with a sales rep so she had a left a message asking him to call her back. When she hung up, she was a bundle of nerves as she tried to pass the time waiting for the phone to ring. Only it never did, well not with the call she was expecting and the realisation that Paul didn't even want to talk to her hit her and it hit her hard. Quite honestly, she was devastated but deep down she knew she couldn't blame him, not at all.

Feeling that lump in her throat once more, Stephanie quickly shook her head dismissing all thoughts of Paul. She tossed the cushion to the floor and shuffled across the room switching on the television. The opening credits for some entertainment show filled the small apartment as she settled back on the sofa once more. The first shadows of dusk had settled in the room when she eventually heard the key in the lock. She wasn't sure how much time had passed. She had lost all track of time lately as she drifted from one hour to the next, the days seemingly blurring together endlessly.

"Hey Steph."

The door closed over as she looked up surprised to see Matt standing there alone juggling a bag of groceries in his arm while he stuffed the keys back in his grey trouser pocket. His late afternoon visits were a regular occurrence but usually Naomi was with him. However, Stephanie didn't enquire as to her whereabouts. Her conversation skills were limited lately. Instead she just lifted her hand in a wave as Matt walked across the small space dumping the bag of groceries on the counter of the small kitchen area.

"So how's things?" he asked as he sniffed and raked his fingers through his short black strands.

"Oh just peachy, thanks." she replied sarcastically forcing a smile.

Matt rolled his eyes as she turned her attention back to the television. He took in her appearance as he walked over towards her. Stephanie sat slouched on the sofa in her white terry towelling robe, the legs of her pink cotton pyjamas showing underneath. Her limp strands were gathered in a messy ponytail and a pair of padded beige bunny rabbit slippers covered her feet. He smirked to himself. They had been a present from him just last Christmas. It had actually been a preventative measure on his part. He had been sick and tired of Stephanie always wandering around the apartment barefoot and stubbing her toes on anything in her path. Not that she was in any danger of doing that around this place. She'd have to actually move first to accomplish it and it looked like she'd occupied the same spot all day. Stephanie had obviously taken her melancholy to a whole new level. Not that he was surprised she was this way. He reckoned she might be after his conversation with Naomi this morning. It was why he had left work early to come and see her, giving them a chance to talk alone. He was also going to try and shake her out of this funk she was in. God knows, it wasn't going to get anybody anywhere. Sighing softly, he sat down beside her, the soft cushions shifting underneath him.

"Do you know that woman has given birth to ten children?"

"She has?" commented Matt, glancing at the television and smoothing down the wrinkles in his right trouser leg. He wasn't particularly interested in the show but decided he should at least encourage Stephanie's willingness to make actual conversation. It was progress from the monosyllabic grunts he had been subject to lately.

"She's obviously into some sort of self torture thing either that or she's just plain nuts."

"Sounds like a combination of both." chuckled Matt.

Just then the cell phone on the table sprung into life, both of them looking at it almost ominously. Matt turned to Stephanie noticing she made no move to answer the call. His forehead wrinkled as he shifted in his seat, his grey eyes watching her carefully.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" he asked.

"No. It's Luke." she replied as she hugged the cushion tighter to her chest and a soft sigh escaped from her lips as she rested her head back against the sofa. "It's always Luke."

Matt heard the underlying sadness in her soft tone and his heart went out to her as he reached over and gently squeezed her shoulder offering her some form of comfort. He hated seeing her this way. Stephanie seemed so withdrawn and miserable, a far cry from the person he knew. She was usually always so vibrant and at times seemed to burst with life and energy. This break-up with Luke had really hit her hard. Not that he was actually naive enough to believe that Luke was the reason behind her misery. In fact, he suspected Luke had very little to do with this at all. He knew this was about Paul and the argument they had. In fact, it was more than that. It was about everything that happened between them the past few months. The break-up with Luke was just the catalyst for it all. It had torn down the façade they had somehow managed to create in an attempt to convince themselves and everyone else around them that things were fine between them. But things weren't fine. In fact, they were far from fine and Stephanie wasn't the only one who was hurting right now. Paul was too although his misery had taken on the opposite form. Instead of sitting around and wallowing, he was absorbing himself in his work and spending a ridiculous amount of hours at the gym. In fact, he was very rarely home nowadays. It was only evidence of his general untidiness that would attest to the fact that he had actually been in the apartment. He'd also clammed up completely as far as the subject of Stephanie was concerned. He refused to talk about her during the rare times they had a conversation and Matt hadn't pushed it. He knew his friend and he was reacting the way he always would when something was troubling him. He just needed the space and time to get through it in his own way. Unlike Stephanie who quite frankly was beginning to worry him as well as exasperate him. It's why he had decided to call time on her little pity party. It wasn't doing her any good and it sure as hell wasn't going to change anything. Not like this.

Turning in his seat, Matt trained his grey eyes on her looking at Stephanie until she sensed him turning round, her forehead crinkled with her curious expression as she stared back at him.

"What is it?"

He lifted his shoulder in a shrug as his arm rested across the back of the sofa. "Oh nothing really. I was just sitting here wondering if you were planning on vacating this sofa any time soon."

Stephanie's lips down turned into frown as she deliberately glanced back at the television not wanting to look at Matt and see the sympathy in his caring expression. She didn't deserve sympathy. She didn't want it. She was quite content to drown in her own sorrow thank you very much. And while she knew that was pretty pathetic, right now she just couldn't help herself. She couldn't seem to function properly knowing Paul was so hurt and angry with her that he couldn't even bring himself to return her call. It was killing her to know he hated her so much.

"You know you can't stay here forever."

Stephanie's heavy sigh made her slouch further into the cushions. She batted away a loose strand of hair that fell over her right eye. "I don't see why the hell not." she stated.

"Because it's not healthy that's why." Matt paused as he tapped her on the shoulder, wanting her full attention and stifling his amused snort at her blue eyes narrowed in his direction, the hint of a scowl on her lips. "Rotting away in here isn't going to fix anything, Stephanie."

"See now you're implying that there is something to fix."

"Isn't there?"

"No. Luke and I are over. Period." she told him emphatically, her eyes widening to great effect.

Matt licked his lips before they curved up gently. "You and I both know I wasn't referring to Luke."

There was a beat before Stephanie shrugged and turned her attention back to the screen. "Well it makes no difference to me. It's just a different name but the same story."

"Come on. You know you don't believe that."

"Don't I?"

Matt sighed in frustration and gripped her shoulder forcing her to face him. His expression was stern as he stared at her through his black rimmed spectacles. "This is me you're talking to, remember? I know you, Stephanie and I know how you feel about Paul. He means so much to you and I know how important his friendship is to you. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you want it to be over?"

"But it doesn't matter what I want, does it?" she cried. "And why should it, huh? I mean, I lost all rights to our friendship the second I threw it back in his face."

Stephanie briefly glanced away, her eyes staring blankly at the grey material of Matt's trouser leg as her mind drifted to her argument with Paul. She'd played every word over and over in her head so many times to the point where she tortured herself with it. She knew she'd hurt him badly. She'd seen the pain and confusion in those beautiful brown eyes of his, eyes that revealed his very soul. And although she had hurt him before, and God knows how she had hurt him, she feared this time was just one time too many. She was terrified that she had lost him for good. Feeling overcome with her emotion, Stephanie pressed her lips together tightly trying her best to hold back the tears that burned in the back of her throat.

"Naomi told me what happened yesterday."

Stephanie swallowed thickly and tried to regain her composure before allowing her eyes to travel upwards to settle on Matt. His face was kind, his expression concerned.

"She said you called him."

Stephanie rolled her lips together. "Yeah well that was a complete waste of my time."

"He'll come round, Steph."

She shook her head sadly. "No he won't. Do you know he wouldn't even talk to me? He got Tim to do his dirty work for him and to tell me he was busy with a rep. And we all know who that is, don't we?"

As Matt rubbed the back of her hand that rested on her thigh, her face suddenly flashed through her mind and just like that, her sadness switched to something else, something resembling resentment making her blue eyes appear dark and stormy.

"It was that Barbie doll bitch. What's her name?" she sneered.

"Rachel." replied Matt simply.

She rolled her eyes dryly. "Whatever."

"Yeah well I'm not so sure he's seeing her anymore."

"Like I said, whatever." she shrugged casually while inside Stephanie's spirits had lifted at that little revelation.

"You know you're not fooling anyone, let alone me."

Stephanie sniffed almost haughtily in response as she tried to appear ignorant to his suggestion while knowing fine well it was pointless. Matt could see right through her. He always could.

"You didn't like him seeing Rachel, did you?"

She slowly shook her head in defeat. She had hated it. The only thing that had hurt more than walking away from Paul had been watching him find someone else. Being witness to that had been like a dagger straight to her heart.

"The truth is she's nothing more than a distraction." Matt smiled as he gently squeezed her hand. "I guess Paul was just trying his best to find a way to be without

you."

Stephanie briefly closed her eyes as she released a heavy sigh. Her shoulders felt heavy with her guilt. "I never ever meant to hurt him, you know." She swallowed back the tears she could feel building in her throat, tears she thought she was no longer capable of shedding. "He was the one person in the world I never ever wanted to get hurt. He didn't deserve that and I want him to know just how sorry I am."

"Well you're not going to accomplish sitting here feeling sorry for yourself."

Stephanie smiled sadly. "Matt, he won't even talk to me."

"He will." he stressed lifting his hand to gently tuck her underneath her chin. "You know Paul, Steph. He can never stay mad for too long. You just need to give him time to calm down."

"But how much time? I miss him so much." she admitted, her voice trembling slightly.

"I know you do."

"And every moment away from him is another moment thinking he hates me and I can't stand the thought of him hating me, Matt." she admitted, her emotions finally overwhelming her as the tears spilled over her lashes and she let out a strangled sob

.

Matt pulled her to his chest and as her face dampened with her hot tears, Stephanie silently prayed that somehow Paul would find a way to forgive her, that she could make things right between them and make up for her mistakes. God knows she had to try because being without him just wasn't an option for her. Not any more. Not now she had a glimpse of how it would feel to be without him. Quite simply, her need for Paul far outweighed anything else and that included her fear of loving him which meant she had to take that leap of faith and try and find some way to get him back. She had to. Her already broken heart couldn't survive the alternative.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

The car was freezing. Stephanie turned the key ninety degrees in the ignition as her body shivered and her teeth began to lightly chatter. Her foot pressed down firmly on the gas pedal and as the engine roared into life she thanked her lucky stars that she'd never aspired to become an officer of the law. Stakeouts sure weren't all they were cracked up to be. They might look quite exciting and all in the movie theatre but like most things in life, in reality it was a completely different story. She was stiff and sore. Her hands felt like chunks of ice and she couldn't remember the last time she had experienced any feeling in her toes. She was completely chilled to the bone and wouldn't be surprised if her ass was frozen to this grey leather driver's seat, it was that cold in here.

As the steady blast of air loudly hissed through the vents of the heaters, Stephanie wrapped her arms around herself impatiently waiting to welcome the heat that would penetrate her skin, helping to thaw out the numbness. Of course she should really question her own sanity for being out in the middle of the night in sub-zero temperatures in the first place. It was at least minus ten outside with the current cold snap of the past couple of days quickly breaking any promise that spring was on the way. No doubt sitting parked like this on the street would be a sure fire way of catching her death with either flu or pneumonia being strong contenders the way things were shaping up. It also didn't help that she was already coming down with something, she was absolutely sure of it. She had felt like shit all week and should probably be tucked up in bed trying to ward off whatever bug was lurking around in her system, not to mention the fact she was practically dead on her feet with work and her glands had definitely looked swollen this morning when she had checked them in the mirror. Of course her health paled into insignificance after what had happened today leaving her no option but to just sit here and wait. She didn't have any other choice. She had to find Paul.

There had been no answer at the apartment when she knocked on the door. The windows two floors above her on the opposite side of the street were still cloaked in darkness and were testament to the fact that no one was there. It had been the same story when she had gone to the gym, the late hour guaranteeing that business was over for the day and that everyone had left for home, well everyone that was except for Paul.

Shifting uncomfortably in the seat, Stephanie felt her cheeks begin to tingle with the warmth of the heater and slowly her anger bubbled to the surface when for the millionth time that night she wondered just where in the hell he was. She desperately needed him and he wasn't here. Of course her efforts to call him on his cell phone over and over again had been a total waste of her energy. Every single call had gone unanswered although really, she didn't expect anything else. It had been that way for the better part of three weeks now. It appeared Paul's decision to cut her out of his life was pretty permanent on his part yet it was the complete opposite for her. She was determined not to give up on him. Quite simply, she couldn't. She just couldn't imagine her life without him. She had been leaving messages every single day hoping against hope that at some point he would hear her heartfelt apologies and forgive her and eventually her phone would ring. It never did though, at least not because of him. Deep down she knew that Paul more than likely refused to listen to anything she had to say, probably deleting the messages the second he saw the little envelope in the corner of his screen signalling it was there. Still, she had left another for him tonight hoping that he would somehow realise he needed to listen to this one, hoping he could sense the urgency in her voice if he did and hear the slight tremble in her words when she had asked him to contact her urgently. Of course she couldn't tell him the reason why, not over the phone, not like that which was why she was sitting here.

Swallowing thickly and blinking back the hot tears that threatened to fall, Stephanie placed her hand over the vents just to her right, feeling her long fingers droop and relax, drawn to the pull of the hot air circulating around them. Her sad glossy blue eyes looked through the windshield, settling on the end of the brightly lit street ahead, a deserted street that was covered in a powdery frost that twinkled in the bright white moonlight. It was the same street that she had drunkenly staggered along more times than she cared to remember. She would usually be on her way home from Jack's and more often than not her body would be propped up against Paul, his arm gently hugging her waist steadying her, guiding her in the direction of their apartment. She'd lost count how many times he had saved her from falling on her ass. How she wished he would walk along that same road and save her right now. The bar was the only other place she could think of that he could be, well the only place her mind allowed herself to acknowledge anyway. Still, she knew the possibility of Paul being there now was slim to none. Last orders had been issued at Jack's long before she had even realised he wasn't at home, the clanging of the old rusty bell above the bar falling silent hours ago after reminding the patrons to drink up and get the hell out. That left only one other place, a place that every time she considered it, it drove a dagger through her heart, her chest becoming painfully tight knowing that Paul was in all probability with her, that girl ….Rachel.

Christ, it even pained her to think of her name but it pained her even more to know that there was every chance he was lying in her bed right now, holding her and loving her the way he had once held and loved her. Of course the fact he wasn't holding her now was no one's fault but her own. After all, she'd lost all right to being in his arms the second she had taken his heart and mistreated it, letting her fear and her guilt stop her from handling it with the proper care it deserved. And then she had to go and accuse of him not caring about her when she'd found out about Luke, practically taking their friendship and throwing it back in his face.

Stephanie let out a shaky breath as she tucked her brown strands behind her left ear. She knew it was those actions that had pushed Paul so far away that she wasn't sure she could ever get him back. Once or twice she had even let herself contemplate the cold hard fact that she might have to find a way to exist without him. She didn't know if she could. She missed Paul so much that at times she physically ached for him especially lying in the darkness all alone with all the time in the world to think about him. Paul had been such an important part of her life for so long and it felt so empty without him in it but she had nobody to blame for that but herself. She was her own worst enemy. God, she really had been such a fool, a fucking stupid fool who had probably lost one of the pure, true things in her life. Now she could be about to lose another.

Feeling the lump rise in her throat, Stephanie let her thoughts drift to Matt. Her heart had broken seeing him lying in that recovery room tonight. She'd been on the ward tending to a nine year old girl with breathing difficulties when she'd gotten the page to go the emergency room. Ironically enough it had been Luke waiting there at the double sliding doors for her, his concerned grey eyes watching her carefully as he informed her that Matt had been involved in a car accident. He had suffered some internal injuries and his spleen had ruptured requiring emergency surgery. His condition was listed as critical. His parents had been informed and were on their way across state. Naomi was waiting upstairs for them. A strangled cry had escaped from Stephanie's lips as his words had sunken in and as Luke had reached his hand out to comfort her, she'd batted it away quickly spinning on her heel and racing down the corridor to be with Matt.

The recovery room was at the bottom end of the long, thin corridor and the sharp smell of disinfectant had hit her the second she had opened the door. Matt was in the second bed on the left. It was the colour of his skin that she had noticed first as she had stood beside him. It was deathly pale under the bright glare of the lights and she'd never been so glad to hear the steady beeping of the monitor next to her. It reminded her that Matt was still very much alive with his matted dark hair plastered to his head and the veins in his temple that stuck out ominously like thick green-blue threads. There was a row of neat butterfly stitches just above his left brow and his bottom lip was cut and swollen. The evidence of his other injuries, the ones that had been serious enough to require surgery, had been thankfully concealed by the heavy white hospital blanket draped across his chest. She wasn't ready to see them, not just yet and as she'd cautiously taken his hand in hers, Stephanie had been somewhat soothed by his warmth. As she gripped his fingers tightly, she had silently prayed that Matt would open his eyes and get through this. At one point she'd even plea bargained with the man upstairs promising to visit church on a more regular basis in return for getting her friend back. That was when Naomi had entered the room, her tear streaked face evidence of her personal sorrow. They had briefly embraced before solemnly turning their attention once more to Matt. It wasn't long after that it had suddenly hit her that she had to find Paul and tell him what had happened. She had raced out of the hospital and now here she was still waiting for him.

Stephanie sighed heavily and was about to contemplate calling him one last time when a car slowly trundled past her and the beam of the headlights swept across the corner. That was when she saw him emerge from the shadows and walk towards her.

Her heart leapt to her throat and she placed her hand on her chest as if to steady it. She suddenly felt warm all over as her blue eyes fixed on his unmistakable frame. His hands were stuffed in his leather coat pockets and his shoulders hunched forward as they attempted to block out the bitter wind that blew through the long strands of his hair. His slightly exaggerated movement told her that Paul had been drinking. She wondered where he had been. Paul was a creature of habit and it was unlike him to go anywhere but Jack's. Although that wasn't strictly true of course. He'd been somewhere she never expected him to be the night he had discovered Luke with that woman. The night he'd been on a date with what's her face. Thankfully Paul was alone and she was nowhere to be seen. This was going to be hard enough without having that to contend with.

Letting out a shaky breath, Stephanie switched off the ignition as her left hand hovered over the door handle trying to find the courage to step out into the street and confront the man she loved, the man she hadn't seen for almost thirty four days now. Funny how those days had felt like years to her. Still none of that mattered right now. What mattered was Matt and both of them being there for him.

Steeling herself before she lost her nerve, Stephanie opened the car door and stepped out into the night. The tip of her boots kicked against the frost spraying the fine powder across the sidewalk as her nose nipped against the cold. Her breath was a thin trail of vapour as she threw the car door shut, the soft thud echoing loudly down the street. That was when Paul lifted his head up and looked in her direction. There was no mistaking the look of stunned surprise on his face when he saw her standing there. As their eyes connected, Stephanie's breath caught in her throat. She briefly glanced down at the sidewalk, shifting her feet, needing a moment to compose herself. Seeing him again had overwhelmed her. Clasping her fingers together awkwardly, she slowly allowed her gaze to travel upwards. Paul was so close she could smell the spicy scent of his cologne that carried in the wind mixed in with the stale smell of beer that lingered around him. Her blue eyes started to hungrily drink him in from the faded denim jeans to the pale blue shirt that she recognised beneath the partially buttoned coat. She was sure it had been a birthday present from his parents just this past July. His long blonde strands hung neatly over his shoulders and they looked particularly soft tonight, soft like silk. Shaking her head reluctant to dwell one second on the memory of how they felt against her fingertips, Stephanie deliberately moved her eyes to his face once more, his beautiful, handsome face. She took in every feature carefully committing it to her mind like she might never see him again. She knew that no matter how long she looked though, her memory could never do him justice. It certainly hadn't over the last month or so and God knows she'd spent enough time thinking about him. In fact, she just couldn't get Paul out of her head. He was constantly on her mind and even her heart stubbornly refused to let go gripping on tightly to every spoken word and every tender touch that had passed between them. Their time together had been so brief yet it would take her more than this lifetime to forget him. Not that she wanted to forget. Not ever.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

His deep, gravelled voice snapped her back to reality. Stephanie's top lip curled into a snarl, one that currently matched the one adorning Paul's face. She shook her head, pushing back the loose strands that whipped across her face.

"Well, you would know that if you took the time to answer your damn phone."

"What….?"

"Although I shouldn't be surprised." she continued, cutting him off. "I mean it's not like you answer any of my calls lately."

His slightly glazed brown eyes glared back at her as he licked his lips. "Steph, is there a reason for all of this or are you just here to chew me out?"

She released a slow breath as her anger slowly began to slip away, her emotions at the thought of Matt getting the better of her once more. She slowly shook her head blinking back the hot tears that welled up in her eyes. She resisted the urge to throw herself into his arms hoping Paul would make it all better because that was what he did. He would take her in his arms and he would make everything better no matter how horrible things seemed. Or at least that was how it used to be.

"Paul, where the hell have you been? I've been waiting here for hours. There's something I've got to tell you…."

"Yeah well, save it because I'm not interested in anything you've got to say." he slurred.

Stephanie's mouth dropped open, stunned as Paul abruptly walked away from her swaying slightly, his anger more than evident as he burst open the door to the apartment block. Her eyes lingered on his massive back as she watched him disappear into the familiar grey stone building. Paul's eyes had been black with his rage and although she knew she had hurt him, up until now it never really hit her just how much. He had hardly been able to look at her then and he obviously couldn't get away from her fast enough. He obviously didn't want to be around her. God, what the hell had she done to him? Paul was always so generous and giving and usually to a fault. He had such a big heart too and never stayed mad for long no matter what the circumstance. But of course that heart worked differently now she had broken it and she wasn't being a bit conceited in thinking that way. She knew Paul's heart was broken. She recognised the signs. The haunted, empty expression he wore was the same one she recognised every single time she saw her own reflection in the mirror, the only difference being that her wounds were self inflicted.

Slowly walking in the direction of the apartment block, the place that used to be her home, Stephanie followed Paul into the building. As her heels echoed against the concrete floor, she knew she didn't have a choice but to try and make him listen to her. She owed him that and she also owed it to Matt.

As she climbed the stairs, she took in her surroundings and when she reached the second floor she recognised the faint musty smell in the hallway but tomorrow would be Sunday and Mrs Benson would mop the floor on a Sunday washing that smell away. Instead the sharp scent of disinfectant would welcome the inhabitants, the same clean sterile smell that had hit her when she had walked into that recovery room tonight.

"Shit!"

Stephanie saw Paul standing at the end of the hallway, his thick fingers fumbling with the keys in his hand as he searched for the small brass Yale that would open the front door. Her footsteps deliberately slowed as she approached him cautiously.

"Need a hand with those?"

His brow creased with his scowl as he looked up, the soft light from ceiling bulb casting faint shadows across his face. The keys dangled between his fingertips as his brown eyes narrowed in her direction.

"I thought I told you I didn't want to talk to you."

"Yeah, well I always did have the annoying habit of doing the complete opposite of what anyone said." she quipped. She felt a little encouraged when Paul gave a light snort.

"You got that right."

His attention turned back to his set of keys. As his clumsy fingers tried to separate them, Stephanie stood in front of him, holding her own slender hand out towards him.

"Here. Let me or we'll be here all night."

She swallowed thickly as their eyes connected for the briefest of seconds, the keys eventually hitting her palm with a light thud making her arm fall slightly as Paul looked away once more. The hallway was silent as she found the key she was looking for nestled in the centre of the bunch like it always was and as she slid it into the lock of the red painted door there was a bittersweet rush of familiarity, like she was coming home.

As it creaked open, she stepped aside to let Paul through, her days of simply walking in to the apartment uninvited now well and truly over. However, he remained still in the doorway sighing heavily lifting his shoulder in a shrug.

"So why are you here, McMahon?"

Paul's beautiful eyes were tentative as Stephanie ignored the pang in her chest at the use of her last name. No one else but Paul ever used her last name like that. She sighed softly, tilting her head to the side and gesturing towards the doorway.

"Let's go inside, huh? I don't want to do it out here."

There was a beat as he mulled over her request before eventually nodding his head ever so slightly and walking into the darkness. As she followed on behind him, Paul switched on the lamp bathing the hallway in a soft yellow glow. The door clicked shut as he turned and raked his fingers through his hair letting it fall gently around his face. Stephanie thought that in that moment he had never looked more beautiful to her.

"So, what is it?" he asked, his brown eyes glancing everywhere but at her.

She sighed and clasped her fingers together rolling her lips over one another. "There's not really an easy way to say this."

"Say what?" he asked impatiently, his feet shifting underneath him.

Stephanie's blue eyes looked directly at him, her stomach churning anxiously inside. "It's Matt, Paul. He's been in an accident."

Paul was startled by her words, his brown eyes opening wide as his words stumbled from his mouth. "Wh-what? When?"

"Tonight." she told him. "Apparently he was on his way home from work when some idiot ran a red light and hit him."

Paul shook his head slowly in stunned disbelief. "How…..how is he?"

"He was pretty bad." she admitted, her voice wavering with her emotion. "He had internal injuries….." She paused for a second needing the time to keep her emotions in check. She sniffed, letting out a shaky breath "He had injuries that required surgery and although the operation was successful, they really won't know anything until he wakes up."

"Jesus!"

Stephanie watched as Paul began to pace around in front of him, his big hand pushing back his hair before briefly resting on the top of his head.

"I can take you to the hospital." she offered.

Paul nodded automatically letting his hand drop to his side. "Okay."

His face was pale and his eyes were glassy brown pools as he struggled to take it all in. He bit down on his lip and turned to Stephanie, his lost expression reminding her of a small child.

"Should I take some of his stuff?" he asked her in a hushed tone. "You know like a toothbrush or something to wear?"

Stephanie smiled and shook her head knowing Paul was in no fit state to start hunting through Matt's belongings. "Why don't you make us some coffee and I'll get a bag of his things together."

Paul quickly shook his head. "I don't want coffee."

"You need coffee, Paul." she stressed. "You need to sober up. You can't visit him like this, not in this state."

Her hand lightly touched his arm before she dropped her head and made her way to Matt's room. It was only when her back was turned that Paul trusted himself to let his eyes really see her and felt that empty place in his chest, the empty place where his heart used to belong. That was before he had given it to Stephanie of course and despite everything that had gone on between them, it still belonged with her. It seemed that the harder his mind tried to forget all about her, the more stubbornly his heart wanted to hold on. To put it in a nutshell, he was still head over heels in love with her and just didn't have a clue how to stop.


	37. Chapter 37

I'm not going to be able to post much over the next week or two so I thought I'd give you a double installment. And for those of you like me who are frustrated as hell with Paul and Steph in this story, things may just get better soon...sort of...mwhahahahaha lol. Oh and as always, thanks so much for your lovely feedback and for sticking with me on this! :)

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Chapter 37

"Here. This is for you."

Paul lifted his head from his hands and tilting it slightly, he peered at Stephanie through the blonde strands that hung like a silk curtain across his face. She was hovering by him and her smile was shy and hesitant as she extended the paper cup in his direction.

"It's a coffee and it's black." she offered.

He pressed his lips together tightly as his stomach churned in protest at the mere thought of the hot drink. He'd already consumed enough of it to sink a small vessel not to mention the fact his hangover was beginning to kick in and the very idea of anything passing his lips gave him the sudden urge to gag. Quickly shaking his head, Paul straightened up in his chair and pushed back his blonde strands from his forehead.

"I don't want it."

"Tough. You're drinking it."

"And I should do what you say why?" he snapped, his face flickering with his annoyance at her barked instructions. He scowled as he saw that stubborn look on her face; the look he'd seen more times that he cared to remember and the look that told him that Stephanie was determined to make him do what she wanted and take the coffee. Well, she had another thing coming if she thought she could order him around like he was one her damn patients. As far as he was concerned, she could take the drink and shove it straight up her ass. He wasn't touching it and it was as simple as that. Stretching his right leg out in front of him, he crossed his left foot over it and his arms mimicked that same position as they folded over his chest. He could feel Stephanie's outrage as she glared back at him, her frustrated snort echoing around the empty waiting area.

"Is there a reason why you have to be so damn infuriating?"

"Maybe it's because I choose to be." he shot back at her, his eyes still not quite looking at her and lips twitching with his smirk as he heard her irritated sigh.

"Look Paul, I'm not in the mood for this. Just take the damn cup will you?"

Stephanie snapped, holding the coffee out even further to his face as her blue eyes stared back at him defiantly. Unfortunately for him, he made the fatal mistake of lifting his head and looking into them for a brief second and that was all the time he needed to get sucked in and feel that all too familiar weakness in his chest. He swallowed hard deliberately drawing his eyes away from her and reluctantly taking the cup; anything to stop those ocean blue pools from looking at him any longer. They unnerved him and reminded him exactly why he'd been keeping his distance from her and trying his hardest to forget all about one Stephanie McMahon. And he'd tried. He really had. The only problem was that "out of sight" didn't necessarily mean "out of mind", at least not in her case. If anything, it had only reminded him how major a part of his life she was and how at times it felt so empty and pointless without her. Still, he was finding a way to adjust and slowly he was getting things back on track. He'd even managed to convince himself he was halfway to being okay; or at least he had been until this had all happened. Now his best friend was lying in a hospital bed and he was forced to just sit here and try and wait patiently to see if he would pull through. And he had to pull through; the alternative just didn't bear thinking about.

God knows he'd felt physically sick when Stephanie had told him Matt had been in an accident. The guy was like a brother to him and he'd never had anything bad like that happen to someone close to him before and it had definitely freaked him out. That's why his first instinct had been to pull Stephanie into his arms and hold her tight, looking for the comfort and the strength that he usually found in her. She had always been his rock and the glue that held him together when he needed someone. But now he couldn't need her. He couldn't hold her because she was no longer that person for him; not any more. Stephanie stopped being the one he turned to the second she had shattered his heart into tiny pieces. But in spite of that, in spite of everything that happened between them, here he was sitting with her feeling strangely comforted by her presence. Just knowing she was here soothed him and stopped him from going nuts over Matt yet at the same time he still felt so angry with her. It just didn't make sense but quite honestly, when it came to his feelings for Stephanie, it never really did and he gave up even trying to figure it out a long time ago.

Sighing heavily, Paul shifted in his seat and his nose wrinkled in disgust as he caught a nauseating waft of the hot black liquid. "I don't know why you keep insisting on making me drink this crap." he complained.

"Well you're the one who needs to sober up." Stephanie told him matter-of-factly as she settled back in the seat next to him.

"I am sober." he glowered.

"Maybe so but one more cup won't do you any harm."

"No but it will probably kill me. It tastes like shit." Paul made a face as he rocked the cup in the sideways motion watching the murky liquid as it sloshed against the edge, his brown eyes peering at it suspiciously.

"You're actually supposed to drink it you know, not play around with it." remarked Stephanie.

But she immediately regretted opening her mouth when Paul slowly turned his head and threw her an icy glare before pointedly placing the cup on the small table next to him and pushing it from his reach. She shifted uneasily in her chair and dropped her eyes to the floor silently cursing herself for making things even more tense between them. God knows things were difficult enough as it was without her smart-ass comments stirring up the mix. But she just couldn't help herself. At least by needling Paul, she got a response and didn't have to suffer this overbearing silence that had developed between them the minute they had stepped out of the apartment and gotten in her car to drive over here. It made her nervous and edgy and she hated every single second of it. Still, it was no less than she probably deserved. She had hurt Paul badly and Matt's accident didn't magically erase any of that. If anything, it had only reminded her how much of a coward she had been. Because really, how could the thought of forever with Paul have scared her so much when it was a hell of a lot scarier to know that she could face having to spend the rest of her life without him. In fact, the very idea of being without him terrified her to death especially when her mind had briefly entertained the fact that it could have been Paul in that accident last night. But she had quickly pushed those thoughts away unable to bear even thinking about it. It was killing her already to know that Matt had been in such danger. Thank God though the signs were good and that the operation had been successful. There was no further evidence of any internal bleeding and his vitals were strong and responsive. Now all they had to do was wait for him to open his eyes and come back to them.

Licking her lips and letting out a shaky breath, Stephanie glanced wistfully towards the empty hospital corridor where Matt had been moved to from the recovery room. For the umpteenth time in as many hours, she found herself silently praying for his good health, even plea bargaining with the man upstairs one more time as she sat there waiting for any news.

"I think my ass has gone to sleep."

Paul's voice surprised her and lifted her from her haze. Blinking her eyes, she slowly turned her head in his direction to see him fidget on the padded cushion as his long legs stretched out across the floor. His big hand lifted to brush a few annoying strands from his face as he stared straight ahead, once more refusing to even look at her. Still, she felt a little encouraged that he was at least engaging in some form of conversation with her.

"How long have we been sitting here anyway?"

She lifted her shoulder in a shrug as she clasped her hands together and rested them on her lap. "A few hours or so."

"Is Naomi still in there?"

Stephanie nodded. "She's with Matt's parents. They don't want to leave him. The doctors think he should wake up soon."

Paul's shoulders rose and fell with his heavy sigh. "I hope so. I hate all this waiting around. God knows these places make me nervous enough as it is."

Her blue eyes filled with sympathy as she watched him look around the waiting area anxiously. Her hand reached out to him tentatively at first before resting on his leg, patting it on it gently.

"Try not to worry. He will be okay, you know."

"Don't." Paul said quickly, shaking his head abruptly while his brown eyes stared at his leg for a second before he batted her hand away from him. "Just don't do that, okay?"

"Do what?" Stephanie asked as she turned in her seat, trying her best to disguise the pain that she felt at his obvious rejection. "I was only trying to help. I know how nervous you get in these situations." she explained.

"Yeah well that's my concern, okay."

She shook her head in disbelief pushing the brown strands angrily behind her ear. "Oh so now I'm not allowed to be concerned about you?"

"Actually, no! You're not." he shot back and this time Paul did look at her. His dark eyes narrowed in her direction and his top lip curled into a snarl as his long digit pointed at her. "You lost all right to be concerned about me the minute you wrote me off and threw all that shit back in my face."

"And you're just never going to forgive me for that, are you?" she scoffed.

"Why the hell should I?" he replied in a raised voice but he quickly pressed his lips together as the sound of his loud, gravelled tone echoed in his ears. This wasn't the place for any of this and he was damned if he was going to be drawn into an argument with her no matter how badly he wanted to scream at her right now. There was more important things to worry about, namely Matt. Letting out a calming breath, Paul quickly pushed himself up from the chair, suddenly stifled by Stephanie's presence and the emotions connected to her that were rushing at him all too fast.

"You know what? I'm not even getting into this." he told her before disappearing down the corridor, the soles of his shoes intermittently squeaking against the spotless linoleum. His tired eyes burned with the rays of the bright morning sunshine that filtered through the windows that lined his path. As the heel of his hand lifted to rub at them, he heard her voice behind him and he scowled in annoyance.

"Paul, wait!"

He felt Stephanie's hand grip his arm to spin him round. Her fingers burned through the material of his blue cotton shirt making his skin tingle with her warmth and Paul swallowed thickly as he shrugged her off. He didn't want to feel the familiarity of her or remember how alive he felt every single time she touched him. Those were forbidden memories; memories that he had been forced to forget in order to find a way to move on from her. And he had tried to move on. He'd taken every touch and every whispered word they had shared and locked them away in the furthest recesses of his mind thinking one day they would somehow just disappear and he would be free again. But he had been kidding himself to even think that way because how could he ever truly be free from her when it wasn't his mind clinging onto those memories. It was his heart; the same stubborn heart that refused to let go of her and the same heart that had discovered its beat once more the second he saw Stephanie walk out of that car last night and back into his life. And it hadn't stopped beating since and even right now it was racing in his chest at the simple act of just being near her. He was hopeless, either that or just completely helpless. He guessed it was probably both.

"Look I'm sorry. I really am." she apologised.

His brown eyes darted around him refusing to meet Stephanie's face as he felt her staring intently at him.

"I'm so sorry for all those things I said to you that day in your office but I didn't mean them. I didn't mean any of it. I was just hurt and angry and …."

She pressed her lips together, her words resting on the tip of her tongue as Paul held up his hand to silence her. His expression was pained as he raked his fingers through his hair, the blonde strands resting in a soft frame around his face.

"Just stop right there. Please. I don't want to hear it. Because I was fine, you know. I was handling this."

Stephanie shook her head sadly as her big blue eyes looked at him but again they were looking at nothing as once more he refused to even look in her direction. "Yeah well, congratulations. Because I'm not. I'm not handling it at all."

Her spoken admission hung in the air as Paul turned his face to the window, the light yellow rays illuminating his handsome face. She saw his jaw flicker before he rolled his lips together.

"That's not my problem any more, Stephanie."

His dismissive tone sent a dagger to her heart and she pushed back the lump in her throat, determined not to cry. Not in front of him and not in front of a man that quite clearly no longer gave a damn about her. Shaking her head angrily, her fists clenched tightly as they hung by her sides. "Of course not because God forbid you even give a crap about me or my feelings."

Paul's brown eyes flashed back at her as he spun on his heel to face her. "And why should I?" he spat back. "You never gave a crap about mine."

Stephanie's mouth parted to reply when a voice behind them interrupted them.

"Well it's nice to see some things never change."

Hearing Naomi quickly brought them to their senses. Paul's face flushed with embarrassment as he quickly checked around himself making sure their argument hadn't attracted an audience. The last thing he had wanted was to cause a scene but thankfully it was still the early hours of the morning and the hospital ward was practically deserted. Still, he would have preferred it if Naomi hadn't been witness to it all. God knows she had enough to deal with; they all did. Sighing and shuffling his feet underneath him, his expression was apologetic as he met Naomi's red rimmed eyes.

"Although I suppose shouting at one another is a step forward from completely ignoring each other."

"Look, I'm sorry….."

She quickly shook her head. "Save it."

Briefly turning to the window, she pushed back her auburn hair with her slender hand, her shoulders rising and falling with her shaky breath.

"You know it's always about the two of you. Even when Matt's in there fighting for his life, it's all about you and your little melodrama. In fact, you're probably the reason why he's lying there in the first place."

Paul's brown eyes widened at her accusation. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

She spun round from the window, her green eyes sparking back at him venomously. "You know fine well what I mean. It's because of you that Matt is lying in that bed."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. You and Stephanie!" Naomi hissed as she glared back and forward between the shocked pair of faces staring back at her, both of them silent and both of them unsure what to say to her outburst. She was glad. It was about time they listened to someone and they were going to listen to her whether they wanted to or not. This crap had been going on for long enough. Licking her lips, she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"For weeks now, Matt's tried so hard to be there for you both. He's listened when you needed someone to talk to or he's just been there supporting you. He was so determined that neither one of you would have to deal with this alone. But it wasn't easy for him. God knows he hated being stuck in the middle and seeing his best friends torn apart but of course how he felt didn't matter. How it affected him wasn't important. All that was important to him was trying to find a way to get his friends back together. God knows he was worried sick about you both and ran himself ragged trying to talk to you and trying to make you see sense."

She paused as she shook her head, sniffing back the tears that now threatened to fall and her hands dropped to her sides as she took a second to compose herself.

"Not that he should have bothered because neither of you listened to him anyway." she continued. "You were both too wrapped up in your own melancholy and perfectly content feeling sorry for yourselves. You point blank refused to leave the apartment and you…." she said waving her manicured finger at Paul. "You just holed yourself up in that gym twenty four hours a day. You were hardly ever at the apartment which was why Matt had to drive there to see you after work yesterday and that was when that stupid car crashed into him."

Her words stung and Paul's mouth parted in shock as he struggled to process what Naomi was telling him. The very idea that he was responsible for Matt being somewhere he shouldn't ate him up on the inside and he could feel the knots of guilt twisting in the pit of his stomach.

Naomi pressed her lips together almost in satisfaction as she noticed his stunned expression. "That's right, Paul. Matt was on his way to see you and now he's lying in that hospital bed and I ask you now, what was it all for? Why the hell should he have bothered about your happiness when you're too damn stubborn to ever want it for yourself. I mean why won't you just admit that you want to be with Stephanie? I mean it's obvious to anyone with eyes in their head that you're still in love with her. God knows she's still in love with you and I should know. I've had to see her wallow around my apartment too pathetic to do anything about it. Instead, like you, she'd rather dwell on the past and blame everyone else for this, that and the next thing and just be plain miserable for the rest of her life. Well fine!" she cried, her emotions welling up and beginning to get the better of her as the tears spilled over her lashes. "Both of you be miserable and shut one another out but do it on your own time. Don't make everyone else around you miserable too by dragging them into your stupid shit!"

Naomi sniffed and wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. Her green eyes darted back and forth between them.

"Matt didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be hurt and if he doesn't get through this I'll never forgive either of you, ever."

Her strangled sob echoed around the silent corridor as she ran in the direction of the restrooms and Stephanie stood there frozen to the spot, feeling absolutely shell-shocked by Naomi's blunt accusations. Her words had cut her deep but if she was being honest, it was only because they had carried the brutal element of truth. She had wallowed in her own misery. She had been too pathetic to handle the consequences of her fall-out with Paul and in turn had dragged Matt into the whole sorry mess without sparing a thought for how it was affecting him or making him feel. After all, Paul was his friend too. She wasn't the only one he was fretting over yet she hadn't cared about that. All she'd cared about was her own broken heart and she'd done nothing but whine and complain and cry every time he'd come over to the apartment. And Naomi had been witness to that. She'd seen how it had torn Matt in two so it was no wonder she had been so bitter and angry with them just now. If it wasn't for her own stupid guilt over Luke and her fear of love causing this entire mess with Paul, then none of this would be happening right now. Matt would be perfectly fine and Naomi's heart wouldn't be breaking over him, worried sick that she was going to lose him.

Letting out a shaky breath, her concerned blue eyes glanced in the direction where Naomi had just disappeared. "I should probably go after her." she said, turning on her heel to face Paul.

The look of pure devastation that she saw across his face made her breath catch in her throat. She had to fight her instinct to pull him into her arms and hold him as tightly as she could. Instead she reached for his shoulder, her fingers tentatively touching him as the tears burned her eyes.

"You know she didn't mean it, Paul. She's just worried and upset about Matt and…"

But her words were quickly silenced as he shook his head, deliberately stepping back and putting a distance between them as his brown eyes stared blankly ahead.

"Just go and check on her, okay?" he said, softly.

Stephanie pressed her lips together and slowly nodded her head as her composure shook and a solitary tear trickled down her cheek. "Okay." she whispered as she reluctantly backed away from him and slowly walked down the corridor. She didn't want to leave him. Everything inside her wanted to stay and comfort him but Naomi needed her. Paul didn't; not any longer and she had to try and accept that. God knows her selfishness had caused enough damage to him and to Matt. She would be damned if it was going to cause them any more.


End file.
